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| Tell me there are women who still want this? (a chaste guy)
Posted: 6/17/2008 11:23:07 PM | Hi Op, in many ways I respect your values but I do think you are being a little hard on the people who have lost theirs.But one important questions to ask is why are you now questioning your own beliefs, because this thread gives me the impression that you are questioning why you are holding out with statements like
(quote) I post this thread, because there are times when I despair that I'm like a dying species or something. It gets really lonely when it seems the whole world would rather you didn't have your views. I'm looking for some support a part of you life (/quote)
Your thread also gives me the impression that because you are a virgin that women owe you something or moreover, that you feel you may be in a higher class than us non - virgins. I am sorry to tell you but we outnumber you many fold.
Whether you are a virgin or not will probably have no relevance as to if you find the perfect women or not, especially in the ladies eyes. In fact, it may backfire on you because there has been many threads were ladies admitted that if a guy was no good in bed then they would leave them (not all ladies but some) and the only way you get good at something is with experience. I can assure you all the reading and research will not prepare you for the real thing and what happens if you meet the ideal lady and she never wanted to be with a virgin, she would leave you, on the other hand many ladies will respect your beliefs and values and that will attract them to you -- see two sides to every coin. Point is, Virgin or Not, neither is better than the other, contrary to what you may believe a women wants.
Another thing, you are putting all your life in the ultimate women, you will give her your virginity, you will marry and your heart. Many people have thought they found their true love to only have it end it sadness or divorce, so if it does not work out will you be able to deal with the rejection.
Either way, good luck to you and just be yourself!
Happy Virgin Fishing | |
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| Tell me there are women who still want this? (a chaste guy)
Posted: 6/17/2008 11:40:51 PM | | My husband and I were virgins together. I wish I had read some sexy romance novels sooner, but I believe if you love each other its great. Now after 43 years of a married, faithful life, dating men that want to have sexy with me on the first date, makes me pray to meet someone who wants to wait,until we are sure. Stay true to yourself.....Sparkle | |
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| Tell me there are women who still want this? (a chaste guy)
Posted: 6/18/2008 1:12:13 AM | Just because there is a fictional movie, or someone uses a name such as 'wannalearn', doesn't make the person someone who lives in the 18th century. He might use the 'wannalearn' name because he likes teaching things...and it doesn't necessarily mean he wants to teach sex. ;)
Look, folks, just because someone has a different mindset about sex and waiting for marriage, doesn't make the person a potential pedophile, nor does it mean he has some issues with sex, nor does it make him weird; different maybe, but weird...no!
Many christians and catholics live by this theory, to this day. I was previously married and chose to go that same route, once I was no longer with that person, and I've never regretted my decision.
Many believe in saving their self, because it gives you the opportunity to get to know the other person much better, without sex complicating things. You actually get to know inside the person's heart and mind, instead of 'just' their bodies. Believe it or not, there are lots of valuable reasons to do this, and none of them are negative. It makes you stronger, emotionally; you're less inclined to put up with emotional negativity or attacks. You're also more inclined to understand the person on a deeper level than most. In addition, you're more likely to stick around when 'normal' problems develop in the relationship. And, there are a slew full of other reasons, too.
So, don't knock it til you try it! ;) | |
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| Tell me there are women who still want this? (a chaste guy)
Posted: 6/18/2008 2:11:56 PM | I'm still enjoying the replies this thread it getting. Less bashing than I thought it would get.
I don't know if Miss Perfect will come or not, but IF she does, I want to save myself for her. Not because I think she "owes" me anything, but because I just... want to.
No, being chaste does not guarantee anything. My marriage may fall apart, and I'll have to learn things aren't as they say in fairy tales. I can live with that. But to accept that without learning it first hand would seem to be cheating life out of being such a masterful teacher; I wouldn't want to deprive it of the privilege of schooling a whipper-snapper such as myself :P
To the poster who suggested that this thread makes non-virgins look worse, that was not my intent at all. Even non-virgins can be chaste, as true chastity is about love, not virginity (or religion, for that matter). I'll confess to want to be saved for. If that's selfish or whatever, it's a flaw that I acknowledge that I have. May not necessarily even be a virgin, but I do want to truly feel saved for. She's my wife; why can't she matter to me that much?
