| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/13/2008 8:44:49 AM | I am not a woman so I won't sit here and be pompous and look down on the single women that choose AI and blast them for their decisions. At the same token I don't have it in me to applaud and congratulate their decision either. As a man, it's just not my place to tell women what to do with their bodies. As a father, I think the importance fo fatherhood is sadly underestimated in the upbringing of children. And as a divorced dad, I can tell you, as will my now ex wife, raising children is usually (not always, but usually) much easier with two loving parents around. I think women should have all the reproductive freedom they want (I support freedom of choice, etc), but also will have to bear the reproductive responsibility when like this weekend, father's day rolls around, and wonder about why they don't have one.
I am not a lawmaker and like I said, it's not my business of choice to tell a woman what to do. But the whole process just reeks of eugenics. The whole selection process is very Alduous Huxley to me. Who would chose a sperm from a man who is 5'8, average build, somewhat balding, IQ around 110-120, liberal arts degree instead of engineering??? NOBODY in those AI clinics. But my daughter's mother did, the old fashioned way,, and we have a beautiful daughter!
The opinions written above are soley by me, and I expect people will agree and disagree. Don't take too seiously!
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!! | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:35:27 AM | I'm all for this, if a woman can comfortably afford to raise a child, has the time to spend with the child, and has the extended family as caretakers and mentors for that child....
If the alternative is no child, a child with a father that's not interested in being a father, or one that actually creates more dysfunction by being in the picture, then yes it's better to do this if you want a healthy happy child you can more than care for and that you want to be your own. There's no reason not to do this.
I agree adopting is a viable choice also, but it's not the right choice for everyone. And I grew up with a single mom that took care of us wasn't the best emotionally AT ALL, and I lived. Children are resillient and can pretty much bounce back from a lot as long as they have a huge safety net to fall back on. | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/13/2008 11:20:14 AM |
if a woman can comfortably afford to raise a child, has the time to spend with the child, and has the extended family as caretakers and mentors for that child....
But do they actually screen thoroughly for those perquisites?
For starters, I've certainly never heard of anyone requiring something like a surety bond for the approximately $100K (at least) it'll take to get `em to age 18.
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/13/2008 12:27:58 PM |
Those who are negative in this thread ask yourself 2 questions. 1. Am I a good parent and role model to my child whether or not their other parent is in the picture? 2. Do I still have a 2 parent household for my child? And I don't mean the other parent is invovled, I mean the other parent is still living with you in the familial home and being cocoperative, loving, and good role models for your children. If you answer no to either of these questions, how dare you stand in judgement of someone who wants to be a parent, just like you. The only difference is these other people went through great heart ache, time, money, physical pain, emotional torture, ridicule, name calling, and maybe even the disassociation of other family members. And if these people are not on the state of federal "dole", more power to them for being able to financially support the life they give or help by becoming their parent. It pisses me off when people who know they can't support a child get knocked up (and I hate that term) and then put that baby on the welfare roles because they were not more careful.
Look at it like this; people who spend the money to the get the child will be able to support the child. Now, to all of you welfare parents, how do you like the chastising? Doesn't feel good to know people think you're wrong for "breeding" and having others people pay for a child you can't or won't support. See, same thing for what you've been telling these parents about how they can afford to financially support a child. One huge difference...these people are responsible.
AMEN TO THAT!
Greeneyes....YOU ROCK! | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/13/2008 12:37:18 PM |
But do they actually screen thoroughly for those perquisites?
For starters, I've certainly never heard of anyone requiring something like a surety bond for the approximately $100K (at least) it'll take to get `em to age 18.
Do they do this kind of screening for people who produce children "naturally"? No. There are plenty of two parent families who have kids even though they might not be in the best financial situation. | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/13/2008 1:04:59 PM | But do they actually screen thoroughly for those perquisites?
In Canada, patients must undergo counselling/psychiatric assessment by law before being approved to undergo any A.I. or IVF procedure. Finances are one of several areas looked at. You have to bear in mind that these procedures are not cheap and rarely successful the first few times around. I know one woman who spent $6k and heard of another who had to spend $90k before being successful with it. If they can comfortably afford to pay for these procedures, chances are they are in a financial position to comfortably afford to raise a child. Unlike the "old fashioned way" this is a method that requires much thought, planning and preparation ahead of time before the end result. | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/13/2008 4:15:51 PM | So, do you not believe in organ donation or heart bypass surgery or cancer treatment either?
