| How men deal with broken hearts.
Posted: 6/13/2008 9:21:31 AM | | All men are different. Some men move on to another relationship immediately. One of my friends stayed drunk for a year after his divorce. Me, I just hit the pain head on and try to wait for it to pass. | |
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| How men deal with broken hearts.
Posted: 6/13/2008 9:46:52 AM | I believe that you had it right all the way up to, "you have to love yourself, first."
Personally, I've found over the years, that it's a balance between the two...loving yourself and loving the other person.
Too much of loving yourself, and you become arrogant and proud. Too much of loving the other person and you become dependent. However, being a christian, I've found that it's a good thing to put others before yourself, because it really teaches both parties what it means to give of yourself unconditionally.
Of course, there are many therapists that would disagree with this, and that's ok. I guess it depends on who you speak to regarding that opinion...a pastor or a therapist.
I wonder what would happen if a pastor became a therapist or vice versa. Hmm...I guess they might have conflicting views within...hehe. | |
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| How men deal with broken hearts.
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:35:42 AM |
Let me know what you think…
I think shaving your head like Britney Spears was a little drastic ...
but if it helps you come to terms ... more power to yah.
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| How men deal with broken hearts.
Posted: 6/13/2008 11:05:14 AM | OP, I can relate to your post on many levels. I can remember my 'epiphany' very well. Yes, it was more painful than anything I experienced before and I wondered if it would get better. In my instance there was no closure - and I certainly spent many nights thinking through the course of events. I had something on a level I never had in the past, even in marriage. When it was lost I too wondered what I did wrong, which unchosen path would have prevented the loss of something I loved deeply.
In your post you mention ...
and it took a break up to realize where I had failed.
You may not have done ANYTHING wrong. You may be in entirely different places in your life. We meet people and become enamored with them, thinking they might be 'the one' when in reality they should be a close friend at best. Never try to fit someone into your life and ignore behavior, habits, preferences that you know will not last in the long run.
In my case, I came to realize that while I still loved her - it was no longer a romantic love. I came to understand far more about myself and my priorities and realized that even though I enjoyed having her in my life she could not hold the place in my life that was meant for someone else.
This was just a few years ago for me, and a LOT has changed. I definitely look at things much differently and harbor NO ill feelings towards the experience. Like you, I'm GLAD I went through it.
She and I have actually become friends and talk fairly often. There's no odd feelings when she discusses dates or men she's interested in.
One of my personal quotes kind of sums it up..... "Appreciation does not require possession."
Congratulations on working through what I know to be a very difficult time in your life. The important thing is that you are bettering yourself for the woman that will eventually occupy your heart and she'll appreciate the choices you've made in your life to become the man you are. | |
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| How men deal with broken hearts.
Posted: 6/13/2008 11:32:24 AM | men and women do tend to have different coping mechanisms. from personal experience, i try to do the following:
1) let her go. no use in becoming a stalker
2) hang out with friends and family to keep me busy and mind on something else
3) avoid alcohol (or any other potentially addictive behaviour)
4) concentrate on doing things that i enjoy
5) realize that feelings of sadness or loneliness are temporary
you said "i relied on her for my happiness". hopefully, you now know that's where you went wrong in the first place.
good luck | |
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| How men deal with broken hearts.
Posted: 6/13/2008 11:33:05 AM | i sulk. then drink. Then maybe hook up with some girls I know I'd never take seriously for a month or two.
Then I feel better normally but it can still be in the back of my head when I meet someone I really like again. After a while I just forget about it. | |
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| How men deal with broken hearts.
Posted: 6/13/2008 12:51:11 PM | I pretty much agree with the OP but I do think many get all caught up in trying to love themselves when they really don't know what that means. I think it's good enough to like who you are and enjoy your own company, then find someone compatible. If we find we keep ending up in relationships with people who make us miserably way too often, then they aren't compatible and we aren't doing a very good job of liking or loving ourselves or we wouldn't be putting ourselves into that position. It's so easy to say I Love Myself, but it's a whole different thing to actually do it. Back to the OP, very good self-analysis  | |
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| How men deal with broken hearts.
