| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/14/2008 5:00:56 AM | Is it me or is it plain odd so many women list independent as one of their traits? I mean, isn’t independent the opposite of being dependent?
you need to learn what independant means. I dont have that in my profile myself. however independant means we can make our own living ...we dont need a man money for that. Now just becuase a woman is independant does not mean she dont want a man in her life to share her life with. Should we not look to date simply because we are independant? that makes no sense wahtsoever. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/14/2008 5:19:31 AM |
(PretaPorter) I saw a man carrying TWO babies the other day, one on the front in a sling and one on the back in a baby carrier. He was also carrying a huge picnic basket up a steep hill.
He wasn't smiling much.
Maybe he was Russian? Unlike North Americans, Russians don't smile to be pleasant: they only smile when there's something specific to be happy about.
Arlo  | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/14/2008 5:23:24 AM | (kittenshere41) you need to learn what independant means.
And, you need to learn that we KNOW what it means, Mrs. Miriam-Webster.
however independant means we can make our own living ...we dont need a man money for that.
And, when are YOU going to learn, that most men DON'T CARE about your financial status, at least not initially? By putting "independent" in their profiles, most women may THINK that they're reassuring those few men who have the willies that all women are gold-diggers, but they're blithely unaware of (or just DON'T CARE about) how it's perceived by MOST men.
Meh. I'm reminded of something I read when I was a kid: "You can't please everyone, and after a point, you should just stop trying!" You wanna (try to) reassure one man, while making 99 cautious? Hey, be my guest. The question was asked, and men OVERWHELMINGLY answered that they are at least hesitant when a woman feels the need to tout her "independence". Result? Most women (with a few exceptions) maintain that it's the right phrasing to use, and MEN have a problem with understanding the word. Again, most men's understanding is just peachy, thanks.
Arlo  | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/14/2008 6:14:19 AM | | I stand by post 176. I dont get his point. if a woman is independant are we not allowed to date or what??? he wants to know why we are here if we are indepantant. I have seen men say that too. but I dont question why they are here if they are independant. Just because we can support ourself he wnats to know what we are doing ina dating site. well we all want love in our lives. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/14/2008 7:06:02 AM | "Independent? Means she does not expect you to pay her bills, solve her problems or be her Daddy. She is mature, responcible and self supporting. Her life is in order and all she wants from a relationship is love. It does not mean she will not need you, respect you , or treat you as a partner in life. "
Great explaination .... my interpretation when I use the word. Just because we are single and independant doesn't mean we are desperate and looking to get laid.
"But there are far too many women out there looking for a meal ticket and far too many men that wanta gal to treat him like the boss"
I hear ya sister..... but don't forget the men looking for SEX not a relationship. How many gals have been propositioned within the first paragraph of communicating? | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/14/2008 7:21:52 AM | I hear ya sister..... but don't forget the men looking for SEX not a relationship. How many gals have been propositioned within the first paragraph of communicating
how about the first sentence lol. it might go to a second sentence if ur lucky lol. men like that i dont waste my time on. its bye bye lol. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/14/2008 7:52:58 AM | (fishin gal) Great explaination .... my interpretation when I use the word.
That'd be a perfectly valid position, if you were dating yourself. I (perhaps wrongly) assume that you're looking to date OTHERS, so you might want to at least give some consideration to what others think about when they see/hear that, instead of taking the "My definition is the ONLY one!" line.
"But there are far too many women out there looking for a meal ticket and far too many men that wanta gal to treat him like the boss"
I don't want to date gold-diggers. Many women don't want to date control-freak horn-dawgs. So, why the assumption that the majority of women are gold-diggers, or the majority of men are control-freak horn-dawgs? The only thing you can say is, the majority of men and women insist on writing their profiles to attract the sort of people they don't want to date.
Ah, well. People are allowed to be as miserable and lonely as they want. Me, I'd rather appeal to people I LIKE.
I hear ya sister..... but don't forget the men looking for SEX not a relationship. How many gals have been propositioned within the first paragraph of communicating?
*shrug* You make it sound like sex, and the desiring thereof, is a bad thing.
Arlo | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/14/2008 8:11:17 AM | | arlo you are definately a weird one. no offense but can u tell me what ur defination of independant is? I do not understand ur way of thiking at all. please define your defination of independant so maybe we can understand what on earth u are talking aobut. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/14/2008 8:17:45 AM | | Independany usually means 1 of 2 things. she has a career and can pay her own bills or She is the nutzo type that gets offended at a man paying for dinner ebcuase she is some qwhacked out feminazi. But its usually the former and not the latter. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/14/2008 8:36:49 AM | Thanks for the nice words ladybugg ( your posts are a riot btw) and translation...
