| Is truth always the best policy when chatting/profile?
Posted: 6/12/2008 2:30:58 PM | Sorry to hear about your brother... this is awful... my heart goes out to you... but other than the loss of your brother, I hate to disappoint you, but your story does not really stand out. This site is filled with people fresh out of relationships who just want to talk and be friends for a while and not ready yet to jump into a new relationship (I've met a few good friends here this way); people who've been left by their significant others; and yes, depressed people. Heck, trace amounts of antidepressant are now found in ocean fish! Put your best foot forward, don't disclose all your cards too soon, don't sob, but definitely don't lie. And try to make it fun. Good luck to you.
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| Is truth always the best policy when chatting/profile?
Posted: 6/12/2008 5:11:48 PM | I think the truth is the best policy.
However there are certain topics and conversations that might not be practical first few date/encounter discussions.
The truth should be the standard, however there should be a time and place for any discussion.
Asking someone what they do for a living on a first date seems typical and expected. Asking someone what they specifically make a year might not be something you want to talk about until later at another time. | |
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| Is truth always the best policy when chatting/profile?
Posted: 6/12/2008 5:29:12 PM | OP...in your case...yes it would be. You should give yourself a break...the things that you mentioned could happen to anyone and probably have happened to anyone.
I personally think just knowing about someone's favorite band is boring. I don't know if I'd tell all you did on a first date. I'd probably wait until I got to know the person better and then talk about it.
You might be surprised at how empathic that person might be. | |
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| Is truth always the best policy when chatting/profile?
Posted: 6/12/2008 5:50:56 PM | | In a word "yes" always be truthful. However, don't reveal everything there is to know about you either. Not ony is it not safe but it makes people uncomfortable, as it should. The basics are all someone needs initially but if you both decide you want more than all one can do is ask. I have found that when I do ask certain questions after chatting for a while he mysteriously disappears. So some men/women just feel comfortable being anonymous which is sad 'cause they miss life. Their issue not mine. | |
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| Is truth always the best policy when chatting/profile?
Posted: 6/12/2008 5:56:32 PM | | Yeah, I see where you are going with that...but I would say honesty is always the best avenue...you don't have to go into details but rather get creative with how you deflect the conversation onto something else...I mean even if you say that is something I am not comfortable talking about at this stage...if they are a keeper they will understand without judgements. | |
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| Is truth always the best policy when chatting/profile?
Posted: 6/12/2008 5:57:59 PM | | That is horrible and it will leave never leave you but you can seek prof. help for it. Have you? I witnessed a suicide a few years ago, not a close relative or "friend'" really. He was my roomate. I had just lost a job and had to find a cheaper place to live quickly. I didn't know he was an alcholic and depressed. Six months in a week before Christmas, he shot himself in the dining room while I was in my bedroom. It was a two bedroom one bath apt. so the sound was loud. I remember him every year at Christmas...thanks Ed. | |
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| Is truth always the best policy when chatting/profile?
Posted: 6/12/2008 7:34:35 PM | | If you would rather not then, you do whats comfortable to you this is your life if the person cant understand that then maybe they are moving too fast for you. If you have to think about possibly lien thats just wrong. Theres plenty of fish in the sea I'm sure another will not think its a big deal if you don't want to talk about certain things just as they may not want to about aspects of their life. If you and the person continue corresponding then eventually in time you will share much more about each other. | |
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| Is truth always the best policy when chatting/profile?
Posted: 6/13/2008 1:53:34 AM | | I think it really depends on what you're not telling. I put things into my profile against other folks' suggestions, simply because I know how many women will be put off by it, I don't think they should waste their time getting attached to me when there is that giant deal breaker hovering over the relationship, waiting to crash down on our heads. On the other hand, there are a lot of other things, which, if mentioned early on, just might prevent one from considering someone who is truly a wonderful person that has a quirk or two that are easy to overlook when overshadowed by so many other qualities. My dad was an alcoholic; but he hadn't drank in 5 years when he met my mom, and didn't have another drink (as far as any of us knew) for another 25 years when he retired. And then, drinking wasn't a problem. He would have an occasional beer, but that's it. In today's society, being an alcoholic is a big, big negative. But like anything else, under control, it's no biggie. We all have faults. In my case, it really affects whether a woman can be sexually attracted to me. But with many other negative issues, often it's something that can be 'lived with' easy enough, in the scope of compromise. Think of all the behaviors that many men have, that women put up with; occasional smoking, drinking, belching, passing gas in public, vulgarity, frequent borderline hygiene, sloppiness, occasional misogynistic behavior, occasional infidelity, etc. (even to the point of having been convicted of violent crime against women in the past); yet, she stays with him, and often her sexual attraction isn't swayed by any of those behaviors. And yet, if he put things like that into his profile all those things, few would eagerly go out with him. So; keep the little things to yourself. Try to keep in mind things that would be deal breakers to most others. If you're not sure, then post somewhere anonymously and 'ask a girl' or 'ask a guy'. That's what those forums are for. Good luck on your fishing, everyone. | |
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| Is truth always the best policy when chatting/profile?
