| Well Women Don't leave lasting Impressions Either
Posted: 6/10/2008 7:27:40 PM | Crayonzz you just succinctly summed up why the singles crisis is so prominent in todays culture. Somehow though I feel its going to get alot worse before it gets alot better, so we shouldnt hold our breathe to generation ME either.
As for being unreasonable for not dressing well. I think sometimes there is such a thing as dressing too shabily, it does show a lack of consideration. Although its hard to say where the fella was in the wrong since no one here was present or checking out his attire for appropriateness. | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/10/2008 7:28:43 PM | I am from n. California and have dated attorney's who show up in Judges' chambers in tee shirt and shorts. The building is air conditioned and the reputation they get for being casual /rebel was still with him when he took me to conference and wore dockers and clean shirt. Still 100 degrees out.
How did I find out? His fellow JD's pointed it out, all who wore ties.
He decided to dress to impress, me ,his new squeeze. Thank God for him, because if
I'd seen him dress like that I'd of gone into mother mode and tasked him to change for work.
It's not we were going fishing. | |
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Cazimi
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Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 28 | |
| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/10/2008 7:38:12 PM |
You get what you paid for. There is a higher chance of encountering more causal and less committed people on free dating sites. If someone paid 30 Dollars a month to maintain a profile, they would take online dating, as well as their actual dates more seriously. I'm not ratting on you all out there who are serious about this site and serious about using the resources this site provides. But there are those that joined this site on a whim, it costs them nothing.
I would suggest joining a paying site. You'll see a difference. Make the investment, and meet people who care equally about dates as you do.
I agree with hotsoup. | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:45:20 PM | | Nothing wrong with wanting what you want, but what sort of dress did you expect for wings and beer? I would probably wear shorts and a tshirt (clean, mind you, but not "dressy") to go out for wings and beer. If you had stated symphony and a four course dinner, I would dress much differently. If your date was 'beach volleyball' I would also dress differently. Happy fishing, OP , you seem like a nice person and very nice pictures! | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/11/2008 12:07:34 PM | Meeting men is not as hard as you think,
I am a great guy it's up to the women to start trusting me and getting to know me!
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/11/2008 5:34:18 PM | hey guys with young children, quitcherbellyachin!
Women with young children get the same response. Some people just don't want to spend their time with kids - never wanted them, and don't want yours now. Or had them, raised them, been there, done that, not doing yours too.
The trick is to find compatible partners in the same life place - maybe she's got kids of her own, maybe she has never had them and would gladly take yours on but would also like to have one of her own. Not all women or men cut and run from the responsibilities of step-parenting, but if they're not into it, thank your lucky stars you found out before you introduced them to the kids and an emotional bond (on the kids part) started to form. | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/11/2008 5:43:07 PM |
He is a nice man, but he showed up in his style of dress that was not impressive. A pair of baggy shorts and old T-shirt. I was not impressed to say the least.
So, he made a bad impression when you first laid eyes on him, and you turned around and invited him to your house to drink beer?
Sigh...
I don't believe in any way, shape, or form that you couldn't get more than three dates from here in 2 1/2 years, unless you are just sitting there waiting for guys to contact you first. | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/11/2008 5:56:03 PM | I recently had a date for lunch at a nice place and the man showed up in an unironed shirt. My impression was that his wife took care of EVERYTHING...and now its just wash and wear ........even if its NOT wash and wear..................
OP..You know what you want.stick to your guns.........AND join us in the forums........ | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/11/2008 6:04:48 PM | A few points on this thread that might clear a few things up.
First. You do not go on your first 'date' with someone from this site to get beer and wings. No. Do you want the first time meeting to take place whilst drunk with hands and face covered with sauce? If you want something better, class wise, than Jimmy Joe Cutoff-Shorts, you say 'we should meet up for coffee'. Better yet, tea. Though some of the lesser towns might not have tea shops, and, well, tea is not everyone's cup of tea. You suggest sloppy date, you get a sloppy date.
As for showing up in a slobish manner, that shows that -is- the person at heart. Someone who would go out of their way to contact a woman that was interesting to them on this site and show up for a date would dress to impress unless he feels that dressing like that -was- impressive. Six months of dating and working in the backyard on a hot day in the cut of shorts and old t-shirt could be endearing. For a first date, instinctually, you should fluff up your feathers a little. Toss the ones that don't, unless that's your thing.