It sometimes feels like I'm tilting at windmills around here?..lol
zangie | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/14/2008 8:52:52 AM | I would never put it in my profile but that is a word that is used to describe me often. It can hinder a relationship and bruise a mans ego. Maybe that is why some of us our here. It takes a very strong man to deal with a capable woman. Not too many strong men left....
I dont need you to change my flat tire!
I dont need you to fix my leaky pipes!
I dont need you to pay my bills!
I dont need you to cut my grass!
I dont need you to change my oil!
I dont need you to get an orgasm!
Those are all things I can do all by my big girl self so if I have a man in my life it is for the simple pleasure of his company.
I am so tired of telling a man lefty loosie righty tighty...really does take away from the sex appeal...
Can you cook and clean and iron? Those are the mindless jobs I NEED help in | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/14/2008 8:58:32 AM | Well, independence does NOT mean you are a cold hearted b1tch who does not desire companionship! ;)
It means that she can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan...she can swing a wrench when the toilet needs repair or dial up 411 for a plumber...she can check the fluids in her car or at least remember she needs to have Firestone check it, without a man telling her so....she mows her lawn, she repairs the falling siding...she is not looking for a mate to ease finances or to make things easier on herself....
Independence...she is here in hopes that someone might catch her eye who can stimulate her intellectually and appreciate her for who she is. :) | |
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l3sl3y
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Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 189 | |
| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/14/2008 9:14:27 AM | by saying I am independant I am saying I don't NEED a man in my life to be happy. I don't NEED to be part of a couple to feel complete.
I don't NEED a man to pay my bills and provide for me or, as I am more than capable of supporting myself.
I am not looking for a meal ticket, a father for my kids, a carer or a crutch to help me "cope" with life.
I would however like to meet a man that I can share life with, and who treats me as an equal not as a dependant | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/14/2008 9:57:22 AM | This thread seems to be talking about independence and dependence on quite a few different levels. Perhaps most of us can't be categorized so easily. Very few and probably nobody is completely independent. Very few and probably nobody is entirely dependent. Almost all (I hate to speak in absolutes) people, both men and women, are interdependent in many, many ways. We all need other people in our lives for very many things.
How that interdependence plays out and what level of dependence/independence is attractive in a mate will vary considerably from person to person. Some men, for example, may find a woman who needs help with home repairs or changing her oil to be attractive, Personally at my point in life I would prefer a woman who is more independent in all of the practical stuff of life. I can take care of earning my own money, paying my own bills, cooking my own food, and all of the other necessities of life (though even here I am not really independent--I rely on a mechanic to fix my car-but I don't need a significant other to do it for me). I suspect this is what most women mean when they state that they are independent.
On the other hand I don't want to be in a relationship with somebody who doesn't need me in some very real and profound ways to find emotional fulfillment. Again this could be a long and nuanced discussion with lots of variations. I wouldn't want to be with a woman who had to have a man to be fulfilled. Many of our emotional needs can and should be fulfilled in other ways, through friendships and other connections. I would not want to be with somebody who was so emotionally crippled that they were desperate enough to have somebody that they would take anybody. Iit would be unhealthy to be entirely dependent on one other person to fulfill all our emotional needs. At some deep level I long to eventually find somebody who is dependent upon me walking in the room to make her heart faster and to find the deep joy and happiness that comes with a truly healthy loving relationship. I want to be dependent on somebody else in that way as well. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/14/2008 11:36:28 AM | Just curious if the men on this thread (including the OP) who have issues with a woman claiming to be independent, consider themselves to be dependent?
Women have been historically ridiculed for being materialisticly dependent on men and have been placed in a very precarious and life-threatening position in past decades when well-paying jobs were simply not available to them. As well, their children have been at risk when the men they have depended on withdrew their financial support unexpectedly and without warning.
However, women want men for that close bond, emotionally and spiritually that occurs in a healthy relationship, as the above poster stated.
At some deep level I long to eventually find somebody who is dependent upon me walking in the room to make her heart faster and to find the deep joy and happiness that comes with a truly healthy loving relationship. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/14/2008 12:07:40 PM | | Men, as a general rule, don't walk around saying they are independent; the proclamation is almost always a female thing. And some (certainly not even close to many as far as I can tell) women do mean something other than self-reliant. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/14/2008 12:37:19 PM | AMEN BROWOLF!!! No one has looked up the definition of interdependence either...but I guess they would spin it according to their logic too...its ok to be independent and be here...WHY?? Because we can!
