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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/12/2008 2:27:56 PM | Boy oh boy, I'll bet you get a lot of response on this thread. . LOL
Your just a little to good at pushing buttons. Maybe no one will care. Who knows.
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13ubba
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Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 127 | |
| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/12/2008 2:36:15 PM | | If your not in need of a partner, why are you here listing yourself as such? Makes no sense. Just another avenue to attract men then reject them before they even get your name. Way too common in here. Too many man-haters. 8 out of 10 women on here stereotype men before they take the time for introductions, all based on previous experiences. But they all say they want a real man. Who is to get the chance to prove themselves? | |
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13ubba
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Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 128 | |
| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/12/2008 2:38:32 PM | | If they want LOVE, that involves sharing all of the above as well. And in order to make that happen, there has to be an initial level of trust. But thats not possible because of the wall of stereotypes the majority of women carry against men. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/12/2008 2:38:50 PM | Isn't being independent a good thing? I looked at the Webster's Dictionary for a suitable definition. It is a desirable quality to have for man or woman.
Main Entry:
1in·de·pen·dent Listen to the pronunciation of 1independent
Pronunciation:
\ˌin-də-ˈpen-dənt\
Function:
adjective
Date:
1611
1: not dependent: as a (1): not subject to control by others : self-governing (1): not requiring or relying on something else : not contingent (2): not looking to others for one's opinions or for guidance in conduct (3): not bound by or committed to a political party c (1): not requiring or relying on others (as for care or livelihood)
showing a desire for freedom | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/12/2008 2:43:48 PM | if i'm independant, why am i here?
becuz I have an independent mind but my heart is not. It longs for connections, for care, love, all the emotions that it feels. Guys often see the independent surface, not the deep emotions, there's an expectation to be strong and independent, I have no problem doing that. But, that scares many away.
I live alone and independently, I do my own things, at my own timing, often my mind may tell me that I don't need a man since I can do 'all' things. But my heart seeks to be involved emotionally, I tried silencing it by getting involved in the community, volunteering with kids, old people, homeless people etc, but it is not the same.
Most people try to matter to somebody, that's why we seek out for somebody whether we are independent or not. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/12/2008 2:45:20 PM | once upon a time i was co-dependent. since becoming single i have unwittingly been forced to become independent. being independent has no correlation as to why I am here.
becoming so independent is not something i can say I totally like or totally want - but i had no choice.
so for me being independent means I have to do many things relating to my family and myself by myself, otherwise we would have crumbled and we would have lost our enthusiasm for life.
the same goes for some males i would suspect. they too are independent in lots of ways. some cope better than others.
so why are you here??! | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/12/2008 2:47:59 PM | | Autumn Dancer, it doesn't matter much to me, you see I'm an "independent thinker", not an independent bachelor, and besides, myself included, I think many people actually learned from this thread. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/12/2008 2:53:58 PM | "A person who's always stating that he's no fool, usually has his doubts."
(Sin City Girl) Wow! Are you serious? A woman who states she is independent is just that. She is capable emotionally, financially, and physically of taking care of herself, and I would think that is what most reasonable men would desire!...
How quickly would you respond to a message left by a woman whose profile said [b}
"I am a hot mess......Emotionally needy, psychologically distraught, finanacially in ruins, and must constantly must be reminded that this is the only body I have and that I shouldn't treat it like I can get a new one every other week. I love shopping, and my credit card bills would give Bill Gates a stroke. Can you fix me, or at the very least take care of me and my problems? Please message me and let me know what you can do for ME, ME, ME."
So, a woman is EITHER independent (and constantly goes on about it at great length, and in excruciating detail, just so no one EVER forgets), OR she's a complete financial and emotional disaster? There's no middle ground?
So you're "independent". Big whoop. Want a medal? It's like bragging that your car has wheels. Having all your ducks in a row is not some sort of special accomplishment: it's something that's expected of all reasonably-functioning adults. 
Get on your knees and thank your lucky stars if you are ever forunate enough to meet an independent woman with whom you have chemistry. Then your relationship is based on mutual respect and desire and not a quicksand pit of neediness and control.