The problems with this site is that there are two, rather distinct, groups of people on it. One side of the spectrum uses it as a site to truly be themselves. In a bar, at a party, on the street, there is a need to impress. The first encounter is more like meeting your representative than meeting the real you. All the good, none of the bad (for now). On this site you can be yourself, warts and all, and have people like you for them. Not the warts. Seriously, see a doctor about that.
The other side of the spectrum are the people who use this site to BE someone else. Someone who puts up the only 3 good pictures of them ever taken, spanning the last five years of their lives. They are less attractive now, less secure or whatnot. They pretend to be someone else. Gentalmenly. Womanly. Version of themselves they think would be appealing to the other sex while being vastly different from their day to day comportment. It's easier to be a lier online than face to face.
To sum up. Short, easy, first dates. If you like the person after the fifteen minute cup, suggest something next. Dress to impress, though not overdue. That means you, that guy who wore a tie on a first date. No. Unless your first date is to a high dollar charity auction. Lastly, chat with the person in real time or on the phone to set up a date. Get a feel for them and their responses. See if they seem on the level.
S. | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/11/2008 6:10:25 PM | Well now that everything is all cleared up we can close down this thread.........too bad most men dont do the forums  | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/11/2008 6:12:07 PM | | it is hard to meet guys online cuz i have a hard time even finding guy to go on a date! | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/11/2008 6:33:15 PM | It is hard on POF to meet a QUALITY man that I am attracted to. Especially if you are over 40.
There are lots of peeps who are not sincere and just playing games and looking for an ego boost. Just to see what they can get......
The best thing I found is to go to the events in your area.
Then you get to see how a person acts in real life not just what they say on the internet.
:~()
Deb | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/11/2008 6:34:53 PM | I can certainly sympathize with you Tressiee. What I fail to understand is men who say that they are not in a relationship, only to find out that they are. And, I'm sure I'll get grief from this statement, but why do men assume because they take you out that you are supposed to put out? I also can relate to men who don't care about their appearance. I take time to make myself presentable and don't see why I can't expect my date to at least wear something decent and clean up his hygiene. I agree that there have been times when I don't feel like this site is necessarily for me and I've been back and forth a few times, and I keep trying and hoping. But, if you join a 'paying' dating service you won't find the quality of people you meet any different than here and at least PlentyofFish is free. | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/11/2008 6:37:38 PM | That is unbelievable!!
I am a single mother and I find single fathers very attractive. Think about a single guy at this age that has no children. What has he been focusing on all these years? Himself maybe? You know a single father is capable of love, caring and patience that only a parent can understand and that makes him less self centered than your average.
I won't even start about the men (and women) who are absent parents. You think those women would prefer that kind of people?
THAT is unbelievable. How can you automatically think a guy is not capable of love, caring and patience with out having a child. You ever think maybe the guy was loving, caring, patient and understanding enough to stick by his wifes side even when she couldn't have children, then she up and leaves him after he stayed with her till the age that its hard to find a woman that wants to have kids. Did you ever think that childless men may have many nieces and nephews that he cares for like his own children. How can you be so narrow minded to think every man with out children can't be a loving human being?
There are plenty of guys with kids that aren't loving, caring or patient. I look up to the men that take good care of their kids, but they are no better than me.
Anyway I am with the OP on this one. Even if your going bowling you can still dress up enough to look good and be comfortable. It's possible when he goes out for beer and wings thats how he dresses, but I would at least be a little dressy when first meeting someone. Did he at least shave? | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/11/2008 6:42:01 PM | | I'm sorry that you had such bad expereinces, such a lovely looking lady. Some men can't appreaciate the good things that come to them! | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/12/2008 2:31:39 PM | ""The trick is to find compatible partners in the same life place.""
That pretty much simplifies things...everything else should/could fall into place.
nice post
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:01:59 AM | Vinny1234,
Please accept my apology!! I thought as soon as I posted that I would probably insult some very nice guys, and I am sure you are out there. I know being a parent taught me love and selflessness that I never thought possible and the guys I have met that haven't had children have been very self-absorbed. Didn't mean to make it sound so general.
You are still young enough to be a father though.
Again, sorry to have insulted you!
