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| Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/13/2008 9:15:51 PM | I've never had any problem getting dates..the problem is, I would rather spend my time with animals than searching out a relationship at this point. I get asked out all the time and it's my choice whether I want to accept a date with them or not. I cackle at the people that say.."oh, that explains it" when they find out how intuned I am not only to cats, but any other animal, fish, or reptile that happens to cross my path. " Explains what, exactly???" LOL That I'm looking for a special, unique person that shares the same bond with animals that I do? And that's wrong? If you read my prior posts you'll see that I have just as much compassion and love for children as I do animals..and I won't choose between the two. I wouldn't have to..if I had kids they would be just as important as my pets.
As far as pitting my pets up against a man..if any man gives me an ultimatum regarding anything in my life, then he's done and I never give a second chance nor look back.
Sans | |
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| Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/13/2008 9:22:02 PM |
They are an accessory to a life of loving others, not a replacement for others.
This is also just my opinion...
My two cats are not an accessory nor a replacement. They have taught me more about unconditional love than any human ever could and in actuality probably ever will. I've never known of a (insert animal) to say sorry I don't love you anymore because of (insert reason). The only time I have felt pain from an animal is at the time of their death and that is only because I knew memories would have to provide comfort.
Without a doubt my cats are a part of the package in a relationship. Yes, I make that very clear when getting to know someone. I do have cats, which are like my kids, and they stay...
Maybe it is men/women who are the accessories to a life of love, because they sure can be replaced a lot easier then a person who loves their (insert animal).
Brat | |
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| Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/13/2008 9:28:42 PM |
But none have come close to the human bonds I've had -- and I long for that true intimacy a pet will never provide. (for me)
They are an accessory to a life of loving others, not a replacement for others.
That is the difference in opinion that I've seen here. To each his own... but in my heart of hearts I still feel sadness for those that have been unable to connect in satisfactory ways with humans that would leave them to prefer their pets.
If that makes me bitter, so be it.
Not at all.
Are pets being used as a coping tool? for those that are not ready to go out and date again . It's all too easy to cop-out and say "Oh my cats hair went up on it's back when he came over so it's a no go"  per say running back to the felines in fears of getting hurt again it just seems to convenient.
Is it fair to our pets to put such heavy humanly burdens upon them?
that look on their face that says........."when the fyck is my owner gonna go out and get some strange?"........... | |
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| Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/13/2008 9:38:00 PM |
Are pets being used as a coping tool? for those that are not ready to go out and date again . It's all too easy to cop-out and say "Oh my cats hair went up on it's back when he came over so it's a no go" per say running back to the felines in fears of getting hurt again it just seems to convenient.
Is it fair to our pets to put such heavy humanly burdens upon them?
I've had animals in my life since I was six months old. I've had animals when I was in relationships and when I wasn't. The two are not mutually exclusive. I have also not used my animals as an excuse not to go out with someone.
Why do some people seem to so enjoy lumping everyone into a neat little category? So they can insult, belittle, judge, moralize, and feel better about themselves? Makes no sense to me. If you don't like animals, then don't date people who have them. Nobody is faulting you for that, so why fault anyone else because they happen to love animals? Did your Guinea Pig bite you when you were a kid or did your brother's pet snake eat your pet rat? Such anger... | |
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| Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:07:16 PM |
What do all of you think? could you give up you pet of a mate?
Would I give up my pet (dog) for someone I'd only just met? No.
Actually, I wouldn't give my dog up at all, but in an established relationship, then I'd be willing to compromise to some extent. For example, my dog has always spent all day outdoors, but when I was single he used to sleep at the foot of my bed at night. Now that I'm married, he sleeps in his bed in the laundry room. And he doesn't seem to mind that either, because it's cooler down there anyway.
