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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/15/2008 6:11:37 AM |
(stubblesux) It takes a very strong man to deal with a capable woman. Not too many strong men left....
What utter carp. Strong men are a dime a dozen. SMART men are just tired of being harangued.
Look: if you use a monkey wrench as a hammer, sooner or later you'll end up with a damaged, warped monkey wrench. Doesn't mean it wasn't a good, even GREAT, monkey wrench to start out with; just the constant abuse damaged it. Same with men (or any human being): subject him to abuse long enough, and he'll get damaged.
D'oh.
Arlo  | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/15/2008 6:18:50 AM | (kittenshere41) arlo, there is not much i can say for you other than dont let a womans ability to take care of herself worry you. you seem to assume the worse of a woman jsut becuase she is independant.
*sigh* Once again, with feeling...
I DON'T "assume the worse (sic) of a woman jsut (sic) because she is independant (sic)"; I don't assume the worst of anybody, period. However, if 99 women who have made a big deal* out of their "independence" also turned out to be unpleasant nags, then I'll probably conclude that the 100th is likely to exhibit the same behaviour.
Arlo
*mentioning "independence" is NOT "making a big deal" out of it; the question was asked about why a woman mentioning her independence is sometimes seen as a red flag, though, and I offered ONE POSSIBLE EXPLANATION for why this MIGHT be so. I don't speak for the Male Hive-Mind: my privileges were revoked, so now I'm just one lonely l'il worker-bee! | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/15/2008 7:34:32 AM | Maybe you should ask the men who have it in their profiles, "Seeking an independent woman who...." this question? Cause frankly, this thread seems to be doing little but irking the ladies who feel a need to somehow defend their independence.
Honestly...independence is too wide range of a thing to lump into a general category!
Former clients of mine (as a case manager) would define their independence with things that most of us would feel made us dependent...having a transportation service that picked them up for work or errands, so they did not have to have a family member transport them. Or having a home health aid come in to tend to their personal needs so that again, a family member did not have to assist them in degrading and demeaning tasks such as changing a colostomy bag, shaving them, etc. Or even volunteering their time 3 days a month, in the library...gave them a sense of independence.
Then you have the single mother. She raised or is raising her kids...is NOT looking for someone to play daddy or even be a male role model. Her work as a single parent is one she has adapted to and she does not want disrupted...but she still wants companionship.
Then their are the career women...who have worked hard climbing the corporate ladder and are proud of their accomplishments...maybe they stress their independence because they want to find their equal who is not threatened by the fact that she makes more money, owns a bigger house, etc??
My point is...independence has so many degrees of meaning....and whether someone finds it important enough or not, to mention in a profile...cannot exactly be lumped into ONE category.
It would be like trying to find out why some men have to display their naked chests or their vehicles?! | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:41:50 AM |
Strong men are a dime a dozen
let me be more specific...I was talking about mental strength when dealing with an independant woman. Maybe you broke to many boards with your head. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:02:12 AM | Why do men display naked chests; in mirrors, by their studly truck or the forever creepy.........at their computers?
Is this suppose to tell me some of y'all don't own any shirts or are nudist?
I've noticed the word, honesty, thrown about by many......and to date, saw not one example.
I admit my envy when I read the occasional, "I found my fish", and wonder why that can't happen to more of us.
I also wish to barf up my toe nails when I read, "looking for a simple woman".
There is no such thing as a simple woman, there is no manual..........work is required and lazy just won't get the job done.
Would it help if more women said they were real needy to the point of being clingy......and you'd have to peel me off you to go to the bathroom?
Or before going to work?
OK, I need someone to draw my bubble baths and open up the box of bon bons for me.
Cause I don't want to risk chipping or breaking a nail.
 So needy that I can't take an independent breath without you and when we're not together, you must call me at least twice an hour, so I know you're thinking about me.
No sugar, that's not happening.
What I need is for someone to accept me as me.
To share my life..........for you to share your life.
No keeping score or holding any grudges...........just holding me in your heart and in your arms.
Sharing little things that seem to have became big things, the older I've gotten.
