| | dating someone you're not attracted toPage 4 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) | I have twice... once when I was 19, and I was rebounding after a bad relationship.. I still feel bad about that cause he was a nice guy for the most part.
And then another time like 3 years ago, but only for a week... we had seriously good chemistry as friends and I thought it would translate well into a relationship.. it did not though.
I don't date guys im not attracted to anymore. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 7/24/2011 11:22:21 PM | | What about this situation....you meet someone who is completely not your physical type; not butt ugly, but just not your regularly preferred physical type. BUT you and they somehow share some hot explosive sexual chemistry AND they are a genuinely sweet, nice, giving, nurturing, decent person who makes you feel safe, cared for, like a goddess. I am going thru this right now!!! Anyone else?? | |
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452
| | Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 79 | |
| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 7/24/2011 11:26:52 PM | Yes,and let me tell you that all that politically correct hooey about beauty on the inside is complete bullchit.
People like to call others shallow for having preferences but let me tell you that when you settle for someone you don't want but who will do it's awful.Try having sex with someone who does nothing for you . | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 7/25/2011 4:46:01 AM | Everyone has their "ideal" looks match up, for me, I won't say no to a slender girl with red hair and a sexy accent! At least 2 actresses that fit that bill! :D
But that's not to say I won't be with anyone who's say "blonde" or "not quite so slender", but obviously people need to be reasonably attracted to them physically otherwise it won't work out. I ain't going to date no fatty as a result. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 7/25/2011 8:37:11 AM | No i tried this after a bit of bad placed advice from a freind.
she basically said to just take someone your not interested in as then it wont matter if they treat you like crap you just walk away
well all i can say is dont. i actually cant emphasize enough not to do it. If you dont feel the chemistry it wont happen. It does not happen maybe after, this is total rubbish. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 7/25/2011 1:26:21 PM |
have you ever dated someone seriously who you were not physically attracted to? for how long? and if you decided to stay with them longer, what was the reason?
Yes, most women I've dated. Physical attraction is not really relevant to me. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 7/25/2011 1:31:36 PM | I thought women were supposed to be quite forgiving over looks, but that sadly seems to be a myth. Everyone tells me I have a sparkling personality, but let's face it, no-one wants a guy with a face for radio.
Still, I hope that one day a really special girl will come into my life and look past my appearance.
But only if she's slim and absolutely gorgeous. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 7/25/2011 4:05:25 PM | | Physical attraction is only not relevant to those who don't have a physical attraction themselves. Blimey though you should have seen the last girl who messaged me.......seriously I'm a partial health freak and working endlessly just trying to shift a belly gut that won't go away annoyingly, HIPPOS are not on my search list! | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 7/25/2011 4:29:23 PM | Oh I've dated tons of women with little to no attraction..... I don't need attraction to get laid. If I am attracted to her then it becomes more than "just one time" ... It means I'd like to see her again and get to know her more.
If the guy disappears after sex, chances are he wasn't even attracted to you to begin with. Of course he was lying and acting as if he was, in order to get laid...
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 7/25/2011 4:33:18 PM | "I don't need attraction to get laid"
Nah but I'm sure a decent beard, good face and a body like Adonis is nothing to sneeze at is it? Don't think much effort is required if you're wearing a tight enough top! | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 7/25/2011 9:55:03 PM | Well, I'ma tarnish my image a lil here but honesty is best. Yes, I've done it, just a few times. I've been interested in the girl, then slowly lost interest and never bothered to break up.
The reason? Because I've had times in my life where I felt it was better to be with someone even if they're not COMPLETELY attractive to ya, than be alone in life. I'm not proud of it, but as far as I'm concerned, so long as two people get what they need out of a relationship, and it doesn't seriously break their heart, I don't think it's too bad. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 10/15/2011 8:35:19 AM | I am going through this right now and it is kinda awful. This guy I met is the nicest person. He is really supportive and encouraging as I am going through some things in my life right now. The thing is, I do not want anything to do with him physically and he is very much interested in me. I am just not attracted to him. He isn't that bad looking but I don't even want to kiss him.
I have a certain type that I am attracted to and if I am not with someone who fits my type, I will never be truly happy and would most likely always be looking behind his back...which is sad, but true.
The fact that i'm not attracted to him is also making me start to be annoyed by him now.
I guess i'm hoping that this guy grows on me...but who am I kidding?
This is an interesting topic. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 10/15/2011 2:47:01 PM | | Dating someone you're not attracted to really defeats the point of dating them. I don't care if the girl is as compassionate as Mother Teresa, if she looks like a giant alien cow, I'm not going to date her. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 10/15/2011 5:06:26 PM | The reality is this: attraction is a choice. People who say "I'm just not attracted to them, but they're otherwise an awesome person!" are people who would like us to believe that they're at the mercy of chemicals in their body as though they were merely an instinctual animal, and not a higher-thinking human being. While humans have instincts, there's a reason animals' instincts are so much greater than ours: we don't need to rely on our less-developed instinct, because we have higher thought processes.
I understand there are varying levels of mutability in peoples' ability to overlook some traits. I also think, however, it needs to be grounded in rationality, and not in hiding behind "it's all just chemical!" because they don't want to put in the effort to improve themselves as human beings.
