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 racefan529
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 51
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Parts is parts so don't knock itPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
i did not intend for my statement to be foolishly sweeping, i hoped it would show how foolish it is to think that one is not fit because they carry some extra weight. we all know that there is a point where body size becomes a interference with some tasks as well as the point that people of size (my new PC term for fat ) must work harder. it's been my experience that the horizontally challenged DO put forth the extra effort needed to keep up. the thread is about parts...good and bad....are there particular body parts that are more or less attractive to certain people? well of course. can we determine somebody's fitness level or priorities based upon those?absolutely not....IMHO.

remember there are no guarantees in this life, we can be dancing around on top of the world one minute and rotting in a wheelchair the next. it doesn't change who our mind is. the parts are just extras that attract in a superficial kinda way, it's who a person is on the inside that is the reflection of God's creation.

Fut, thanks for the compliment (i think), but does that make the majority on here unintelligent ?

wonderful to see you and the good doctor both back with us
 chappy1402
Joined: 9/20/2007
Msg: 52
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Parts is parts so don't knock it
Posted: 6/12/2008 9:27:29 AM
Ok here is a thought that goes along with the subject at hand. if you are with someone who is fit and trim because that is your preference. And say something happens that would make them bedridden or unable to move around for awhile, and they gain weight. Since they gained weight and your preference is fit and trim and will not think of any other, would you stand by their side through this crises, or move on?

I aks because not that i was exactly fit and trim recently, but I was laid up. Thankfully i did have a angel of mercy there for me, and she knows who she is. But when you get into a situation like that, and people make statements of they only want this and they only want that and will not think otherwise, it does make you think.
 grannybritches
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 53
Parts is parts so don't knock it
Posted: 6/12/2008 11:06:38 AM
I had some experience with what robodad is talking about. When I married my husband, he was trim. However, over the years, he attempted to commit spoon suicide by eating everything he could get his hands on. And I'm serious when I say spoon suicide. He had high blood pressure, probably had diabetes, and was on heart medication, etc. Suicide via food didn't work for him, though, so he did it another way after his weight got to be over 300 lbs.

As with any handicap, it's hard on the partner. With his weight at that level, some things were impossible to do, other things could be accomplished with difficulty. For example, he fell once and I had a terrible time helping him get back to his feet. However, his weight was not the reason our relationship ended. It was what he was on the inside that caused it to fail. I could no longer get past the bad parts that engulfed him. It wasn't so much his weight that disgusted me at that point, but the reasons behind why he was that way and how he treated me and the kids. He just didn't care about anyone but himself anymore, and his appearance was a reflection of that.

In all relationships, people have to juggle the good parts with the bad parts, and hopefully, the good parts far outweigh the bad. And they better because those bad parts can wear a person out who is hanging onto straws to stay in a relationship because they love their partner.
 bluzedog1
Joined: 9/1/2007
Msg: 54
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Parts is parts so don't knock it
Posted: 6/12/2008 12:09:39 PM
With my friends, I often don't notice changes in those kinds of things. I knew you before your plunge into the snowy abyss and after, and probably the only difference in my thoughts was "gee I'll bet that's a real hassle" as I saw you in your huge case, then all the things that followed. Some of my friends have gained and lost weight, and I really don't think about it.

The big question in my mind is how do people meeting you for the first time treat you? It might not be as obvious since it's pretty clear you're "taken," but have you noticed any difference. I remember when I was sick and looked pretty gaunt (hey, it could happen) , I could almost feel a tension in the air when I met someone. When I got better and ate way too much I noticed some people kinda backing up when they met me, probably for fear I'd swallow them.

I guess my ugly part is so big it overshadows my good parts, but the good news is they run no risk of sunburn.
 grannybritches
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 55
Parts is parts so don't knock it
Posted: 6/12/2008 1:00:20 PM
Talking about people's reactions when meeting for the first time reminds me of going through the drive-thru window at one of our local fast food restaurants. The lady at the pay window is a good example of bad parts in view. I brace myself when I go through there and try to keep my rose-colored glasses firmly on my face!

This lady's mannerisms, way of speaking, and appearance quite literally affect a person's appetite. From a business standpoint, I am amazed that this restaurant would put someone like this in a job where it is the first human you'll deal with in the drive-thru experience. Once, when she was away from the window, the person in the car in front of me waited a few minutes but got disgusted and went on to the pick-up window to pay.

