wolftx
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Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 26 | |
| Simple man and complicated woman
Posted: 6/14/2008 10:19:02 AM |
Can this type of relationship work, with a simple-minded man and a complex, intelligent woman?
About as well as a relationship between an average, shallow girl and overly sophisticated, very smart and outrageously handsome me.
Does my reply sound 'full of it'? So does the question. | |
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| Simple man and complicated woman
Posted: 6/14/2008 10:36:16 AM | You've answered your own question. No need to ask more.
he gives me some light in my life and makes me happy, but I dont learn anything from him and I know this can never go anywhere.........he gives me some light in my life and makes me happy, but I dont learn anything from him and I know this can never go anywhere
You sound self reflective and able to summarize this relationship easily. I would think he might be a better friend for you. He can come over to visit, smoke his pot with a can of beer in his hand and watch TV with you. That doesn't take any thinking at all but might make good company for you. Just leave out the sex. You're so young. Go seek an updated version of 'boyfriend.' | |
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| Simple man and complicated woman
Posted: 6/14/2008 11:23:49 AM | | Anyone with any intelligence would have said it was nothing to DO with intelligence. I rest my case, there are different levels of intelligence in both men and women. It's up to you OP, either you continue with what you KNOW is lower (or you wouldn't have posted this thread initially), or you stay true to your own desires and search for someone who you feel is on the same level. | |
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| Simple man and complicated woman
Posted: 6/14/2008 12:10:21 PM | The OP doesn't sound "complicated" or "intelligent" or anything else, except maybe just difficult, or at least trying to be...
But, hey, the sex is amazing. How complicated is that?
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| Simple man and complicated woman
Posted: 6/14/2008 12:29:15 PM | | ^^^^^^^There's a difference between wiseness and intelligence, but actually you're probably right, anyone with an ounce of both probably wouldn't need to ask this question. | |
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| Simple man and complicated woman
Posted: 6/14/2008 12:38:15 PM | | Of course it can, all relationships can work one way or another. You are saying you need intellectual stimulation. Do you still go to school? Can you register for interesting courses that will fill the gap? It's my opinion that nobody can be everything to another person. We are social creatures. I think you just have to find the balance that you need in your life without splitting hairs or as you already know about yourself, complicating matters. Maybe you need a chess partner, only you know how to get the balance you are looking for. Act :) | |
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| Simple man and complicated woman
Posted: 6/14/2008 12:50:58 PM | FIT =finding each other and being intune. couples heal together, couples grow together, couples support each other....do you sense something lacking? its apparent in your post...
good luck I wish you well but your heart is already telling you. | |
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| Simple man and complicated woman
Posted: 6/14/2008 5:21:09 PM | You're 19. How old is he? If he's around the same age, then yes, it's quite possible that all he wants to do is have fun, drink beer, smoke pot, and have sex . Some boys/men just take a little longer to mature and grow into their brain. Give him a couple years.....he'll be complex and complicated too....and anyways, he's got the rest of his life to think deep thoughts (and so do you!)
Im pretty complex, I think alot and Im and pretty f-ed up, and I feel like I cant talk to him, he wont be able to understand. Sometimes I feel like Im screaming at him for help and he cant hear me.
Maybe you need a counselor instead of a boyfriend?
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| Simple man and complicated woman
Posted: 6/14/2008 6:04:15 PM | | No it won't but I think you already know that. Unless you just want to have a "fun" relationship with no goals ect then leave him. If you can't accept him the way he is right now, then it won't work because thinking you'll be able to change someone never works out. | |
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| Simple man and complicated woman
Posted: 6/14/2008 7:29:49 PM | | Hey 19....let's hope while you are getting down with him that some of your DNA doesn't mix with his....you and your future child would be in a real mess. DUMP HIM, and figure out why you and him are escaping. You have your full life ahead. Make some long term wise choices and take care of yourself and your needs, besides inter-meshing your life with a dope head. | |
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| Simple man and complicated woman
Posted: 6/14/2008 7:50:25 PM | Its the pot smoking. Pot has the main effect of making most things seem less important, and over the years the pot smokers I have met have lost one main thing from smoking it--their ambition. If you don't care as much, you don't want as much, and you don't THINK as much about what you need to do to get what and where you want in life.
I would guess that he is trying to Avoid thinking about things, and feeling strong feelings. He might be overwhelmed with teenage angst, and trying to just hold it together by putting off dealing with things until he matures. Unfortunately, with pot and alcohol to numb his brains and his feelings, he is much less likely to mature.
It makes his brain like this:
If I feel as if nothing matters, then nothing matters, so why even talk about it? | |
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| Simple man and complicated woman
Posted: 6/14/2008 8:08:11 PM | So basically, he's too dumb for you, because you are "complex".
Define "complex".
Perhaps you should date someone smarter/wiser/more intelligent than you, so you can "learn" from him. As you stated in the OP, you aren't "learning" anything from this guy.
But then again, in the future, we may see the exact same thread topic from your new smarter boyfriend complaining about you.
If keen intelligence in a man is a must, then this guy is not for you.
But then again, don't feel too bad if you do find a smarter guy, and he thinks your too dumb to be with.... | |
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| Simple man and complicated woman
Posted: 6/14/2008 8:32:35 PM | To diveinme,
Men are simple creatures and women complicated ones! That's a fact of life.! Men and womwn are wired differently and we are supposed to complete each other! But that's not what you are talking about.