How about a relationship based on NOT being constantly clubbed over the head with your SO constantly reminding you, at length and in great detail, just how lucky you are to have her, because she's "independent"? 
Arlo  | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/12/2008 2:58:55 PM |
Life of Leisure: "You're making it sound like you're doing us some big favor by being (mainly) financially independent, and expect admiration and brownie points at the same time as we cower from you. This is a rather difficult mix for most guys to negotiate. "...A woman who is needy"... is that the same as one who requires a man to pursue and do the asking out and the paying? Ha!"
(Sabrosura) Out of curiousity, as I just read Sin City's response to this thread. Why are you interpretting this response as if she is stating that being financially independent is doing a man a "favor", etc........? lol A woman surely does not want admiration from a man because of this.
*shrug* If a man or a woman doesn't want kudos for something, s/he wouldn't bring it up. Specific to this topic, a lot of women DO bring up the "independent" angle; obviously, they DO want recognition for it.
Arlo | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/12/2008 6:02:03 PM | Arlo Troutman: It's not about wanting "kudos", it's about describing oneself to a potential suitor.
If I state that I am a loyal, possess a good sense of humor, and other attributes that some have....does this also mean that I want "admiration"? Or giving another an insight of my character? 
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/12/2008 6:22:53 PM | (Sabrosura) Arlo Troutman: It's not about wanting "kudos", it's about describing oneself to a potential suitor.
If I state that I am a loyal, possess a good sense of humor, and other attributes that some have....does this also mean that I want "admiration"? Or giving another an insight of my character?
As the Spartan king said to the envoy from Athens: "You raise a good topic, but your timing is not good." There's a time and a place for EVERYTHING; conversely, there's times when it's NOT a good idea to bring certain things up. Many people are under the impression that they need to disclose EVERYTHING IMMEDIATELY: fact is, there's no such need. F'r instance, if I mentioned that I have genital warts in my profile? Not gonna get a whole lot of dates. Not even coffee meets. In fact, I'd be willing to lay some serious coin that people would stop reading my profile right there. OTOH, I think it's generally agreed that it'd be a good idea to mention it to someone I'm about to get sexually active with.
Fact is, most guys don't CARE about your financial status; at least, not initially. Most guys would like to, y'know, MEET, and be able to make up their OWN minds about whether or not a given woman is a "good deal" or a "bad deal". Actual MEETS is where you do your preliminary screening, NOT on your profile.
What a lot of women seem not to be understanding (to be fair, it hasn't really been said), is that "independence", in and of itself, is not a bad thing. But, enough men are wary of a woman who makes a big deal out of it because they know that there's a likely correlation between a woman who stresses her "independence" often, and a woman who'll harangue you about OTHER things.
I thought the ultimate goal here was to meet someone. If enough people tell you that a given phrasing puts them on the defensive and makes them not wanna meet, you can either tell them why they're stoopid for feeling that way, or you can say, "Gee, maybe they have a point. Maybe there's another way to convey the same message without sounding brash and shrieky." (EDIT: NOT saying that the "independence" thing sounds brash and/or shrieky).
Arlo | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/12/2008 6:30:22 PM |
So what gives with listing independent? What are you really saying?
Independence has nothing to do with gettin' sum...............;) | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/12/2008 7:36:48 PM | Arlo: You are comparing disclosing GENITAL WARTS to a characteristic?! ROTFLMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....Not even worthy of a debate.
Best,
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/12/2008 7:57:14 PM |
So what gives with listing independent? What are you really saying?
Anybody remember who wrote that statement...lol. There it is folks, the very original question the OP asked....and look where we are now. People twisting other peoples words to their liking (mine included).
The beauty of online words....no emotion transmitted, no face to see when they "speak", etc.
If you take emotions out of the picture, there's two things i personally notice about this thread.
1) The women who actually answered the OP's original question have differing answers.
2) Men seem to be somewhat turned off (or get a negative vibe) from a woman inserting the word "independent" in her profile.
The problem with being online is that you have to write in great length if you want to clearly explain what it is that you mean (like my post in this thread), but most people try to shorten it up and don't necessarily explain everything.