As far as being ignorant to the heights of sexual satisfaction, with only having one other lover in one's life, I think it's an ineffective perspective. I feel the point is that it doesn't matter what another lover could provide sexually if they couldn't be everything else too.
I just might read up on those Tantra books, too. So no, I'm not offended at all. I read The Game to understand the sleazy side of romance; perhaps these will shed light on the other end of the spectrum? Right now, though, I've embarked on reading Don Quixote, which is over 900 pages long... so it'll be a while before I get to other books lol
PS
My username is because I view the forums as a learning tool, and created my profile to create threads. Besides, no one can learn anything without accepting a degree of ingorance first. I believe Socrates also says something similar | |
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| Tell me there are women who still want this? (a chaste guy)
Posted: 6/18/2008 9:58:10 PM | | Interesting thread, good posts. I've chosen to wait as well. I was once married, and completely enjoyed love making. Unfortunately, the marriage did not last due to other factors. Personally, I feel a piece of my soul is given away during sex and I'd rather give it wholly to my future best friend. | |
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| Tell me there are women who still want this? (a chaste guy)
Posted: 6/18/2008 11:56:02 PM | | I have a buddy recently who got married and his wife had saved herself. My other buddy who got married almost two years ago, his wife also saved herself. Neither of them had saved themselves, but both regret doing so (largely from being born-again Christian types). | |
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| Tell me there are women who still want this? (a chaste guy)
Posted: 6/19/2008 3:21:03 AM | OP, if you find the right one, both of you will be desiring each other. A lot. To get to the point where you feel certain about marriage, that is a lot of ignoring to do.
I would think the only way to achieve this is by getting married too early. Either that or have a 100% e-mail courtship.
Realistically, when you love someone, and they feel the same, that is a good time to start being physical.
My parents did (or said they did) what you want to do. And the wedding night did not go so well.........they spent the next 38 years (until my Dad's death) in an angry, mostly sexless union (they had four kids so they would spread the misery I guess). My Dad turned to food and gambling, my Mom to alcohol and a lifelong pity party. All of that could have been avoided by having sex before marriage......and I guess I would not have been here to write this!!!!!!!!!
OP, I respect your opinion, but be open-minded to the downside of it also. Best of luck to you and the one you find....and you will find her. Just be patient. | |
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| Tell me there are women who still want this? (a chaste guy)
Posted: 6/19/2008 3:35:23 AM | One more thought........someone who is able to wait until marriage......may also be able to withhold after marriage, don't you think? How would you know that the woman even enjoys sex? Many married women use sex as a bargaining tool (no pun intended)
and I DO have first hand experience in that!!!!!
I am sorry to be so negative in this thread......but I compare this to the lifelong employee who spends his whole life at one company.....to see it outsourced to India a few years before he qualifies for a pension.
OP, I have no doubt you have the best of intentions, but your willingness to follow through does not guarantee good results!!! Other posters mentioned this also. I saw you are just 23, I remember my dreams at that age, the world does not always follow through on it's part.
OK, sorry, I'll stop being negative now. | |
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| Tell me there are women who still want this? (a chaste guy)
Posted: 6/19/2008 3:52:34 AM | Hi wannalearn,
Just like men there are all kinds of women out there. Having said that,I think you do women a diservice in general. Just because they aren't virgins,doesn't mean that they are "Easy",it usually just means that the one they thought was the "One" wasn't.
In my opinion you should only judge any womans morality after you have met them,because whatever happened to them before,really isn't any of your business. As with many things in life,sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs before you meet that "Prince",and a lot of the time the one you thought was a prince,turns out to be another frog. You can't blame anyone for falling for the wrong person,when they thought it was the right person at the time. All that really matters in a relationship is what happens after you meet.If you have certain pre-conditions,you may miss your sole mate because of those preconditions. I hope you get the one you are looking for,but please don't pre-judge them. GOOD LUCK. | |
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| Tell me there are women who still want this? (a chaste guy)
Posted: 6/19/2008 9:13:24 AM | wannalearn
I guess you wrote a quite few things contradictory....
given in to temptation
who aren't religious as I'm not
FYI, temptation: the act of tempting or the state of being tempted especially to evil ... and BTW, is "evil" anything remotely far of a "religious meaning"?