Would it be discrimination to disqualify someone like this for a job based upon how they appear to the public? On the other hand, another local fast food restaurant had a young lady who waited on me the other day. She was young and quite cute in appearance, but she didn't know how to handle herself in conversing with a customer. Her manner of speaking was very harsh. Another example of a bad part that affects this girl's life and she doesn't know why people react the way they do.
 TolRikEdo
Joined: 8/20/2007
Msg: 56
Parts is parts so don't knock it
Posted: 6/12/2008 2:46:50 PM
This thread puts me in mind of an old Frank Zappa tune. Here's a few lines.
Whats the ugliest part of your body?
Some say your nose,
Some say your toes,
But I think it's your mind,
your miind, your miiiind, mind, mind...
 Forum Junkie
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 57
Parts is parts so don't knock it
Posted: 6/12/2008 8:51:44 PM
TolRikEdo, great song that is ......


Fut, thanks for the compliment (i think), but does that make the majority on here unintelligent ?


Racefan, never said anyone was unintelligent- just said you made a sweeping generalization. If I had meant to say what you implied I said, I woulda just said it. Anyone that has met me on here knows that censoring myself is virtually nonexistant.


Ok here is a thought that goes along with the subject at hand. if you are with someone who is fit and trim because that is your preference. And say something happens that would make them bedridden or unable to move around for awhile, and they gain weight. Since they gained weight and your preference is fit and trim and will not think of any other, would you stand by their side through this crises, or move on?


Allen I dealt with this many moons ago when I was married. I had lost weight after we got married and it seemed she put on what I lost... but when I regained what I had lost and she lost what she had gained- I continued to put on weight and in the end wound up way overweight. After I gained some more weight it was not much longer til it was over. It took me alot of years and lots of ladies before I found one that would tolerate me ... and then I was just someone to occupy time while she passed thru. After alot more disappointments I finally got back after myself and have been trying to trim up ever since. I'm still a long way from fit or close to being called a few extra pounds even ... but I have not given up on my goal. I prob realistically have another year or two before I come close to my goal or can think of hitting it. All the same, whats meant to be will be- no amount of stress or overanalyzing will change it.
 racefan529
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 58
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Parts is parts so don't knock it
Posted: 6/12/2008 10:37:36 PM
fut, i know what you meant, hence the little guy winking. honesty is your forte. you look great and don't waste time trying to please others, be pleased with yourself.

i'd love to throw a twist in here........so far we have talked about physical parts.
what about the chances of traumatic brain injury, dementia, Alzheimer's, PTSD, or an array of mental health disorders or substance abuse? sickness and in health??????
 Forum Junkie
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 59
Parts is parts so don't knock it
Posted: 6/13/2008 5:15:11 AM
To me thats not a twist at all, it still falls under if YOU'RE dedicated or not .... even if they don't always know what they're doing- you do and thats who you'll be accountable for at the end of life.
 chappy1402
Joined: 9/20/2007
Msg: 60
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Parts is parts so don't knock it
Posted: 6/13/2008 6:46:12 AM
Bottom line dedication to another person in or even out of a relationship comes from the heart. Physical aspects aside, a relationship is not based on looks. It is based on what feelings you have for another. Personally speaking I have known many woman in my life who were drop deep gorgeous, but many were the ugliest people inside.
 Durst1st
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 61
Parts is parts so don't knock it
Posted: 6/13/2008 8:51:50 AM
Fut...sweetie you NEED to update that photo...if A..won't do it, I will the next time I'm over...hell....that looks nothing like you now....lol..what are ya thinkin' there big guy...
 slowburn43
Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 62
Parts is parts so don't knock it
Posted: 6/13/2008 5:04:38 PM
Bottom line dedication to another person in or even out of a relationship comes from the heart.
I agree w/ you there! Ive said it alot here,it seems we live in a disposable society,when the road gets rocky,click next.Its sad but true.
 climbsagain
Joined: 1/20/2008
Msg: 63
Parts is parts so don't knock it
Posted: 6/14/2008 3:11:13 AM
The question I have is this. I read a number of responses from women that indicate parts are only as important as the part called the heart. if this is true why are you not in a relationship? Serious is it because you reject others or you are saying you have been rejected? Or is it because the men on POF for the most part are shallow, vain, etc....?
 Neysha61
Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 64
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Parts is parts so don't knock it
Posted: 6/14/2008 7:24:38 AM
Physical attractiveness
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