I have to admit, since I'm allergic to most cats, I've always tended to avoid dating men with cats, simply because I would never ask them to make a choice about their pet. I noticed a lot of posters saying to the OP "well he should just start taking antihistamines then". I'll be honest, I wouldn't want to be on any medication, even something as relatively mild as antihistamines, for the next 10+ years just so I could be around someone's cats full-time, so I wouldn't expect anyone else to either, just to be able to be around my dog.
Hence I always let people know that I had a dog, and never mind potential allergies, I also warned my husband "yep, I have a dog...but I should also mention he's kinda an a$$hole at times...but he's MY a$$hole."  | |
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| Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:38:57 PM |
Why do some people seem to so enjoy lumping everyone into a neat little category? So they can insult, belittle, judge, moralize, and feel better about themselves? Makes no sense to me. If you don't like animals, then don't date people who have them. Nobody is faulting you for that, so why fault anyone else because they happen to love animals? Did your Guinea Pig bite you when you were a kid or did your brother's pet snake eat your pet rat? Such anger...
actually I was stating a fact from my point of veiw , but it sounds like I hit a nerve instead. | |
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| Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/13/2008 11:15:11 PM | Kyn's opinion was spot on!! (For those interested in her post, it's on page one)
She puts the whole issue into the proper perspective.
I've been emotionally attached to cats and dogs at one time or other. They're interesting, non-judgemental and great sources of love and affection.
One date I had seemed to think it was some kind of popularity contest and I was somewhat mystified by her jealous reaction until now.
I'm not sure I would want to date anyone who suggested anti-histamines. Seems to me that they think their pet is more important than I am.
So, give up the love of my life for my pet cat or dog? NO WAY!
Who knows, it might be a good barometer of just how serious your date regards you if you understand their attachment to their pet and they are willing to give them up for you. That tells me something! | |
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| Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/13/2008 11:39:55 PM | She puts the whole issue into the proper perspective.
Perspective is very subjective, so although Kyn may have "put the whole issue into the proper perspective" for you, that is not the case for everyone.
Who knows, it might be a good barometer of just how serious your date regards you if you understand their attachment to their pet and they are willing to give them up for you. That tells me something!
I think a much better "barometer" of someone's feelings would be whether they loved and accepted you. If they did, they would never even consider making such a request. Asking someone to give up something they love, anything they love, up to and including their pets...to me that isn't love, that's controlling. And it ain't happening in my home. Which brings us back to the most fundamental point ~ if one has an allergy or disdain for animals, then don't date people who have animals. | |
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| Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/13/2008 11:48:32 PM |
Who knows, it might be a good barometer of just how serious your date regards you if you understand their attachment to their pet and they are willing to give them up for you. That tells me something!
Yep, that would tell me something too...unforunately, it wouldn't be the same something it told you...I personally would wonder wtf....someone's had their pet cat/dog/whatever for what, X amount of years, but would chuck that pet aside, just for a date with you? Hmm....to me, that would make that potential date seem pretty pathetic, to be honest. But that's just me.  | |
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| Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/13/2008 11:53:51 PM | I had Keeshond for 15 years of his 17 year life, he was the most awsome dog that ever walked and the closest thing i'll ever have to a child. If I had found a woman who felt about me as Ziggy did, I would consider myself blessed. I would give up my dog to a good home where I would be able to see him. But the woman had better be there through thick and thin just like my dog or she would be getting the boot really quik and the dog would come back. I would hope to find someone who wants to be a part of my pets life but I know that is not always posible, but I would never rate my pets as higher than whom I choose to be my spouce. Would you want the dog in bed and your spouce out?
Marrage is highest earthly relationship there is. Wether your an athiest or devought christian. Wether you look at it as buissiness venture for life or spiritual bond. I f your relationship isn't higher than your pet than you shouldn't be in it. Stick to pets and stop looking for someone to share your life with. | |
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| Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/14/2008 12:04:33 AM | ***Sanschele***
Very nice post, and indeed a wonderful soul you have. Unbelievably.
<div class="quote">" Explains what, exactly???" LOL That I'm looking for a special, unique person that shares the same bond with animals that I do?