Speaking of evil, how do you think to time on or switch on/off your hormonal glandules, especially the testes in production of C19H28O2?
Do you think a tested and by FDA approved "virgin" could rescue you right in time to turn the hormonal switch on?
Consult your psychiatrist or doctor before buying any drugs over the counter, just in case...
Tomorrow, well, you might never know...
I hope you can wake up from the elusive you've been re-/programmed in and enjoy life as a normal accepting human being in the precious present...
Cheers!!!
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| Tell me there are women who still want this? (a chaste guy)
Posted: 6/19/2008 10:23:30 AM | wannalearn
Last but not least, it seems you did not proofread your thread.
Your thread is as fully cynical and hypocrite as those you felt yourself best entitled to point out with your dirt fingers and call them names and such as also cynical…
from are the jaded, cynnical and condescending a$$holes from this site
There are also all the undisciplined losers who think that women are "theirs"
I thought, your self-righteous one would also be able to describe your own physicals without comparisons… because you really are trying hard and want to be different of “all other” Though, you’re posting where everybody else posts, never mind… Tough trying to be different, huh?
However, not describing yourself physically, does it mean you can’t? I mean, you don’t need to talk about having balls, but could be you’re refusing and afraid to look into the mirror?
How is that? How do you think you are going to please a virgin wife? Calling Seth Cohen for the Big Job?
I'm closer to a Seth Cohen
but I'm still one of those guys a lady can meet at a party and leave her smiling for days afterwards, just using charm and conversation
 LOL… I am also a lady, whether you consider it or not, and I just laughed… do you really think that you know why? Can you read minds?
and it's been a dream of mine to be a guy to grant a lady that experience
Sure it is a dream… Do you maybe think a woman has been really built out of Adam’s ribs? And that a woman needs you before all to be granted with happiness, fulfilling life, fulfilling sexual life? Hmmm, really a day dreamer…
I've always wanted to give my first intimacy to a woman who can likewise reciprocate.
Try the mirror… it is exactly “likewise reciprocation”…
BTW, it is STD’s not STI’s… Infections are causes, not a state of, like Sexual Transmitted Diseases
And no… you can be chaste, waste or virgin, STD’s don’t give a f*uck for nice titles… Just giving your virgin a nice BJ can help you with herpes… Ignorance is not this what you point as definition, but the lack of substantiated knowledge…
Never say never… you also has a nice glass roof, at large. Don’t you think? | |
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| Tell me there are women who still want this? (a chaste guy)
Posted: 6/19/2008 12:41:30 PM | Miashakti,
well, they slept in separate rooms on separate floors of our split level home...in fact, my Dad was banished to the family room, which was really cold in the winter(it rested on the slab)
And if that wasn't enough, our mother would tell us! Many times. Too many times.
This icon reminds me of Mom! | |
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| Tell me there are women who still want this? (a chaste guy)
Posted: 6/19/2008 10:29:28 PM | Stingray45,
What do you want from me? You've made the choice to be antagonistic. I hope there was a reason.
STIs, because AIDS and HIV are viruses, not diseases. Both diseases and viruses infect people. That's why you see it written that way these days. It's a PC thing, even though being PC can be a hassle sometimes.
I'm guessing you laughed at my vanity, ignorance, or any other belittling thought that contented you. I won't lie and say it didn't bother me, but I won't say that it matters that much either. It's very easy to criticize anyone on these forums. No one "has" to back up anything, and even if a poster feels they've done their best to explain things, there's always going to be someone else who wants validation, and gets it by showing how stupid that poster is.
When I'm being charming at a party, I don't tell the lady, "Hey, be charmed, because I'm being charming." I will say that my first two of three goals at a party are to make 1) a girl smile, and 2) make a girl laugh. If I do those two things, I leave the event satisfied. In case anyone's wondering, #3 is being able to get a girl to do a mental "Wow..." (in a good, flattered way). Not looking for a date, a number, or a roll in the hay. Just that.