I don't have to believe in them... I already know they exist.
Perhaps if you had read my entire post, you'd have noticed that I said I'm not against these things. The truth is the truth regardless of whether you agree with it or not. This is a matter of playing God. You're creating a bilogical lifeform in a non-biological way.
Like I've said, I don't care whether you're right or wrong. The only way I'll care is if your child goes psycho because they can't handle the fact that they will never know their father and they kill or injure my child or anyone else close to me in a shooting spree. It's not just simply about you and how much love you have to give... the child created is a real person too and they may not be understanding of your choice. No different than how some people have to try and explain to their children why a parent took off, you'll have to explain why one never existed. Ask them how difficult it is and what affect it has on their children. | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/13/2008 5:41:48 PM | The entire issue of one parent vs two parent households aside, I look at it this way.
The woman in this case made a concious decision to become a mother, and had the personal ethics and moral decency not to force her decision upon someone else and/or expect them to pay for her choice.
In that regard, she should be both saluted and praised. | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/13/2008 5:53:02 PM |
Can someone please inform me of this purely selfless reason that couples possess for having children that singles lack?
I'm with you.
Bringing a kid into the world is the most selfish/self-centred act anyone can engage in, really. It dosen't matter whether it's someone single or married.
Bringing a kid up well may be somewhat more selfless, but the actual act of bringing a kid into the world is very self-centred.
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/13/2008 6:10:19 PM |
The truth is the truth regardless of whether you agree with it or not. This is a matter of playing God. You're creating a bilogical lifeform in a non-biological way.
No, it isn’t truth. It’s your opinion! You are entitled to your opinion, but it doesn’t make it the truth. What makes this playing God any more than extending a person's life with a donor organ or chemotherapy or even an antibiotic?
I could be unaware of one, but I don’t know any serial killer that was born to a single mother by choice! They all came from these natural, loving, bonded relationships you keep talking about.
In all the research done specifically on children from single moms by choice, they found no significant problems to which you are referring. Here’s a quote from one of the books I read. “Most of the kids had no strong issues related to growing up in an ‘unconventional’ family. Many children were curious about the absence of a father but, in general, had no particular feeling of ‘lack.’”
I truly wish the rest of the world put as much thought and planning into having children as all of the women who chose AI! We need more kids who are raised by loving devoted parents who actively chose to have them! | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/13/2008 6:56:18 PM |
This is a matter of playing God. You're creating a bilogical lifeform in a non-biological way.
There's a huge difference between "playing God" and a natural process being done in a controlled manner. It's still sperm meets egg, fertilization, conception, pregnancy, delivery, nurture and rearing. The ONLY operational difference is how the sperm and egg are introduced to each other. There is no genetic altering of either the sperm or the egg, so the entire "playing God" argument goes right out the window at that point.
*IF* they were trying to clone themselves or other such stuff, then you might have a legitimate argument.
I truly wish the rest of the world put as much thought and planning into having children as all of the women who chose AI! We need more kids who are raised by loving devoted parents who actively chose to have them!
I agree wholeheartedly. | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/13/2008 7:11:51 PM |
The woman in this case made a concious decision to become a mother, and had the personal ethics and moral decency not to force her decision upon someone else and/or expect them to pay for her choice.
And the heartbreak and confusion that that child will inevitably feel for not having a father will have been consciously and intentionally inflicted upon that child by the mother because she really really wanted a child and decided that a father wasn't needed. So what is her reward for that. | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/13/2008 7:20:09 PM | I don't see using the argument of how terrible some parents are that approach the married/family tradition. Some people suck! But do you throw away the *best* ideal for your child because of what you want?
Children will overcome all kinds of things. Family breakups is just one. Physical handicaps, mental challenges are another. Knowing these things can be successfully dealt with does not make you wish them upon your child.