Posted: 6/13/2008 9:24:01 AM | It is horrible to lose a family member, but I don't think anyone on a casual chat is going to bring anything like that up. Even after a few dates people rarely talk about their past failures or traumas. If someone I barely know asks why my marriage ended I say 'the usual BS'.
OP, what was devistating and life altering for you might be just a little piece of your ancient history for some people. They may not consider your self professed downward spiral and final recovery as that noteworthy after you've already healed and moved on.. The past is the past, unless you want to hold on to it. | |
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| Is truth always the best policy when chatting/profile?
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:52:19 AM | | There is a big difference between not wanting to discuss something right away with a perfect stranger and outright lying. I'm another one of those people who lays it all out in my profile. And... if people really want to know more about me, all they have to do is read through my posting history. I've been pretty open here as well. OP, it's completely up to you whether or not you feel comfortable discussing your issues with a potential partner. I would highly advise against lying, however. That's only going to come back to bite you in the butt. Of course there are things that I don't discuss with someone new right away, but if I'm asked a direct question, they can certainly expect an honest answer. I'm getting a little too old to play games. | |
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| Is truth always the best policy when chatting/profile?
Posted: 7/8/2008 4:15:53 AM | The truth is definitely the best way to go. Unfortunately, not enough people are in agreement on this. So you're confronted with people attempting to manipulate situations through lies. When you're not concerned with telling the truth, the lies you tell will eventually catch up to you. I don't know a single person that lies on a regular basis that's happy.
Nobody worth your time will ever have any respect for you if you lie. Trust is huge, and in the absence of trust love will die. If it even developed at all. Falling for someone that's lying to you just means you've developed feelings for someone that doesn't exist. A deep sense of betrayal definitely doesn't help you find something meaningful.
Although I still believe the worst people on this site are the ones that lie about who they are, and how they treat people. Only to discover that they're very different from how they describe themselves as being. I am EXACTLY who I claim to be, and if there's anything a single person would be worth praying, hoping, or wishing for. It would be to find someone that's going to show them the same level of respect. Self-respect itself becomes a lie if the person you think you are, isn't who you really are. | |
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| Is truth always the best policy when chatting/profile?
Posted: 7/12/2008 12:31:06 PM | Honesty is always the best policy.........It's too hard to keep up with lies. Besides if you are brutally honest with someone & they don't understand........They were not meant for you anyway! | |
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| Is truth always the best policy when chatting/profile?
Posted: 7/19/2008 9:43:51 AM | | I'm at a point where I can't help but be honest and I think there is such thing as too honest. People don't like to hear the truth. I don't think lying is at all the answer but learning to keep your mouth shut and figuring out how to politely and honestly hold off on the truth is the key. I believe a person has a right to privacy as well. | |
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| Is truth always the best policy when chatting/profile?
Posted: 7/19/2008 12:38:34 PM | Then if you say 'id rather not say'....it leads to assumptions. So are non-truths, false stories the better alterntative?
You bet OP. Most excellent question. I'll take it a step further. In my opinion, a serious number of people are just plain hypocrites. Not necessarily because they lie, but because they avoid the truth when it suites them. And more often their avoidance runs contrary to their profile statements.
If the question is behavioral and socially desirable, sure they will tell the truth.
Q1: "Do you like to dine out" R1: "Oh sure, I love fancy restaurants"
Q2: "Did your and you ex part on amiable terms?" R2: "Yes, we did. We are friends"
Q3: "Are you always in control of your emotions?" R3: "I'm pretty cool, calm and collected"
If the question is deemed personal and the answer not so desirable, then they avoid:
Q1: "How much do you weight?" R1: "*&)#$@*&^%, you got your nerve, clink"
Here's the hypocracy:
They claim they are "honest and open" on the profile and in open forums, yet conveniently claim some antiquated June Cleever/John Wayne value system where.....men/women don't ask those kinds of questions.
Oh, I see. So when you meet someone in person and your either shorter/taller, heavier/thinner, than your profile states, it's "the eye of the beholders problem" not yours. That's hypocritical. There is no reason why one should not be honest about height, weight, shoe size, eye color, education, etc. It's called REALITY.
No friggen wonder why many threads are disappointment over "first dates" or meetings. People have to STOP deluding themselves and START divulging and telling the truth BEFORE they meet. | |
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