Coffee together......giggles and whispers in the dark, even if it's about nonsense........
To celebrate each day if for no other reason than we woke up and are together.
As far as using the word dependent being used as a shield........I admit it.
Just like taking your finger and deliberately poking yourself in the eye........how smart would it be to continually do that?
FYI, I don't play in sandboxes.
I found out a long time ago, sandboxes, are cats favorite places to visit.
I prefer hot tubs. 
ceeceekitty | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:14:02 AM | Independent?
Means I can pay my own bills, solve my own problems & just get on with my life.
I DO NOT want a man to be my Daddy. I am mature, responsible and can support me and my daughter. I think/hope my life is in order!! lol All I want from a relationship is love and respect with no mind games thrown in. Money doesnt buy happiness | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/15/2008 1:28:23 PM | | Well my profile says I am fiercely independent. I will speak for myself. I mean that I have lived alone with my two children for sixteen years and in order to start a new life with someone, I would have to unlearn all the things I have learned in order to make room for a partner. For some people, that would be a plus, for others, well, if you have to ask the question.... I think that independence in my case is an asset for the most part. I think it also has its drawbacks. At least I am aware of that fact. Act. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/15/2008 6:48:18 PM |
(stubblesux) let me be more specific...I was talking about mental strength when dealing with an independant woman.
Well. I wasn't talking about guys who could bench 300 lbs either. There's a difference between an "indepandant" woman, and a chip-on-shoulder type. I thought we'd been over this. Exhaustively.
Maybe you broke to many boards with your head.
Only did that once. Got mono shortly thereafter. I'm almost certain the two weren't directly linked, by why anger the gawds needlessly?
Arlo | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:02:47 PM | | Independant doesn't mean you don't want or seek a relationship. It means that you want someone, but don't need them. Meaning, they don't need someone to take care of their life for them. They just want someone to share it with. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:33:10 PM | Ok lets try to put this in some terms so that the women won't be offended but will shead light on the matter. Often women that are proud of thier independance often come across with an advisarial quality to them. Like that song "anything you can do I can do better." Also, a real since of hatered towards men.Most men would rather bowe out of the fight before it begins. Don't get me wrong men love self seficiant women. A woman that has a strong work ethic and or is a great mother. That shows alot of good charactor. But what turns men off is the constent pounding of "look at me I can do all this without men. Who needs them anyways." In thier heart of hearts everyone wants to feel needed. Honestly ladies would you want to be with a man that doesn't need you just wants you whenever and however he sees fit. It doesn't feel very good to be an option when your making them a priority. And thats how some guys feel. "If I'm not wanted here why should I bother staying or even trying to be a part of her life."
Now before I get 50,000 messages telling me why I'm wrong or sexist or something or other. I'm just telling you how some independant women come across. And as humans we judge people based on our limited scope. Just like women asking as a whole why we feel like this. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:58:14 PM | I discovered something interesting tonight; very profound really. Since this thread started I have been brainstorming as to why some women do insist on independence. Then tonight I was thinking of just the words; dependent, interdependent, independent, and what’s next,,, interindependence.
I did a google of it and found that interindependence is where both persons in a couple maintain their independent abilities, and they ensure that the other maintains it as well. Kindalike safeguarding each other. Whereas the normal thoughts of a relationship is that one becomes more dominant and the other more passive on their roles as they become comfortable in the relationship.
Anywhosits, my research brought me to a very interesting website, near the top of the google search really. On this website there was a story that gave me a holycrapwhydidntIthinkofthatbefore reason as to why someone would need to insist on their independent status. The story was of a woman that was raped as a child. I think that that would be a very damn good reason; how else would one prevent themself from being preyed upon again?
The reason that I am shocked that I hadn’t clicked in my mind earlier in this thread is that that had happened to my last girlfriend. She wasn’t able to remember her early childhood, almost nothing before her teen years. She had hypnotherapy, memories came back, and had a fairly good emotional breakdown thereafter. I think of her and remember that she was always the independent type, and an awesome person.
