| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/18/2008 8:59:15 AM | I said " need" ~ "want" is closly related with desire ~ two very different things with the end results appearing to be the same but the spirit of intent being very different.
One has heart and soul ~ one is void of heart and soul.
In anycase ~ Co Dependence ~ is a balancing act and can offer a lot of fun or a lot of heartache. ~ It requires you to bring forward all the coping skills in your little bag of tricks. ~ In someways ~ you can compare it to a fireman attempting to save a house from burning down. ~ ~ To him , it's his passion ~ something he loves to do! He has many tools and tricks to combat the blaze and he loves it when it all works and takes pride in his ability to control the fire and save life and property.
He quelches a baze in the bedroom ~ and the the the kitchen flames up ~ ops ! greese fire ~ need a different tool! ~ then it the roof! ~ where is the ax and 2 inch hose?
Then the bedroom has flamed up again! ~ get out the big hose! ~ I think it started here! in the bedroom , this body lotion ~" Love Potion #9 acted as an excelerent and must have bazed up?
There will always be problems to overcome ~ Co dependence is teamwork fighting the fires of life.
But if you don't know how to follow ~ you can't lead ~ so it's , a matter of ~ lead, follow or get out of the way of folks who can ~ Dance | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/18/2008 9:18:15 AM |
But if you don't know how to follow ~ you can't lead ~ so it's , a matter of ~ lead, follow or get out of the way of folks who can
That's a great point Dar. Often thought if more girls played team sports as children they would learn this lesson earlier in life.
BTW I believe you mean inter-dependence, not co-dependence. Co-dependence has come to mean an unhealthy over-dependenc on each other. The type of team work you describe - which I agree with - is inter-dependence. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/18/2008 1:43:38 PM | thanks Margo ~ you are a precious one ~
another nice thing about having a good woman around ~ they can save you some embrassment ~ when they have a better grip then you do and offer kind correction, Dance | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/18/2008 1:51:29 PM | I'm independant IE: I can go out and do something on my own...
BUT it's always more fun doing things with other people than strictly by yourself. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/18/2008 1:52:02 PM |
when they have a better grip then you do and offer kind correction.
Ha haha, like when you are holding hands in a group conversation and all of a sudden she cinches down on her grip so hard that you want to scream bloody murder? That is a good way for her to let ya know that it is time to shut up and let her take over the conversation. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/23/2008 10:34:32 AM | I’ve read through most of this thread and thought I’d share my own interpretation of independent.
Independence is not cold or aloof, it doesn’t mean not wanting another person, it means that, when necessary, you can stand on your own 2 feet. It means that you are strong enough to handle life’s struggles on your own if need be. But it doesn’t mean that you WANT to handle those struggles alone, that sometimes you want someone to be able to take the world off your shoulders a bit. An independent woman is also capable of being there for someone else when they struggle, and shoulder their burdens for them instead of just sapping all their strength with her own needs, two people who can rely on each other whenever each one needs it. Independence is inner strength.
For me, independence doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be taken care of by someone, it just means that I can take care of you sometimes, too. Chivalry and tenderness can still make a girl’s heart melt. But while you’re making my knees weak, don’t assume that makes me a weaker, more dependant person. Independent means I can live without you if I must, it doesn’t mean that I may never want to be without you again! A person can be independent and still love someone completely and passionately.
And, lastly, independence doesn’t mean that a person won’t need to reply on others at certain times of their lives. I am still very independent but it doesn’t mean I didn’t necessarily need my friends to hold my head above water when my fiancé, after 8 ½ total years together, had an affair with one of my best friends. (Being independent, BTW, also meant knowing my way around home repairs to change the locks on MY house the day I confronted him and kicked his sorry butt out!) It was their perseverance and my independent nature and inner strength that got me out of bed and back into the world again. Make sense?
And independence doesn’t mean that someone can’t also be fragile and sensitive at times. Replying to a wonderfully nice email and then not getting a response before deleting off when I was just reaching out for some conversation and friendship can really hurt someone’s feeling. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 7/14/2008 11:43:25 PM | I think just because we ARE something doesn't necessarily mean we want to keep it that way 
I am a single parent of 2, 1 of whom is autistic and I own my own business...I have no choice but to be independant (not complaining) but it would be nice to share my life with someone else and have them share theirs with me... I would trade independance for some interdependance anytime, but it is good to know that each person can hold their own if they have to.. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 7/14/2008 11:57:55 PM | | What i mean by independent is that i have always supported myself and raised my children alone,without having to rely on anyone else | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 7/15/2008 1:21:12 PM | | it means I support myself and hope to meet someone on the way to spend life with. Most men (so I hear) do not want a gold digger. So, if a woman comes along (such as myself) who pays my own bills, holds down a job and goes to College, it simply means I am able to take care of myself. Maybe look for someone to take care of if you do not like self sufficiant women. :) | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 7/15/2008 5:32:33 PM | being independent means that we don't NEED certain things. That doesn't mean that we don't value someone's company and WANT a partner for whatever relationship.
Nutt | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 7/16/2008 4:12:35 AM |
(ChocolateNutt) being independent means that we don't NEED certain things. That doesn't mean that we don't value someone's company and WANT a partner for whatever relationship.
Great Ceasar's ghost, are we going to go through THIS again?!?
Look, the "need/want" nonsense is precisely that: nonsense. And, it's offensive to boot. Give it a rest.
Arlo  | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 7/16/2008 4:16:45 AM | Because you can and do pay your way - because your with someone as you want to love them - not the support they supply.
Because you know love Is everything and you are here for love - not the need to use the best In the last six weeks as we cant support ourselves... that IS why we are here!! | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:11:40 AM | Troutman: what's offensive is not my stating my feelings and intentions, but your need to be rude just because you disagree with a comment. I answered the question asked according to my own personality and what I am looking for in a partner.
I have changed my own toilet, maintained my vehicle, gardened, worked fulltime, paid my own bills, raised a child, etc on my own. I enjoy being a capable person. What I'm looking for is a companion to enjoy life with, not to pay my way or cause me to become a person who can't put up a window blind on my own. I can't imagine how you can possibly find that offensive!
Take a few breaths before you type or maybe an anger management course.
Nutt | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 7/16/2008 11:14:32 AM | I really don't see any relationship between being independant and wanting to date someone. I consider myself independant, and I'm here....but I'm not looking for someone to depend on, or (egads!) who will depend on me. I'm just looking for a date.
I guess I just don't really understand your way of thinking on this matter. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 7/16/2008 2:48:17 PM |
(ChocolateNutt) Troutman: what's offensive is not my stating my feelings and intentions, but your need to be rude just because you disagree with a comment. I answered the question asked according to my own personality and what I am looking for in a partner.
As is your right, of course. As it is my right to tell you that it's rude and offensive.
I actually appreciate it, in hindsight, when a woman feels the need to go on at length about the "need/want" crap: it's a big red flag, and a sign not to waste any time on her.
I have changed my own toilet, maintained my vehicle, gardened, worked fulltime, paid my own bills, raised a child, etc on my own. I enjoy being a capable person.
That's not what I take issue with, and I suspect you know it. It's this INSISTENCE that (some) women have on making sure that THEIR definition is the ONLY one that's going to be heard in the relationship.
Take a few breaths before you type or maybe an anger management course.
Instead of reacting so negatively to a different viewpoint, you may wanna revisit your insistence on being right about the "need/want" nonsense.
Or you can, you know, keep on insisting that you're RIGHT. Stock up on cat food while you're at it...
Arlo | |
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