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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/12/2008 10:54:32 AM | First off Mr Blblblbb I apologize for the donkeys that think EVER good relationship takes work...
My life has shown just the opposite.. Boss/employee/roommate/family/girlfriend/etc etc etc Good relationships are just that Good You click, and when you don't....
You agree to disagree , who is wrong just admits and takes the lumps.. and the winner gives ya a pat on the back with NO gloating.....
Unlike a BAD relationship where there always seems to be a POWER Player, or a ONE-UP'er who's the Best/right... Bad relationships always seem to be bringing a Score card or Off-topic subjects into a situation. "THEY" seem to be working at always being RIGHT or on TOP...and when they do...STILL seem to be working at reminding you how they are RIGHT!!!...lol
Anyways... envied....Sure
Isn't it human nature to always envey something you don't have??
Doesn't the poor person envey the rich?
Doesn't the short women envey the tall women?
Doesn't the flat women envey the endowed women?
Doesn't the small penis man envey the big penis man?
Doesn't the big penis man envey the BIGGER penis man??
I envey they person that can tolerate pure nut cases, and not bat an eye.
In my life... in my mid 20's the married envied the ones still single. Now at 40.. The singles seem to enevy the married...
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/12/2008 11:38:16 AM |
Isn't it human nature to always envey something you don't have??
Envy is a terrible thing and something to make a conscious effort to keep from our thoughts. Until we come to a place of peace within ourselves, in our own hearts, we can't know true happiness. There will always be something or someone to envy if it's not kept in check.
As for people always needing to be right, I will always take being happy over being right any day. | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/12/2008 12:18:33 PM | My life has shown just the opposite.. Boss/employee/roommate/family/girlfriend/etc etc etc Good relationships are just that Good You click, and when you don't....
Really? If your relationships with girlfriends are sooo great and require no effort/work then why are you still single?
~ A donkey | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/12/2008 3:01:39 PM | Single moms, Married moms..We all have our challenges. I do not see why a married mom would envy me, unless she was in a bad relationship...
I think instead of being envious, etc. we should all just respect each other as fellow moms, regardless of the status in front of it. | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/12/2008 7:33:06 PM |
If your relationships with girlfriends are sooo great and require no effort/work then why are you still single?
Perhaps, like me, it's because he hasn't found that "great" relationship yet. My relationships with my family and friends are great and they're all still around, and based on what he's said I'd believe the same holds true for him as well. Lacking that one particular relationship isn't exactly indicative of anything more than the fact that the right opportunity hasn't presented itself yet. | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:09:44 PM |
What do you think people?
Not much.
Married moms may see you as having more free time than they do, if your ex takes your kids regularly.
Uh, did it ever occur to you that husbands can take the kids out regularly or stay home with the kids while mom has a Girls' Night out?
married moms see you as being in a position to start over again with someone better
With whom, the guy you you broke up with? | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/14/2008 5:44:39 AM | For the first 7 years of me being a single mom (when my ex used to take the kids for his weekends) my married friends thought that I had the ideal life! I was a mom Monday to Friday, single on the weekends. On paper, it's sounds ideal....in reality, it sucked!
A couple of them were having difficulties with their relationships & would talk to me about the possibility of them ending their marriages (especially when we would go on a girls weekend at a cottage... glug, glug, glug :)
I let them know that it is NOT all fun and games! The grass is NOT greener.....it gets pissed on a lot, the grass was mostly yellow patches :) All that they really saw was the free time I got. After letting them know about all of the other "bonuses & perks" of being a single parent, they then realized that there was a lot of things they had overlooked!
Thankfully, only one of them decided to end their marriage....but that was also because she had very good reasons to end it! The other ones were just bored....but realized that they can CHANGE things to make their marriages better!
On the other hand, whenever I feel lonely and really wish that I was in a relationship, all I have to do is hang out with my married friends for a couple of evenings, listen to the upsets..... and then I realize that I'm better off alone.... at times :) | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/14/2008 9:20:05 AM | Penny, great post.
I have done the same with my married male friends who think the grass is greener.
I tell them, it was great for the first few month, but then you come home to an empty house day after day. You miss your kids and wish you could be with them everyday. And remember that nice house you live in, the times you play golf on the weekends, well forget about it, allot of your income will be going to support two houselholds and on the same income.