I used "Seth Cohen", because everyone likes easy cliche comparisons, especially after using another likewise fictional allusion such as Adonis. I'm not a copy, I'm just "similar" in one or two ways, and have a lighter build as far as guys go, that's all. And even though I'm sure I'm capable of "the big job", if my lady can get the attention of Adam Brody (the actor who plays Seth), she should go for him. She'll lose me, but meh, if that's meant to be, it's meant to be lol
You say the mirror can reiciprocate? You sure? I mean, I know the reflection will be nice to look at, but it lacks the capability to give nice foreplay, and that's just not acceptable :P
Anyway, if you got some satisfaction for touting your opinion, great. All of us and our "dirty fingers" are equal here, and your ignorance is just as valuable as mine | |
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| Tell me there are women who still want this? (a chaste guy)
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:06:07 PM | I would have to say I agree with Readyornot57 - sexual compatability is far too important to the long-term success of a marriage to leave to chance. Sex is not all a marriage is about by any means - but without a satisfying sex life, all other problems become magnified and the marriage is doomed to failure, or at least to boredom and cheating. This comes from experience in my marriage of 10 years as well as nearly every divorced woman I have talked to since starting to date again.
In my case my ex was a virgin when we met - we did not wait till we were married (her choice), but we did wait several months till we were sure we were in love. She was inhibited about some things, but thought she would lose her inhibitions with time. She didn't. | |
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| Tell me there are women who still want this? (a chaste guy)
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:41:27 PM | How old are you - cannot check your profile??
I am hoping that you are not forty/fifty something, who just got overlooked when couples paired off at 16, but hey ho it does happen, 
EDIT: OMG you are a man, what is wrong with you?? How old are you?? Don't women like you?? | |
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| Tell me there are women who still want this? (a chaste guy)
Posted: 6/20/2008 3:51:06 AM | OP, I read that 40,000 Americans will contract HIV this year. That sounds a little low to me, but let's say that is the true number.
Ten times as many people die each year as a result of tabacco, but people still not only smoke, but are angry they can't in public places, indoors.
The same amount die in auto accidents, but we all drive.
Half the amount die from gunshots, but we have massive efforts in effect to not restrict guns.
Yes, abstaining makes the chances zero, but I am not saying to have hundreds of lovers.
Just feel free when you do fall in love to express it without rules.
If a person can't do that then are we really living? | |
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| Tell me there are women who still want this? (a chaste guy)
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:40:35 AM | Dear wannalearn
I laughed because your assumptions are ridiculous. What are you trying to prove to the world, while life passes you by, kid? You’re in denial of your own nature, unless you think you’ve been also deposited on earth by aliens, coming with a different form of life substance yet in the anatomy and state of a very human being, social and emotional hypocrisy feature included…he, in this case I prefer to respect your opinion, and let you go to play with your fellows in such dark corners of the moon… It would be a waste of time to make you to sense…
And it's not even about that famous membrane taboo or chastity social hypocrisy. Nature is exact even in chaos.
As far ignorance, it yells while I rather think before I decide to talk, and there’s no such thing as yelling at all with me, I would rather leave the scene than struggle my precious vocal cords for no singing.
I think you haven’t researched enough, AIDS or HIV, they’re diseases , caused by various infections symptoms (premature you?). FYI, I have stand there on the bedside of those who have been gone after surviving horrors of these and other very aggressive diseases. And I believe in a theory that human diseases are not “causa mortis”. We go when each of our time has come, be it on time of disease or health. So, for these and other reasons, you better sense your time is ticking.
Never underestimate your neighbors, never think self-righteously; you could be literary shooting yourself on the feet, and watch you glass roof!
I sustain my opinion and think you still have a chance to live better if you are able to re-program yourself to reason.
