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X-Lu
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Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 76 | |
| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 9/6/2008 2:11:15 PM | Tressiee dear, THE WORLD IS BIGGER! This site is restricted to those who subscribe and we are not sitting in the administrator chair to know how many they really are, if then genuinely up to the good.
Though, I understand that it was disappointing for your expectations, and it was your ever right to be disappointed, but you can't make an exact template of it for further selections, because it only will narrow your chances, and not only here in this little subscribed world... It is about your individual well being first.
Be selective but smart, and in order for you to make a smart selection you have to balance openness with smart caution. We might know how to "screen" calls and a person who might have a tendency to disappoint your expectations in behavior, just talk wisely with those open questions and give them a chance to unfold their individuals, but do this before you meet them. | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 9/6/2008 2:17:07 PM | Spot on crayonzz,
I think you said it for 90% of male's out there.  | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 9/6/2008 2:27:16 PM | | I hope this makes you feel better, I think the good old fashion way to meet someone is the best way. Online dating can really make you loose yourself esteem after awhile, it so easy to be dumped, for no other reason that there are a million others out there, so one tiny little thing you dont like, all you have to do is delete. I try not to take it to offense because I look back before online dating, I have never in my life been deleted, if someone didnt work out, we would be friends, or go our way in a decent manor. Life is just getting to machanical. Until you actually meet a person face to face is the true test. My advice if you continue online, dont waste alot of time on email or phone, get to point, otherwise you will spend your whole life wasting your time and who has time to waste...... | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 9/6/2008 2:58:12 PM | | Meeting men is not hard. Meeting honest men is the hard part. I dated a guy from this site for 3 months and found out he was dating someone from another site at the same time. I see he's back here, Tropical Dude. It should have been Tropical DUD. He lavishes more love and attention on his dogs then he ever did on me. Watch out for this guy. He's a phoney. | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 9/6/2008 4:34:52 PM | Tressiee,
There in lies my confusion.
Obviously, you got stuck with a jerk wad!
Now, you say that you don't judge by weight or clothes. What about looks?
How many guys have email you and were deleted with or without a reply from you based on their profile picture? Now we are all adults here (or pretend to be) but have there been any guys that have contacted you that had a great profile but were bypassed because they were not handsome enough? I am of the same opinion as you, in regards to leaving PoF,
mainly because of the women here. I have yet to encounter a woman here that is REALLY looking for qualities on the heart and not the face.
It is truly sad. I have spent a LOT of time reading profiles here and you all are after, basically the same things in a man. Or that's what the text says.
Food for thought:
The "Beautiful People" have seldom had to develop real people skills, an attractive personality, ethics, honesty, openness and all the qualities most women "say" they want.
Women flocked to them through their childhood, school and beyond.
Nearly every so called popular guy I have known through out my life were actually nice people. Most treated the girls like dirt. This carries on into adulthood.
Why should ant effort be made when no matter what they act like, they can always have their way with females. You see, when you are not one of those "Beautiful People", like me, you see the effects of good looks vs. good hearts.
No one on here or any other similar site, or for that matter any night spot will ever meet someone and truly be happy until all the shallowness and superficialities are dropped.
I am leaving PoF and will probably grow old and die alone but if I was ever given the chance to be known for who I really am, someone would indeed think their Prince had come along. This is not conceit, it is based on what I have been told by old friends that happen to be females.
And that doesn't just go for women. There was a woman here at one time from Quincy, IL that left because she wasn't the most attractive woman on here, but she was only ever contacted by duds. You know the type.
The one about "Can't tell if they care about a woman until they have sex with her".
Mainly because she didn't respond unless he was good looking.
Madison Av. has brainwashed us all into believing a person is nothing unless they look good. Have you seen the divorce rates, lately?
I'm convinced that people will never wake up.
I do not think people, especially know a good thing when they see it.
Just try it. Next time a not so good looking man emails you, and his words sound good, investigate further. If he doesn't want to give you time and swap emails for as long as you need, he might not be a good one.
Me on the other hand would have no problem letting a gal have a month, 2 months to feel comfortable. Sure, we're anxious to meet someone. We are lonely. You know what that feels like, right? But if he's really on the level, he'll give you the time.
Remember when you didn't kiss on the 1st date? Or 2nd, or 3rd?
Some of us do.
Good luck, hon. | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 9/6/2008 5:38:29 PM | | cate121264: I just checked out your profile, and if I was 25 years younger and a little nearer your location, you'd have an email in your inbox right now! I may send you one anyway. I can't imagine why you aren't already getting more than you can handle, unless there are a lot of guys with no self-confidence on here. I don't know how long you've been on here, but hang in there. With your looks, eloquence, and obviously lively nature, there will be plenty of guys knocking on your door. | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 3/4/2009 3:05:17 PM | Hi Cate!!