There are millions of examples, provided on this site and through your own personal research, that show how some become more attractive to their partners once those people really grow to know them. Whether you're pointing to people who say "I wound up with someone who I never thought I would!" or just someone saying, "They became more beautiful to me the more I got to know them", both point to one simple reality: people who don't base everything on physicality realize that it's a total package thing, and sometimes foregoing one thing leads to that one thing growing once it's seen in relation to other desirable traits.
Physicality obviously plays a role: folks traditionally aren't attracted to those who are grossly overweight, whether due to the likelihood of health issues in the future (or even in the present) or an inability to share favorite pastimes if one partner is more physically active, which removes the potential for bonding moments. This makes sense to a degree.
But when you find people who hold out over physical traits like height, eye color, hair color, or any number of other factors which are either very mutable or simply have no real reflection on who the person is or their worthiness to be a romantic partner, it starts becoming pretty laughable to see the (easily disassembled) justification such people come up with as they attempt to defend the indefensible. Unless they're practicing a ridiculous degree of self deception, they know deep inside that they're being shallow past the point of reason, and they attempt to defend it because they somehow believe they "deserve" what they want, not acknowledging that you only deserve what you earn.
The interesting thing about wants vs. needs is that we can survive without our wants, but not without our needs. It's nice when we can have what we want, but you reach a point where you focus so much on one thing you want that you start ignoring all the other things you also want in the hopes that you can find that "perfect" person that has everything, and the reality is perfection just simply doesn't exist in this world. Meanwhile, you miss out on someone who may have the majority of traits you want, and who, upon being involved with them, you may find yourself increasingly attracted to traits you'd not have even thought you'd like in the first place, and before you know it, you're one of those people saying, "I've been with someone I'd have never thought I'd have loved", and BAM! Personal growth happened, and you're a better person for it.
Unfortunately, people somehow seem to lose sight of the difference between "want" and "need", and figure that if they want it, they must need it. It's a tragic condition to be in, because it shows their lack of self knowledge and effort at self improvement. It's like the people who don't understand the difference between the terms "preference" and "requirement", attempting to defend a given requirement of theirs as a "preference" because stating it for what it is, a requirement, makes them sound a lot more dogmatic and inflexible than they want to be perceived as.
It's pitiful self deception. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 10/15/2011 5:10:35 PM | I had a date from here that went really well. Her photos weren't the greatest, but I decided to give it a go anyway. We had a great conversation on our first date and an all-around nice time. She was, however, much heavier than her photos would have suggested (and she said she was training for a marathon, so I figured "how many "extra" pounds could she have, as was listed on her profile.)
I went on second date with her, and it was OK. I just wanted to see if the strength of our first date was enough to overcome physical preferences on my part, but ultimately, I like what I do, and just couldn't get past that, -especially since it was very apparent she wanted some "intimate" time after our second date. I had to put an end to it there, as it would not be fair to her. Hopefully 2 dates didn't lead her on too badly, but I didn't think it did? | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 10/16/2011 6:21:00 PM | | I don't date people I am not attracted to. No point wasting my time or leading a man into believing I find him attractive when I do not. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 10/17/2011 1:43:41 AM | I have... not initially though....it was after getting to know them that they began to appear more attractive to me.. my last GF was like that... initially I thought her too young and not ugly but not attractive...after getting to know her over a few months I agreed to become FWB's with her. After about six months of that we became BF/GF....I got quite into her!
Once I was into her I thought she was beautiful. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 10/17/2011 3:11:26 AM | I'm sure to the eyes of a 40+ year old anyone in their 20's is going to be appear pretty dam attractive! You can hardly go wrong!  | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 10/17/2011 4:44:45 AM | Yes. Met someone on a dating service who knew mutual friends and decided to go with personality instead of attraction. Dated for two months, but ultimately it did not work out.
I would not recommend this no matter how good the person is or how good the friends, you are not doing anyone any favors. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 10/17/2011 4:50:18 AM | | Luke..... AGAIN....you project your own twisted shallowness onto others....and yet you whine and cry about women not liking you because you're not an "Adonis"....ever think that it's your attitude and NOT your looks that are ugly? | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 10/17/2011 10:47:40 AM | | Attraction and looks are not necessarily the same thing. Normally, I find people immediately to be physically appealing to me or not. If I am not physically attracted to them, I might not even make the initial move. However, if I get to know someone and become friends with them (someone who I might not consider to be generally great looking) attraction can come at a different level. The more you get to like a person's personality, the person themself becomes more and more attractive in general. Where they may not ever be the best looking person in the world, they do become more attractive to you. And you start to actually "see" things about them you didn't before. It is a trick of the brain that is very useful in developing relationships actually. | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 10/17/2011 4:55:45 PM | nope, I have to be attracted to the person. I can like a person for their personality but will never date them if there is no attraction. only if I've had a lot of  will I do a one night stand with someone I am not attracted to | |
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| dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 10/18/2011 6:00:06 AM | No I've never dated anyone I was not attracted to. I am very very lucky not to have to suffer the fate of a man handling me that makes me cringe. I can't imagine. It would be horrible.
People do it because they want company because they don't like being alone or they need the money or social acceptability or they want kids or whatever.
Lots of people in the world get married to people they are not attracted to.
Actually, a few generations ago here and still now in countries where women have no real choices in life, it's the norm. Ugh.
By the way, approximately less than 20% of the worlds population lives like us - with the ability to choose. Be grateful. | |
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