As for married women enying single mothers, I don't think so. Just like above, with the father coming home to an empty house so does the mother when the kids are at their dad's. You may enjoy the quiet for the first few times but you end up wanting the kids around. With more and more custody arrangements being 50/50 I don't know of very many mothers that would like to be bringing up their kids 50% of the time.
So, no the grass isn't greener to answer the ops question. | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/14/2008 10:39:50 AM | I think you have posted a very specific question that is getting a wide range of answers. I am in the exact situation that the OP was describing, except I am a Dad. My ex and I are both educated and employed, so we have less financial stresses, which makes all the difference. We share the kids 50/50, but there is a lot of overlap as the kids are involved in many activites that requires transportation, coaching, support etc. that require both of us to simultaneously parent. So its more like 75/75. Which leaves me with 25% total freedom.
I get a couple nights a week to myself (pure gold, I tell you) in trade for being on 100% at other times (which can be difficult at times). Many married people go through stretches where they have 100% responsibility, due to an absent/ busy at work/ lazy spouse, but they don't get that battery recharging free time to reload. It is that extra time to yourself that married people envy, and it is the part I most enjoy being single. Throw in the sense of autonomy, lack of conflict (I haven't been wrong in three years!) and the thrill of dating again, and you have a situtation that looks pretty enticing. I still have the reward of being a dad and having children, but can transform into single guy every week to golf, play hockey, date, fish, bike (you get the idea).
A good marriage allows free time to happen for both spouses. I see many that work because of it, just make sure it goes both ways. I'd like to hear from some of the married people on this site (we know you're there!) to know if they envy the single parents. | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/14/2008 5:56:24 PM | I was married for 17 years...then single for 12 years...just married last month again.
I think everyone agrees that the times that people envy are not the being single or the being married part...but how much freedom they have...and are they happy.
I never envied the married or single people in my life but I sure wanted to spend the time with the happy ones that didn't complain about their life's choices.
I had a great time being a single mom...and a great time as a married mom. Make the most of the life you have and you will never envy others...you'll be too busy with your own.
The best is happening now...my kids and his are grown...and I have all the freedom and the married part too....there is a silver lining...and it isn't just on the top of our heads. | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:51:44 AM | I am a single mom of an incredible little boy. I have a good education, financial security, loyal friends, plenty of dates, and a generally wonderful life. While I miss my son when he's away visiting, it does give me the freedom to have an adult life. It's like I have the best of both worlds, if you will. It hasn't always been easy, but it was possible for me to start over and give my son the kind of life he deserves.
Yes, I have felt that some married moms seem jealous. However, it's only the unhappy ones who give me such an impression. The ones who feel trapped because they have fallen out of love with their husbands have more than once implied that they would love to enjoy my kind of lifestyle. In all honesty, I feel sorry for them. | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:16:04 AM | | I didn't get divorced because I wanted more free time. When I was married I sure as hell did not envy single parents, it's hard enough to work and raise kids in a two parent home. I will never understand a woman entering into single parenthood willingly, it's is like asking for a harder life. | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:55:50 PM | This has always been a rhetorical question I ask myself when I think it's impossible to acquire my goals in life. It's hard to imagine my life being better married. Truly it is. I think like would be easier for raising a child but I've done it 13 years alone already. I do think married women secretly envy us. I admire us! But deep down I too envy the wife woman who gets to be known and loved by a complete family and afforded the luxury of not having to do it all herself.
I am grateful and proud (by the power, glory, and grace of God) that I am the roof over our heads, the water, the electric, the health insurance, life insurance, doctor visits, field trips, school volunteer, pick up/drop off chauffer, at teacher meetings, doing homework help, being the only reliable one on the emergency contact, allowance, lunch money, tooth fairy, birthday party & vacation planner, bedtime story reading, wake up- go to bed shouting, what to do you need, dinner’s ready, did you eat breakfast, do your chores, school shopping, clothes, shoes, supplies, Halloween costume buying, “mom I need money for…”, grocery shopping, car maintaining, the discipliner who gets punished when he does so I can also be the enforcer, and I’m the bill paying provider.
