| drama burnout
Posted: 6/14/2008 4:43:31 PM | Wow, Wildflower, you really used the word perfect a lot, I must say.
And, as it's said, If Souls were perfect, they would not be here amongst us, yes?
So, we accept that nothing is perfect for a starter. And everyone has a good bit of history by now...baggage as it is called in the pop culture. Some people are dramatic by nature, some are over achievers, or just plain busy doing life, so it can 'seem' drama laden. but, it's really just life and all of it's busy and pesky attachments..
I think as the years tick by, we perhaps get more comfy and settled in with ourselves too. so that accounts for some of the ennui around seeking relationship.
Remember too, we don't have the same ability to drive on and overlook the obvious like we did when we were very very young when the primary focus is to hook up. If anything, perhaps we overthink things now a wee bit.
Universe is my ultimate guide, if a dot appears, I must connect it. In other words, it's always a good Idea to keep the porch lite on...just incase. 
peace all
``````````````````````` 'Kimbo `````````````````````````````````````` | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:41:52 AM | I've never really understood the "no baggage" people. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think it implies they can't deal.
Life always brings challenges... it is not so much what the challenge is, it is how you rise to meet it that seems to be the important thing to me. Some people fall apart and run around "the sky is falling, the sky is falling". And that, I suppose, is where I have less tolerance, I look at all of that energy and think wow, why don't you get on with whatever it is you need to get on with?
At this time in my life I certainly expect people will have faced some adversity, and have some bumps and bruises. It's character building; I kinda like people with character. | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:59:33 AM | ...There will always be drama....and to successfully handle it your going to need to learn patience, understanding and tolerance. It also helps when you discover the secret of dealing with teenagers....for they are the biggest kings and queens of drama that ever existed....don't sweat the small stuff, and pick your battles carefully.
...maeflowers | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:18:09 AM | "But if I care about someone I accept that sometimes some drama may enter their life and I may want to help them deal with it. What's wrong with that? "
Personally, I am not interested in enabling negative behaviour. Now I am not talking about a serious problem that someone has encountered ie. sickness. That of course I would help with. However, if a person is constantly in drama mode over relationship break up after relationship break up, I don't want or need to hear one word about it. | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/15/2008 12:11:07 PM | So, Moraima, you seem to be making a distinction between the drama that we bring upon ourselves through our own foolishness and the drama that happens in our lives due to events beyond our control. If I thought I could really tell the difference I would certainly agree with you. If I thought we all understood what is "negative behavior" the same way, I would not want to enable it.
I meet many people who have problems because they have not fully considered the probable results of their own actions. If I avoided them all, I would be lonely indeed. I would have no one to laugh at my own foolishness. Instead I choose to accept others in spite of their imperfections as long as it is not the dominant theme in our relationship. | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/15/2008 1:23:47 PM | I'm going to a movie, right after I listen to the Lake Woebegone stories on the radio. Then I might go see a play or play background music for a poet.
I'm not one to argue poetic license but I see a lot of divas claiming to have the no drama requirement while stetting the stage for much drama.
"I declare that I shall not have Drama" is a rather dramatic statement in itself, don't you think? Another oxymoron to pull the wool over some proverbial eyes.
Oh!... Just call me being dramatic..... | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/15/2008 3:02:09 PM | "I meet many people who have problems because they have not fully considered the probable results of their own actions. If I avoided them all, I would be lonely indeed. "
I have never had a hard time find friends who don't need to be drama kings or queens. Life is so much fun when not filled with bs.
Drama folks tend to bring everyone down. Listening to their droning on and on about how this and that drama happened to them. Hey, if folks are lonely enough to want that in their lives, enjoy. Let's face it many enjoy the drama. | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/15/2008 5:22:42 PM | | No different to all those teen girls who get into bars under false identies, spend the evening a beeeching to the girlfriends about the man shortage. But when any guy does ask them fora dance thier response is "pissssarrrfff ya creep." | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/15/2008 5:59:33 PM |
Guys? You don't always have to fix it. Sometimes we just need you to listen.
I read an interesting book years ago that stated that when a woman tells her man things, as her man he wants to FIX it. Women have a tendency to vent and want to *share but then resolve the issue on their own and get offended when the man gives his ideas as solution and then she doesnt follow them and wants to vent about the same situation again...once more just needing someone to listen. Women consider men to be wrong not to be willing to listen without realizing if a man loves you...he will want to solve the problem so you will be happy!
As far as the drama burnout, I have noticed in talking to a few individuals, we always say what is wrong with someone, what WE didnt like about that person ...people are so negative...we never look for what is right about someone. We are so focused on WRONG we never consider RIGHT.
