| If you knew now that you are never going to find that perfect person...
Posted: 6/8/2008 10:37:03 AM | I think i came to the realisation i will probably always be on my own, about 2 years ago now - given certain factors.
My age
The fact i wont date married or seperated men.
That i dont want to just jump into bed with someone - ive been celibate around 2 yrs now, and i dont just want a quick legover. can get that anywhere IF i wanted that.
I dont think im particularly "picky", i just want honesty, not to be kept secret, normal. and it appears it gets harder to find the older you get.
I want, not NEED, for you should never need because if you do it means you lack something within yourself, someone i can love. who can accept being loved, completely. someone who doesnt feel the need to have other women "on the go" and be the centre of my world.
I think i know in my heart of hearts (sadly) that i'm a rare breed and it isnt going to happen.
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| If you knew now that you are never going to find that perfect person...
Posted: 6/8/2008 4:29:50 PM |
I have recently realised that in all honesty I am not bothered if I never find my "ideal match".
That's the best news I've read all day OP...you're finally evolving and that bloke who has been chasing after you on here may get his wicked way with you after all !!
Being quite happy on my own, I would not settle for second best just be with someone.
...oh I spoke too soon...oh well, as someone else wrote, that sort of defeatist attitude will get you nowhere..
Don't you think that settling for second best would also include deciding that being alone is better than not meeting that perfect man ?
either way...both scenarios are called 'settling' to my point of view.
For me personally I've got to many other things going on to be a professional man catcher and I'm concentrating for the moment on doing what's important like ....distracting myself from the terrible reality of my lonesome situation. | |
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| If you knew now that you are never going to find that perfect person...
Posted: 6/8/2008 4:59:30 PM | I'd carry on but would be gutted.
I enjoy being single, but I miss little things like curling up with someone on the sofa watching crap TV, and having duvet days, going out for meals with partners instead of friends, those sorts of things.
I dont deal with loneliness very well! lol | |
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| If you knew now that you are never going to find that perfect person...
Posted: 6/8/2008 5:02:18 PM | | I think you're being a tad ambitious if you're looking for prefection, no-ones perfect. I know i'm not, so why should i expect my chosen mate to be? But some people are never satisfied and always think the grass is greener, when infact it probably isn't. I think you're being a bit defeatist, with the attitude "there's no-one out there for me", its a bit like settling for someone your not quite happy with, but this time you're on your own! You have to have faith yourself, and in the opposite sex! There is someone out there for you, probably not someone perfect, but who compliments you in the best way possible. | |
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| If you knew now that you are never going to find that perfect person...
Posted: 6/8/2008 5:15:54 PM | ^^^ I couldn't agree with you more msg 31, in fact I think I wrote the exact same sentiments except slightly different.!!
I'm suddenly having one of those psychic prophetic type visions..I see the OP meeting a tall dark and handsome stranger
...wait..there's more.
....they meet in a park,
along a walkway in a large open green space, under the dappled light of a tree....yes it's a lime tree.
Their dogs sniff each other's arses and suddenly the OP and the stranger's eyes meet, she intending to tell the stranger that he should keep his over-sexed dog under control but finds herself melting under his gaze as her heart thumps loudly against her ribs..
love at first sight...I know it's going to happen !! | |
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l3sl3y
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Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 34 | |
| If you knew now that you are never going to find that perfect person...
Posted: 6/14/2008 11:25:17 AM |
What i WANT though is to one day meet somebody who actually holds my interest and excites my mind enough to WANT to share my life with,until that time i am happy and content in my own company.
I totally agree - having a wide circle of friends and an active social life I must say I could do with a bit more time on my own some weeks! | |
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| If you knew now that you are never going to find that perfect person...
Posted: 6/14/2008 2:35:36 PM | In my view I think that since being on my own I have found so many things to do and different ways to spend my time that now fitting someone into my life seems almost impossible.
And that the longer I spend on my own the more scary letting someone in to my life becomes as well.
The double edged sword of remaining single, even if that perfect partner does come along will I be ready and able to grab her or will I simply watch her go by living safely in my singleton bubble of joy and no risk of heartbreak.
Dex | |
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| If you knew now that you are never going to find that perfect person...
Posted: 6/14/2008 6:04:21 PM | I can be fine on my own, but I know I enjoy being with someone so much more.
I also know that I am too quick to mould around that person and their life. If I have no personality or life of my own, what is there for them to like about me?!
Haven't been seeing anyone since Easter, because I want that excitement you get when you meet someone for the first time and fancy them from the off. I think though I need to stop expecting it, and being with someone who grows on me slowly would make it easier not to be such a push over.
I'm fairly certain that in terms of partners, no person is perfect for anyone. A relationship might feel perfect, but only because you are both committed to making it work and ready to do what it takes... and have an idea what that is.
I think I'm more able to do that now than when I was younger, and I try and learn something from everything, so maybe my next long term relationship will feel a bit more perfect!
In the meantime, I dont mind being less concerned about the long term, and Im not taking things seriously. Life is too short to get upset over a knock back from someone you've only been seeing a couple of months or less. Enjoy meeting people, some stick around as friends and hopefully you've learnt something from your experience with the rest... and had lots of good times on the way! | |
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Naamah
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Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 38 | |
| If you knew now that you are never going to find that perfect person...
Posted: 6/14/2008 7:32:15 PM | I don't believe in perfect people, but I do believe in perfect relationships. Its perfection is determined by how the two people in said relationship feel, rather than by any sort of box-ticking exercise.
