| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 1:17:49 PM | There is a difference between walking beside someone and trying to occupy the same space. If independence is mentioned on the profile they may have encountered guys that have the syndrome that they think every woman is looking for a free ride or they may have had a controlling X that didn't want an independent woman.
As in most cases, it is best to find out why that is on the profile. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 1:21:46 PM | I think that there are a lot of women that don’t really know what it means, per say, but go with it because they feel that that is how they are supposed to be.
Independent is not depending upon another for ones own value.
Dependent is relying on someone else for support.
Interdependent is mutually depending on each other.
Independent is a good quality, but most people are not really independent. Inside of a relationship, insistence of independence can be a bad thing. It makes the other feel left out and unwanted. Regardless of the words used to say otherwise.
What I think that some fail to realize is that a person does not need to be independent or dependent, each of themselves anyways. Interdependence in a relationship is near mandatory for a healthy relationship.
Independence does not mean equal and will often cause an emotional wedge in a relationship. If there were no need in a relationship, then there would be no need for a relationship, and then we would not be here on POF looking for one. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 1:28:32 PM | We "want" a man, don't "need" one. We don't need for you to call us every time you go to the bathroom. We aren't clingy, we can make our own living, want to be appreciated for who we are. As another poster said, we want an equal who will walk beside us, not in front or behind.  | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 1:30:01 PM | Oh god you men take things so literally
Look at this laterally - what she is saying is, she ain't needy, clingy, desperate for a man to pay her bills. She can support herself.
What she is here for is a real man, a man who wants to have a relationship with a grown up lady with cash in her pocket and a brain in her head.
THERE YOU GO MEN, HOWS THAT FOR A REPLY?? xx
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 1:36:19 PM |
Independent? Means she does not expect you to pay her bills, solve her problems or be her Daddy. She is mature, responsible and self supporting. Her life is in order and all she wants from a relationship is love. It does not mean she will not need you, respect you , or treat you as a partner in life. But there are far too many women out there looking for a meal ticket and far too many men that wanta gal to treat him like the boss.
Yeah.... What Carolann said.... | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 2:02:23 PM |
we want an equal who will walk beside us, not in front or behind.
That would be nice, but is it realistic? I don’t really go for that want vs. need bit though.
What she is here for is a real man, a man who wants to have a relationship with a grown up lady with cash in her pocket and a brain in her head.
There it is with the ‘real man’ bit again. Can we come up with something a little more tactful? Every time I hear a woman use that terminology, I get a sense that she is vengeful and is lashing out.
I agree that a woman that can manage a budget and has her wits about her is a very attractive concept. Honor and integrity are also very admirable. Maybe I am living in the wrong town, but I don’t meet many women that are this way, at least without becoming spiteful in the process. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 2:11:23 PM | Christ on a cracker! Hasn't this been done to death yet?
They're saying they're independent... self-reliant... can't be bought... don't give a d*** about all you've managed to amass, don't want a cut, and probably don't want to share theirs with you either.
Since when must one be dependent in order to date? How does one's dependency factor into watching a movie, eating dinner, taking a walk in the park, etc? For that matter, when did dating become a search for a copilot in "this journey called life"? You don't even know if you have the same freaking destination as someone else. Lighten up! Some people prefer to live alone but still have a pulse and enjoy the occassional companionship of the opposite sex. Excuse the h*** out of them for not having the same goals and motives as you. If words like "independent" soften your wood or trigger feelings of inadequacy then move on. We don't expect for all men to be interchangable. Please provide us with the same courtesy. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 2:20:31 PM | OP,
Poor baby, nobody explained it to you since women began voting waaaay back in the ice age.
Independent is opposite of NEEDY.
It's a woman who won't use you for your money, won't use you for what you may think you have or own.
She wants you just for you, warts and all. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 2:37:14 PM | John Donne writes, "No man is an island."
All of us are dependent--or rely--on other people in one form or another. We are humans and humans are pack animals. Some of us are lone wolves part of the time, but a person who can truly have good mental health and not feel the lack of companionship is rare.
I am independent, but I do not live in a vacuum. I have needs and wants that are best (and sometimes can only) be accommodated with the help of others. To be blunt, an example is that I can masturbate, but I like sex with another person. I can mow the lawn, eat out by myself, take a walk alone, make enough money to pay my bills, and though I don't change my tires or work on my car, I can pay someone do so for me.
That doesn't mean that I want to be bereft of company. I like companionship; I like to be around people of likemind; I like to get together with my friends for lunch or dinner; and someday, I will want to live with a man again.
When I find this man, he will not place restrictions on me such as where I go or whom I see, nor I on him. He will not patronize me, and I will not expect him to pay my car insurance.
What do I expect? Fidelity, trust, friendship, conversation, regular sex, and sharing those things I now do alone, but when I say, "I need time alone," he will not feel hurt. I expect that he will share my sorrows and joy as I will share his.
Independence doesn't mean pushing people away; it doesn't mean separating from other humans. In a relationship, it means having mutual respect for the abilities and wishes of our partners. It means not dominating him/her, and on the flip side, not expecting him/her to provide for ALL monetary matters or to make decisions for us.
Is that enough explanation? | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 2:57:51 PM |
I don’t really go for that want vs. need bit though.
Ok, then approach the needy. It may work out well if both parties are on the same page, or it will be a smothering experience. Have fun! | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 3:02:08 PM | We state that we are independent because we have been conditioned by men to give that response. No we are not Pavlov's dogs but dangerously similar! We have heard numerous times that you don't like women who are clingy, needy or insist upon being with you every moment of the day, so this has become our banner statement.
