| So many young divorces, so little time...
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:43:57 AM | A few good points here, but really kids are just doing what mom and dad did. If people left when they should have, maybe the kids wouldn't have been imprinted with "mom and dad are in love. dad slaps mom. mom slaps dad. so this is love."
Our society seems to have grown up with the belief that -if you make a wrong decision, you can always go back and undo it. | |
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| So many young divorces, so little time...
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:45:52 AM | Well I'm in processof divorcing and it is HELL. Who the heck out there finds divorce easy???
I think it's because all guys are as*holes nowadays so us gals get smart and get out when we find out the truth.
Ooooh...don't like negative generalizations? Then all of you who feel holier than thou and better than everyone else sayign that those who divorce gave up and took the "easy" way out and blah blah blah criticisms and blah blah blah putting others down... enjoy how it feels.
I am sure there are those who marry for the wrong reasons and divorce because they don't want to try.
But everyone I know who has divorced has done it to get out of a really hellish unfixable marriage. Who put up w/a lot of really, really bad sh*t before finally realizing that the high costs and emotional difficulties of divorce are better than spending their life miserable w/an awful spouse.
I could take this question seriously. I think there actually are some very good sociological reasons for why people divorce sooner than they used to (if that's true) or the divorce rate being higher than in recent years (again, if that's even true). And none of them are a slam on people who divorce.
But why bother? Seems like 9 out of 10 people responding on this thread are only doing it to put down people who make the very hard decision to divorce. I seriously doubt they are interested in a serious, well thought out reason that doesn't end in making everyone here at POF (and yes, obviously there are a lot of us) feel like SH*T that they divorced. Not like we don't already feel like quitters. Or guilty because the dream we had the day we married has died.
And..um, putting up with my almost-ex's insanity - threatening my guy friend, emailing my dad trash talk, emailing me put downs, etc. I somehow am not finding this process fun or easy. Of course, i can't see staying married to such an irrational unstable person either. If you think I'm taking the easy way out, YOU can marry the loser.
Kaylie....grrr...don't piss me off on a Monday | |
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| So many young divorces
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:30:00 AM | "Why are so many young marriages ending so soon? "
The women are cashing in! | |
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| So many young divorces, so little time...
Posted: 6/16/2008 10:42:35 AM |
Well I'm in processof divorcing and it is HELL. Who the heck out there finds divorce easy???
It is not easy, it can be hell as you said, but it is possible and easier than is the past for sure.
Mentalities changed and you have so much people divorced today that it is not more something "irregular", and people tend to accept it- in the past, it was socially incorrect...
Good luck in the process, divorce is never something easy... | |
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| So many young divorces, so little time...
Posted: 6/16/2008 11:16:12 AM | Santa Maria .......Kaylie, did somebody wake up on the wrong side of the bed, did someone eat your last bowl of coco puffs? good Lord.
I don't think anyone here was putting down divorce e's, the question was why are the divorce e's are young?
I think it's because all guys are as*holes nowadays so us gals get smart and get out when we find out the truth.--- kayliecat talking about generalizations? can you be just a tad bit more condescending?
Why is it the guy is to blame for all the problems in the marriage? just because you were married to a guy who was a jag off so now all guys are jag off's?
OT...Problem is in MOST cases, people tend to ignore the red flags in the relationship prior to the big day, and of course when the knot is tied and complacencies set in and in most cases the ugliness surfaces IMO. | |
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| So many young divorces, so little time...
Posted: 6/16/2008 11:55:49 AM | Hey cdng-father, how did you know I missed my cocoa puffs this morning? LOL Seriously. THey are my favorite and I am out and had to settle for a lesser cereal.
The OP question was a valid one. But the responses were pretty much all slams on people who have HAD to go thru a divorce and yes, since I am one of them, that really offends me and pisses me off. AND it doens't help that my almost-ex is acting crazier and crazier and quite frankly getting scary in his stalkerish behavior.
My generalization was supposed to be condescending. If you read it - you'll see that I didn't mean it. My point was it hurts when someone puts you down when they don't know you. Who assumes that anyone who has to divorce does it for selfish reasons.
Actually "my guy" who I am seeing now is wonderful. He rocks. And yes, he is divorced also.
I agree w/your OT. We had red flags from day 1 and ignored them. The biggest was how to deal w/conflict and over the 12 years it never got better. BUT...that was one small problem back then and many many more problems became evident as the years progressed. But I totally agree that a bad marriage is made by 2 people...I should have gotten out years ago but instead I tried to work on the marriage and make it better. For too long, I might add.
Kaylie | |
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| So many young divorces
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:04:35 PM |
"Why are so many young marriages ending so soon? "
The women are cashing in!