This is quite an interesting post in light of what has happened to you in the past few weeks!! Lol!! So, tell me Cate............... what WAS the Secret????? Inquiring minds want to know!! Lol               
John | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 3/4/2009 4:39:28 PM | OP, a word of advice: Never, Never, NEVER have a "first date" at your home. You don't even know the person and he could be some weirdo that now knows where you live.
Good God. Be safe. Always meet in a public, well lighted area, and if you decide you feel uncomfortable, you can leave. Be sure to have a cell phone and your own transportation.
And yes, as far as meeting people for dating goes, well, yes it IS difficult, needless to say. If I had the answers, I damn sure wouldn't be on here. | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 3/4/2009 6:40:31 PM | renegade....
i think the problem is not so much having to be safe when you meet someone online.. i think thats something you should do no MATTER WHERE YOU MEET SOMEONE.. do you all realize that those who lie .. can lie right to your face.. whether you meet thru work, a friend, at the supermarket or where ever. I think whats key is to HAVE SELF ESTEEM AND CONFIDENCE... online doesnt take that away.. YOU LET THAT BE TAKEN AWAY FROM YOURSELF. no one can make you feel anyway you dont allow them to..... You should let me say.. make the effort to take the risk of being yourself and putting your self out there.. TALK .. AND TALK AND TALK.. and dont rush things... take the time to knowthe person even before you opt to meet them... People rush the meeting part too quickly... NOW that being said.. JOHN... you took the time and we talked and emailed for what .. MONTHS before we even talked on the phone.. that just solidified things and then meeting was merely a technicality...... we were able to know.. and feel confident neither of us were those "weirdo's" so many people think troll dating sites. So to those of you skeptics... TAKE YOUR TIME.. and watch for the signs.. the weirdos do make themselves known LONG BEFORE MEETING... if you need further advise dont hestitate to ask me .. id be more than happy to help.. I know .. I personally did luck out ...and am in the process of enjoying this amazing guy Ive met and the journey we are on.. he knows....... because hes on that same page.. SO IT DOES HAPPEN and on here .... dont be jaded.... have faith and above all be fair and true to yourself... | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 3/4/2009 6:55:17 PM | i agree... finding the connection and accepting you for who you are is the challenge part.
honestly, if it meant to happen, let it happen. life is too short. enjoy while you can.
just have no expectations. | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 3/4/2009 6:56:30 PM | Cate, Yes, I agree, you need to talk and talk and talk, and not rush things, etc. but I will still hold true to my "first date" rule. I will Never, ever let anyone I don't know but for online/phone conversations into my home. It is just not safe. I would much, much rather error on the side of MY and/or that of my family's safety than be sorry.
All you have to do is read the newspapers, watch the news and read the forums to hear about all the horror stories of stalkers, weirdos and sickos, etc. - If you haven't then you must be living in a cave. | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 3/4/2009 7:18:13 PM |
I got all dressed up in a casual way and had my hair done and expected a casual meeting. I was taking him for wings and beer at a local eatary,but when he showed up looking the way he did I asked him if we could just have a couple of beers here at my home and get to know each other. He is a nice man, but he showed up in his style of dress that was not impressive. A pair of baggy shorts and old T-shirt.
That reminds me of a conversation I was having with a guy at work today. We were kind of discussing about how as men and women age, roles change. In our younger years, guys have raging hormones that make us do all sorts of things for women in our pursuit to get laid. As we get older, our hormones settle down and women's kick into high gear. And so begins the days of women jumping through all the hoops they made us jump through when we were younger, except f*ck flowers and walks on the beach! We want snowmobiles and football tickets!
Testosterone conversations are really a lot of fun. | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 3/4/2009 11:26:17 PM | I can sympathize with the OP here, just the other way around. It hasn't quite been as bad as them showing up in a poor choice of clothing as much as finding the one's that I want to even get to the 2nd and 3rd dates with. I've been on here about a year or so...and I'm still here and still hoping!
Out of dozens of miserable & so-so dates I've gone on in two states, I did find two that were worth a shot, but didn't work out in the end. But, even through all that, I have had a some fun and have been exposed to quite a few different kinds of women.
I've come to accept that it takes quite awhile to find the good ones, for both women and men. The point is not to settle for something that doesn't feel right, but to hold out for the good ones. Finding the right person is a tough search...and in my opinion, POF sure beats picking up women in a grocery store. :) | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 3/6/2009 5:53:24 AM | You keep on mentioning casual....so what is it a casual or dressed up?
