|
|
|
|
|
| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 8:19:53 AM | | independent doesn't mean wanting to be alone. when i use the phrase, i intend it to indicate self-sufficient both emotionally and financially. meaning that i want emotional closeness with someone, but i don't NEED someone to "take care" of me. i'm not a princess, nor do i expect a prince charming to solve all my problems...i figure we should both be secure, strong, and stable in ourselves, before seeking out eachother. | |
|
| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 8:25:58 AM | | Well in MY opinion - when I state that I am independant I mean I am not a needy financial woman. I am not looking for a wallet companion and I am also not a 'gold digger' (mans words) as I run my own home, work hard and all that entails. I am more than happy to share costs for dinner/drinks etc. Like so many other women out there now are are more independant and like a certain amount of control but that does not mean that we do not want to be spoilt and romanced, just as equally we will spoil our man too in return - does that make sense lol :) | |
|
| |
| |
| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 8:30:39 AM |
(HarleyKat~) My son and I actually joked about this...especially the car example...and even compared it to how Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, was declined sales/service when she looked like a hooker....but they sure helped her out when Richard Gere was along and flashing his credit card! ;O) LOL
Oh, there's a good yardstick for real life... look, if you're gonna start trotting out movies, I call dibs on being an immortal Scottish swordsman, all right?
Arlo  | |
|
| |
| If you're independent, YRI here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 8:33:35 AM | | Thanks Bill Al Cz (post 2)....I'm changing my profile to self-reliant! Answer to the question: perhaps while out doing my thing, it isn't clear that I'm looking, single, or looking for a traditional committed relationship. Here I have words to show that; and so do the men. | |
|
| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:24:45 AM | First off this thread and your question have obviously ruffled some feathers?
Maybe it's the way you phrased it, not sure really.
I have been a single parent most of my adult life and have had to be very independant in many many ways. I really didn't have much of a support network rasing my girls alone. It has been a rough ride, but I did it without complaining and whining about it like a lot of my friends do. It is hard and until you have done it you have no idea the sacrifices you make. It toughens you up so to speak and you become strong in your independance.
I don't feel the need to advertise my independance. It is what it is.
However, I can see where lot's of women would see the need to say it on their profile.
I think it is a way to let men know that they don't need them to support them.
Unfortunately if you do a thread search you will find way too many posts on here about how all women are just out for a mans money. We are a bunch of users and gold diggers if you believe the threads out there. We marry up and then take a man for all his money leaving him penniless.
Well guess what, we are all sick and tired of hearing it.
So, we are trying to let you know up front....we don't need your money and house etc.
I would think that it would be a relief to many men on here to see that in a womans profile.
But evidently not, I guess your ego gets bruised because...."they don't need us anymore"
C'mon now guys you can't have it both ways. | |
|
| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:27:08 AM |
^^ will you wear a kilt?
Yesssss! I just recently had the pleasure of learning how to do an official kilt check! ;) | |
|
| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:53:50 AM |
(ItsMargo) ^^ will you wear a kilt?
(HarleyKat~) Yesssss! I just recently had the pleasure of learning how to do an official kilt check! ;)
Suddenly I feel like Marilyn Monroe on an air vent...
Arlo  | |
|
| |
| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 10:22:47 AM | I have a friend and he was with this lady that claimed to be "independent". They met on a site like this one. She said, she 'didn't need' a man in her life, but wanted one. Needless to say, she worked her butt off. However, as she did, she noticed that he was becoming very discontent in the relationship, because there was no time left for him or them. The majority of the ladies I've met, in fact, do the very same thing.
According to the lady, and many others I spoke to about this, if they found someone that wasn't 'exactly' to their liking, they would work to become even better, themselves, but WOULDN'T NEED the man. Eventually, they would leave the poor sap. After all, there was 'NO NEED' to be with that person, JUST a WANT, at least, for the time being.
That appears to be the consensus from what many of the ladies here, are saying. They DON'T NEED MEN anymore, because they can do it for themselves. I wonder if that really is a good thing...NOT TO NEED THOSE YOU LOVE OR CARE FOR.
Personally, when I find the man I seek...I WILL NEED HIM, and I WILL BE PROUD TO SAY THOSE WORDS! | |
|
| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 10:43:56 AM | Well, I in NO WAY resemble the helpless, hapless, harmless lost little girl in any way...but recently when checking out a car dealership, I actually had the salesman ask me, "Would you like to come back with your husband and put pen to paper?" WTF?!
