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Posted: 6/14/2008 9:47:12 AM | OP my apologies! I strayed out of my usual home, the over-45 geezer forum, and forgot where I was. Considering your tender age, I would not be quite so direct though I do believe what I said.
Having read your profile, it comes through loud and clear what you want to receive, yet you start a thread with a general judgement of the entire male gender? If you do not want to be judged in that way, start out by learning not to judge others. If you want to be respected, start out by respecting others. Treat others as you would like to be treated regardless of their actions. If they offend you, kick them to the curb and find someone else.
Do remember that other people have every right to think and act as they wish. Admonishing them to do otherwise reflects a judgment on your part that you know better than they do and have the right to tell them what to do. You don't; get over it. Associate with those who share your values and ignore the rest. | |
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Posted: 6/21/2008 4:51:49 PM | Alright, since everyone seems to be taking this the complete wrong way, I'm going to clarify things, I'm not saying women should be blameless because frankly they are as much if not more to blame for the way that men act, there are a lot of women out there that just let men walk all over them, and therefore it begins to make men think its ok to act that way. I personally have never had interactions with women in a dating sense SO that is why the majority of my comment was directed to men. I have never dated a women or been treated badly in that situation by a female so based on my experiences I cannot direct a sweeping generalization to cover both genders because I don't have that experience, though I will admit that women are equally to blame.
As far as those who say I should be more picky or seeking different types of dates, that is veritably not possible, I meet the same guys (though they have different faces) in the same places and situations, and therefore it is discouraging when that is all that I find. I do not live in a small town but it seems to me that the human race as a whole is so overly corrupted that finding a person that will respect you when you're trying to show them respect is like finding a needle in a hay stack.
And yes I will admit that I am hard headed and I speak my mind, and often times I don't really worry about what other people think of me, but I still show the respect I believe I deserve from others, its still just dissapointing that I can't get the same respect that I show others. | |
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Posted: 6/22/2008 7:15:09 AM | I am going to get flamed for this and I probably deserve it, but it is how I feel.
1) Your profile is a bit confusing. You say that you don't like controlling guys, that make you do what you don't want to do. Yet you make it clear that you are going to set the agenda. Isn't that controlling?
2) Guys with lots of tattoos (I think) IN GENERAL are more likely to be into proving themselves as tough and manly in all ways than guys without tattoos. This is my OPINION. So, in essence, you are looking for passive guys with multiple tattoos in their early twenties who are not all that sexual?
You are limiting the pool of possible boyfriends. | |
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Posted: 6/22/2008 8:21:23 AM | I've had situations where I pointed out that the line of questioning a person was having with me was totally disrespectful and I asked him how he would feel if someone he cared about ( female/male) was being subjected to that-how would HE feel? He paused a moment and he admitted he felt bad-because he didn't really view things from my point of view.
My sister says she determines how suited a man is for her based on how well he treats his mother-and though I dont' always agree with that-most of the fellahs she had successful relationships were very loving and kind to their mothers. Personally, I've learned, if a person ALLOWS another human being to treat them poorly than they are just as bad as the person with the less than savory behaviour.
JMHO | |
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Posted: 6/22/2008 8:36:38 AM | Take a look at the way you approach women, the kinds of relationships you have and the typical things that happen when you're on a date with someone. NOW, think about how you would feel if it were your daughter, or sister being treated that way. Irrelevant. On a date I like to play footsie under the table, then nuzzle up so I can smell my date's perfume, then look into her eyes and kiss her; if I had a daughter or sister I'd hope she were in a healthy romantic relatioship with a caring man; the analogy is moot and irrelevant.  | |
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Posted: 6/22/2008 10:55:58 AM | | This is a loaded question. I am hoping that us guys treat women, the same way as we would treat our daughters...and that is with respect. That being said, we are not having sex with our daughters, heaven forbid. You treat kin, differently that would treat someone else because there is a chemical attactment to them...(Does that make sense)? | |
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Posted: 6/22/2008 11:43:34 AM | Ouch, somebody has had a unlucky streak of dates from the sounds of it - don't sweat it, there "are" respectable guys out there, perhaps it would also help to consider diffirent type of men then the norm, since it doesnt seem to be working.
Hope things pick up for you!  | |
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Posted: 6/23/2008 1:22:05 PM |
This is a loaded question. I am hoping that us guys treat women, the same way as we would treat our daughters...and that is with respect. That being said, we are not having sex with our daughters, heaven forbid. You treat kin, differently that would treat someone else because there is a chemical attactment to them...(Does that make sense)?