Not to be confused with interconnectivity or interconnectedness.
Interdependence~ is a dynamic of being mutually responsible to and sharing a common set of principles with others. This concept differs distinctly from "dependence" in that an interdependent relationship implies that all participants are emotionally, economically, and/or morally "interdependent." Some people advocate freedom or independence as a sort of ultimate good; others do the same with devotion to one's family, community, or society. Interdependence recognizes the truth in each position and weaves them together. Two people in a good relationship are said to be interdependent.It can also be defined as the interconnectedness and the reliance on one another socially, economically, environmentally and politically. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/14/2008 2:02:53 PM | browolf is not to be toyed with, he does present a fresh and unique perspective. Arlo does as well, but what is so ironic, now morphed into iconic is that the word is exlusively used by women. That's the only point that can't be reputed on this thread .
Me? And who cares what I think...Is I actually seek independence in women, independent thinker, independent spirit, independent of me, while she may be fully capable of flying solo, together our two independent souls merged, trump any solo traveler in all facets of life. So there, you may leave my sandbox now
Oh I had two immensely popular threads pulled yesterday and maybe OZ will read something into what I just wrote and yank this one as well, that would be wrong for this has been a rich thread.
Greg | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/14/2008 5:15:53 PM |
(kittenshere41) arlo you are definately a weird one.
That's what they tell me! 
no offense but can u tell me what ur defination of independant is? I do not understand ur way of thiking at all. please define your defination of independant so maybe we can understand what on earth u are talking aobut.
No offense taken!
I already done tole all y'all: "independent" is not, in and of itself, a bad thing. But, I've run into too many women who display deal-breaker behaviour, who ALSO make a big deal of making sure that I understand, ALL THE TIME, that they're "independent", and that it means what THEY say it means, and NOTHING ELSE.
I don't care about your bankbook; your stock portfolio; your house; or your car. I'm trying to connect with a PERSON, not a list of assets.
I'll repeat: men have TOLD you that the word "independent" is a sign to proceed with caution, largely because we perceive it as possibly portending a chip-on-shoulder attitude. The resp0nse, by and large? "You men are too stupid to understand what it means!" If we're so hopelessly dumb as to be turned off by a word that we lack the intelligence to understand anyway, why are you trying to date us?
Arlo | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/14/2008 5:21:40 PM |
(.Razzle.) Just curious if the men on this thread (including the OP) who have issues with a woman claiming to be independent, consider themselves to be dependent?
I can only speak for myself, but I have to say that, I have enough respect for the women I seek to date, to let them make up their own minds whether or not I'm a good match for them, and don't seek to throw a speed-bump into the mix before even the first meet.
Arlo | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/14/2008 5:34:45 PM |
(PretaPorter) It would seem that many women use the word 'independent' as a barrier to avoid possible heartbreak.
Yeah. They INTEND it to be a barrier against "possible heartbreak", but it just ends up being a BARRIER, period...
Arlo | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/14/2008 6:34:26 PM | It would seem that many women use the word 'independent' as a barrier to avoid possible heartbreak.
I agree, Preta. Many women do that, but not all of us. I consider myself to be independent, however I don't have that specific word in my profile. And to me, being independent doesn't mean I get offended if a man opens a door for me, pulls out a chair for me, offers to pay for a meal, offers his help to fix something that's broken, etc. It just means I'm capable of doing ok on my own, nothing more, nothing less. And I see no connection between being independent and being on this site, although I can see why men would question that in the case of women who use their independence as a manbat to keep anyone from getting too close.
For me, it simply means I don't give a rip about a man's wallet and I don't need him to cater to my every emotional need ~ I take care of myself. And as a woman who has been literally trapped in a very bad relationship because I was unable to support myself financially, this happens to be very important. Being self reliant is not synonymous with being a feminist or not wanting a life partner to love and be loved by.
Ultimately, I think it comes down to how a woman presents herself, how she comes across when communicating, and whether she uses her independence to push men away. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/15/2008 6:04:10 AM | | arlo, there is not much i can say for you other than dont let a womans ability to take care of herself worry you. you seem to assume the worse of a woman jsut becuase she is independant. its possilbe she mentions it becuase she doesnt wnat the man to think she is after his money as alot of women are these days. dont be so critical. | |
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