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Posted: 6/15/2008 10:30:10 PM | | I will go along with wutz on that. It is painful, been there myself, nothing matters when you are in the kind of pain. Simply allow yourself some time on this. It could be that her heart was not totally yours after all. She may have simply hold back for whatever reason. This is usually a reason that most just simply drop a person without explanation. This is just a probability nothing more. She was probably afraid towards the end or maybe her ex wanted to renew his relationship and make things right. Again, just guesses, but definitely something you had no control over. Don't do the would of, should of, could of's ok. Just move forward and be thankful you weren't done this way after you were married to her. | |
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Posted: 6/16/2008 1:50:38 AM | Yoda from Star Wars said, "Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try" and "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." So there you have it, both 'tha1uwant4life' and 'HeyUWantMe' (doctor) are living in their pain. Before a relationship comes to an end, there are lots of little signs that warn you. Both of you mentioned that these were little things were manageable & you failed to see the pending consequences. Do little things cause damage? Think of a snowflake, in itself it is very light, non-threatening & unique, however put together with lots of other snowflakes and it can cause an avalanch & much destruction. So too in both your cases, you have not observed the little snowflakes in your relationships.
Now that the relationship has ended, you live in your past(s) and have become bitter. It is not the opposite sex that has done all the destruction, sometimes a person feels that there is nothing left in the relationship and decides to bring the relationship to an end. What you must realize is that they have taken a stand, the prayer you sent up has been answered and NOW you must move on. Learn from your experiences & do not repeat patterns.
'HeyUWantMe' (doctor) is in a better position to prescribe himself some treatment,  however it goes to show that no matter what profession we are in, love bites & the reality of the pain is real. You get what you tolerate... Personally I see this as a "Pity thread" and a gender bashing opportunity.
Whatever your pain, give your wounds a chance to heal and become scars, a scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with. It is now time to move on, let the healing process begin... and remember your happier moments, cherish your togetherness when it was there & now that it is over, move on. Do not get stuck in your past, you only have one life, make the most of it. I live each day one-day-at-a-time knowing that sooner or later I will meet the person of my dreams and I too will rejoice. My happiness depends on my state of mind, not on anyone else living up to my expectations. I do not ever want to control or be controlled.
Perhaps you feel stuck & don't know which way to turn.  So go see a family therapist and learn new skills, boundaries & expectations. No matter what happens things can always be made worse just as much as things can always be made better. They say that time heals everything, ever try waiting in a doctor's office? Just kidding... 
carolann0308 (Msg 22) ~ Your response is right on...  what a sweetheart. However sorry to hear that the 2 people you wanted to count on the most were only fair-weather friends at best...
**~Remington55~** 
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| Answer to: HeyYouWantMe (HYWM):
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:06:04 AM | Call the board...what ever for? I am home in bed...using no controlled substances at all. I also am supposedly on a week of vacation, but they called because they were short staffed...too much of this going around. They certainly did not want me there now...not under these circumstances. Why would the board even care? I assure you...they would not. I am also not going anywhere, until this is better. If ignored, it has been known to lead to meniere's syndrome. I do not need balance disorder troubles too. What on earth, would you have to tell the licensing board anyway? Nothing remotely applies...absolutely nothing.
It is a bit better today. I can at least sit up for a while. Breathing is very easy today too. The left ear is shot for hearing yet...but over all...the outlook is much better than yesterday. I'll have my coffee today...LOL!!! | |
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Posted: 6/16/2008 10:42:40 AM | | i too hasve just had the biggest shock. My partner of 2 1/2 years told me three weeks ago that his ex wife of 12 years wants him back and he is thinking of going. This came after we had been planning our future abroad. At the moment, I am trying to work through it nd have some really low periods...........nearly took my own life over it. Please dont be distrustful of women.............sonme of us are reaslly genuine and loving. I gave all I had to this guy and he has hurt me really badly and I am wondering if I will ever recover. | |
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Posted: 6/17/2008 1:54:34 AM | To
HEY YOUWANTME
I think that it SEEMS to you like men are 5 times more dumped than woman, because there are not as many women on most datingsites than men, so women habe more to chose from, but also have it harder to make the right choice because they have a bigger choice.
On the other hand, because they have more to chose from, they might think faster about dumping somebody who does not live up to their expectastions...just one possibility.
I'm sure there are more reasons to be dumped, some of which might have something to do with you, or simple because the chemistry is not right or their is somebody that fits the discription of what she is looking for better than you do.
Don't always take it personel, but make sure that YOU are not the reason for being dumped, like bad attitude, manners ect., and than move on and don't blame the next person already for being a women, one of THOSE terrible women, or you will never find anybody.
happy  | |
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| Moving on....*Note to Profile*...
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:39:47 AM | ...And, with that...I await a Lady with courage, strength, caring, compassion,
adventure, affection and Love .. _to find me_.....
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Posted: 6/17/2008 10:20:51 AM | Some really good heartfelt advice here, it's nice sometimes having people to talk to or understanding that others go through what seems like unimaginable pain. I too had a break up a while ago that has been hard to come to terms with. Even months down the line it's like it happened yesterday, you go to bed feeling crap and wake up relaxed for a second then that first thought of the day enters your head and it's like a train hitting you, rock bottom.
This is sometimes the lack of closure, why we end up where we do? What brought us to this point? Could I have handled things differently? If the tables were turned would I have broken up with her?