Brenda | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:03:44 AM | ~OP~ There are some great opinions in here. I have to agree with the few that question what you consider "hard to meet men" because I've been here for almost four years and have met two men in all that time. You don't seem to have a problem meeting men ~ it sounds like the men you have met aren't who/what you'd truly be interested in. Maybe, and I'm only suggesting this, you are meeting just about anyone that offers. Personally, I find that isn't a very good plan. I take my time ~ a good length of time actually ~ and I was fortunate with both men I met. One was a relationship for a short while, the other a very nice date. In the end, it's been nearly two years again and I'm still in no hurry. If he's out there and I'm lucky enough to bump into him, great, if not ~ that's OK as well.
(I do have to agree, I've had much better luck in the past via pay sites...it's all how you perceive it I suppose.) JMO  | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:21:19 AM | I signed up here for a month now--ive met one guy already 2 weeks ago, he seems nice but i have no feelings for him so that was it.Two more men to come and we will see.I dont expect anything at this time but to meet and see from there.
There's one guy wanted to meet me for a coffe,we havent talked nor changed emails and yet he wanted to see me....ive told him before that i wont be comfy meeting someone right away without talking with them for a bit--he didnt reply after 2 weeks yes ....that was yesterday he emailed me again...same approached wanted to see me , i didnt reply..and deleted his email.
im not rush into anything lots of men offer to date--so i have to weed out the ones that i dont like ...just keep on dating until you find the"ONE"
pay sites or not--its still the same, if you cant find the one you like you cant find it in any sites .... i tried this site because its FREE,ill take my chances and i wont be frustrated if i couldnt find the one im looking for at least, i am enjoying the dating phase.I can date as many as i like--haha.
so men come to me lets date and be gone....im not saying lets have sex! | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:23:11 AM | OP tressiee, on 6/9/2008 7:38 PM, revealed:
I got all dressed up in a casual way and had my hair done and expected a casual meeting. I was taking him for wings and beer at a local eatary,but when he showed up looking the way he did I asked him if we could just have a couple of beers here at my home and get to know each other. He is a nice man, but he showed up in his style of dress that was not impressive. A pair of baggy shorts and old T-shirt. I was not impressed to say the least.
Is not such casual attire typical of what most people wear to the average "beer and wings" joint? The attire for such a place, is about the same as what one should/would wear to a baseball game. If you wanted to get dressed up, you should have chosen an upper-scale steakhouse or seafood establishment.
If you are going to a place which you yourself refer to as an "eatary" (sic), and it involves "beer" - why would you expect someone to get dressed up, even if only "business casual?" And it certainly does not merit getting one's hair done...lol.
I do not judge people by their weight or clothes, but he could have tried a little!
For someone who does not judge based on attire...that is a pretty obvious "judgement."
Note - if you find yourself in Texas, and someone wants to treat you to an evening dinner of the finest Texas BBQ experience - dress down. You will spend your evening of culinary ecstasy, in a place that serves the juiciest of beef brisket (no pork at a real BBQ place) on butcher paper. No plate...no utensils...just you, your fingers, and the finest food to piss off the vegetarian-whackos.
:o)
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:36:59 AM | | Hey Jie Pie...It doesnt matter how old we women are...if we dress up a little for a date we do expect the male to do the same....baggy shorts and scruffy T.shirt are definately a No No! | |
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| Well Women Don't leave lasting Impressions Either
Posted: 6/15/2008 12:28:48 PM | Hi.Please dont put all single men in that catigory that they havent feelings or no how to show feelings,lots of us single menare very much as affectionet but maybe couldnt have children   | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/15/2008 12:34:27 PM | I was taking him for wings and beer at a local eatary
Yikes you shouldnt' have been taking him out - it immediately makes them think you are a pushover. A date should be a special occasion at least. There is something about a man having to plan and PAY for the pleasure of your company which makes him make the effort! | |
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| Well Women Don't leave lasting Impressions Either
Posted: 6/15/2008 12:43:50 PM | Pardon? A single guy has been focusing oh himself, and that is why he doesn't have kids? Sorry, but that is a bit off base.
Did it occur to you that possibly a guy has no kids because he has had bad experiences in dating? Maybe a decent guy isnt out there having sex with every woman trying to procreate. There are some of us who actually want to wait for a decent lady to come along first before kids enter the picture. | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/15/2008 12:49:23 PM | | I have a hard time believing a man would show up on a date dressed like a bum. I don't know what happened to good old fashioned manners and class. I guess it is just too much trouble to put out any effort for another human being. My pet peeve is getting stood up. You make a date, and on the appointed evening, no date, no call, no nothing. So if a woman makes the effort to show up for me, the least I can do is put on some nice shoes and slacks, and a fashionable shirt for her. | |
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