Your comment makes perfect sense, BUT I never once said how "YOU" would treat your daughters, cuz thats a completely different dynamic. But you can't sit there and tell me that if you found out someone was disrespecting your daugther or someone close to you, that you wouldn't want to hunt him down, and rip his balls off and shove them down his throat. | |
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Posted: 6/23/2008 1:25:36 PM | Re post 33
"....But you can't sit there and tell me that if you found out someone was disrespecting your daugther or someone close to you, that you wouldn't want to hunt him down, and rip his balls off and shove them down his throat...."
Unless we are talking of a minor or a very elderly or sick etc person, I would expect them to be able to handle this on their own, especially if I had raised them! This is 2008! And we Respect the ability of modern women to deal with such things on their own. Anything else would be disrespectful to them and their person.
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Posted: 6/23/2008 2:32:51 PM |
Unless we are talking of a minor or a very elderly or sick etc person, I would expect them to be able to handle this on their own, especially if I had raised them! This is 2008! And we Respect the ability of modern women to deal with such things on their own. Anything else would be disrespectful to them and their person.
you're completely missing the point, whether someone can take care of themselves or not if someone close to me was being treated the way some women I know are, even if they could take care of themselves, it would still make me want to hunt down the person being disrespectful and hurt them. It doesn't matter if its 2008 or 1908 chivalry and respect are fundamentals, and even a hardcore feminist like myself finds it endearing when a guy is willing to stand up for respect. | |
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Posted: 6/23/2008 3:36:28 PM | Re post 35
Who is missing the point of THIS thread?
Let's revisit the Opost:
"Ok I have a challenge for all the guys out there. Take a look at the way you approach women, the kinds of relationships you have and the typical things that happen when you're on a date with someone. NOW, think about how you would feel if it were your daughter, or sister being treated that way. Now if that makes you ashamed of your actions maybe its time to change them."
And post 35:
"...even if they could take care of themselves, it would still make me want to hunt down the person being disrespectful and hurt them. It doesn't matter if its 2008 or 1908 chivalry and respect are fundamentals, and even a hardcore feminist like myself finds it endearing when a guy is willing to stand up for respect...."
Unless the Opost and Post 35 by "disrespect", they mean "violence", then "hunting down" (!!) and "hurting" another person is illegal, at least in civilised countries and can land "knights", male or female, firmly in the can! Even if violence is the case. The way to address this is civilised societies is via the law.
As per
"...a hardcore feminist like myself finds it endearing when a guy is willing to stand up for respect...":
No comment!
I respect others' opinions, be they men or women! And the LAW!
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Posted: 6/23/2008 6:45:39 PM | This was useless, not directed really anywhere other than perhaps the men the OP thought were disrespecting her.
Hunny, here is a thought: Tell them to their face, stand up and walk out. And don't bother painting all men with the same brush, no brush is that big and I know for a fact not all men are rude. Some are soooo beautiful and charming that I thank god I am a woman. | |
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Posted: 6/23/2008 6:56:18 PM | Oh come on people, lay off her. Its a good principal to practice. I dont think she was attacking all men. Just giving a little guidance available to anyone who might find it helpful in learning to emapthize.
OP-- I used to say the same thing to my sons father when he would get physically violent with me. It was the only thing that would calm him down. Thankfully, I had the strength to leave early enough in the relationship that it never got too too far. But yes, the perspective did mellow him out, at the least the first few times I said it. | |
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Posted: 6/23/2008 7:03:53 PM | | O.K. How about this point of view. If i had a daughter and i caught a guy looking at her much less talking to her, i would probabably kill him and go to prison. If i caught her in bed with him i know i would kill them both. Now do you want those morals added to this situition. If all men had this set of morals inflected upon them everybody would either be virgin or dead. HOW ABOUT THAT? | |
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Posted: 6/23/2008 9:04:31 PM | As the younger generation myself, I often believe I am choosing wisley because men (and women) can be so deceatful. I can't count how many times (even without dating sites) guys have protrayed themselves as someone who they are not. Often just to get laid but what else is new? It's difficult to find someone to act as they have described themselves.
I understand what she said initially, I know several guys who are now fathers and would kill someone for acting the way they once did with their little girls. Some guys grow out of it, some don't. It's just life. And again, this goes for women too. | |
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Posted: 6/23/2008 10:01:06 PM |
I understand what she said initially, I know several guys... This is NOT what the OP said in Msg1; what are you thinking when you read "I have a challenge for ALL guys out there"; this challenge doesn't apply to me because I don't treat women disrespectfully, I'm a subset of ALL guys, so the argument is easily refuted. She should have worded Msg 1 more succinctly, otherwise the replies to what somebody thinks she meant are irrelevant and off-topic. | |
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Posted: 6/24/2008 9:51:58 AM |
Unless the Opost and Post 35 by "disrespect", they mean "violence", then "hunting down" (!!) and "hurting" another person is illegal, at least in civilised countries and can land "knights", male or female, firmly in the can! Even if violence is the case. The way to address this is civilised societies is via the law.