(Physical attractiveness is the perception of the physical traits of an individual human person as pleasing or beautiful. It can include various implications, such as sexual attractiveness, cuteness, and physique. Judgment of attractiveness of physical traits is partly universal to all human cultures, partly dependent on culture or society or time period, and partly a matter of individual subjective preference. Despite the existence of universally agreed upon signs of beauty in both genders, both heterosexual and homosexual men tend to place significantly higher value on physical appearance in a partner than women do.
[1] This can be explained by evolutionary psychology as a consequence of ancestral humans who selected partners based on secondary sexual characteristics, as well as general indicators of fitness (for example, symmetrical features) enjoying greater reproductive success as a result of higher fertility in those partners, although a male's ability to provide resources for offspring was probably signalled less by physical features.
[1] There appear to be universal standards regarding attractiveness, such that raters agree who is and isn't attractive both within and across cultures and ethnicity.
[2] Physical attractiveness can have a significant effect on how people are judged, in terms of employment or social opportunities, friendship, sexual behavior, and marriage.
[3] In many cases, humans attribute positive characteristics, such as intelligence and honesty, to attractive people without consciously realizing it. Physical attractiveness is distinct from, but can include, sexual attractiveness. For example, humans often regard children and young individuals—both human and animal—as being highly attractive or "cute" for various reasons, but without sexual attraction.

It's after the "oh my aren't they beautiful" on the outside, the beauty from within or lack thereof is a deal closer/breaker for many. I personally tend to ignore any physical attributes I find appealing or not so appealing on another person and try to get to know the person before making any decision that I may or may not be interested. Most don't have the patience and want a hug or a kiss etc. I don't care what they want at this early stage. Dat's why I iz alone.
 gpb1953
Joined: 10/16/2006
Msg: 65
Parts is parts so don't knock it
Posted: 6/14/2008 5:54:03 PM
Sharon,
1st off it’s good to see you back posting on POF forums. I missed you!

You Wrote:
I never was like this when I was younger, but the older I get I'm finding I'm able to enjoy various levels of relationships & the nicer parts of people. I learned a great lesson from a man I dated a y ago. He explained to me about levels of relationships & how you get various bits of what you need from those levels even though you don't have the whole.

My Response:
I think as we get older & mature, if we seize the opportunity to learn from our past experiences that patience is a wonderful virtue. How many times do we meet someone & our 1st impression is not all that wonderful? But as we get to know the person better we discover there is more to this person than we recognized at 1st. It takes time to know people. Unfortunately in our fast paced, modern times too often people tend to make snap decisions based on 1st impressions & never get an opportunity to get to know the real person.

I run into that a lot when I’m dating. I’m short … 5’5” which already limits my opportunities because many women prefer men who tower over them. I tend to be reserved at 1st until I get to know the person. No doubt this is due to my inexperience in social settings. Since I married young & remained married until I was 50+ I’ve never had much experience dating. Many times women assume I’m either not interested or have a very subdued personality. None of this accurately describes me but too often I don’t get a 2nd chance to reveal my true personality.

You Wrote:
I watched Jeff Foxworthy's comedy routine last night & realized that a good deal of what we think of as funny these days involves bashing other people's faults. That's sad really. Everyone has ugly parts & there are so many comments on this site as well about those ugly parts. I think we need to balance it out by focusing on the good parts of people. Even those who seem like jerks on the dating scene have at least 1 good part somewhere that might enable someone to have a momentary connection with them that is fulfilling just for what it is.

My Response:
You are right … it is sad when we have to go for laughs at the expense of others. I look at comedians who employ a lot of profanity in their monologues in much the same way. What used to be in poor taste now becomes funny … why is that? Have you ever tried to find a popular comedian these days that refrains from using any profanity? It’s very hard to do.

I understand what you are saying about focusing on the negative vs. the positive. However, I’m not sure that will ever change. Unfortunately some people trick themselves into believing that they can make themselves feel better by making someone else feel worst. It makes no sense but you see it every day. I guess the only way to promote change is by focusing on the positive any time you post a new topic or respond to one. I try to do that but often find myself challenged by others who enjoy verbal sparring as a form of entertainment.

You Wrote:
Those considered ugly have beautiful parts. Enjoy those! Those considered overweight have lots of good parts just below that surface. Dig a little deeper & enjoy those parts of their personalities. Whatever other negative things that can be seen in people surely do have some kind of positive counterparts within. We don't have to go to the level of dating someone or even being in the same room in order to be great friends who will look past the bad & just enjoy the good. I just really get tired of all the negative things in this world!