Life is drama...but it is in how you handle that drama that shows your maturity level, is it really that important or can you accept it and go forward with your life with no rehashing it twenty times. I listen to my teenagers on the phone when something happens, how they have to call and tell SOOOOO many people about it, sometimes I think we forget as adults we leave that type of Drama to the youth! | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/15/2008 6:41:39 PM | | There's the good drama too - new love , first kisses , first ....... having someone just show up or phone. But yes - we all come with our faults, it's finding the person who can accept them - the right fit. A person willing to love you enough to try and make it all work - their faults ( baggage and yours) | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/15/2008 7:01:57 PM | Ah, why remain if one has thrown in the proverbial towel?
The OP stated it almost perfectly....that wee glimmer of hope.
I have found that I am on the periphery of a great group of people that started attending events together on POF....then we moved to Facebook, where the events are even more frequent, but much more intimate.
I remain here to attend events and to be honest, there are a few fellas I have my sights on.
^^BG^^ | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/15/2008 7:02:14 PM | | I want a real relationship, but have accepted the fact that I will never find one. The number one reason is that there are just not enough available men in the area that I live. The second reason is that most men my age are not as active as I like to be. Most everyone within ten years of my age are so set in their ways, it is hard to adjust to someone else and their family and routines. I do not think most people on this site really want a relationship. They think they do, but no one is willing to put the time and work into making it happen. I am a busy person and I do not even know if I have the time or patience a relationship would require, and meshing two families is always hard. It seems that the only men who contact me are totally opposite of me and we have absolutely nothing in common. It seems most of the men I have met on this site have had 2 to 4 wives, so they have a lot more baggage than I do. Yes, everyone is odd in their own ways, and as you get older, the worse you get. I really do not think I want to deal with anyone's excess baggage, and that is why I accept being on my own. I stay on this site for the reason that if there is that one man who would be perfect for me out there someone, maybe he will find me. | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:16:08 PM | Someone once said to me if you take out the highs in life and take out the lows what you are left with is a flat line.
As with a heart monitor that's not really such a great idea. | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/16/2008 11:41:47 AM | | The problem is not the 'drama' it's the person being affected by it, what is drama in one persons life might barely be a blip on the radar to the next person. By 45 years old (like me) if you cannot handle lifes little mishaps or allow other people to upset you to the point of risking your health, job or realtionships then you need serious therapy. We're mature folks are supposed to be the voice of reason on this board not the looneys. | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:03:35 PM | WonderingOutLoud I am here and I am willing to make the effort, so I think you go too far in your statements. However even if I were your age and lived next door, I would not be interested in the effort it would take to overcome your predjudice. It occurs to me that you probably want a relationship on your own terms and are disappointed that the men you meet are not interested in being what you want them to be. Just a thought!
Moraima, I am glad to know there is perfection in the world wherever you and your carefully chosen friends happen to be. If I ever develop an interest in such, I will know where to look. I would point out that I spoke of people who have failed to carefully consider the consequences of their choices. That is a far cry from the drama kings and queens for which you express so much distaste. You seem to be speaking of narcissism, a defect of character that makes relationships impossible and for which I have no use. | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/16/2008 5:25:13 PM | | waywardseeker: Evidently you misread my post. The men who email me usually are not active nor do they like to hike, bike, or travel. They are usually men who like to stay at home, who are too overweight to hike more than a block, and who really have no interest in outdoor activities, or anything else I enjoy. I am not prejudiced and I certainly know that I would be deeply unhappy and miserable if I settled for a relationship with a couch potato or a TV addicted person whose idea of a good time is sitting in front of the TV 24/7. I was married to a man like that for 35-years and as soon as I could afford it, I got out. I will never EVER link up with a man who is like that. You see, I am not prejudiced, I just know damm well what I do not want. | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/16/2008 5:45:33 PM |
...There will always be drama....and to successfully handle it your going to need to learn patience, understanding and tolerance. It also helps when you discover the secret of dealing with teenagers....for they are the biggest kings and queens of drama that ever existed....don't sweat the small stuff, and pick your battles carefully.
Maeflowers I was going to mention teenagers, as I was a foster parent for years to teens, and their lives are full of drama. You learn to deal with it, and even if they bring it on themselves, they need understanding.
I work with the elderly and most of them are just teenagers with an old body!!
Sometimes people with drama just need an ear, that doesn't mean you have to be with them 24/7, but we do live in the world and I am a pretty patient person when dealing with others.
JMO | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:02:09 PM | I think there is a line between drama & real life.
We all will have real life issues to deal with, how we deal with them will determine the drama.
I agree with msg 27, if they claim the sky is falling everyday, how will we know when it really is.
Most of us want a partner who we can rationally discuss issues that arise, and reach a decision on how best to deal with them. | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:09:26 PM | I have two teens at home and all of their friends from time to time. Talk about your drama! lol
My job is very very stressful. I have learned over the years to listen more as there is always a message conveyed, but somewhat veiled. Listening helps one get to the root of the problem. As far as getting my knickers in a twist over so called "drama"? My daughter who just turned 16 has taught me many valuable lessons I must say!