And you are now missing the point, and not reading the words for the meaning behind them you're just simply trying to start an argument. That said when I say that it would make someone want to hunt down and hurt the other person, DOESNOT mean that the person will ACT on those thoughts, the difference between the civilized society I live in and whatever barbaric society you think is out there is that people CAN have thoughts in a civlized society BUT never actually ACT on the thoughts they have. Just because one THINKS about, or WANTS to do something doesn't mean they're going to, its called self control. | |
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Posted: 6/24/2008 10:01:14 AM | | I'm thinking maybe the OP has some issues with being attracted to the wrong type of guys. Might want to stop dating sociopaths and move up to something a bit more human. | |
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Posted: 6/24/2008 10:06:33 AM | TRUTH:
Treat a young pretty woman with indifference,... and watch all the attention you get...
You'll soon be banging her, after she leaves her "nice" boyfriend.
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Posted: 6/24/2008 11:13:02 AM |
Ok I have a challenge for all the guys out there.
Sweeping generalizations aren't going to help you in the respect department. | |
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Posted: 9/18/2008 6:33:21 PM | | A woman/men get respect from others if they are respectable it is as simple as that.... | |
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Posted: 9/18/2008 7:01:51 PM | | Really,so you are saying that if you act dis-respectful you will be treated that way then ? True,but how about those dumb shits that think joking around about it on a first date is not dis respectful ? Joke ?? That happened to me this week,and I did not think that is funny at all.Guess where I told him to go,and also mentioned that his assuming I would sleep with him "jokes" lead him strait out the door. | |
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Posted: 9/19/2008 7:14:41 AM | Package deal, I wan to expand on this point you make:
She has the confidence, which is what the girls get with sports that Outmind mentioned, to not feel like she is a good or bad person based on whether she has a boyfriend so she will be able to keep the boundaries that she sets as Kthyg noted.
Being a neuvoue dad, meaning rearing my gf's girl and boy, I've learned a few things. For instance, while kids, boys can care less about girls. To them relationships are about playing and stuff like that. Yet for girls, starting with the Barbie thing, and then all the ferry tales where there's a Prince to be found girls are very aware of boys. My gf's daughter adores me and calls me dad, and tells me that she loves me, yet when ever boys are around, she becomes boy crazy. Some of this, as is the case of the Ferry tales stories is something taught, but also a lot of it is intrinsic of the person. My gf tells me that is very normal with girls, that sense of curiosity.
Now, one of the things I believe is that if that girl grows up with a good, solid father role model, that is encouraging and loving, she does not need to find later on in life validation from other males to justify her being. She can and I hope here, find it from within herself and in all the positive lessons that her parents (in this case my gf and I) can provide her. Again, that is why sports can play a great role. This incredibly girly creature, that loves pink and her barbies, is also a fierce climber, cyclist and loves to win. | |
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Posted: 9/19/2008 7:33:47 AM | | well respect for my daughter is something i never worried about ...you see she is a lot like me ...so any boy that didnt treat her like she wanted to be treated ...well i kinda feel sorry for him ...she never took any crap off anyone and that caused her to get respect ....she is married now and she and her hubby get alone great ..but he will be the first to tell you ...dont cross her ...one guy she dated when she was around 18 got a little forceful trying to get in her pants ...she drove him to the emergency room in his car ...he didnt want sex for a few weeks ...and became very respect full to her...dont know what age she gave it up ..but i will bet that it was her decision when she did ...she wasnt tricked ,forced ,or conned out of her pants...me thinks If we give our daughters ,self esteem and a strong will ..it will solve some of the respect problem | |
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Posted: 9/19/2008 8:53:28 AM | You have to admit, there is a difference in how you treat your SO and how you treat your children/relatives. OP's challenge to all men (which is NOT, BTW, a generalization, as so many have said--it's a challenge that perhaps some of you already have "passed"; so I'm not sure why so many men jumped on her for it) didn't make sense to me. If my SO treated me like his mommy I'd be PISSED.
I was listening to a radio show the other night and the female host asked the guys on the panel if they would date a Playboy Bunny. ABSOLUTELY! Then she said, Would you want your daughter to be one? ABSOLUTELY NOT! | |
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