Though, I won’t die if your stick shrinks to your point.  | |
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| Tell me there are women who still want this? (a chaste guy)
Posted: 6/20/2008 9:06:59 AM | I know what you mean. You are still young yet. I'm 40, good-looking woman and still a virgin. Now when you say virgin, have you done anything at all? I'm what you might call "everything but" girl. I feel/felt the same way you do about it. But over the last year have changed my mind because I don't want to "die a virgin". And have looked forward to it for so long. I have usual temptations too. Let me tell you what its been like for me....
IN my teens it was okay cause most girls were still virgins.
In my 20's, boyfreinds thought it was quant and sweet.
In my 30's, boyfreinds thought I either belonged to a religious cult, was closet lesbo,
a man-hater, afraid of sex, cold-fish, moslested as a child, a freak and the list goes on...
Since turning 40, six months ago, I have decided to just do it. I held out for my "prince", the love of my life, that never came. Well, I'm a realist now and relize that marriage is a long-shot for me, I'm not opposed to it but at the same time, don't expect it either.
There are very few people I have ever told about my "sexual" status and they are usually surprised because I am very passionate and sensual in that area. But there you have it. You have to do what you feel is right for you.
So, I have asked a trusted guy freind of mine if he would do me the honour and be my first. We get along well with each other, like each other, have done everything "but" intercourse with each other and its good in that area. We both enjoy each other and I know he won't get all emotional on me about doing the deed. Its ok if he does, but he knows I'm not expecting anything like that out of it. I'm a big girl and have been independent for years. I feel the time is right for me and look forward to it. I feel very comfortable with him and he knows that is important. So I am waiting while he thinks it over.
Whatever you decide, make sure its your choice. Good luck! | |
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| Tell me there are women who still want this? (a chaste guy)
Posted: 6/20/2008 10:04:12 AM | Dear Miashakia,
I appreciate your comments. I have been in love before and the lovemaking is different when you love someone. I'm not expecting real love from my guy freind nor am I using this as a stand in for real love. I chose him because we are freinds and he is a kind, considerate and attentive lover and I know would be patient with me. Hopefully, the love of my life exists and is still out there but I think he is probably married now with 3.4 children...LOLOLOLOL
Besides, most guys my age don't want a virgin. | |
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| Tell me there are women who still want this? (a chaste guy)
Posted: 6/20/2008 3:58:16 PM | Stingray45, I don't think we're going to get along. I can live with that, and trust you to as well. Btw...
"Human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) is a retrovirus that can lead to acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS), a condition in humans in which the immune system begins to fail, leading to life-threatening opportunistic infections." -wikipedia on HIV
(The term "STIs" was created in light of the fact that HIV wasn't a disease)
As for anyone else considering the aspect of being human, I feel the point of being human is the ability to make conscious decisions. I don't agree with saying that it's unnatural to be a virgin, or to save sex for marriage. I'm not re-programmed by anyone. I've done this programming myself.
There's been a lot of sexual liberating going on throughout the last few decades or so. I just don't feel personally "liberated" by it. A lot of women don't, either. I want love before sex, and not the other way around. My last girlfriend didn't feel that way, and it sort of spurned me (note: she was also a virgin). I hear that "life is what you make it". I've made it thus. If my views bother anyone in anyway, to some degree, I apologize.
As far as "self-righteousness" is concerned, it's just as offensive to preach to anyone that they're just being naive or ignorant. When I was a bit younger, I felt that my sex-life was going to be as follows, in accordance with society's "norm":
Fall in puppy-love, give my innocence to her, have some horrible break-up with her for whatever reason fate provides, get jaded, become a crazy man-wh*re, realize that that's stupid, find the love of my life.
But after a time you hear everybody tell you "how life is". I felt that for me to actually feel human, I would choose "how life is", for me. Life may be governed by inevitabilities, but such inevitabilities are not without input from ourselves. The norm presented to me, just didn't suit me, so I opted for a different one. It makes me a minority and the target of scorn for many, but it is who I am after using my own sense of logic to determine what I myself want from life, sexually speaking.
As it is not the destination, but the journey, so too do I feel that it is not the sex, but the lover and the love that brought the sex about. If I REALLY love someone, and that someone REALLY loves me, then postponing sex won't be an issue, because we both have the same values and both actually want the same thing. Please leave it at this. | |
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