On hearsay I had heard that the statistics is that one in four women are raped. I would not be surprised if this number were fairly accurate; I know that I meet very few men that are worth much in the area of moral consciousness.
It is a damn good reason to be proud of ones own independence. I also think that interindependence is a pretty fantastic way to go. Just like men don’t want to be dependent on others; why would a woman want that? Especially if both are to be fully able and capable adults. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 4:37:09 AM |
(smart-blonde) It means that you want someone, but don't need them.
For Dawg's sakes, let's not start with THIS nonsense again...
Arlo | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 4:44:50 AM | Great! You're indepedent, woopty-doo, you can cook your own meals and tie your own shoes!
I really don't know why some single women tend to break their arms, patting themselves on their back emphasizing on how they are "independent".
Guess what, I'm a single man, I'm independent as well! Woopty doo! Wouldn't single people of BOTH genders be independent, right?
It's actually expected. But, apparently, it's some kind of accomplishment with the women, should we congrats them on this?
Saying I'm an "Independent woman" is like saying, "I can walk and breathe", but actually I think they are pushing some kind of women's lib thing when they do this. Perhaps they are doing some ego stroking of their own "Yeah, a man can't handle my independence"
I never really saw the big deal about a woman's independence...what's all the hype about? They express it as if men can't handle it....I never saw how this could be a problem.
I'm a man...and I'm independent too...how bout me?? | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:22:20 AM | Jack most women are not. Most women rely on others for support. My sister in law could not function without her family. She is only on this earth to have babies and cook and clean. My other friend bed hops from man to man with the biggest wallet. My other friend goes man to mom. I am the only one I know that has raised my kids built businesses bought homes ALONE! I have supported my unemployed husband...moved across the country alone with kids. Started over with nothing and became successful again and again.
The men I know wont move because of "jobs, kids, older parents, etc." but its all excuses. They are all scared and envy me. They visit me and ask me weekly about my travels when they have never left their home state. Men are rarely independant.
I congrats you on yours. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:50:39 AM | Well, I would not agree with GentlemanJacks post, but I also believe that there are plenty of men who are independent as well. How about a happy medium between Jack and Stubble? ;) lol
Like Stub, I know women who could not function without a man in their lives. Actually, my oldest daughter is such...it is a constant source of disagreement between us. She has one child, my grandson...but has had three men in her life in the last 5 years. NEVER has she lived with only her child and her...always with a guy or a span of 7 months, with me. She relies on them for their home, transportation, a social life, etc and even financial support. The men she chooses, LIKE this sort of dependence on them, so it's not like a dishonest relationship...but it irks the heck outta me because I want her to know the gratification of relying only upon herself!
But Jack....while I agree that women fawn over their supposed independence more so than men, and it is more "expected" or "the norm" of men...I think a woman's independence can be defined MUCHO differently, than a man's. While there are men who are raising their children solo....it is more common amongst women. I think this is a huge aspect of "independence" because two people decided to bring these children into the world, yet one of them ended up raising/supporting them. And part of my independence is that I not only raised mine as a TRUE single parent...I did it successfully. I was literally their mother AND father...and I took on the roles of such, well.
And unfortunately, even in this day and age when it IS the "norm"....people still frown upon, or are surprised when they meet a woman who **gasp** has managed to purchase a home on her own (as opposed to obtaining one through a divorce settlement or similar), works however many jobs to maintain whatever her lifestyle is, and manages her independence without becoming a bitter person!
In other words, women have a harder time gaining independence...employers frown on it, financial institutions balk at it, landlords doubt it, mechanics try to take advantage of it, etc...so when a woman surpasses the obstacles of such, it IS more of an accomplishment. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:58:21 AM | ^^^That's true Harley Kat...how many men have gone to buy something major and had the salesperson ask when their wives will be along to complete the sale or sign or approve of the purchase?