What I see is that you are both very young and you are each experiencing life, your way. Enjoy your guy for what he brings you but don't expect from him what he can't give you. If you need intellectual stimulation you will probably have to look somewhere else and, eventually you will. Nothing dramatic in this!
Don't worry you are learning from him and him from you. We learn from each other, it's called getting experience and it's a life long process.
sunshine | |
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| Simple man and complicated woman
Posted: 6/14/2008 8:36:20 PM | nope i dont think long term it can work out. Lets face it your frustrated already imgine 10+ years down the track with him looks will waer off the sex probly wont be as regular and on top of all that you can't even have a decent conversation with him.
Maybe he would have been better to have on the best friends with benifits list instead of the be with him for the rest of my life list. Anway jokes aside I bet lots of devorced or people here who have broken up with partners will be able to tell you how it worked out for them in simalar situations.
Maybe its time to start looking again and find a partner who can stimulate your mind and not just your body and eyes. I bet when you find that you will be so much more happy. happy fishing  | |
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| Simple man and complicated woman
Posted: 6/14/2008 8:51:38 PM | Men are simple creatures and women complicated ones! That's a fact of life.
Quite a simple statement coming from such a supposed "complicated" creature. It's called a generalization.
Quite a logical fallacy indeed.. perhaps you aren't too far from simple and too far from "complicated", more than you may realize?
Men and womwn are wired differently and we are supposed to complete each other! But that's not what you are talking about.
Want to show me where it says men and women are "wired" different? Or was that "womwn" as you state ? Glitch in the wiring??
If that's not what she's talking about, then why are you bringing it up? More glitches?
Do you understand that the OP is referring to intelligence here? And that your above statement, in context with the OP's, has pretty much called every man an idiot?
I thought you may not have realized that... you being so "complicated" and all..
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| Simple man and complicated woman
Posted: 6/14/2008 9:29:52 PM | Heres the thing, I really love this guy. He's sweet and extraordinarily handsome, and amazing in bed, but when we talk, no lights go on
Here's the thing.... you're in love with the physical relationship. You describe what many people seem to base relationships on... only to have them fail.... which apparently it has.
It's not that complex - lol! | |
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| Simple man and complicated woman
Posted: 6/14/2008 9:31:48 PM | | ~OP~ Will it work? Maybe today. It doesn't sound like long-term material to me, but I require something more than what you describe. At your age, I still would have said, "I don't think so, it's been fun." JMO | |
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| Simple man and complicated woman
Posted: 6/14/2008 9:33:04 PM | What cracks me up is you pat yourself on the back as being a complex and itelligent woman; well if your thoughts of picking a mate are handsome, and sex, then you are as unintelligent as they come. Complex? Whatever. Can you really be this shallow? Intelligence is from what you do not how smart you think you are.
Grow up; you have a long way to go before you are smart, if your choices in men is about sex and looks. | |
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| Simple man and complicated woman
Posted: 6/14/2008 11:43:08 PM | | Get a rabbit and a cat. You'll have all the comfort you need. Intellectually talk to others online. Actually that still sounds far too empty. Your questioning the relationship shows you know what to do. Go with what you know to be right. | |
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| Simple man and complicated woman
Posted: 6/15/2008 12:04:53 AM | We bond with people for different reasons OP and often we're not sure ourselves what they are until we're in a situation where we feel deeply unhappy. I've found there are much more important things to me about being in a relationship than sex and having a good time. What I look for is an overall feeling of peace and belonging when I share intimate space with someone else.
My personal rule now is that if they're not showing me the right kind of behaviour 'right now' they won't be showing it in 10 years time. You maybe need to have a 'break' from this fella and reassess what you want and where you're at.
We can't change other people and what they want no matter how hard we try and telling someone how wonderful it would be to have a deeper relationship won't do it either. Frustrating, ain't it?
For me I would not have sex with a woman until I get the signs she can offer the deeper stuff first - and these kinds of ladies are a rare find. Value what it is you truly want and don't settle for less otherwise you disempower yourself at the deepest level. You may need to learn to go without 'quick thrills' but don't feel guilty - we don't know what we do want until we've had what we don't want (sometimes). | |
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cadge4
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Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 48 | |
| Simple man and complicated woman
Posted: 6/15/2008 12:19:52 AM | | i think your young same thing hapened to me wen i was your age look at this as experience you arnt getting what you want from this guy and wen i look back i am glad i didnt get comited to him you need to find your own self confidence maybe you just havnt found it by the sound of it but you wil just be careful lots of dangers out there | |
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| Simple man and complicated woman
Posted: 6/15/2008 5:31:39 AM | Why are so many here putting down the value of great sex that really brings light and love into her life? Saying things like, "Oh just dump him and find someone you can relate to intellectually" does not mean she will have great sex and such a wonderful physical connection with the smart one and clearly that is important to her too (as it is with most everybody, I thought).
I can have a wonderful and stimulating and inspiring conversation with many people....but to find a really beautiful physical connection is more rare, I think.
Edit to add: by the way, my ideal is to have not only a physical and mental connection, but an emotional and spiritual one too....ideally with the same person.....to be able to love all of them, not just parts (imo). | |
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