To me, planning on giving your baby just one parent is the same thing. | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/13/2008 8:14:13 PM | Children will overcome all kinds of things. Family breakups is just one.
Exactly....children overcome all kinds of things. Having said that, in a family break up the child has to overcome a huge loss. Some break ups have a traumatic effect on the child, especially if they had to witness a bad relationship between their parents on a daily basis. It could take them take years to recover and this may even change the child for life.
On the other hand, a child who never knew their father might wonder about him but there is no emotional attachment to someone who was never in their life to begin with. No drama, no trauma.
For anyone considering AI, it's important that they have a good support system around them; and many of these women do. It would be highly unlikely they would make a conscious decision to put themselves and an innocent child in a crappy situation otherwise. | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/13/2008 8:14:49 PM | What makes this playing God any more than extending a person's life with a donor organ or chemotherapy or even an antibiotic?
Well either you have a hard time reading, or you are intentionally belligerent so I don't intend on answering that for a third time.
I could be unaware of one, but I don’t know any serial killer that was born to a single mother by choice!
Who said anything about serial killers?
I truly wish the rest of the world put as much thought and planning into having children as all of the women who chose AI!
Some people do.
You're going to do it, so who cares what people think? You don't have to defend it. It's not us you have to explain it to, it's your child. All the research in the world isn't going to make a difference. Your child will take it however they take it. Good... bad... it's a risk all of us take when we have children. Nobody's life is perfect. I know I certainly didn't intend for my daughter to have 2 different homes, and I do worry about the consequences. How will it affect her? I don't know... time will tell. So far she seems to be able to handle it pretty well. Some kids don't.
I'm not telling you you're wrong, I'm just offering some insight into problems that could crop up. If you're more intent on telling me I'm wrong... well I just don't care because I'm not trying to tell you I'm right. It seems as though all you care to hear or read is anything that reaffirms what you want to believe. Which gets us back to message 1:
If you were a male and you girlfriend had a kid by artificial insemination for the above mentioned reasons, what would you think about it?
Obviously I wouldn't be her boyfriend for very long since we don't seem to see eye-to-eye. All the best to ya! | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/13/2008 9:51:28 PM | Hey Marsupial:
instead of saying "This is the silliest thing I have ever read. Why don't you ask questions about aliens instead?", why don't you write an intelligent critique of the original post? What's silly is your post. Come on, you can do better than that. | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:07:26 PM | | This whole blog is almost as disgusting as having the woman you're married to tell you on your sons 21 bithday that you just spent 21 years raising the child of another man. Now how is that any different than your woman getting pregnant by an unknown sperm donor? I think that women are, for the most part, deceitful, selfish, insensitive walking bags of hormones who will never be understood and only think of what they want. | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:41:16 PM | How can you have no kids, and think you have enough experience to be an authority on a very serious situation like this.
If you think fathers are unnecessary perhaps it's because you feel that way about yours but at least you had the choice to reject your father if that's how you feel.
Parents need to at least try to give their kids choices. | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/13/2008 11:39:06 PM | Kids desperately need two parents. Espsialy nowadays, when people are self governing as* holes that think that kids would be somehow better off with out a dad. The father is the most important parent when the mothers can't keep their moods in check. The fathers are always in the same mood and only change that mood if they need to say something important.... Ok, so, woman are important too, they have instability to exsamplify why their fathers need to be so stable. Ok just kidding but its somewhat true and you know it!
I would have kids the serogate method myself if I didn't think and want a mother for them. I wanted to provide my kids with nothing less than 100% pure love. Too bad I haven't got any, everybody I know has told me I would have been an awsome dad. Unfortunately, it cost a fortune to have a serogate mother. No matter how you look at it, woman reap the benifit. Men pay even if they are good and kind and never pay for sex nor alimoney, palimoney, childsupport, devorce lawyer or emotional suffering. It cost a man 100,000 times more labour to have one kid as a woman goes through having 21 kids.
So if men just gave up and didn't want kids and family anymore, then we could save our energies for more fun things in life and forget going to work and buying houses, we could hit the slopes and sail the oceans, play games, watch sports, relax with a beer and kite. We could call up our favorite 5dollar hooker and have a go at it.... oh where are all the single mothers going to find the time to work since we men wont pay taxes and build anything that seems to so much in demand. and who is going to give sperm. Monkeys might do for ya, planet of the apes comes to mind tho.