And when I bought a huge entertainment center that I was hauling home by myself (on top of the Explorer)...the sales clerk made a comment, "You may want to get your husband and come back!"
Margo/Harleycat...funny this should come up today.
I work for a CPA full time, as well as run the DJ business nights/weekends...
So I'm at work today and a client comes in with paperwork so we can set up and pay his taxes for last month...he's grumbling about taxes taking up all his money and times are tough..and I said "I know, why do you think I work 9 jobs (I was exaggerating, unless you count each gig booking as a job)?"
He says to me "well at least he takes good care of you if you ever can't work."
I said "my boss?"
He said, "no, your husband."
I said "what husband?"
He said "ok...boyfriend?"
I said "nope."
He said "you're telling me that you have no boyfriend or husband that takes care of you?"
I said "No way. I take care of myself"
He said "well, that's not very bright". WTF??
I said "I've always taken care of myself, and if someone takes care of me, that's ownership - I don't take to that real well."
He said...."oh, that's that women's lib stuff, right?" LOL
That appears to be the consensus from what many of the ladies here, are saying. They DON'T NEED MEN anymore, because they can do it for themselves. I wonder if that really is a good thing...NOT TO NEED THOSE YOU LOVE OR CARE FOR.
Personally, when I find the man I seek...I WILL NEED HIM, and I WILL BE PROUD TO SAY THOSE WORDS!
Sweetthang...I don't think the point is to NEVER need someone you love/care for. It's not to need just anyone to take care of you. Naturally you will GROW to need the person you initially WANT as time goes on.
Will I need someone within 12 minutes of meeting him? Do I want him to need me at first? No...but it naturally progresses into that over time. Why discuss something that becomes a part of the process anyway?
Personally I just find it unattractive whe thrown around as a dating requirement..."anyone I date must NEED me or else"...ya know? | |
|
| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 10:57:22 AM | Gee - don't take Germain Greer out on a date will ya!
Being independent - having a life, coping on your own, managing by yourself - has to be a plus. You never know when you're going to be single and need these skills.
Surely a relationship is where you are together because you 'want' to be and not cos you 'need' to be cos you're too hopeless to cope alone. And what a pressure for the partner! (unless they like to be needed - ooh, alarm bells aringing).
You might be right about the other bit - listing something that should be guaranteed as a requirement could be cos it was missing previously - but maybe if you've got to ask, you ain't necessarily gonna get it.
Just in case though, I'll have a multi-millionaire who likes cats, looks like Antonio Banderas and has Eddie Izzard's sense of humour (if not necessarily dress sense) - heck, I'll be as dependent as you like then!
Otherwise, just give me Del Boy and I'll be happy.
javascript:smilie(' ')
javascript:smilie('') | |
|
| |
| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 11:09:59 AM |
(DJChickie401) I work for a CPA full time, as well as run the DJ business nights/weekends...
So I'm at work today and a client comes in with paperwork so we can set up and pay his taxes for last month...he's grumbling about taxes taking up all his money and times are tough..and I said "I know, why do you think I work 9 jobs (I was exaggerating, unless you count each gig booking as a job)?"
He says to me "well at least he takes good care of you if you ever can't work."
I said "my boss?"
He said, "no, your husband."
I said "what husband?"
He said "ok...boyfriend?"
I said "nope."
He said "you're telling me that you have no boyfriend or husband that takes care of you?"
I said "No way. I take care of myself"
He said "well, that's not very bright". WTF??
I said "I've always taken care of myself, and if someone takes care of me, that's ownership - I don't take to that real well."
He said...."oh, that's that women's lib stuff, right?" LOL
*shrug* I woulda shut him down right after he asked about the husband/BF with a simple "No.", then asking to see his file. He was WAAAY outta line to question your intelligence with the, "That's not very bright."
I hope you slipped a "IRS: Audit this tax fraud!" note into his file...
Arlo | |
|
| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 11:13:36 AM | What in the world does wanting to date have anything to do with being independant or self-reliant?
Independant means I do NOT NEED a man to feel whole or happy, it means I am not desperately seeking my "better half" - I am awhole person all on my own and a pretty good one at that, it means I do not need a man to define who I am and whether I am a worthy person or not. It means I don't need to be entertained by a man, he can go watch a game with friends while I go to the gym or a movie or whatever and not worry what the other is doing.
Wanting to date means I am WANTING not NEEDING a person in my life to laugh with, hold and enjoy intimate moments with, create memories and so much more. Dating has nothing to do with finding someone to be dependant on - try reading a few codependancy books and find out how healthy that is.
