| Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/21/2008 5:38:05 AM | | He needs to to grow up and stop acting like the virgin boy.We all have a past and life goes on. | |
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| Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/21/2008 5:45:50 AM | He needs to to grow up and stop acting like the virgin boy.We all have a past and life goes on.
well its hard to say anyting bad about this man becuae we dont know him. what we do know is she slept wiht his friends. which is big no no. does him having feelings really make him a young virgin boy?? I think NOT. We all have feelings, including you. but since u think he needs to grow up, well it all boils down to same thing deosnt it. they need to split and go their own way. he will find someone who WONT sleep with his firends. not all women are that cruel ...i dont care if they were broken up at the time or not. she is wrong. after sleeping with his firends I can only imagine what those so called freineds are saying to each other...wow, he really had a loser in her simply becuase she is sleeping with his firends, although the freinds arent any better for sleeping with her. says alot about both her and the so called friends. Every time he looks at his frineds he is gonna be thinking oh they all slept with my girl., and at same time the firneds will be thinking oh what a loser he has on his hands. there simply is no fix for this situation. She will be nothing more than an embarrassment to that guy. noting to be proud of | |
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| Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/21/2008 7:27:55 AM | kittenshere41 ~
You and this young man have much in common ~
you both are at about the same place ~ in the growup ~ cycle
It's a wonderful sight to see ~ when two "likes" find each other!
Some people find each other early ~ and life become a happy dream
they spend their entire life "not" having to address ~ hard issues.
they possess all the skill that they need ~ until ~ the grandchildren start bringing them into the happy home.
It's Rare ~ but it does happen ~ and this is what we wish for all
And a note here ~ This is not a "put down" directed towards anyone~ just an observation and reality check
Dance | |
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| made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 6/21/2008 7:30:25 AM | LaFets, I am responding to your OP, but have read your posts since ...and no, I'm afraid that time is not all that you need to fix what you've hopefully learned for several lessons in love, loneliness, and lust. These 'ingredients' add up as much for the human condition.
I'm venturing a guess that you needed more of what your b/f now has to offer you for time and attention, but you've acquired it again and not in a good way by having confused love and lust in your loneliness during your hiatus. Grow up. Grow up. Everybody grow up.
You're alright, but not all right for what is a matter between you and a guy who's not going to forget what and who you did no matter how many dates you go on together and not discuss what happened. See a counselor? Any worth their bill will likely charge y'all more than why your b/f worked those long hours previously. Hmm. The original problem resurfaces to cover these 'corrective date' costs?
It sounds as though your visiting new locales is helping to spark your romance, but it still doesn't make your past go away. It will take more than this and time for the fixing. Just what would fix it ...in his heart ...in yours, and do these add up to beating as one? If this is what you both want w/ one another, you will need to discuss what you've publicly posted here ...in private w/ him. My feeling is that you should do the 'big girl thing' and do so as maturely as you can muster for a truth that I've come to learn for making an LTR work.
Keep it coming to light in all your communications w/ whom these matter most. | |
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| Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/21/2008 7:52:45 AM | kittenshere41 ~
You and this young man have much in common ~
you both are at about the same place ~ in the growup ~ cycle
Yes well unfortunatly I spoke the truth. I think ur just wnating a piece of her too while the getting it good. thats my guess. however i spoke the truth. she will be an embarrassment for him due to my previous post. whats real is real. maybe sad but true none the less and I dont feel like i have h ave been put down by the likes of you. You need to get better with ur observations becuase they are way off. please try to grow up and use ur upper head instead of ur lower. you simply thik if u defend her u will get a piece of her also. and who knows it might happen. w hat i said was not out of meanness but common sense. if u think really hard about it you will undestand taht what I said is true. put urself in his place. you ex screws all ur firends while discussing getting back together wiht you. how would u feel in the presence of ur firends... who all had a piece of her.... you would understand his side of things then. if you cant comprehend this then its you who is in the grow up cycle. | |
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| made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 6/21/2008 9:09:29 AM |
WELL, LETS ALL BE HONEST HERE............WHO DID HE SLEEP WITH DURING THAT TIME......
Tou were broken up for a while almost a year. how cna he not expect you to ahve sex in that time frame. what was he doing taken a vow of celibacy? He did not date or have sex with anyone? Come on....
He wasn't seeing anyone while we were split up. He was so busy with his job that he didn't have the time for me. If he was seeing anyone, I would have known about it. I didn't even have to ask.
as far as the other guy is concerned..make him non existent to you.......sounds like a selfish ass anyway and you nor your boyfriend need him in your lives..as far as the other friends
We're trying that. We're trying to avoid any places that will cause us grief. If we do run into anyone that puts us in an awkward position. We simply leave if possible, and we ignore them as if they're not there.
sorry honey ,but once sex rears it's ugly head ,there's no going back .
you will never have the same relationship as it will always be a barrier between you .
best to let it go and find someone new ,and put this down to experiance,and dont do this sort of thing again.
once bitten.. etc.
