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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do men usually love their first wife the most?      Home login  
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 ddhglove
Joined: 9/2/2008
Msg: 76
Do men usually love their first wife the most?Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I don't think so. I think it's the opposite - men love their second wives the most. The way I look at it something went wrong in the first relationship to make it end. If the guy was a cheater, maybe he'll feel guilty for what he did to his first wife and maybe be nice to her for that reason alone, but I don't think that's necessarily "love".

If you check out some of the postings on my favorite website - www.DontDateHimGirl.com, you'll read the stories of women who are the first wives and they absolutely can't stand their exes. It seems like there's no love lost in those relationships. Then you find guys who say they can't stand their first wives, but have falen head over heels for their second ones.

Men learn a lot from their first marriages and usually it's the second wife, who's most likely younger by 5 years or more, that gets the benefit of that.
 JeepGirl425
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 77
Do men usually love their first wife the most?
Posted: 9/8/2008 11:02:43 AM
Divorced men still love their ex wives, usually. Especially if they have a child/ren with her, which is a life long bond. This doesn't mean they can't love their current partner with just as much passion. But it's unrealistic to expect them to completely erase their past and the love they had. Their ex still played a major role in their life at one time, this doesn't mean they are incapable of loving again, or just as much, if not even more. As for me personally, I'll always love my ex, but the man I end up with I'll love even more because he's the one there with me and treating me good (at least I would hope he's treating me good lol) but yeah, thats my two cents on it. A healthy man will move on from his ex and won't ever make you feel as though you can't measure up to his first wife.
 nycdoglover
Joined: 8/22/2007
Msg: 78
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Do men usually love their first wife the most?
Posted: 9/8/2008 4:03:56 PM
What difference does it make? Is this a survey? There are men who never get over the person who left them, but hey, you're not looking for one of those.

It only matters that someone loves you in the way you need to be loved.
 thepig
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 79
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Do men usually love their first wife the most?
Posted: 9/8/2008 5:12:56 PM

It seems to me that divorced and remarried men never really lose the love they had for their first wife. It also seems that the second (or even subsequent) wife (or wives) can never really take that place of being more highly regarded than the first wife.


No. Not for me. Once I left, I was done. Completely done. Over. All gone. No emotion. No feelings left. Kaput. Only dealt or spoke to her when it concerned the kids.

Then again, I never really knew what love was up until a couple years ago..... I thought I found the woman of my dreams.. dated, adored, and worshiped her for 2 years, then she tossed me out like a bag of trash... She had problems, alcohol and emotional, but that didn't matter. Even with all the problems, I would take her back in a NY minute. She was everything, and I mean EVERYTHING I ever wanted in a mate.

I don't think I'll ever get over her. But my ex wife? I don't even remember what she looks like!
 iamwhateveryousayiam
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 80
Do men usually love their first wife the most?
Posted: 9/8/2008 8:16:49 PM
no some guys hate their first ex wives more than anyone o_O even sometimes they never actually loved them at all. like my dad. baha
 geminibirdie
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 81
Do men usually love their first wife the most?
Posted: 9/17/2008 4:20:39 PM
Hee,hee, my first and second husband I am sure hate me with a passion. But that is okay. We just weren't right for each other. But you aren't dating my first husband he is older than the hills now so is my second. hee,hee.

I would say the guy may or may not love his ex. Only way to tell is if he is constantly comparing you to her and berating you because you aren't more like her.
 yankee1964
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 82
Do men usually love their first wife the most?
Posted: 9/17/2008 6:01:56 PM
Yes they love them. But they may not be in love with them. I love my ex wife, the mother of my son, so much I'd kill for her. But, not in love with her. She has talked about getting back together in the past, but no.

Sex, maybe, after a few beers...but no.

I'll always love her...yes... She loves me too. It is just that we can never make that connection again. I just went to her mothers funeral with her. After all them years we are friends. Went to my sisters, swimming in the pool...baby sit our grand kids.

But when the day was done, we wished eachother luck and goodnight...

By the way, I was 20, she was 18, we stayed together for 7 years. We have a very good son...just got married...and he got married at the age we were getting a divorce.

But yes, men will always in some ways love their ex wife.

