~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 26 | |
| So confused has anyone ever had this?
Posted: 6/17/2008 1:21:33 PM | You have to let her figure out that she misses you when you are not at her beck and call.
^^^ I just gotta comment to this...
As a general rule...it takes for a guy to miss a woman to figure out he loves her.
For women...this usually isnt the case. She ALREADY knows.
Dont play games to try to "teach" a woman that she misses you when you're not around.
In other words...DONT back off deliberately...its a sure way to make a woman think you're jerking her around.
Cos ultimately...thats exactly what you're doing.
This isnt about "beck and call" ...get that crap outta ya head.
If you're around...then be around...if something's going on...then go with that...but dont DELIBERATELY do things to manipulate people. Its called playing games. | |
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| So confused has anyone ever had this?
Posted: 6/17/2008 1:23:40 PM | Yes i have to agree with Kyn. I was in the position of your girl when my partner and i started the relationship we are still in. He fell hard and fast just like you did OP. I was a bit slower in getting there and asked him to slow down and let me go at my own pace. I didn't want him to slow down seeing me, i wanted him to slow down in declarations of how he felt and any kind of pressure for me to feel the same way at the same time. I also felt overwhelmed with the constant text messaging telling me how wonderful i was. So..... I asked him to slow down and he did.. If he hadn't i probably would have bailed out from feeling under so much pressure to feel the same way he did. Now it is almost a year and a half into the relationship, we live together and are very much in love.
Just let her get there in her own time OP.. | |
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| So confused has anyone ever had this?
Posted: 6/17/2008 7:43:49 PM | Wow some of you people have hit on the head, and others I think may have been hurt while falling from the tree; No I dont think playing games with ones emotions is right and can be very bad for ones Karma (what goes around comes around) I do wake up at of a dead sleep and while at work grin like I just won the lotto and some have come to notice , again thank you for all the advices I can only hope and pray what I do is right after three plus years I feel so alive and good for what or why I think the one who said it best was 38 special and I am trying to hold on with out choking her free spirt as that one of the quaity I do admire of her along with many more with honesty be at the top of the list. | |
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| So confused has anyone ever had this?
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:20:59 PM | | I met a guy not long ago who was really gaga over me right away. It was a little off-putting. So I told him I would like to hang out with him just as friends. Once he backed off, I began to see his good qualities and started to like him more. So I think you should back off a little and let her figure out how she feels about you. | |
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| So confused has anyone ever had this?
Posted: 6/18/2008 12:30:42 AM | Well I guess it true LOVE hurts,
Long night cant sleep thinking of all that was talk about over the last weekend and time spent together. Now I have fallen reaching for that apple and the landing broke all that was left inside, There not much fight left inside to keep persuing her she I know is the fishing story of the one that got away, maybe it time to retreat and lick my wounds | |
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| So confused has anyone ever had this?
Posted: 6/18/2008 1:00:05 AM | It only takes one milliseconds to fall in love.
Now she has heard you say "I love you" now I bet she wants to go slow cause she is probably scared and wants to see if what you say is true that "Actions speak louder than words"
So show here, don't just say it.
But slow and easy does it. AND best wishes and good for you! | |
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| So confused has anyone ever had this?
Posted: 6/19/2008 9:28:51 PM | Ahhhh.... just when the story was getting really really good ... (I mean, you were grinnin' like you'd won the LOTTO, after all, and people had NOTICED!)
... Now, you say you're going to go off somewhere and lick your wounds? Man, if you really love her, unless she's told you to go away, don't change. Don't stop "pursuing" her... (as long as that means you're doing nice things for her, spending time with her just hanging out, inviting her to spend time with you, just hanging out...
If you LOVE her, act like it.
It's really hard to imagine what's happened with your girl that would make you post that last bit. My original advice was going to be to listen hard to Kyn and Dare To, and especially Dare To as she's been exactly where your girl is -- the 2nd of the pair to fall in love.
Kyn's right, by the way. Women don't love you after missing you, they just love you. Men, I can't say, but I've heard and seen evidence of this "miss you, so figure out that I love you" thing. Pay attention here -- if you change how you act toward this woman, who you profess to love, she'll notice, and she'll wonder. Hopefully she'll have the brass to ask you why the change in your behavior, but if not, she'll just let you recede into the middle distance. Really.
Man, don't be a flame out in this woman's life. If you love her, (and again, if she's already told you to "get lost" then disregard all of this), keep loving her. She'll either fall in love with you, or she won't. Either way, you get to enjoy spending time with someone YOU love while she figures it out.
Walk softly, but don't desert her. | |
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| So confused has anyone ever had this?
Posted: 6/20/2008 12:00:31 AM | lol.. I just had a similar conversation with my buddy tonight. Here is what is really sad to me.
Why is it such a bad thing to be upfront with people, and honest? Since when has telling someone you care for them, or even love them send them for the hills? Why does this happen? Games, lies, un-openess is more accepted than being upfront. That is just bullshit. But.. it's how it is these days. If not for ever.
I don't blame you for being upfont with her man. Alot of the time, if she would like to take it slow. Being your girl, or any other girl. She just wants to keep her options open. Why?? Because she doesn't feel the way you do about her, and she knows she just might be able to get better. (Better in her mind) And again. Better for many women these days is, richer, better looking, and that's it. Takes quite a bit to please many women these days. Of course depending on where they grew up.
Just be yourself my friend, and don't let anyone tell ya different. Be honest, and upfront, and if she doesn't like it. She is no good for you.
Ty | |
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| So confused has anyone ever had this?
Posted: 6/20/2008 8:11:14 AM | | Hey if you really car about this girl - and its obvious you do - then youve got to take it at the speed she wants ! The more you push it the more likely she is to panic and end it . Be thankful that shes still around and youve got the chance to make it work ! | |
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| So confused has anyone ever had this?
Posted: 6/22/2008 12:14:30 PM | | I have read all the posts here and not sure that I agree with being so open and upfront with your feelings in this case. If a woman meets a man and feels she could love him and get serious about him, then she can tolerate if his feelings are a little stronger than hers. She will just slow him down. However, if a woman has not yet reached that conclusion about the man, he will appear needy and desperate by coming on so strong. In this case you really need to back off and give her time to discover how much she likes you. A woman does not need to feel you are the love of her life at first in order to give you the green light to pursue. But she needs to feel that you might possibly be. Then her feelings will start to show too. If she does not feel this way, there is no amount of pursuing that will ever work. | |
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| So confused has anyone ever had this?
Posted: 6/22/2008 7:08:32 PM | | Just do what I do when I feel strongly but I know it's too soon for the L word.....say "I'm crazy about you".... or "I love spending time with you"....... | |
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| So confused has anyone ever had this?
Posted: 6/22/2008 7:44:54 PM | Simple answer....
Think about it...think of how many guys have used that line on her before and they lied or whatever and it hurt her. Guys tend to take things way too damn fast. Slow down let her enjoy the anticipation of something happening to her heart. What you did was take all of that away from her. She didn't have to work for your attention and that is boring to her because you just became all of the others before you in her mind. You did not stand out...you became the average guy she meets.
A guys reading this now stop trying to fall in love and let it happen!!! You put a female on a pedestal and she knows she is not perfect. A woman takes a piss, a s**they puke, they bleed, they can stink just as good as us so STOP thinking she is all pure and white and magical....they are people...humans. A woman wants to look up to her man not look down on him.
Let her fall in love with you and just keep your feelings held back until then and when you get into a RELATIONSHIP then you can get a little mushy and show your softer side not before then. | |
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