I don't think admitting to wanting and seeking love automatically means you are some misery guts sitting in some drab waiting room reading a year old magazine until 'he' gets there...you get on with life in the meantime, and of course you will continue to have the range of normal human emotions, inlcuding happy, along the way. Liking where you are at still doesn't mean life can't get better. And when it's the right relationship, why can't you still do the stuff you relish as a single person? (spend all day in pj's and leave the washing up I mean...not picking up down the pub).
To my mind, there's nothing that beats the feeling of being in a good relationship. Having someone there, always on your side, loving your imperfections, sharing dreams of the future. I found it once (until some goober in the department in charge of human fate took our marriage vows too damn literally and death did us part) and it felt so good that yep, I want to do it again. They don't hand out perfect relationships in cereal boxes, but giving up hope of that in order to spend my life alone would feel like a compromise to me. | |
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| If you knew now that you are never going to find that perfect person...
Posted: 6/14/2008 7:43:16 PM | you are so right...I've got some maniac seranading me outside my window right now..I am refusing point blank to give into his forceful manipulation of my emotions.......sole mio..go and pooo..big time!!
do not settle for lunatics whatever you do mz OP...I say go for the elderly auld fella with the scary hair growth coming out of his nostrils and ears..as long as he loves dogs as much as you..I know it's kinky , but I don't judge you..go with the flow......... | |
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| If you knew now that you are never going to find that perfect person...
Posted: 6/14/2008 11:39:50 PM |
I think i came to the realisation i will probably always be on my own, about 2 years ago now - given certain factors.
My age
The fact i wont date married or seperated men.
Unfortunately, if a man states 'single', or 'divorced', on their profile and lives alone, you really can't tell, that they are merely separated. Nor can you instantly tell that they have another girlfriend. It's only after you have dated them, that it may come to light.
Love is more about you melting into their lives than you wanting them to live up to your expectations. We as individuals are constantly changing our outlook on life, I am certainly not the same person I was at 16 therefore my Miss Perfect then is a different Miss Perfect I would want today. They are technically two different people, but they could be the same person you just need to see them as the same person. As they say I am not looking for a person I can live with, I am looking for a person I cannot live without, perfection has nothing to do with it.
Aww, bless. I was going to say, "Get your coat, you've pulled!" , but then I read your profile and I don't fit your criteria. 
What i WANT though is to one day meet somebody who actually holds my interest and excites my mind enough to WANT to share my life with,
I agree with this sentiment...........
until that time i am happy and content in my own company.
........but, feel I need to work on this one.  | |
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| If you knew now that you are never going to find that perfect person...
Posted: 6/15/2008 1:58:33 AM | astro008 you are older than me, but echo my feelings about the whole issue of finding a new partner perfectly. It's not a generational thing.
I want someone that wants to be with me, not someone that "needs" me.
I also definately don't want perfection as it's the wee individual foibles, that make you love a person, perfection would be a scary android! | |
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| If you knew now that you are never going to find that perfect person...
Posted: 6/15/2008 7:09:59 AM | | In reality if we knew that we would never meet anyone who would meet our ideals of expectations ( lets face it we all have them) even though i know this will be argued against we would all just be marked down as looking for intimate incounter because we know that no matter who we dated they would not be what we wanted | |
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| If you knew now that you are never going to find that perfect person...
Posted: 6/15/2008 7:18:47 AM | "If you knew now that you are never going to find that "perfect" person..."
they dont exist and anyway Im happy enough being on my own, see my kids often and still play a prominent role in their lives, get on well with my ex, if 'that' someone happens along fine but ultimately I dont need 'that' person would be a nice and welcome addition though | |
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| If you knew now that you are never going to find that perfect person...
Posted: 6/22/2008 7:17:11 AM |
I am the only one out of my friends in my age group that has never settled down into a LTR or felt the slightest desire to get married.
They always seem to pity me and tell me i NEED to settle down with a good man,this annoys me as i am a happy confident person and dont feel like i NEED to do anything!.
What i WANT though is to one day meet somebody who actually holds my interest and excites my mind enough to WANT to share my life with,until that time i am happy and content in my own company.Thats another bloody typical leo point of view
Wow, really? I never would've thought. | |
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| If you knew now that you are never going to find that perfect person...
Posted: 7/11/2008 9:10:33 AM | Fab question, OP.
At the age of 40, with a divorce and six years of "singledom" behind me, it's starting to dawn that the future may not bring me a partner. It's a bit disappointing - we're social animals and all need a cuddle now and again - but when you're single, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking, "If I just had a partner, everything would be brighter" but, of course, this isn't true.
I'm incredibly lucky to have two beautiful children, a loving family, good health, a career I enjoy, an education, resources, freedoms, choice and opportunity. Most of the world's population live and die without ever knowing these things, so -- partner or no partner -- I'm enjoying a great life! | |
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| If you knew now that you are never going to find that perfect person...
Posted: 7/11/2008 9:24:21 AM |
Do you really NEED to have someone in your life?
Would like yes,need,no.
Somewhere in between,depends how the wind is blowing .
It goes to show me that if the ops attitude may have softened in her attitude to her criteria then i guess most long term poffers attitudes will change too.Start off with an ideal,but eventually we see an op that suggests to all that a second interview may be obtainable! | |
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jane-d
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Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 48 | |
| If you knew now that you are never going to find that perfect person...
Posted: 7/11/2008 9:29:15 AM | I dont need to find the perfect person, but it would be nice if I did. I don't really want to be alone for the rest of my life but I would never settle for second best.
But if I did find that someone I would have to learn how to cook again because it is a long time since I cooked a "proper" meal lol. Maybe I should look for a chef | |
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