I would not presume to speak for any other woman than myself when I say that yes, I am independent in that I do not need you to validate me, or supply my source of self esteem. I make a good enough income that I can take care of myself with no help from you. However, I am very dependent upon a man for companionship, intimate sexual relations and yes......to warm my feet in the winter! And okay, I am terrible at home repair so if you have a tool belt, then that is a plus in more ways than one.
Technology has supplied us with various "toys" to help us maintain sexual independence also but again, speaking only for myself, I will always be dependent upon a man for true satisfaction of all my senses.
Does that clear it up for you baby? | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 3:09:11 PM |
I don’t really go for that want vs. need bit though. Ok, then approach the needy. It may work out well if both parties are on the same page, or it will be a smothering experience. Have fun!
Miss W - all humans have needs for companionship/love/sex and beyond. You are confusing a very normal human need with neediness... they are VERY different things. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 4:02:52 PM | I have a want and a need for a woman. I do fine by myself, but there is not a day that goes by that I don’t notice that there is not a woman there by my side. Honestly, I would rather be with a woman that were a bit clingy over a woman that were insistent on her independence. If I were in a room with a woman that I loved, I would rather be touching in some way than not. Would that make me a clingy person? Maybe. It is all a personal view. I am also not out to prove myself, I already know that I can make it on my own. I also know that I would rather not.
I agree with ItsMargo, all humans have needs for companionship/love/sex and beyond. I can admit that without taking personal offence. I would also not be offended if a woman wanted to smother me with her love for me. I am a man and I can take it, and return it with a smile. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 4:31:14 PM | Independent simply means the woman is quite capable of looking after herself. She pays her own bills, looks after her own well-being, as do I.
It means she is not looking for a meal ticket and can pay her own way in a relationship.
This is the type of woman I seek, a woman who doesn't NEED to be with me, but CHOOSES to be with me for who I am, not what I can buy for her.
Many men believe a woman can be bought with fancy cars, holidays and trinkets, and there are many women that buy into that scene and don't really have any affection for the men themselves, just the things they buy for them and the lifestyle they provide.
This is especially prevalent when the gap between rich and poor is huge, like where I'm living. Plenty of women prepared to sell themselves to hook up with a 'rich' westerner.
This is not a relationship, it's a business proposition, and many people settle for this luxurious emptiness.
So give me a gorgeous independent woman anyday, I already have dependants anyway, my 3 beautiful sons, and that's quite enough. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 4:40:13 PM |
So what gives with listing independent? What are you really saying? > maculon
I have thought about this, too. I have never heard of a man using the word 'independent' to describe himself. It seems to originate with women, for some reason. All these independent women, eh?
- Soul Union | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 5:19:04 PM | | So it springs//// Soul Union says what nobody else dared. It's a woman word. I've never heard a man use the term either, just more fodder but true point................ | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 5:29:16 PM |
Sometimes they say in dependant, what they mean is self reliant
And, that's it exactly. Women don't understand the difference between self-reliance and independence. My ex claims she's independent, but collects money from me every month.
BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig difference between self-reliant and independent.
I haven't read more than a few posts, but the women are already warbling about 'want vs. need'...
.... friggin' hilarious.
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 5:35:33 PM |
Independent simply means the woman is quite capable of looking after herself.
Exactly. WANTING to be with somebody, and NEEDING to be with somebody, are two different things. It's very possible to want something but not need it. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 5:48:59 PM |
So what gives with listing independent? What are you really saying?
i have been wondering if it puts men off if u say you are independent.
stating you like diy, you like working, and providing for your kids, and dont need any help with running your house. its cool cs u dont have to thank anybody.
hahahah, what is wrong with wanting a guy just for yourself, for the me time ;o). he dosnt have to do anything, just being there is nice ;o) | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 5:55:38 PM | | Independent people date, have long term relationships...some even get married. So why wouldn't they be here? It's not as though one cancels out the other. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 6:01:08 PM |
So it springs//// Soul Union says what nobody else dared. It's a woman word. I've never heard a man use the term either, just more fodder but true point................
Oh puleez!! What was so uber incredible about what SU said?!? Just because he claims it's a woman's word??
Men don't HAVE to use it because they're not put on the defensive.... "Golddigger", "Sugar Daddy", etc.....
Pathetic, I know.
A woman that puts that term out there is doing so out of pride for herself. She's telling you
that you need not worry about her sponging off you or needing you to come to her rescue.
Kudos to her and PFFFFT on the semantics of it all. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 6:02:46 PM | do you have kids with your ex-wife, captaino blaugh??? i'll bet you do or else the court wouldn't have ORDERED you to pay child support!!! do you expect your ex-wife to raise the kids AND pay 100% of the bill???? are you that much of a spineless wimp?
this is why women say they are independant. it is because men **** and **** and **** when they have to pay there OWN share, let alone anyone elses. most men are totally stingy when it comes to money and they **** about it constantly like this idiot-captaino self centered stingy whatever. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 6:12:40 PM | | look, we use that word because men **** and **** and **** if you pay for anything!!!!. you don't want to pay child support or anything else-even if you make 4 times as much money as us!!! we get sick of hearing it, so we say that to shut you up. i personally want a guy who can fork out some money and make my life easier, because the ones who don't/won't are self centered stingy **stards, not worth my time or trouble. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/10/2008 6:14:30 PM | So would you be comefortable with someone taking over your life telling you what to do, say or wear. Being independant is a way of saying you are a grown up and have your own life.
Too many men want little girls to dominate, or control. By putting independant in the profile is a way of trying to let them know to move on. | |
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