My Response:
I agree … everyone has positive qualities. If we take the time to really get know people we increase our chances of revealing these wonderful qualities & making a new friend. The online community provides us with a wonderful opportunities to develop new friendships & relationships. The normal obstacles like distance & social settings all melt away & we can relate to people on a personal level.

Another great topic Saharon & I whole-heartedly agree with your suggestion that we all try a little harder to get to know the people we meet in order to unveil their wonderful qualities. Not only that but it just might make it a little easier for me & others to get a 2nd or 3rd date with the same person.

Welcome Back Sharon!
Gary
 kissncuddle
Joined: 9/27/2004
Msg: 66
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Parts is parts so don't knock it
Posted: 6/14/2008 7:11:26 PM
First...Welcome back Sharon! I always enjoy reading your threads and posts.

Second..most of you know that I really dont post in the forums often but this statement that Ms. Tina wrote really got my blood flowing. WHY? Because im one of those overweight people.
DURST1ST said: While were at it...I own my own business and I'd never hire a obese person either...WHY, they can't keep up at the fast pace of cleaning, can't do the bending, can't carry as much and the list goes on...so say what you will, they just can't hang due to all the excess weight.

I totally DISAGREE with this statement. The fact that an overweight person can not keep up with the fast pace of cleaning, bending, carrying and doing whatever else is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! The fact that you dont hire obese people is your chioce but is also called DISCRIMINATION.

I worked in the cleaning business for over 20 years. Thirteen of those years were at an apartment complex cleaning apts after people moved out and the other years were at a hotel and 4 of those years were as the Executive Housekeeper. I did more everyday than most of the other housekeepers that were fit and put in more hours than most cause they couldnt keep up. And when I hired someone, I hired them on their ability to do the job, not their weight. So, YES, some "FAT" people CAN clean, carry things and even bend over better than fit people.
 slowburn43
Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 67
Parts is parts so don't knock it
Posted: 6/14/2008 7:19:13 PM
Gary,
Been awhile,you were missed to.Trust that your knowledge & wisdom as well as a few others have opened the eyes of alot here.
Peggy
I have to agree sometimes the person on the outside may not be 100% what your looking for dig deeper maybe youll find that ahhh,And then theres that 100 % ahh in the beginning & umm eeww i dont think so later.
I have to say what most would consider ugliest on the outside,cant even scratch the surface of the ugliness ive witnessed on the inside.
Peggy/Slowburn43
 chappy1402
Joined: 9/20/2007
Msg: 68
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Parts is parts so don't knock it
Posted: 6/14/2008 8:48:22 PM
Just a thought but a diamond starts out as something pretty ugly, namely coal. But over time and deep inside can grow one of the most beautiful things known to man. Sometimes you have too look inside to find what is really there or what is really possible.
 Forum Junkie
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 69
Parts is parts so don't knock it
Posted: 6/14/2008 11:58:59 PM
Lets take this one step closer to how much it really mirrors life. Coal and diamonds are both carbon based materials..... the only difference is that diamonds have been subjected to high pressure and higher temperatures forcing the carbon to react differntly and hence being the difference between lighter packed coal and the more densely packed diamond..... so even though its based from the same material its how it survives its environment that matters what it eventually becomes.... as I said it mirrors life quite a bit
 grannybritches
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 70
Parts is parts so don't knock it
Posted: 6/15/2008 5:51:11 AM
OK, so I'm going to go out on a limb here. Be kind to me!

Let me give you my understanding of what happened after the fall of man which is spoken of in Genesis 3. The part of the curse that pertained to women was a curious statement, "Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." So what all is involved in that and what does it have to do with our parts?

What happened in the fall of man is that women lost the ability to know who they are. Therefore, she began using "mirrors" to tell her who she is. According to the curse, the main mirror is a man. We look at a man and based upon the feedback that he gives us, we know whether we are sexy, good-looking, loving and viable. Even if we don't have a man in our presence to reflect this to ourselves, we have a man in mind mentally and how he would react to us if he were there. Now, here's how women get into relationships that end up being the bane of their existence. Perhaps the guy is good looking. If she is with a good-looking guy, that "mirror" tells her that she is acceptable and gives her status within the group she is in. It makes her feel good looking as she looks at him. If he gives her the feedback emotionally that gives her a certain identity which satisfies her, then she pays a lot more attention to that than she does to who he is inside. It's only later when the reflection turns sour that she realizes what a piece of work he is.