WITH NO KIDS....maybe not...
 flacksd
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 83
Do men usually love their first wife the most?
Posted: 9/17/2008 8:37:43 PM
Having been married (12 years ago) split up 5 years later, to a beautiful woman, whom i thought i loved even placed on high. I havent married again not because of my first wife simply my ineptitude in finding a suitable 2nd attempt, HOWEVER if i did feelings for the last would not be a factor I look back and think now what was love then wouldnt measure up now, yes i reflect and feel sad but because the marriage failed rather than at the loss of her personally.

I feel very good about the amount of love i could offer in the right relationship and i have learnt and moved on to the better, i can say how i feel better and yes i think men have to learn it the 1st wife i think is normally the course.

Hope this helps
 GirlScoutLdr
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 84
Do men usually love their first wife the most?
Posted: 9/17/2008 9:47:54 PM
No! I was #2 for 2 husbands and they love me like I'm a numero uno! It all depends on how you make him feel.
 MizQ
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 85
Do men usually love their first wife the most?
Posted: 9/17/2008 9:48:40 PM
he** no. My ex loves his new wife much better LOL
 *Cowboy*
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 86
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Do men usually love their first wife the most?
Posted: 9/17/2008 9:52:58 PM
Uhhh speaking from experiance NO. LOL

Cowboy
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 87
Do men usually love their first wife the most?
Posted: 9/17/2008 9:54:01 PM
Wife 1 - 16 years
Wife 2 - 17 years

Wife 2 meant way way more to me than wife 1.

Now if we are talking hot sex then that would be my girlfriend BETWEEN those two lol.
 TxSippiGal
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 88
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Do men usually love their first wife the most?
Posted: 9/17/2008 9:58:12 PM
I think that can be true if the first wife is also the mother of their children. I am sure there is a regret there especially if the divorce was due to childish behavior on both parties and unwillingness to compromise. I don't know if I would classify it as loving them most.. maybe loving them different.

I think a remarriage can work if both parties are honest about the situation.. I think a man can love his first wife in a different way than the second.. because of children and regrets.. I don't think that dooms the second marriage..

I have a funny view on love.. to me the more people you love the more love you have to give away.. and to me love is not something you divide it multiplies.
 mfreemo
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 89
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Do men usually love their first wife the most?
Posted: 9/17/2008 10:04:23 PM
How would I know a general pattern. All I can give is my personal anecdote. Perhaps you can add up the anecdotes for a general pattern...

My first wife holds no special place in my heart.
 xShadowsx
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 90
Do men usually love their first wife the most?
Posted: 9/17/2008 10:37:26 PM
I'm not married or anything but no one will ever have the same amount of love that I had for my first girlfriend.
 michaely2k
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 91
Do men usually love their first wife the most?
Posted: 9/17/2008 10:43:14 PM
Love is not a word you write in the sand on the beach, and the wave will come and wipe it out, No. Love is the feeling which never ends, it may lose it strength though with time passing by. Did you ever think why so many people have sex with their ex in this society? Because the love is still there. They may deny it, but they can't hide it. I loved my ex with my whole heart and soul when we were married. I still love her, care for her. But I will never go back to her, and my love for her is mostly based on caring for her. It is not a love that a man feel for his lifemate. Its like you may love your son, daughter, father, mother, your best friend, your dog, your uncle, etc. If I am in a relationship with a woman in the future, I will love her with my whole heart and soul, just like I loved my ex in the past.
 Fluke Slywalker
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 92
Do men usually love their first wife the most?
Posted: 9/18/2008 9:34:33 PM
Do men usually love their first wife the most? Of course not! How useless we all would become if we could only love once. Can many say they married their first love?

Love is a living breathing tangible entity of it’s own. It is real and energetic and all encompassing and even though someone has loved deeply and dearly it is different for each relationship. We all are individuals capable of loving, giving, caring, and sharing completely with another even after someone has come into and left our lives.

We can love and be loved more than once in our lifetime. If this were not so people would never live past puberty. (Who could live without love in their lives?)