There are some out there that do...And more than we realize. When in the presence of such a spirit, I recognize and consider them kindred. I leave it at that. My closest friends are this way too, as am I.
Your so grounded that, like me, it won't be easy finding a person to share such a bond unconditionally, for many cannot even define it.
I say this because; I think I found her recently. Time will tell.
God Bless You,
Scott. | |
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| Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/14/2008 4:01:30 AM | I love my pet dog Leg Bonker his brother dog AXX sniffer. ITs what i called my two pet half bred crosses blue hellers. Heller is a brand of dog with a penxx as long as its body. Its to impress the women who come over and see me and aask about it all the time. That all women think about. Just do a google search and you will see I'm not lieing. Well i love my dogs and women need to love them too. If they don't and i can't make my video clips I know we all love to be shocked with I won't have a relationship with women who won't do it. I hope this help.ss | |
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| Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/14/2008 4:35:56 AM | | no i would never get rid of my cat. I have had my cat for 17 yrs. most relationship with men do not work anyway. when its over she will have lost both him and her pet. If the man is allergic to my cat the he ..the man...has to go. no way no day am i gonna get rid of my pet. | |
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| Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/14/2008 5:32:17 AM |
I think a much better "barometer" of someone's feelings would be whether they loved and accepted you. If they did, they would never even consider making such a request. Asking someone to give up something they love, anything they love, up to and including their pets...to me that isn't love, that's controlling. And it ain't happening in my home.
I couldn't of said it any better.  | |
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| Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/14/2008 8:15:30 AM |
actually I was stating a fact from my point of veiw
No, you were actually stating your point of view. A fact is a fact and can be proven by empirical evidence. An opinion is NOT a fact, and something from your point of view is merely your opinion.
An entry about dogs from my blog:
I doth protest . . . the recent statement made to me by a male who said that "ALL men are dogs."
First, to categorize ALL men being this or that is an all encompassing claim that is simply not accurate. This particular male meant that ALL men are untrustworthy and possess other unsavory characteristics. I say, "Nonsense."
Furthermore, to compare dogs to unsavory men is an insult to canines. I have lived with a few dogs in my lifetime and found them loyal, loving, and quite delightful; I have never been bitten by a dog in anger, one has never betrayed me, and though they have peed all over my feet, it was not a sign of disdain but rather the opposite.
I have also consorted with many males--I can't say the same about ALL of them.
Let me tell you about dogs: If dogs are treated with kindness, they will not turn on you or disappoint you. Feed them, water them, give them attention and love, and they will love you unconditionally in return. A few pats on the head will cause them to sit and look at you adoringly. Unsavory males MIGHT do that, but it is a sham.
Even a dog who has been abused can be won over. These dogs are give even more unconditional love (if possible).
If this man and other men want to compare their lack of trustworthiness, etc., to an animal, they should choose . . . no, not a rat; I have known some rather nice rats.
Hmmm . . . perhaps comparing themselves to other unsavory men would be the best option.
There are great men out there; I know quite a few. Both men and dogs (and cats) have their places--and they cannot replace each other. | |
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| Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/14/2008 8:19:34 AM | I think you are all being just a little too tough on scruffy. He IS after all the best combination. He kind of looks like a cross between a pet and a (outside chance) boyfriend. I bet his leg even starts shaking if you scratch him behind the ears! I know mine does! | |
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| Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/14/2008 8:24:33 AM | Part of making or growing into a relationship is acceptance, both have to accept the other person AS THEY ARE, including the relationships they have already established. Whether it's a dog or an obnoxious friend, a meddling mother, if you can't mesh with the other person and them mesh with you it's a no go.
Asking someone to change or give up any established relationship to be with you is unacceptable and will result in a time where the other person becomes resentful and things will go to hades in a handbasket.  | |
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| Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/14/2008 8:58:56 AM | | Wow, her letting go of a cat she had for 3 years shows says something about her, and it's not good. There are many compromises that could have and should have been made,, | |
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| Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/14/2008 9:10:59 AM | LOL, Mr B and Fortiori !!