Most of us women never had a father that was a good mirror either. So we grew up with a distorted image based upon the reflection we got from him. Then we are set up to respond to men who give us that same distorted reflection from their mirrors.

I don't care how far along a women gets in her development of knowing who she really is, there will still be at least a tiny mirror lurking that she'll tend to use to help tell her she is OK. The mirror can be her home, her job, or her looks. Even the behavior and success of her children can be a tiny mirror that tells her that she is either OK or not OK. There'll be something somewhere in every woman's life like this.

The thing with women is that they are "womb men." They are designed to take what is reflected or given to them, incubate it, birth it, and hand it back bigger than what they got in the first place. So men if you give your women negative things, she'll grow it, bring that forth and hand it back to you. If you give your woman something positive, she'll grow it, bring that forth and hand it back to you in greater measure than the seed. What we need is for good men to learn this. The cads, womanizers, and players already know it and work it for their own benefit. These kind of men know exactly what to reflect to a woman and seem to have radar which zeros in on what each woman wants to see.

I'm so thankful to be living in an time where we are coming away from mirrors and into the knowledge that women really are something special all by themselves with nothing added onto them. We can't get away from mirrors entirely until the Lord comes back to completely remove the curse, but knowing these things definitely helps us not to go down the primrose path time and time again, just because we are in love with a reflection.

Maybe good advise for this is the same as "stop, drop, and roll" away from the reflections for a little while and just analyze what it is we are seeing in our mirrors. How do we really feel about the way our parts reflect back to us from the eyes of significant others? What kind of reflection is coming from us to others about their parts? What a responsibility this is in helping people know who they really are!
 zuzyq1950
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 71
Parts is parts so don't knock it
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:13:08 AM
Being a woman who has been looking in a" mirror " my whole life, and have finally broken it. I agree wholeheartedly that men can help women be " all that they can be " .
In the same respect it is just as important for a woman to help men to fulfill their potential . Everyone is in need of compliments ,encouragement and positive reinforcement. But more important than that we must learn to be our own best friend and judge of our value. I have spent years looking for my value in others and like a miracle I realized i am the only person i need to VALUE me. .... Parts is parts is only a problem because we have let the world make our image in other peoples eyes become so important. I say if we become secure in our own self image, it doesn't matter at all what anyone else thinks. I am a " woman of size" and I find when I look in the mirror the person i see and present to the world is a happy, loving, beautiful, inside and out woman. Any arguments?
 Diesel66
Joined: 4/16/2008
Msg: 72
Parts is parts so don't knock it
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:23:17 AM

"Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." So what all is involved in that and what does it have to do with our parts?


well sharon this is the thing i have a problem with when it comes to relationships! i don't do well with being ruled over! i am very independant and when a man attempts to take that away and take control of things i get very defensive. maybe because of my past of having everything taken away, beating me down to where i didn't think i couldn't make it on my own without them.

some day i hope to find my equal and not one that feels he is better then me and wants to control my life.
 Fishie Out Of Water
Joined: 8/2/2007
Msg: 73
Parts is parts so don't knock it
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:38:07 AM

........ and he will rule over you."

I don't know what interpretation you are quoting... but, it's wrong. That is NOT what the Bible says at all.

I don't care to get into a Biblical debate. But... "men" have taken the Bible out of context for generations as an excuse for being controlling and abusive. Christian "wives" have had it used by their husbands as a reason for being a poor excuse of a man/husband and believed they had to stay in an abusive marriage instead of protecting themselves and protecting their children. You can make the Bible say anything you want it to say by taking only 1 verse and disregarding everything around it and every other verse that speaks to the same subject.
 grannybritches
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 74
Parts is parts so don't knock it
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:46:21 AM
^^^^My Biblical quote was taken directly from the New International Version.

Yes, we definitely have struggled with the ruling over thing from the very beginning. It was never meant to be that way, however. Mankind's problems are the result of mankind's actions, and only when we transcend that will we get back to perfection.
 Forum Junkie
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 75
Parts is parts so don't knock it
Posted: 6/15/2008 5:18:29 PM
Being lazy and not listing the four translations that I have downstairs- not to mention the original Hebrew for the old testament and greek for the new testament... but all versions concur that the only time the Bible tells a woman to be obedient is to a Godly man. People love to quote the Bible conveniently and live conveniently by it as well. So if ya don't wanna follow the whole book- don't say ya follow any at all.
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