Topic over. | |
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| So many young divorces
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:12:55 PM | 20 and 30 years ago they did not have all of these glamour and cosmo magazines brainwashing women.. | |
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| So many young divorces
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:20:56 PM | | Feminism changed womens views on marriage and loyalty.You're right tocsoup that marriages don't last anymore the average length of one today is 4 years.Women used to stand by thier men no matter what not anymore and many guys have no honor and both have lost thier traditional values and morals and the damage this will do to society will be massive.Marriage and kids were the foundation of our society without that society becomes selfish and people just pass the time till they die leaving nothing behind.We all know if someone never finishes what they start it leads to a bad pattern in life and that person never becomes successful and thats exactly what our instant gratification society is doing.90% of the "progress" society has had has NOT been beneficial to people.I find it sad some people brag about how many times they've been married and divorced to me there's something wrong with them they're either to lazy to make the effort at saving the marriage or they weren't worth marrying in the first place .I've always respected the old couples that were married 50-60 years thats awesome but then they had old fashioned traditional values.If society is screwed up now imagine what it'll be like in 20 years. | |
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| So many young divorces
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:21:04 PM | | A Lot of people make mistakes, they marry their highschool sweethearts and find out things are very differnt when you live together and want differnt thigns as you mature. Other's marry the first person they have sex with. Others make bigger mistakes and have unprotected sex and get knocked up. Its not nearly as funny as the movie was ebcuase int he movie Kcnocked up the girl was realtively wealthy and the guy was a fat, hairy, pothead loser, yet was charming. I just really get freaked out when I see a 21 year old with a kid or multiple children. Is aw this one 21 year old with 3 children the oldest one was 7. Meaning she got knocked up at 14. pretty disgusting. | |
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| So many young divorces
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:24:19 PM | Why are there so many young divorces? Two reasons:
1) Today's generation are constantly being reminded how "wonderful" it is to get married, all thanks to the media who heavily focuses on relationships, big expensive weddings, the whole white-picket fence image, etc. Also, younger women of today just want to get married so they can say they are married. They want the fairytale wedding ASAP.
2) Men of today think they can always do better, therefore, within a couple of years into the marriage they change their mind about their partner and realize they don't have feelings for them anymore. Men like to think the grass is greener on the other side. | |
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| So many young divorces
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:27:04 PM |
2) Men of today think they can always do better, therefore, within a couple of years into the marriage they change their mind about their partner and realize they don't have feelings for them anymore. Men like to think the grass is greener on the other side.
Yeah, girls do the same thing too. | |
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| So many young divorces
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:34:37 PM |
Why are so many young marriages ending so soon? The women are cashing in! Topic over.
Crap, We can do that? I walked away from a marriage with nothing more than my munchkin, my car, and the clothes on our backs. He got the house and everything in it. I was just glad to be done with it after a 7 year marriage.
Was he a monster? No, just a jerk. Why did we get divorced? Because we were young when we married (I was 18, he was 22). I grew up..... He STILL hasn't. | |
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| So many young divorces
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:38:10 PM | | well he was good enough for you to marry. But I suppose you lovvvved him. | |
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| So many young divorces
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:40:16 PM | WOW. A lot of great thoughts a issues here.
However , when i got married, i got married for LIFE. Both times. LOL. It truly broke my heart into a thousand peices when i had to divorce. And both times was domestic violence.
HORRIBLE HORRIBLE emtional, physical, powerful controlling abuse that no woman or child should EVER have to go through
I was raised in a loving beautiful environment and i thought i must turn the other cheek and heap coals of fire over and over again...and so i did fof 12 long years! for my first husband.
Someone said they would never get married again. I had said ive done tic and tac and probably wont do toe. haha.
but truth is, .....I am not one bit bitter. There are some BEAUTIFUL LOVELY men in this world and i have dated some who have asked my hand in marriage, but ...
my heart has not yet fallen again, If that happens again, i will know it, i am sure.!
I have often teased , and said, like the poster above, that i wont ...but never say never, hun! :) | |
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| So many young divorces
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:45:57 PM | cashing in!??? i dont even get CHILD SUPPORT or medical help for my COPD son!!! or help with their schooling or school supplies or extra curricular activities or anything else!! He is a millionare and his folks own half the county and politics TALK baby! and can buy the judge off, Dont think they dont!
I | |
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| So many young divorces
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:54:33 PM |
well he was good enough for you to marry. But I suppose you lovvvved him.
Yup, sure did. Part of me still does love part of him. Will we ever reconcile? Not even if I was in a UFO watching pigs fly through a blizzard in Hell. | |
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| So many young divorces
Posted: 6/16/2008 2:52:43 PM | | The reason why there are so many divorces is because people jump into a sexual relationship too fast. This makes the relationship all about sex, giving the couple not time to "be cool around each other". This sizzles when there is no substance left, and it is usually the guy who breaks up with the "nice girl", who gives everything to him, accomodating him too much, making her life around him, waiting for him, instead of having her own life. Sex too soon usually ends a relationship sooner than if they just try to "be friends", because they lose respect for one another, and the relationship suddenly becomes "emotional", instead of rational. | |
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| So many young divorces
Posted: 6/16/2008 2:58:51 PM | | To the above post. Very very true. But then again, if a man try's to be respectful and gentleman like and not pursue sex with a woman, he is seen as "strange" and wierd. And many time's a woman won't stay with a man that can control his aminal instict's, and not have sex with her. Because she will feel unwanted. | |
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| So many young divorces
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:25:09 PM |
Kitten, I am glad you got out and hope you are now safe. The situation you were in had to be scary. I hope you have a good support system to help you when you need it.