So in that spirit, for the women in there who really want to share their lives with a man. If you're saying you are "independent" in the sense that you are self sufficient (as in i haven't died of starvation because i can cook for myself), then i would suggest omitting it, because it goes without saying. I just say that because i (and other men based on this thread) seem to read that as a woman having some kind of chip on her shoulder when they actually specify it on their profile.
For the women, I guess maybe do a search of other women on this site and read some profiles and make your own opinions.
FYI, i never said i don't speak with women who have that word on their profile...it just gives me a negative vibe....most of the time, but not always. Depends on what else is said. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/13/2008 12:56:35 AM | We're not done here yet?? This minor problem hasn't been solved yet?? Well,one more time I will TRY to clarify mine and some of the other women's intentions of such a word.I myself would never realize that so many people would take offense to the word "independent" this badly. If I had used that word in my description,I definitely am not asking for a pat on the back,but,expressing that I'm not seeking out for someone's wallet and for the most part take care of myself and my life.I don't believe people should have to waste space in their profiles to express a single word.Extremely long profile descriptions can be annoying.If a person wants to know what that word means to someone they are viewing, send a message and ask them. The only words I see now for some of us in this post is"CONFUSION OF THE GENDERS" lol! | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/13/2008 2:33:33 AM | I read the entire 6 pages.............whew!
I want more than anything, to be able to say, "I need you in my life".
I would love to be able to depend upon a SO to share my life with...........
and no, I've not had that kind of person in my life.
But I thought I did......
I'm paddling along, thinking everything is hunky dory........... sprang a leak in the boat the size of a baby's head, and shore was no where in sight.
He provided everything for me.
His idea.
His words; "My job is to make the money, your job is to spend it".
After I swam ashore, checked out the boat and my pockets, I knew I had to get independent again real fast.
My grandma used to say, life ain't forever.
And for me, forever had an expiration date.
To me it just seems important that I take care of myself, because I am dependable.
I can be counted on through thick and thin.
I want to mean the world to one person and visa versa.
Mutual dependence.....mutual everything.
I'm sure someone will say......ah ha, she's judging all by one one did.
Nope, I'm intelligent enough to know he was one person out of millions.
What I mentioned above is the road I traveled to get to where I am today.
History.......
Now I'm ready to make memories.
I do have a problem though.
Sometimes my hands work independently.
It seems to happen when someone says something ridiculous..........
it just takes off, with a mind of it's own, and whacks the person what said the ridiculous thing. 
If I said I needed you, would you stay?
And never, ever, go away?
ceeceekitty
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/13/2008 2:44:14 AM | | I think most men would want an independent woman. To me that would mean she can function just fine with or without me. I believe it is better to be wanted then to be needed. It's nice when people get together and each has their own life. Then the 2 can come together. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/13/2008 4:32:37 AM | (Sabrosura) Arlo: You are comparing disclosing GENITAL WARTS to a characteristic?! ROTFLMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....Not even worthy of a debate.
Uhm, yah.
You can either listen to what's being said, or you can mock the words used to convey an idea, and pat yourself on the back for being "clever", while learning nothing.
Arlo | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/13/2008 7:26:07 AM |
I think most men would want an independent woman. To me that would mean she can function just fine with or without me. I believe it is better to be wanted then to be needed. It's nice when people get together and each has their own life. Then the 2 can come together.
Exactly! Nice that someone gets it. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/13/2008 7:56:05 AM | notlookingback : "I think most men would want an independent woman. To me that would mean she can function just fine with or without me. I believe it is better to be wanted then to be needed. It's nice when people get together and each has their own life. Then the 2 can come together."
Glad to see/read that our words were not in vain!!
You Rock! 
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/13/2008 9:15:57 AM | | Thank You. I just call it as I see it. I do not want to be hooked at the hip. Nor do I want a partner that falls apart, if I am not there. I will do all I can for them, but independence is awesome. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/13/2008 9:19:55 AM | | Well when I use the word independent to describe myself it means. I have a good job I can support myself. I have a car. Im not looking for a man for there money because I have that all covered on my own. It means I rather want a man than need one sorta thing if that answers the question. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:34:42 AM | | the words "independent woman/man" is nothing more than the latest catch phrase. its something that people say over and over like some kind of mantra. who are you trying to convince me or you? | |
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