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| What not to say to a cop
Posted: 6/25/2008 3:54:20 PM | True Story: "Yeah honey, they sure look like a nice pair.......now would you mind removing them from my arm?"
Retired cop | |
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| What not to say to a cop
Posted: 6/25/2008 6:31:07 PM | You flashed your lights going through the stop sign so I did too.
Yes, I said that. No ticket issued. | |
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| What not to say to a cop
Posted: 7/27/2008 10:03:57 PM | | A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought in for heavy drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started." | |
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| What not to say to a cop
Posted: 7/27/2008 10:05:25 PM | | Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighbor- hood bar. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his own car which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a dry night), flicked the hazard flasher on and off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as more patrons left in their vehicles. At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the street. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station; this breathalyzer equipment must be broken." "I doubt it", said the man, "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy." | |
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| What not to say to a cop
Posted: 7/27/2008 10:05:49 PM | | The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer. "I'm going to a lecture." the man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My wife," said the man. | |
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| What not to say to a cop
Posted: 7/27/2008 10:06:09 PM | | The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk". The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go." Obviously relieved, the wino said "That's a relief - I thought I was crippled." | |
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| What not to say to a cop
Posted: 7/27/2008 10:09:36 PM | | A man got home in the early hours of the morning after a night at the local pub. He made such a racket in the entryway of the building trying to open the door and climb the stairs that he woke up the neighbor, a cop. "What on earth are you doing down there?" the cop yelled out his window. "Get yourself in your house quietly or I'll give you a "Disturbing The Peace" ticket!" "I'm trying to get a half barrel of Guinness up the stairs," he slurred. "Leave it 'till the morning," the cop shouted down. "I can't," he said, "I drank it." | |
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| What not to say to a cop
Posted: 7/28/2008 8:23:51 PM | I was speeding because I was on my way to bring you doughnuts.
I was speeding because I was racing home to watch COPS.
I was speeding because I thought you wanted to race. | |
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| What not to say to a cop
Posted: 7/28/2008 9:07:04 PM | You: "Do you know what I'm pulling you over for?"
Police: "I pulled you over."
You: "That's what I wanted you to think."
Police: "Do you know what I'm pulling you over for?"
You: ""The dead hooker in my trunk?"
You : "Officer I was just trying to keep up with traffic"
Cop : "Theres no one else around!"
You : "Exactly, I'm trying to catch up." | |
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| What not to say to a cop
Posted: 7/28/2008 10:38:50 PM |
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the
Texas State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping
open his ticket book, she said, "I'll bet you are
going to sell me a ticket to the Texas State Police
Ball" He replied, "Texas State Troopers don't have
balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled
and he realized what he'd just said.
He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car
and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car.
OMG!! 
Men can't say stuff like that to cops, we'd get arrested.
Black men would get hung!
Hey this the humor forum....give me a break. | |
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| What not to say to a cop
Posted: 7/28/2008 11:06:11 PM | | Oh, yes! I've been drinking. What a relief. I thought you were going to ask about the 400 kilos of heroin in the trunk. | |
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| What not to say to a cop
Posted: 7/30/2008 12:28:53 AM | When asked for ID by the officer, roll up the tin foil from a cigarette pack and say,
'This silver bullet will tell you who I am.' | |
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| What not to say to a cop
Posted: 7/30/2008 5:55:35 AM |
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the
Texas State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping
open his ticket book, she said, "I'll bet you are
going to sell me a ticket to the Texas State Police
Ball" He replied, "Texas State Troopers don't have
balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled
and he realized what he'd just said.
He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car
and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car.
Good shit, that one made me laugh the most.
Second place would be the "Designated Decoy" | |
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| What not to say to a cop
Posted: 7/30/2008 7:02:36 AM | On being caught blowing through a STOP sign:
"I don't believe everything I read." | |
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| What not to say to a cop
Posted: 7/30/2008 7:19:32 AM | My sister and I (being 18 & 20 at the time), leaving the bar at closing time, see the new young, cute cop in town.
We make our way over, as he's leaning on the hood of his car. (yum).. anyhow... he asks us how we are.. my sister says to him, "hey! I know my rights, you HAVE to frisk me!". He just laughed and gave us a ride home. And no, not that kind of ride. (perv) | |
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| What not to say to a cop
Posted: 7/30/2008 2:39:36 PM | Why were you speeding?
what's in your truck?
I want to see your proof of insurance!
No i don't want to donate to the policemen ball!
Don't taze me bro!
the cuffs are loose
what does peper spray taste like? | |
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| What not to say to a cop
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:17:56 PM | | Yess Sofficer, Me Drink? I haven't had a cvnt all night drinkstable! | |
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| What not to say to a cop
Posted: 8/5/2008 2:27:32 AM | Cop: may I see your license please?
Driver: Do you want fries with that?
Cop: I am issuing this because.........
Driver: You didn't get laid last night ,did you? | |
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