Nobody deserves to be abused. Nobody.
Thank you very much renegadeoutlaw...
Quite frankly the situation was a bit more chaotic than scary... Sadly my life since the divorce has been just one big pile of crap... I think I married because well I thought he loved me... So many young women just want to be loved, without realizing that true love comes from within yourself... That the only way anyone will ever love you the way you NEED and deserve to be loved is by loving and accepting yourself whole heartedly... I married him because he swept me off my feet... He took my money, I left a damn good paying job, moved out of state, paid for everything in our marriage including every meal we ever ate out for... I was naive and thought I would do it regardless because he was my hubby and I loved him...
He turned on me and abused me and treated me like crap. He cheated on me, and well guess what like hell he loved me... Took me quite awhile to realize that true love doesn't hurt...
I feel bad when I see other young girls making the same mistake I did, but I know they have to make that mistake because if they don't then they will never learn from it...
I hated the situation I was in, and I am so thankful I made it out alive and quickly... But some women aren't so lucky...
If I could ever say anything to other young women is that... true love is something that takes time and that is earned... It's not an instant fix to a permanent situation... | |
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| So many young divorces
Posted: 6/17/2008 4:43:00 PM | Bless your heart, Kitten! I am so glad you got out so early on in the relationship.!!!
It almost sucked the life out of me, and i still pay for it today... ...12 years is a long time of suckin up to a control freak and never sayin a word to a SOUL! Precious girl, I am so thankful you got your eyes opened~~. This is why i counsel women and children today. :) Maybe one day you , too will be able to help others, because no one can help like those who have been there, and lived it. I not only lived it ONCE, but walked right back into it in a second marriage that i thought could not go wrong, for another 5 years.
Still i am not bitter, I KNOW that there are WONDERFUL men out there and i will not let 2 bad apples spoil it for my lifes happiness. :) | |
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| So many young divorces
Posted: 6/18/2008 4:57:50 AM | | Many people get married while they are still in the euphoric state of romance; as such, they do not see their potential mate for who they truly are. Then the 'rose colored glasses' fade away, all the responsibilities of marriage become a burden, and the relationship actually becomes work, which is reality. The initially euphoric high of the lustful part of the partnership is gone. People don't want reality; they want the fantasy of 'happily ever after'. When they don't get it, they want someone else to blame; that person is their spouse. Divorce. The cycle often continues; wash, rinse, repeat. For some, the highs and lows are better than the plateau of 'hum-drum marriage'. | |
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| So many young divorces
Posted: 6/18/2008 8:49:52 AM |
(Msg 68) The reason why there are so many divorces is because people jump into a sexual relationship too fast. ....This sizzles when there is no substance left, and it is usually the guy who breaks up with the "nice girl", who gives everything to him, accomodating him too much, making her life around him, waiting for him, instead of having her own life.
Depending on the value one places on a relationship I would think it is a big part of someones life. I've never heard anyone say they left their spouse because their spouse gave too much or their spouse was too accomodating.
Sex too soon usually ends a relationship sooner than if they just try to "be friends", because they lose respect for one another, and the relationship suddenly becomes "emotional", instead of rational.
I believe a romantic relationship is supposed to be emotional. Today, people do seek a friend, a rational relationship. That's why they frequently change partners. That's what the proverbial "grass is greener" expression refers to. They have no emotional connection so their decision to end the relationship is based entirely on what's in their best interest at any specific time. Their commitment is to themselves rather than their partner. | |
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| So many young divorces
Posted: 6/18/2008 11:30:41 AM | In the old days it was a disgrace to be divorced so a lot of people put up and shut up. You know the saying "you've made your bed now you can lie in it".
People get married young sometimes, and I don't believe (looking back) you really know your mind until late 20's/ early 30's. People don't work at marriages as hard, some people hit a rocky patch and its oh oh I am not happy panic stations!
Saying that if things happen like cheating or abuse, why should anyone put up with that. Some things are too hard to get through and should be grateful that in these days when we have all made a bad judgement call. We can divorced.
Well thats my opinion anyway  | |
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| So many young divorces
Posted: 6/18/2008 8:53:41 PM | When divorce is an industry, not just a legal proceeding, it drives the divorce rate.
I'm all for equitable split and paying reasonable child support.
But when non working spouses with a college degree and no kids are awarded much more than 1/2 the assets, and substantial (more than 1/3 the other's take home income) alimony for as long or longer than the marriage, that's a problem. My ex saw a chance to get what she wanted one way or the other. And she knew she had a damn good chance with the way the courts are. | |
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