What you are asking is will a guy (or woman for that matter) love another as much or even more than the first. That’s an individual thing and cannot be generalized or put into a pattern, IMHO.
 german chick 1968
Joined: 5/13/2008
Msg: 93
Do men usually love their first wife the most?
Posted: 9/20/2008 4:46:35 PM
well if it so happens that the first wife is also the mother of the kids kids,,,,, I guess there will always be the conection there ...
Im not insecure enough to worry about an ex .... but if some reason I would have the feeling the ex means more then I do or he is stuck on the ex , I would have to call it quits and darn sure not marry the guy ...
I would realy have to question , " is he realy over her , or not "
but thats JMO
good luck
kathy
 CanadianBeef
Joined: 1/5/2008
Msg: 94
Do men usually love their first wife the most?
Posted: 9/20/2008 4:54:43 PM
Never been married but I think...no...you love the one your with now more than anything...people who hang on to the past...scare me. :)
 loverofrain
Joined: 9/15/2008
Msg: 95
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Do men usually love their first wife the most?
Posted: 9/20/2008 5:02:24 PM
not always true with the men who didnt have children with the first wife ,the reason why with the men who had children with them is because haveing a baby with them creates a bond that even if they hate each other in somemany ways they still have some sort of respect because of createing a life together,ive also known of men who had kids with their first wife and never really loved her married for all the wrong reasons got pregnant or just married cause they were young and thought that was the thing to do .so not many men still love their first wifes as most think.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 96
Do men usually love their first wife the most?
Posted: 9/20/2008 5:14:24 PM

It only matters that someone loves you in the way you need to be loved.


You may not have been the first but you may be the last.....

To be loved is being with each other,exclusively as in the present being and hopefully in the future ...

One cannot erase the past but one can add and enjoy the present and future...

time is fleeting and so is life...care to come or stay on first base ?
 WannaCStarz
Joined: 4/5/2007
Msg: 97
Do men usually love their first wife the most?
Posted: 9/20/2008 5:24:43 PM
i think that EACH love is individual and a person of their own and can not and musst not be compared!!! Every one i have loved has been special and has been their own person. i wouldnt want my first hubby again, he was abusive, but he was also an excellent lover. The Englishman in between was the best thing that ever happened to me , why i ever left him i will never know...and then 2nd hub by. abuse , control and selfishness and did NOT know the first thing about romance or how to love , either , nor did he even WANT to love me. horrible.

But each person after was wonderful in their own way. i think people dont mean or want to be indifferent on the most part, but some people, well, its just who they are. And if they dont love you....well, they just dont.! and dont care if they hurt you meanwhile.
But most do try to spare feelings. :0
 mibra
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 98
Do men usually love their first wife the most?
Posted: 9/20/2008 5:32:22 PM
I don't know other men, but I am very sure my exes are lol because they lost such a good one...

For people who are still love their first ones, I never consider that's an option to date with. I will move on for a better one. No one can live in the past. And there is no way to let yourself get suffered by someone's past and craps.
 forums1
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 99
Do men usually love their first wife the most?
Posted: 9/20/2008 5:56:55 PM

No one will ever messure up to any one you compare them to. How can you do that? Each of us are individuals with our own unique qualities and personalities.

The first of anything (i.e. first love, first child, first home) always as a special place in your heart. Doesn't mean that there can not be others that you are for just as much if not more, just means they are not the first.


I think Mzzmilez has it, and ItsMargo with "love does not run out; it's abundance, not scarcity."

I still care about all my ex's, I dunno, they all had good qualities - I probably wouldn't have dated them if they didn't? I'd say my strongest feeling for my 1st ex is - sadness? She's on a host of meds (back injury - pain meds, depression meds - she's never really dealt with her childhood issues), and a few years back commented to me she'd "given up on love, who needs it anyways"... I find that sad, personally, especially given the 5 years we had together and all the good times. Everyone deserves happiness.
 mibra
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 100
Do men usually love their first wife the most?
Posted: 9/20/2008 6:04:59 PM
Hey forums1, some people just like to indulge themselves into the sadness and self-pity imaginations.... Even you feel sad, you want to help, and you really helped, but you can not change them. Wish them the best and that's it. I once worked very hard to help those people, but I find the worst thing is not the life they had, but the mind who doesn't want to help himself/herself.
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