Posted: 6/13/2008 1:33:18 PM |
Whatever doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger.
Or weakens you enough that the next thing kills you....
The best relationship I ever had ended. I went out a few days later, and met the most incredible lady. When one door closes, another opens... | |
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| How men deal with broken hearts.
Posted: 6/13/2008 6:24:45 PM | OP...
Just wanted to let you know I think you are mature beyond your years. Excellent post and well written. I truly wish you all the best in your future relationships.
sexydancingprincess...
You sound like a very bitter young lady. Not all men are as bad as you think. Learn to trust yourself and eventually you will earn someone else's trust.
~~weeone~~ | |
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| How men deal with broken hearts.
Posted: 6/13/2008 6:36:08 PM | | I stay away from her, keep myself busy with friends, school work, other girls that want to get to know me. Life goes on. | |
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NYinNM
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Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 36 | |
| How men deal with broken hearts.
Posted: 6/13/2008 6:36:39 PM | Believe it or not my grandmother told me and my sister this when we were teens, "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else". LOL.  | |
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| How men deal with broken hearts.
Posted: 6/13/2008 6:38:41 PM | | i think you should keep stuff like this for your livejournal or diary, bro. was there a question in there somewhere or is it just a big circle jerk to make you feel better about yourself? oh and i cant believe i read all that | |
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| How men deal with broken hearts.
Posted: 6/13/2008 6:39:41 PM | You are wise beyond your years *mrl6*...............
There's something I once read somewhere that has stuck with me, I don't know who first coined the phrase but........."When it becomes more difficult to suffer, than to change. you will change." | |
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| How men deal with broken hearts.
Posted: 6/13/2008 6:55:20 PM |
Let me know what you think…
I think I'm blown away by your post OP. Not a lot of people are self aware like you are. It's so great that you've taken something that was really hard and made it something that ended up enhancing your life. Life is a series of lessons to be learned... whether we bother to or desire to learn them is a whole other thread.
I'm like you in the sense that I tend to over think things sometimes... not on the surface stuff, but deep down to the core of this existence stuff. It can be as much a blessing as a curse. That said, I'd rather be honest with myself and those around me. I've started to see the balance in things and your post is a perfect example of that... finding the good within the heartache.
It's also good that you allowed yourself to feel everything you needed to feel. Keeping stuff bottled inside or pretending to be strong and detached can result in a whole myriad of issues to further the pain. Your insight and willingness to share it with others especially at your age is truly remarkable. Kudos to you! | |
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| How men deal with broken hearts.
Posted: 6/13/2008 6:58:35 PM | You guys are sumthin else. Within the time frame that any one of you gets hurt by a failed relationship, a woman has been hurt at least 10 times over. But it's always YOU
that drags it out and 'milks' it tile the last drop not even caring that most of the time you're crying to someone (a woman) who's been more hurt than you and more times over. Gimme a break.... The reason u guys get hurt is because you refuse to recognize real love when it shows up. Most of the time (like another writer said) another blue-eyed vixen will show up to perk you up again. WAKE UP AND SMELL THE TOXIC GAS. If she looks self absorbed.... SHE IS Do you have any idea what it takes to look absolutely gorgeous 24/7??? IT TAKES SELFISHNESS!!!!!! RED FLAG....
Someone like that will never be capable of loving you in the capacity in which you
would like to be loved. FACE UP TO IT Self absorbtion is what brought her to the
point of looking so gorgeous. Guys like you get hurt because you refuse to recognize
the signs of a truly loving person when you come in contact with one.
For instance..... A woman who 'doesn't have a perfect manicure' is probably someone who is probably spending her money more responsibly... LIGHTBULB... Sombody who might be mature enough to 'actually LOVE U' the way you need to be loved.
You guys are so shallow in your decision making and then act like you've been hit by an earthquake when you realize the woman you chose 'IS ACTUALLY SHALLOW".
Come on... Wake up.... If you never dig deep, then you're destined to end up with a woman who's as deep as a puddle....
Best of luck | |
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| How men deal with broken hearts.