I know there's no way I can take back what I did. I know we will never have the same relationship. I think he's man enough to eventually put this behind him. I know he will never forget, but maybe he will forgive.
Finding someone new?
Don't you think that's how I got in this problem in the first place? The last thing I want is to do that. I still love my boyfriend. | |
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| Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/21/2008 9:18:25 AM |
i dont care if they were broken up at the time or not. she is wrong. after sleeping with his firends I can only imagine what those so called freineds are saying to each other...wow, he really had a loser in her simply becuase she is sleeping with his firends, although the freinds arent any better for sleeping with her. says alot about both her and the so called friends. Every time he looks at his frineds he is gonna be thinking oh they all slept with my girl., and at same time the firneds will be thinking oh what a loser he has on his hands. there simply is no fix for this situation. She will be nothing more than an embarrassment to that guy. noting to be proud of
I know. That is my dilema isn't it?
I made a lot of mistakes and I publicly hurt him. It was not my intention to do so.
I was thinking the same way some of these posters are saying. "Broken up - Do what you want- You probably won't get back together." So I ended up screwing and getting screwed over.
He's happy I'm back in his life. Whether or not he is or will be proud of me I don't know. I'm trying to make it up to him and give him reason to respect me and continue to love me. I've made a mistake, but running away from my mistake is not the solution. | |
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| Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/21/2008 9:33:28 AM | made a lot of mistakes and I publicly hurt him. It was not my intention to do so.
Op we all make mistakes. We posters dont know how u or he feels. we cannot feel what u and he feel for each other. so if your sure he is what you wnat and you are what he wants then I wish both of you the best of luck.
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| Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/21/2008 9:43:45 AM |
Yes well unfortunatly I spoke the truth. I think ur just wnating a piece of her too while the getting it good. thats my guess. however i spoke the truth. she will be an embarrassment for him due to my previous post. whats real is real. maybe sad but true none the less and I dont feel like i have h ave been put down by the likes of you
Please clarify that you spoke YOUR truth. Thats up to HIM to decided if she will be an embarrassment. And thats childish to say he wanted his "piece".
And my opinion is that dancecard is one of the wisest posters on POF.
i understand you may be speaking from your own experience's but it is not necessary to always get defensive and put other people down.
OK guess its my turn.................. | |
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| made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 6/21/2008 9:56:27 AM | Well when either a man or a woman in a relationship can't forgive the other party for their past indiscretions, the relationship is over. The ability to forgive is a necessary element for a couple to continue to be together. What will happen with you is that your BF will remain angry and unhappy making you miserable.
I knew a Navy couple who had been married for 20 years and had three children. The husband had a couple of affairs and the wife either had evidence of it or sensed it. During this marriage, she was nearly always angry and b*tchy. She made his life miserable. She couldn't forgive. Finally she had her own revenge by having an affair of her own and then divorcing the husband.
I'd advise a new BF and better behavior on your part.
The Eagle | |
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| made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 6/21/2008 9:56:45 AM | You've been honest with him and haven't done anything wrong.
I dare say he's struggling with jealousy and has imagery of your mutual acquaintance going through his head when you're about to have sex but split up is split up and both are entitled to meet other people.
He feels insecure and may be worried about the other chap returning to your bed or has performance issues.
I think you either both need a complete change of location to start new together or the two of you should go for therapy as a couple. You have to decide how much work it's worth as it's going to take a long time. | |
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| Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/21/2008 10:01:19 AM | understand you may be speaking from your own experience's but it is not necessary to always get defensive and put other people down.
nope not my experinece as i have never slept with an ex's friend. as far as putting him down. he tried to put me down first with his rude remark so I returned the favor.
and its not my truth ..its common sense. I understand how the guy feels and i also understand how she feels it was mistake. forgive but never forget is this situation. regardless of the outcome I wish them both the best. | |
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| made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 6/21/2008 10:19:10 AM | | Don't play this game with him! What if the shoe was on the other foot, what if he had sex with a friend of yours? Bury the dog and go on with life this guy is playing you. Move on to someone else, and never tell a man you are in love with about other men you had sex with. Go talk to a girl friend about the sex with the other guys never the one your with. They are too insecure, and they think other mens penis or larger than theirs. Men are simple minded. Our brains are larger then theirs. Don't talk girl talk with men they don't understand! Jan | |
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| made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 6/21/2008 10:29:58 AM | | Too Funny Jan! I agree the OP did nothing wrong. These men were after her boyfriend and her broke up. If it's too much for him to handle,then it's his problem to deal with and get over. There's really nothing you can do. You can't change the past. He need to get over it, or move on. Mikey | |
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| made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 6/21/2008 10:31:00 AM |
never tell a man you are in love with about other men you had sex with. Go talk to a girl friend about the sex with the other guys never the one your with. They are too insecure, and they think other mens penis or larger than theirs. Men are simple minded. Our brains are larger then theirs. Don't talk girl talk with men they don't understand
If your brains are larger than men's brains how com you didn't notice that SHE DIDN'T TELL HIM??????
He found out because of the guy she was with telling all their friends...