We all have issues each and every one. Some things are more important to some than they are to others. Mind you? Continous drama does get rather taxing after a while. One must distance themselves from those folks who are never happy! jmho | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/16/2008 8:05:48 PM |
One must distanse themselves from those folks who aer never happy!
Exactly! I met this one guy who was making his money on Ebay...but he was always complaining about it, so I asked him why did he bother with a hobby that was so frustrating to him and he says..."Oh it is just me, it gives me something to complain about." I realized we wouldnt work, I like positive happy people who dont let the small thing grow into big things and consume them. | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/16/2008 8:38:30 PM | There is always the option of tilting your head ever so slightly and looking at life from a new angle – so that we avoid over-used words and phrases and running the risk of being labelled a negative next-to-dust person. I know that I am exaggerating but it does sound a little like:
Young people (20 to 30 ish)who know themselves and what they want (selective) are mature.
+45-ers call the same trait as being “set in his/her way”
Youth with life experience & stories to share are interesting.
+45’ers say “raise the red flag, a drama queen is in town”
Kids who avoid social life are a worry – we hope & expect that they are able to maintain a circle of healthy relationships.
+45’ers proclaim that they want nothing more than the security of their familiar, solitary cocoons
I want a little drama. I enjoy change, adaptation and challenge. I just wonder if some of the drama that people believe they have experienced is actually a series of mismatches and poor choices of companions.
“Drama” is also not the “blame game.” When a man or woman talks endlessly about why every failed relationship, business deal or job was another person’s fault, I see that as more of self-unawareness. | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/17/2008 11:46:19 AM | | I don't even know what drama is. I do not think I am very dramatic unless I am discussing religion or politics. I do, however, know what baggage is. Example: Grown children who do not work and expect to move in with you and have you support them. Five ex wives or husbands who constantly call wanting something. Lots of debt. Sorry, but I don't want any of those. I can handle a little drama, but please limit the baggage. | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/18/2008 4:08:25 AM | "You see, I am not prejudiced, I just know damm well what I do not want."
Wonderingoutloud, I'm that same way. For some reason, men see this attitude as completely the man's perogative. They expect (or maybe I should say demand) women to just go with the flow, as if a little challenge or adversity in a relationship is a bad thing. Like maybe the end of the world? Why is it that men are still so far behind the times in terms of expectations and degree of submission to their will? Are they needier than women, or what? In the real world, when they quit paying our bills for us (and that happened in 1940s in my family), they had to give up the full control. That's just the way it works. My *boss* signs my paychecks, but my mate has an entirely different place in my life.
Regarding relationship "on you own terms": Yeah, you betcha. Does anyone really crave a relationship on somebody else's terms? I don't know anyone like that. Why should women be any different than men in that respect?? And just why wouldn't anyone with anything to offer be selective and want a relationship on one's own terms? Dream on, men.
The biggest problem I see in local men, is they are walking wounded and still have never made the mental transition to the very "unsafe" world of singlehood. They want to immediately sieze control and recreate their former family's structure in an uncommitted relationship. They seem to still be thinking "I'm married and head of household," but the marriage is gone. Most of them here demand that the woman to play 2nd fiddle, and also serve and baby them the way their wives did. That is not a realistic demand in dating. It's perpetual "Me ME ME!"
But, they offer nothing reciprical. Not a d*mn thing to offer, as far as any self-sufficient woman is concerned. They want committment and obedience and doting, but they don't want to have to do *anything* in return, lol. I was never into that baby-totin' toilet-scrubbing obedient family life, so you can just imagine how thrilled I am at somebody attempting to shoehorn me in to the oppressed wife and mother role, lol. Not gonna happen. I'm not Mommy; I don't need some Daddy-mindset throwing any "OBEY ME!" tantrums. lol. That's what kills me about this small town where everybody has a high school education and then became a parent at 'way too early an age. Free Your Minds!
I still have no problem packing some man's baggage for him and sending him down the road to try flaking off on somebody else. | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/18/2008 12:31:48 PM | ^^^^^^yep, that is what I am seeing too, alot of output without any reciprocity.
Then they say, "well, I could find someone much more thinner and younger and more successful" It`s like everything has done a turn around. Now the women have to prove their value to the men, not just in domestic ways but also by being the provider.
And if you don`t cut it, they tell you they can do better. I don`t need any of it. | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/18/2008 8:40:27 PM | As Ive aged, "I tend to stay clear of drama"...Ive become a bit set in my ways with the quite and tranquility...Everyone is moving so fast...My life has been filled with excitement, drama, exhilaration...Drama burnout...Oh yeah...No time for it, anymore...
Loosing the drama has helped me become more productive and more at peace with this planet we live on...I know this all sounds stupid as heck..Just my opinion.. | |
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