I WANT to date and be with someone who doesn't need me to be some "idealistic yet unreal person" to be happy and visa versa. I want to date someone who isn't going to feel that I can't be content and happy spending time alone and doing my own thing.
An independant woman has an inner quality that has nothing to do with having a man to make her feel special/worthy/lovable/ect. She knows her selfvalue independant of someone else whether her man/children/boss ect. She may want to stand with someone else through life, but is perfectly capable of standing ALONE and being content with that choice. | |
|
| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 11:38:39 AM |
DJChickie...me thinks he mighta' been trying to find out if you were single?! ;O)
Naahhh...the clients here are all friendly with the owners, and I've almost been here 5 years, so he probably assumed I was involved because he never asked before, plus his live in girlfriend probably wouldn't approve. It honestly just seemed like conversation.
*shrug* I woulda shut him down right after he asked about the husband/BF with a simple "No.", then asking to see his file. He was WAAAY outta line to question your intelligence with the, "That's not very bright."
With a stranger, I would have, but I've known this guy (and his family) from working there a while...
I hope you slipped a "IRS: Audit this tax fraud!" note into his file...
The IRS has dealt with him before...not all of his money goes to taxes (tho he'd like us to believe otherwise). All we'd have to do to get the IRS on him is not help him...lol. | |
|
| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:01:07 PM | Sweetthang...I don't think the point is to NEVER need someone you love/care for. It's not to need just anyone to take care of you. Naturally you will GROW to need the person you initially WANT as time goes on.
Will I need someone within 12 minutes of meeting him? Do I want him to need me at first? No...but it naturally progresses into that over time. Why discuss something that becomes a part of the process anyway?
Personally I just find it unattractive whe thrown around as a dating requirement..."anyone I date must NEED me or else"...ya know?
I realize what you're saying, but I've found is, that most who say it, change once they get into a relationship.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying anyone should put up with abuse or abusive tendencies, such as name calling or someone cheating on you. Instead, I'm saying that men and women have become a disposable society to each other. As such, any small thing that someone does (instead of being overlooked)...well, the person is all too often, tossed aside (especially, I've noted, by 'independent' females.) | |
|
| |
| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 3:13:32 PM | DJChickie and Harley Kat, I used to be in sales so trust me when I tell you this.
80% of the purchases in America are made by women. Why do you think all those home shopping networks are marketed directly towards women. Why do you think most commercials are directed at women. This statistic encompases every purchase large and small. Most of the new stuff in America is purchased by women. Thats a fact look it up.
And I hate to say it everyone has run across A**hole salesmen. These guys arn't so much sexist as just plain scum. I hated working in that field. And fyi probibly he asked for your man is because he can't snowball you and he wanted to get a sale. | |
|
| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 3:33:33 PM |
And fyi probibly he asked for your man is because he can't snowball you and he wanted to get a sale.
Thanks, Heavy...that's a nicer reason to think was behind his ignorance! ;O) LOL | |
|
| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 3:52:53 PM | | I like being independent. First, I never want to need a man or have him need me. I'd much rather want and be wanted than needed. That implies choice and I find it wonderful that someone would chose to be with me and me them. Need implies obligation and I don't like that. Secondly, we still see a lot of men out there who think women are gold diggers out to take them for all their posessions if they should commit and then get divorced. Third, there is still a bias towards males as leaders out there. I get survey calls for political surveys where they ask for the male head of the household. Not just head of household but male head of household. These aren't sales calls but calls involving political issues. Even when I was married I was more politically aware than my husband ever was. | |
|
| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 4:03:16 PM | If I wasn't independant I'd be homeless - isn't that so much more attractive - "Don't date her she has a job, try this one she's on welfare, oh wait even better this one has her own cardboard box in the alley!"
If I cannot grasp even this basic concept of "man want take care woman" then no f'n wonder I have to pay my own bills! I have never in my life met a man who prefered a woman incapable of self sufficiency, where should I move to so I never have to work a day in my life again and just have a man to pay for everything??? ROFLMFAO!!!!! | |
|
| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 4:09:14 PM | Sweethang100, i think you're hitting the nail on the head.
Although it is a generalization, the original OP question was what do women mean when they tout the word "independent".... and i think when we men read it, we see those woman as the ones you described in your posts....so we steer clear. | |
|
|
| Page 10 of 13
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 |
|
Home
login 