Posted: 6/13/2008 6:59:54 PM | Artistee,
You'll get over it...Most of the time, a man will before a woman does...
I slightly disagree with this statement, I tend to see that most men have it quite harder than most women simply because they tend to hold things in and not talk about it like women do. Instead they tend to turn to alcohol, drugs, sex to numb the pain or the reality. Most men that I know have a very hard time getting over a broken heart...where as the ex's have already move on. | |
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| How men deal with broken hearts.
Posted: 6/13/2008 9:07:01 PM | | I am happy with who I am, I lvoe myself, though I am not narcissistic. But I am lonely, if you don't look for someone how are you ever to find someone? Everyone wants to belong, wants to be loved, but should you not try to find someone? You can't just wait for someone to come along, what if it never happens?? | |
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| How men deal with broken hearts.
Posted: 6/13/2008 9:41:47 PM |
Msg: 6 -- You'll get over it...Most of the time, a man will before a woman does...
So says the overqualified pundit. But what of those who deal with REAL LIFE? This is what it is ALL about, REAL LIFE!!! Oh, and the CRAP about the MAN ending it emotionally before the WOMAN???? HORSESH*T!!!!! Personal experience has shown me that the woman is quicker to end the relationship than the man is, but what do I know? I merely SEE what is happening, and am NOT a participant.
SHOW ME A WOMAN WHO WANTS A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP MORE THAN I!!!!!!!! OK, that was a bit nastier than I intended. What I meant to say was "Show me a woman who wants a LTR as badly as I do and is as WILLING to put forth the EFFORT to make it SUCCEED!!!!
I have YET to see that intent manifest in detectable action. | |
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| How men deal with broken hearts.
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:04:04 PM | mrl6
I am so impressed I had to look at your profile and to see you are 21~ WOW! intelligent way beyond your years.
Excellent Post and others can take heed in what you say!! 
Only one thing I would like you to consider when you said it took a break up to realize where I had failed. YOU did NOT fail you learned something about yourself. It is NOT a failure.
Best wishes. | |
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| How men deal with broken hearts.
Posted: 6/14/2008 7:55:27 AM | 1) just get angry and ****ed trash first day you can.
2) cry, usually just one big boo hoo
3) Sleep with as many possible girls to try and feel better
4) drink until you had enough time to move on | |
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| How men deal with broken hearts.
Posted: 6/14/2008 8:15:00 AM | | Great post OP. You are young and truly insightful, keep on this path and your life should be joyful. Bob | |
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| How men deal with broken hearts.
Posted: 6/14/2008 8:39:15 AM | | feel for ya bud,It can be hard especially when your partner told you alot of lies nad was so secretive.I tried too remain friends does,nt work ya broke up for a reason | |
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| How men deal with broken hearts.
Posted: 6/14/2008 8:51:51 AM | All I know is, it seems that men's hearts DON'T break. I know that's not true...as I have witnessed it with my son, my brother, etc...
But in my personal experience...when I am ready to crack from heartbreak...it seems that the furthest thing from HIS mind, is me/us!
I think men tend to do things to keep busy, thinking if they stay busy, they won't have time or space in their minds for thoughts of her...whereas women need that wallowing period moreso? And I think we are just more prone to ice cream, by genetics or somethin'! LOL ;) | |
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| How men deal with broken hearts.
Posted: 6/14/2008 9:25:18 AM | Edit: OP, I think you are absolutely right. You have to love yourself first.
I think both genders can suffer from heartbreak and I think every individual deals with it differently. I have recently gone through a bit of heartbreak myself but I notice as I get older how I deal with heartbreak is changing. Yes, I spent a little time with my boyfriends Ben & Jerry, worked out like a fool after said time with my boys and kept really busy, but this time, I made a choice. A new choice for me, I did not wallow. He was a wonderful man, he is a wonderful man, but for some reason it was not our time. Was it him? Was it me? Was it both of us. The answer is yes to all, but here is the thing, when you go through heartbreak the most important thing is to learn from it and it sounds as if OP is doing just that. Good for you. | |
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