Well good luck with that and have fun screwing the needle, future generations have a dependancy on what you do now, so make it count.
I am not as harsh as I sound but I want to get a point accross, there should be a law against single parents!
All the best to those looking for a life mate, best friend, comanion and lover.
And good luck to all who seek mating with a needle. And i state that bringing a baby up without 2 two parents is often worse than abortion. | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/14/2008 6:06:26 AM | {quote] And the heartbreak and confusion that that child will inevitably feel for not having a father will have been consciously and intentionally inflicted upon that child by the mother because she really really wanted a child and decided that a father wasn't needed. So what is her reward for that.
The research just doesn’t support this.
I don't see using the argument of how terrible some parents are that approach the married/family tradition. Some people suck! But do you throw away the *best* ideal for your child because of what you want?
Actually a lot of people suck at being parents. The mere existence of a father does not make for a better situation. Parenting is a lot more than being able to mate. But anyone with a biological urge is given the right to procreate.
Well either you have a hard time reading, or you are intentionally belligerent so I don't intend on answering that for a third time.
Because your argument doesn’t make sense. Vaxplant said it better than I did, so I’ll leave it at that.
Who said anything about serial killers?
You did when you made the implication that somehow these children are inevitably screwed up and will hurt people. Serial killers are seen as the most hurtful of our society.
If you're more intent on telling me I'm wrong... well I just don't care because I'm not trying to tell you I'm right. It seems as though all you care to hear or read is anything that reaffirms what you want to believe.
I am not implying that you aren’t entitled to your opinion. In fact, I stated in my post that that you are. But you are trying to espouse your opinion as “truth” and it just isn’t. You did say this:
The truth is the truth regardless of whether you agree with it or not.
If you think fathers are unnecessary perhaps it's because you feel that way about yours but at least you had the choice to reject your father if that's how you feel.
I actually have a wonderful relationship with my father, which was one of the considerations in making this decision. He is extremely supportive and will act as a male role model for my child, as will my brother-in-law and several of my male friends. I have no doubt that my child will be surrounded with just as much love, support, encouragement, and appreciation, if not more, than the majority of children being raised in 2 parent homes.
I am more than happy to discuss this decision, because I am confident in who I am and my ability to parent. However, I refuse to respond to name calling or disrespectful posts.
For those who say you wouldn’t date someone who had done this, I have a couple questions. Would you date someone who had a one night stand that resulted in a baby? Would you date a woman who was a teen mom? | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/14/2008 1:25:56 PM | The research just doesn’t support this.
Actually the research does suggest that there are some very profound effects on children being raised without fathers. Consider the statistics.
- Children raised in homes without a father are five times more likely to live in poverty.
- Kids in father-absent homes are much more likely to go to jail than those raised in mother-father families. Kids who have never had a father in their lives are the most likely to end up in jail.
- Girls raised without a father are at greater risk of having a teen pregnancy.
- A study involving both U.S. and New Zealand kids found a higher likelihood of early sexual activity among kids without fathers.
- A Columbia University study found that teens in single-mother households are 30 percent more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol than kids in two-parent homes.
- Information from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services shows that kids without fathers are twice as likely to drop out of school.
I had great parents, and my parents decided to extend that gift to children outside our biological family through special needs adoption. These kids had birth parents that did terrible and horrific things to them as children to have the state remove them from the home and terminate parental rights. And I find it interesting that every single one of them when they came of age made an effort to find the biological parents that viciously abused them physicallly, sexually, and ritualistically. I know what an attachment disorder looks like, and I know the grief it inflicts. And I know that one doesn't have to have known a parent to miss them. | |
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| Girlfriend’s Kid by Artificial Insemination---No Dad was Wanted!!!
Posted: 6/14/2008 1:30:12 PM | | children should never be brought into this world for purely selfish reasons. Think of the child....its natural for humans to want to know...both parents. Do not think of yourself andyour wants because you are bringing another human being into the world who has the right to be loved completely fully and unselfishly. | |
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