On the first page chellaruse's reply was a perfect one, we all have dreams, question is how much time to we give to achieve it? I guess I was too slow and didn't really appreciate the signs that things were deteriorating, now I'll live with it. But then all I could offer was being faithful and unconditional love and thats simply not enough these days, logically I know one day my heart is supposed to heal but emotionally words cannot describe. I still wonder if she still thinks of me? I'm still top on her myspace list but I know thats more down to just preventing other guys messaging her than anything else. She was unhappy when I initially cut contact and removed her from my facebook, who knows why? Maybe just a way of keeping tabs? Making matters worse I'm being interviewed for a role at the company she works in, been applying there for 2 years, applied for this when we were still together and now I finally get the interview, typical.
It's often odd how life works, I call it fate, we weren't destined to succeed together and now I have to face my fears if I work there and have to see her. But then the power is in my hands to move on and thats the real lesson of life, face your fears and emotions, understand that a chapter is over and look to what you want, no matter how hard and eventually they'll be more of those moments that really make life worth living. | |
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Posted: 6/17/2008 10:33:14 AM | I totally agree with everything said here.
I was really hurt by someone recently who led me on. But this doesn't mean I think ALL men are b*****s. As wutznot2love says, it really hurts, but eventually you have to try and put it behind you and get back out there.... | |
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Posted: 6/17/2008 11:50:42 AM | | Dont feel bad i was engaged to a woman for two years and got the same phone call. Without me she made deciesion to move on and it was over. Four months later i was better and going forward had it all behind me and wham!, run into friend said worked with her and found out she was engaged to be married. Turns out some guy she had always known and was around while we were dating is the one, worst of all she was engaged only one month after leaving me. Well it sucks but what can you do, be happy that someone who cares so little about you is not with you. Now you know what she is made of and that is not the person you want to share your life with, the person you want to meet you problems with, the person to spend the rest of your life with. There is definetly someone worth your feeling out there, just be glad you now have the oppertunity to find her, good luck. | |
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Posted: 6/17/2008 12:11:46 PM | I just had my wife of seven years "move on" in retrospect I only had signs this would happen for SEVEN YEARS. I think many people are in one sided relationships where one person clearly is more interested than the other in being a couple. This is out of balance relationship wobbles along for a period of time until it experiences the inevitable blow out. The injured party is the caring one while the disinterested person just "moves on" with very little wear and tear.
In the case of marriage this is what leads to some very vicious divorce cases with folks racking up some healthy legal fees. An engagement is different because it is the time trial before the actual marriage so the emotionally hurt person has very little legal recourse except trying to get the ring back in the case of a man and courts have held it must be given back.
Initially the person on the losing end of a failed relationship is devastated with all kinds of problems the only good thing that came out of mine was I lost some weight due to lack of appetite.
People heal in different ways and getting angry within exceptable bounds worked for me along with attempting to find a new woman to share my life with. | |
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Posted: 6/17/2008 12:24:48 PM | Ok, I am generally pretty smart, but what does this mean??:
"break out the 300-800 for a proper well rounded and safe GFE."
I hope it is not one of those things that will be painfully obvious after you tell me and make me feel stupid! LOL I have enough issiues without embarrassing myself! | |
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Posted: 6/17/2008 12:29:21 PM | | Your words have wisdom, but can one help the way the heart feels? I can "Judge" her realistically and know what advice I would give someone else, but not sure I could take that same advice. But, as she has declined all future contact, I guess I shall never know, and more so since I refuse to be that annoying stalker. | |
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Posted: 6/17/2008 12:33:28 PM | | One day at a time. Put one foot in front of the other. I was married for 25 years, he cheated I divorced him. It took a loooooooong time to be able to think of moving on, but I took the advice I just gave you and everyday I thought of him less and less. | |
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Posted: 6/17/2008 12:34:19 PM | | Well, I never put it to "her" like that for one, second, any realtionship, and specially one with children, is a job. You can not have some magical relationship that requires nothing. You have to work at it, resolve differences, talk things out, grow and learn. I was always "working" to make sure I did the best I could, if there was a problem, I talked it through, we both did. Communication was not a problem, or so I thought. Anyays.... | |
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Posted: 6/17/2008 12:36:34 PM | | Also, I am a hopeless romantic. I do all the little things the majority of men thing is useless. I teold her how important she was. I won't say I did everything perfect, that would be a lie, and as much as I would like to lie to myself, it could not have been that, no one is perfect, only perfect intentions. | |
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| Excuse me.
Posted: 6/17/2008 12:54:52 PM | I would love to hear her side of the story.
I bet this whole thread would change dramatically.
I would like to apologize to the men out there. I was writing for a guy about a guy, so sorry that I wasn't clear.
"So look at what you said (if you can remember), and look at the many waves of your hands and the passing words spoken and you will see why she/he woke up one day and had enough of the promises you never fulfilled to her/him. "
There, I fixed it. Thank you!
Chela  | |
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| Excuse me.
Posted: 9/23/2008 11:26:08 AM | | I dont think there was much I didnt do or fulfill, i made sure she was taken care of, and her daughter, whom I love. She just had a prob with other men and drugs as it turns out. | |
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| Answer to: HeyYouWantMe (HYWM):
Posted: 9/23/2008 11:27:22 AM | | And why is that? You dont believe me? Why, because you are Jaded by what other retarded men do? Not all of us are incapable of feelings, and some of us actually do care what a woman says or feels. | |
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