To the OP: Come to think of it, I have never known a man to give up a pet for a woman. I have heard of several women who gave up a pet at some BF's demand or request. All of women were later "surprised" when the guy continually escalated his quest for control and /or turned abusive. If that's the vibe you're getting from "Mr. Allergy," keep an eye on the situation. | |
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| Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/14/2008 2:35:33 PM | | Men may come and go, but my dog will be there through thick and thin. I raised her from a 9 week old puppy, I'm hers forever. | |
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| Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/14/2008 9:57:41 PM | My kitty of 15 years died last month ... his love and companionship out lasted a few boyfriends and a husband.
If the person I'm dating doesn't like or is allergic to pets then it is not going to work ...
Would you get rid of a child if the person you were dating didn't like kids? | |
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| Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/14/2008 10:01:07 PM |
Shouldn't people be considered higher on the food chain than a Dog or Cat???
Of course. But we're not talking about the food chain here, are we? Try to stir it up much? | |
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| Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/14/2008 10:53:18 PM | ^^^ You're missing the point.
People are not pets, at least in a civilized society. And pets are NOT people.
What I see here is a lot of anthropomorphizing of pets. As if they were humans themselves. How do you KNOW that the cat or dog "loves" you? What you perceive as some action by the cat or dog as a demonstration of "love", is most likely a basic pack, or in the case of cats, pride instinct. Is a dog or cat capable of "love"? How do you know? Does the pet say to you "I love you", does it write you love letters? No. Although dogs and cats have been domesticated over the years, they do still retain their pack/pride instincts. You're pet may show you affection, but that doesn't mean it "loves" you. It is a part of how they interact, because it is part of their instinct in given situations. But does that mean the pet "loves" you? Not necessarily. Ever notice the happiest and most affectionate a pet gets is just before it's fed? The dog curls up with you at night in bed? Dogs/wolves in packs do that all the time.. is rover there to greet you at the door? It's because you are the alpha, and that's how it works in a pack.
So, here is how I would handle the situation.
I would not give up or change aspects of my life (pets included) for somebody whom I just met. As the relationship develops over time, and it was one that had a definite future, I would consider moving the pet out of the picture. Because I'm humane, and I do care about the welfare of kitty or rover, I would ensure as best I could, that the home I sent it to, was as good, or better than the one I gave it. I have had to do this before, more than once. In ALL circumstances, the dog/cat has adapted easily to it's new environment and has had no problems whatsoever.
In this thread, it seems to be more about the pet owners, than the pet. | |
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| Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/14/2008 11:04:37 PM | ^^^ You're missing the point.
People are not pets, at least in a civilized society. And pets are NOT people.
What I see here is a lot of anthropomorphizing of pets. As if they were humans themselves. How do you KNOW that the cat or dog "loves" you? What you perceive as some action by the cat or dog as a demonstration of "love", is most likely a basic pack, or in the case of cats, pride instinct. Is a dog or cat capable of "love"? How do you know? Does the pet say to you "I love you", does it write you love letters? No. Although dogs and cats have been domesticated over the years, they do still retain their pack/pride instincts. You're pet may show you affection, but that doesn't mean it "loves" you. It is a part of how they interact, because it is part of their instinct in given situations. But does that mean the pet "loves" you? Not necessarily. Ever notice the happiest and most affectionate a pet gets is just before it's fed? The dog curls up with you at night in bed? Dogs/wolves in packs do that all the time.. is rover there to greet you at the door? It's because you are the alpha, and that's how it works in a pack.
No, I didn't miss the point, you just clearly don't get me. But that's ok, as I don't need you to. And this thread is not about anthropomorphism, no matter how much some posters are trying to make it about that. The question in the original post was whether or not one would give up a pet for a relationship, and the vast majority of responses have said, "NO". Why some feel the need to debate the feelings, values, and experiences of others is beyond me.
I love it when people can stick to the topic. | |
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