Apparently you should rent out all that extra brain capacity as unused storage.... LOL | |
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| Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/21/2008 10:34:40 AM |
You don't know enough about us to make assumptions about how much we cared about each other.
I'm so sorry. But if I cared about someone THAT much. I would have probably found a way to stay together.
Well, you are the one who used the word 'felt', instead of 'love' not I....
Perhaps if you had more clearly stated in your message the direction you were going with it.... | |
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| made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 6/21/2008 10:35:10 AM | | Hi,I'm sorry,but it won't sort itself. You have to have a heart to heart sit down talk,and discuss it. He can't take you back and then blame you for what was happening when you weren't together. As for it being a friend of both of you,you should point out to him that although you have had experiences with other people when you weren't together,you chose to go back with him. Please don't do anything like this again to him. If you finish with him again,move on ,and never,ever go back. | |
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| Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/21/2008 10:44:08 AM | After reading all these posts, I find it no surprise that most of you are single...
Anyway, as far as I can see, this whole mess might make them a stronger couple.
A sort of "us against the world" type of thing.
Sometimes a relationship can be stronger than it ever was before the problems if it's handled right.
I find it troubling that so many of you think they are both WRONG!
All she asked for was advice, and most of what she gets is the equivalent of shooting a puppy because it piddled on the carpet. | |
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| Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/21/2008 10:49:33 AM | As far as I can see, a lot of people are raking this guy over the coals for being imature...
Will some of you please tell me how having feelings is "imature"?
Will some of you please tell me how his taking her back after all this is "imature"?
Will some of you please tell me how his not bashing her is "imature"?
Will some of you please tell me how his willingness to work on this is "imature"? | |
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| Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/21/2008 10:51:13 AM | Anyone else notice here that people are saying how this guy is awful for having an issue with that kind of thing when this apparently happened while they were talking about getting back together?
I really wanna get back together with you. (said while currently with another guy)
That doesn't seem the slightest bit stupid, disrespectful, immature, or whatever to anyone? You'd think that wanting to get back together or talking about getting back together would put that person in the front of your mind, not as some kind of back up plan while you go out and **** anyone else you want because 'it's over'...
I know that I would have an issue with that but at that point, I would not be even talking about getting back together with someone, I would drop them and move on. | |
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| made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 6/21/2008 11:44:02 AM |
I know I made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys but I have no idea what to do to improve our situation. Will this fix itself if I give it time or what should I do? It's highly unlikely this relationship will work. You seem to be the needy type, sort of self-centered. Work on that before seeking new relationships. If you don't, you'll just repeat your pattern of unsubstantial relationships.
You don't sleep with an X's acquaintances if you have any inkling to reconcile. Once you go there, you don't go back. The best thing you can do is be civil to your guy, since you will break up with him and you seem to socialize in the same circle. Next time you sleep with a new guy, understand that act means no more reconciliation. Otherwise you establish a pattern of in-and-out love; you'll just cycle in and out of the relationship while you notch up more one nighters.
The issue isn't that you slept with three guys in ten months. It's that you have no clue about the not-dating-acquaintance issue. You need to fully understand why that is a mistake.
Also you made bad choices with your sexual partners. Of course you should understand that you expose yourself to diseases when you open your legs to new men. Learn that you avoid that risk by working on a mostly functional relationship even if the focus isn't on you in it 24/7.
Your comment about rape is deplorable too. No way a woman should say she felt she was raped when she engages in consensual sex. It's not something to casually say, it's a serious offense when a man rapes a woman; claiming rape shouldn't be used as a relationship bargaining chip. Crying false rape indicates to me a center-of-the-universe mentality.
No your relationship will not fix itself. Focus instead on fixing your self-centeredness and then you have half a chance to have a meaningful interpersonal relationship. Good luck. | |
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| made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 6/21/2008 12:02:03 PM | I went through something similar in a past relationship. It was one of her close friends, and we were "broken up" at the time. She was really distant when the other girl was present. We tried to get past it, but every time we had an arguement, she would throw it in my face. She even wanted me to compare who was better sexually. It was obvious she wasn`t going to let it go, so I had to let her go. Way too much animosity, and I couldn`t handle her tantrums and mistrust. Although I sincerely regret screwing her friend, and would never do it again, the drama was a bit much. This being said, I doubt if your b/f will ever trust you fully again. I think it`s time to put your past behind you and move on to someone new and start fresh. P.S I`m available, lol. Good luck. I hope this helps you. Edward | |
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| Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/21/2008 12:10:29 PM | ....Will some of you please tell me how having feelings is "imature
its not
....Will some of you please tell me how his taking her back after all this is "imature
not imature becuase he obviosly cares for her to even think of taking her back. caring for somene is not imature.
....Will some of you please tell me how his not bashing her is "imature
its not . shows he is a good man.
....Will some of you please tell me how his willingness to work on this is "imature"?
well its imature thinking because it will not work due to him constantly reminded that she slept with his friends. I jsut dont see it ever working. they can talk till the cows come home but it will always be in back of his mind. esp when he faces his friends. its sad but true. | |
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