Whereas most single women from time to time have been assumed a part of a couple where one's not there yet, after all, why else would a woman buy anything that major on her own? It implies we can't do that without a man to help us. It's getting better, but it still happens. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:11:51 AM | | Wanting somebody and needing somebody are two different things. I can pay my own bills, and look after my own home, but I still want someone to share my life with. I don't think that makes me any less independant, and it's just as true for women. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:18:29 AM |
And unfortunately, even in this day and age when it IS the "norm"....people still frown upon, or are surprised when they meet a woman who **gasp** has managed to purchase a home on her own (as opposed to obtaining one through a divorce settlement or similar), works however many jobs to maintain whatever her lifestyle is, and manages her independence without becoming a bitter person!
Well, this might explain why I have such a hard time understanding some women's fierce stance on independence. I've only experienced this when I bought my first house in my twenties... that's a few miles ago, lol. Which would also be about the last time a salesperson ever assumed I needed to consult a partner before completing a sale. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:26:20 AM | Personally, I am independant; financially, emotionally, physically, etc.
One can depend on their committed partner and be independant as well.
Some women are very dependant on a man financially or emotionally, (co-dependant).
A co-dependant will not make a decision on their own. It is different than being considerate. In a healthy relationship, you depend on each other, equally, while you may also be independant.
Get a dictionary or read a book, if you are still confused. Some men like to brag about what they own, do not discuss who they are, and try to "BUY" people with promises of great dates. That does nothing for me.
For myself, I would like to share my life with someone else on a long term. I am capable of commitment for the long haul, which is different than dependant. It is nice if you can share emotional ups and downs with someone special who understands and cares for you.
Most people are not respectful to single women, and it gets annoying after a while. And we women must spell it out for you, R E S P E C T.
I have to check my profile, and put it in. | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:39:50 AM | Personally, what I don't get is why some people seem to get so offended by what others put on their profiles.
It seems to me that if and when I come across something that *I* personally find offensive or see as a red flag, all I have to do is click on to the next profile...no?
Independent...financially secure...must be this...must be that...who cares??
You don't like what you see and it doesn't sit well with you?
Then exercise your right to have free and INDEPENDENT thoughts and utilize the critical thinking skills that the gods or the universe gave you and move to the NEXT profile. And voila...problem solved.
JMO | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:50:35 AM |
Well, this might explain why I have such a hard time understanding some women's fierce stance on independence. I've only experienced this when I bought my first house in my twenties... that's a few miles ago, lol. Which would also be about the last time a salesperson ever assumed I needed to consult a partner before completing a sale.
Well, I in NO WAY resemble the helpless, hapless, harmless lost little girl in any way...but recently when checking out a car dealership, I actually had the salesman ask me, "Would you like to come back with your husband and put pen to paper?" WTF?!
And when I bought a huge entertainment center that I was hauling home by myself (on top of the Explorer)...the sales clerk made a comment, "You may want to get your husband and come back!"
I do NOT wear a ring that can be mistaken for a wedding band, I have no leftover remnant mark from where mine once was...18 years ago!!!.....and my head does not bobble around on my shoulers in dip-sh1ttiness!
No...it does not happen often...but it DOES happen. :O) | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:59:44 AM |
If you're independant, why R U here?
Thats got to be one of the lamest questions on here. Think about it this way, if you are " DEPENDENT" then NO one on HERE will want you! As they all claim, they dont want someone who is "needy" or "clingy" or etc etc .. well you get the idea, hehe. It is just common sense! | |
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| If you're independant, why R U here?
Posted: 6/16/2008 8:04:12 AM | (HarleyKat~)Well, I in NO WAY resemble the helpless, hapless, harmless lost little girl in any way...but recently when checking out a car dealership, I actually had the salesman ask me, "Would you like to come back with your husband and put pen to paper?" WTF?!
And when I bought a huge entertainment center that I was hauling home by myself (on top of the Explorer)...the sales clerk made a comment, "You may want to get your husband and come back!"
Most men, and most INDEPENDENT women, would see those as BFD moments, amusing anecdotes to tell around the water-cooler, NOT traumatic life-changing experiences. It's not as if the sales clerk knocked out your teeth and kicked in your ribs -- he made a mistaken assumption. Again, a BFD moment*.
Arlo
*BFD moment = Big F*ckin' Deal | |
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