| drama burnout
Posted: 6/22/2008 7:01:36 PM | Lied? Or.. mental block..cdnguy?
Sounds as if somebody needed a hobby (other than gossip).
I have a friend that involves herself in such bs.. allllll the time. It and shopping are her major past-times. I just (listen) and nod.. do the.. yeah.. uh-huh.. or.. oh really(?!?!).. explitives.. then talk about the mundane of daily living with her. Once past the bs.. and the sales of the day.. and we're both just fine.
I think it's all what you make of it. I prefer not to get "entangled" in those conversations.. without trying to appear rude. I do think running to the neighbors for info everytime you turn around is.. well.. ridiculous.. but.. I do like the ability to interact with them all.. in case of emergencies. Keepin' it friendly! | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/22/2008 8:01:41 PM |
if you call trying to steal all the toys and bones and hide them from the other one dramatic.
Nah, it's called being 'dogmatic'
groan ok, it was there people and I just had a compulsion to say it.
Cdnguy... beyond the gossiping (ugh) your 'manufactured drama' sounds a bit like what I call 'circumstantial lives'... ever notice how some people are the victims of the circumstances in their lives? | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/22/2008 8:18:19 PM |
I’ll often find myself involved with the problems of a friend or relative, talking with them, sitting with them, being a ‘sounding board’ to their ‘dumping’, any way that I can think of, really – and yes, it is indeed, drama. And much as it would be nice to wave the ‘good guy’ flag, it really is done on a more selfish level. If I have problems in my own life, concentrating on someone else’s who’s are worse, often minimizes my own and lets a bit of time pass until I can think of ways to solve them. If things are going well in my own life, sharing positive energy and bringing someone else up a bit is very good for the ego.
cdn, that is quite a humble way to look at it. I have always been a listener too, and sometimes that is all some need, someone to listen. If it makes them feel better, so be it. If I can help them, all the better. Maybe it is selfish, but I really don't look at it that way.
Of course, the other drama can really get to you. It happens daily in the neighborhood where I live, but I do live in a community for people over 55 and most are in their 70s, and have nothing better to do. I usually don't get involved, unless there is a real need. My neighbor next door, bless her heart, will keep talking and talking, and I go in the house. I don't think she knows I left, LOL | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/22/2008 8:18:45 PM | So very true, Ms. Margo. But then, I guess we have the choice to be victims or conquerors, don't we ?? Not sure, though, what the 'gossiping' comment is all about. I know that I relate my ideas by the events that I experience in my own life, for it is those that I know will come uncoloured by second-hand information. I always thought that gossip came with linking stories to specific individual's identities. But I suppose we all have our definitions of things.
And before I close off my points on this thread, I have noticed over the years one very difficult problem with being a ‘listener’ – as Ms. AW put it. As I said, I freely involve myself with the problems of those close to me – family, friends, etc. And often I’ll be told very private things. It’s not a one-way street, as I’m very open with my own private life to people close to me and I suppose it’s this openness that sometimes draws it out in others. Yes, I know, I’m fa-a-ar too trusting but at the age of 57, it’s not likely that I’ll change.
But the point is, is that this openness is sometimes hard for me to turn off with those I might not know as well as others. And often, I’ll be told very private things by people that I don’t know very well. I like to think that I respect privacies and would never (knowingly or unknowingly) publicize or repeat something private about someone else. But the problem here is that others who’ve opened up to me, then we have maybe drifted apart, are never sure whether the confidences they gave to me will stay as confidences. And because they don’t know me that well personally, there’s no way that I can convince them without a doubt that what was said to me in private will always remain that way.
I don’t run into this problem often, but when I do, I’ve found that there really is no solution. I could say something rather rude like: “If you don’t trust me to keep your secrets, then don’t tell me any”, but really ... that wouldn’t really solve the problem. So I just go on as I have for years, knowing that occasionally I’ll be faced with someone going unexpectedly ballistic over something that they thought I would do.
cdn guy | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/22/2008 8:32:46 PM |
Not sure, though, what the 'gossiping' comment is all about.
Whenever I try to be brief, I fail to be clear. Oh my no, I wasn't directing it at you, I meant the people in your example. Those gathered around the water cooler and Mrs. Jones' cat... all of the continuous chatter, dissection and judgments people turn over is pretty much gossiping.
I hope I'm not still too brief, lol.
(edit... I suddenly feel like I'm gossiping about gossipers and there's no way out! Arghhhhh! I'm doomed.) | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/23/2008 12:44:56 AM | Well, as I try to tame the drama beast that is life -- I will pause to say to canadian guy that your sincerity comes through and I cannot imagine anyone ever having doubt that you honour your word and the trust that people place with you.
This is a tough thread because I am, in a way, burnt out on drama but it is my own drama. Sometimes life does take you to places you could never have dreamed of visiting, not even in your wildest imagination. I'm digging my way out but I would have lost strength and courage -- maybe even sunk back into the drama -- had it not been for patient friends and family and great listeners.
To a-w & c-g, I hope that you don't give up your invaluable roles in your friends lives, that you have an ear when you need one & that you always know how much you are appreciated.  | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/23/2008 7:15:33 AM | I'm in the process of writing a book the tittle?
"Dating: I'd Rather Stick Needles In My Eyes "
All those that would like to contribute please feel free to drop a note in my box
This book is a humorous look at dating after 40 | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/23/2008 3:25:15 PM | | vrb1955, you are funny.....you should title your book, "Dating: I'd rather stick huge knitting needles in my eyes and ears..."..and maybe yours, too..." | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 6/23/2008 4:56:43 PM | To respond to OP's first post, I think it's very unrealistic to search for perfection and no hassles in a relationship. There's always going to be something that requires an ability to compromise and work through things. You could find Mr. Perfect tomorrow and a week from now, he could be diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease or Lou Gehrig's disease....... or have a stroke.
How's that for drama?
What I have very little tolerance for is self created drama where someone does something stupid and then spends hours talking about how terrible it is that they have to suffer the consequences of their stupid action.........
Everyday life brings up normal dramas, some happy like wedding and births or vacations........some unhappy like illnesses, accidents or deaths...........and I don't think anyone can have a loving relationship if they aren't willing to share those life experiences with another person........ | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 8/31/2008 12:08:02 PM | Some people like drama, it's funny the ones who say they don't like it seem to seek it out & or create it!
there are things outside of our control, like illness etc. but any kind of emotional hystrionics makes me run for the hill.
"What I have very little tolerance for is self created drama where someone does something stupid and then spends hours talking about how terrible it is that they have to suffer the consequences of their stupid action........."
right on! | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 8/31/2008 12:52:36 PM | Well, I for one think we all have to deal with different life situations.......its how we deal with them. I try to use reason and good judgement and keep all things in perspective. I keep calm before the storm; and, long after it passes. Why get in a up roar.....just complicates things. | |
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| drama burnout
Posted: 8/31/2008 1:33:09 PM | Just becasue this is a dating site doesnt mean people cant come on for the forums or just to chat.
I really doubt I will find my Miss Right on here after 3 years of looking.
But i have made a couple of good friends which is great. | |
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