I'm not bitter I don't have the strentgh-- I just hope and pray I'm rated on a curve for having done it all on my own! Married rock too (we know husbands are work too) | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:39:28 PM |
While I miss my son when he's away visiting, it does give me the freedom to have an adult life. It's like I have the best of both worlds, if you will.
I've never really understood it when single parents say this? I'm married and get plenty of "adult life" both by myself and with my husband. It's not LIKE I have the best of both worlds, I DO have the best of both worlds.
Yes, I have felt that some married moms seem jealous. However, it's only the unhappy ones who give me such an impression. The ones who feel trapped because they have fallen out of love with their husbands have more than once implied that they would love to enjoy my kind of lifestyle.
I agree with part of this, the unhappy ones are definalty the ones who would claim to be envious, but I'm really not sure what kind of lifestyle it is that they would want to enjoy? Like carolann said, I can't understand why a woman would want to willingly put herself into the life of single parent hood.
When I went from a double income to a single, and had to pay for expenses by myself and had to worry more about child care than I ever did before, and I was the only one to take her to her activities and pick her up, etc... I can't see the glamour and why a woman wouldn't rather work it out with her husband, than jump into the single life. It's tough to be a single mom and it can also be very rewarding, but envious of it... I don't know about that. | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/16/2008 10:54:06 PM |
Isn't it human nature to always envey something you don't have??
Can I get a copy of this rule book?  I don't envy anyone except myself! How did I finally get it right?! If I knew 10 years ago that I would be a single mom own my own home going to school to become a Child developmental psychologist and be employed in my dream job I would have just taken the donation at the clinic skipped the wedding and saved myself the bad marriage credit! | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/21/2008 7:44:07 PM |
And you also need to post something about the laws in Canada in your profile. That way, you won't feel the need to let the community at large know this in every....single....post...you feel compelled to write
lol lol lol..... I noticed that too. I guess he just cannot get over it. His bitterness is like a negative force field...repelling rational women everywhere. | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/22/2008 9:45:12 PM | ^ Who are you talking to? The OP? She doesn't seem very unhappy to me.
Forget it. You're probably answering one specific post on here and don't realize your's goes at the end and we have no idea who you're referring to! | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/23/2008 5:23:53 AM | Oh how I feel your pain!!
It is difficult balancing the bringing in the income, parenting your child, running a house, maintaining a social life ( or even better trying to have 1, lol). And often having your married friends who can go to that yoga class, or go to the pictures tell you how hard it is.
However I would still not swap it for quids! I love my son more than I ever thought I was capable of. I have made bad choices in partners before and the only way I will look at getting into a relationship again is if we are really good for each other.
I look around at my married friends (which is nearly all of them) and although at times their life seems a bit easier, sometimes you can see that they are maintaining facades more than anything else.
So in summary although it can be harder at times, I still wouldn't just go into a relationship just for the sake of the standard family unit, it would have to be something that enhances our life in every way.
Who knows I might even find him in this life time, but am staying happy regardless.
Life is good! | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/23/2008 5:23:27 PM | The same with grad students.....
I love my school, I am good with it, I know how to write good papers. yes I am envy to some extend if after a very hard semester his parents could send him to Cancun for 2 weeks because he indeed nedded a break.....
But I also need a break and always wanted to visit Cancun but there is no any support to get from in terms of emotional and finacial. My parents are not that caring and I by the way do not not know how to pay for my next semester meal plan. That part-time job just doesn't do it for me.
Envy, absoulutely!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/24/2008 10:09:13 PM | | I know for a fact that my married friends envy my life. I have a 5 year old and he goes with his Dad 3 days a week. I get time to myself, a social life, and they're at home with semi wretched husbands. I don't think I'll ever get married...I like my freedom for sure! | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/25/2008 12:00:37 AM | Yesterday when I took my daughter to nursery, another mum came upto me and handed me a box of Maltesers (choccys for those that dont know). She told me her partner had been working away for the past two weeks, which left her looking after their child alone. She told me it was the hardest thing she has had to do and doesnt know how I do it. She told me to enjoy the choccys, after my daughtr had gone to bed.
I thought that was really sweet. She obviousley doesnt envy my life.
But on the flip side, I have plenty of married friends, who are constantly telling me they envy me. | |
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