Usually depending on what your doing for the date you dress accordingly. Going out to eat wings & beer don't sound too much as a dress up occasion. Most wings come in the barbecue/hot-sauce variety & would not want to mess up my nice clothes while eating them. | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 3/6/2009 3:40:30 PM | i dont think youd let someone you met in peson at the grocery store or bank or thru a mutual friend into your home on a first meeting either. I NEVER said that anyone should. What I am saying is that you have to be SMART NO MATTER HOW YOU MEET SOMEONE .. that meeting thru the internet gets a worst wrap than most. I have my own stalker story so yes i dont need to read the papers but have actually had the experience. and why ?? BECAUSE I WAS NICE to a neighbor in need in my apt complex. I guess to me the difference is that here you can ask questions, and get answer and hopefully you are asking the right questions. Ofcourse you dont meet someone in your home first time..... but i also think that we are overly paranoid at some points also. I personally dont even let my family let alone children meet anyone I am dating til i have dated them for a bit. The thing I think people must understand is that these weirdo's and stalkers etc DO INFACT make themselves known.. with odd behavior or things that arent able to be checked out... but you know what?? alot of times so many are so IN NEED OF MEETING SOMEONE that they easily dismiss those things or overlook them. eyes wide open is what I say ..
a footnote : i have met someone thru pof... and it was amazing that neither of us expected anything.. so my advice to everyone.. HAVE NO EXPECTATIONS.. be true to yourself and those are the t ypes you will attract. Nothing worth having comes easy .. and all work isnt bad work.. my mottos are easy.. 1. BIG EXPECTATIONS BIG DISSAPPOINTMENTS... SMALL EXPECTATAIONS SMALL DISAPPPOINTMENTS.. NO EXPECTATIONS.. JOYFUL SURPRISES... and my fav for this year' never make someone a priority that only makes you an option"...
 happy fishing..... | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/13/2009 4:33:23 AM | Shoot, meeting Men (on POF) is not hard. But Men are not always the person-profiled, as are Woman. I would think that's a chance we take w/any dating site.
Being rude and vulger is another matter, simply report her/him. I feel there's really no need to spread rumors of others?
Suppose I've been fortunate as I have met a few terribly wonderful and warm Ladies on POF, and still believe there's goodness all around in-spite of what POF Ladies may have been through prior to becoming single.
Actually, there's so many seriously pretty and profile-sincere Ladies here that I still have trouble understanding why their not picked by a Prince and carried away?
R Scott | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/13/2009 7:41:39 AM | | Meeting men on here is very hard indeed. I've met several men on this site - been honest, up-front and just as 'myself' as I can be... I recently started seeing a lovely man (or I thought he was, at least) after having many bad experiences with men who were either using me on the rebound or just didn't know what they wanted and would end up just leaving without a word, a thought, or a care. This guy was different. Bit of a lad (ex-squaddie) but underneath the boozey, flippent exterior seemed to lie a genuine and caring individual who I thought would know exactly how to treat a woman... So, he stands me up a few times to which I'm understanding because he's been working long, difficult hours and he's always exhausted, but obviously, I'm also quite disappointed (it's never nice - especially when it's someone you care for). And I try to talk to him about it, but he decides I'm starting an argument with him and blocks me from msn, deletes me from his facebook, deletes me as a favourite on this site - all within about 2 minutes of me saying "I understand everything that's going on with you, but I'm just disappointed because I wanted to see you. Forget it." So, I try to phone him and he doesn't answer - I just wanted to explain that I wasn't being nasty for the sake of it and I wasn't starting an argument - and the more he doesn't answer my phone calls the more I get upset untill I end up speaking to his mate... His mate tells me that my guy's ex-girlfriend just got a new boyfriend and my guy's not over her yet. What am I supposed to think? I end up getting upset, wound up ad angry and just feeling like a) he's used me as a "rebound girl", b) he doesn't care that he's upset me by ignoring my phone calls and not letting me explain myself, and c) I've done something hideously wrong and offensive... He's acting incredibly immaturely and just won't speak to me at all! I really like this guy, but I'm worried he's not taking me seriously. What do I do? | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/13/2009 10:07:32 AM | Meeting women is just as hard. I've been on many dates. I think their expecations and mine are sometimes much higher than they should be.
Just relax, have fun and try to enjoy each other's company! | |
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| Meeting Men Is Hard
Posted: 6/13/2009 4:42:34 PM | Any man who doesn't shower and put on a clean shirt for a first date is retarded. You should have just shut the door.
That goes the same for women.
These walks of life come from home towns as well, not just the internet...Believe me.
I have lived in my town for over 4 years and haven't got a date from here because I have yet to find one to my expectations of basic cleanliness and integrity. The next town over wasn't impressive either. I just think someone forgot to clean the 'fish tank' and some of the descent fish are just hidden in a cloud of dirty water. It has nothing to do with free sites either. I don't want to have to pay someone just to meet people. It's retarded. I would rather look around here, fish here, than find some sorry **stard who calls the local tavern home with the rest of the bar flies. | |
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