| Geographic and age limits
Posted: 6/19/2008 8:05:25 PM | I've got to agree with Janet4Ever, but I'm going to stretch that to an hour because traffic around here is just horrid:
I would prefer to meet someone that lives within a half hour drive of me. I live in a very populated area, though, so don't face the same challenges as someone in a more rural community.
I won't completely dismiss someone who lives farther away, but to be completely honest, we wouldn't be able to see each other very often unless he did all of the traveling, and that's just not fair in the long run. Until the end of the year, I have not only my full time job to worry about, but school a few nights per week and I often have photography gigs on the weekends to help pay for my schooling. I can easily make time for someone nearby, but for someone far away, it might be too much of a challenge at the present time. | |
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| Geographic and age limits
Posted: 6/21/2008 6:32:16 PM | | Well, if a person/me did get involved with someone very far away, it becomes even more important to be honest about what you are doing or not doing or want to do. There would be extra sacrifices made to keep that relationship and he/she would want to know facts instead of fiction. And with gas prices, "far away" is a relative term for most of us now. | |
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| Geographic and age limits
Posted: 6/21/2008 8:42:47 PM | I agree that so many men AND women set unrealistic age boundaries for the least and the most aspect spectrum of it. I am 49 and at first set my personal age boundaries at 35 to 49. Very little or no response. Increased "highest" age limit to 51. Still almost nothing. Again increase to 53. The same. Increase to 55. Finally a couple responses!
One I was interested in so after I'M's and emails (all but one were MY initiation) finally
caught her on a Saturday at about noon 12:00 p. m. She had told me the week before
that she would agree to meet next Saturday. Finally she responded to my many tries to reach her on the Saturday we were to meet at about noon. She responds back that if I had tried to reach her earlier in the day she would have invited me over that day to ride horses and barbeque! What a player and an idiot! She could have had the younger man as I am 6 years younger than her. Her loss!
On the distance and mileage I have dated 3 females that all lived away from me, 50 miles, 60 miles, 75 miles. Only one would share the driving to each other's areas.
The other two had very good vehicles and the time and opportunity but refused to drive and share the distance! They didn't tell me of this at the outset. So never again for me. It's either share and share alike as with everything else in a dating/relationship or FORGET IT!
Anyway I was under the impression that if TWO people were going to initially meet, date, see each other, have a relationship, or live together at some point that there were TWO people involved in that spectrum, not just one!
When it comes to me experessing interest in a female just a mere few miles away, I get the " oh well, that's just too far and too expensive for me to drive and meet you".
Go figure!!!  | |
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| Geographic and age limits
Posted: 6/21/2008 11:26:01 PM | In no order and not supported by any statistical analysis:
Perusing profiles, I'm guessing between 50 and 75% of women restrict location to within 75 miles (or less in their narrative).
I wouldn't guess as to a percentage, but there are a large proportion of women who are interested in 3-5 years older and 10-15 years younger at the same time. I don't contact or respond to ladies with those limits - fairly obvious what they're after.
I would be pleased to meet someone who acted and felt her age  instead of describing how much younger she looks and acts than her age - please, can we be real? If most 50 year olds 'look 40', then that's the 50 yo look and the 40 year olds look 10 years younger!  | |
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| Geographic and age limits
Posted: 6/22/2008 2:28:40 AM | in response to exciting 1 (and i am sure you are).
when you say you are blocked from guys that live right where you are working.The first thing that came to mind was that those guys are married or in a relationship and you are to close for comfort.
And on the point of distance and age it is a common problem , that they will often come between two people meeting up. | |
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| Geographic and age limits
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:15:35 AM | Well, the part about working was that I am working in another city quite a bit, but I don't live there, so I can't contact men in that city who restrict the distance. I could change my city, but why bother to contact men who are so shallow minded they can't think beyond their own block? Also, I"ve had two planned meetings with men there and they both stood me up:( One on my birthday, and the other the very next day on the phone acted like he knew nothing of talking to me on the net the night before and yes it was actually the same guy. Others in that city did not respond to me contacting them. So I have no more desire to contact or respond to anyone in that city. As bad or worse than my own.
And no, not necessarily do you only want sex if you want someone 3-5 yrs older or several years younger. That's one of those assumptions based on a computer field. I don't restrict the mail settings because I want to consider each one individually, but my preferred range was 5 years either way. I didn't get that because that age range is limiting themselves to only younger women. So my choices are to go way older or way younger. Now of those two options, I'm choosing younger, for lots of reasons. One of which is I've been single too much and want my future partner to still be around with me and to be able to do everything, yes everything with me. | |
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| Geographic and age limits
Posted: 6/22/2008 9:18:13 AM | Yeah, I find a lot of men my own age blocking women THEIR own age from emailing them. Men age 40-45 with restrictions like "you must be under 30 to email this person."
Of course some of them have been here for years, so I have to wonder how that's working out for them. | |
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zeeba
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Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 33 | |
| Geographic and age limits
Posted: 6/22/2008 9:47:07 AM | I'm really glad that so many have responded to my thread! Lots of different viewpoints and observations, and that's a healthy discussion.
I've also been interested in the thread about "Incredibly Alive People" in the Dating Over 45 forum. Not bragging on myself here (oh, heck, why not? If I don't, who will?)  But, I'm gratified that I get compliments on looking and coming across as younger than my age. I'm around groups of younger people, and I think that helps. It's also a great reminder to me that while a particular fashion style looks good on a 20 year old, it's not going to look very good on this Zeeba!
So again, guys of my generation -- don't give up completely on we women of your age! | |
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| Geographic and age limits
Posted: 6/22/2008 10:09:25 AM | I agree with the op about most of this which is why anyone who looks at my profile will find....no restrictions. Nethertheless, i dont think that age really harms a rship (yet theres alot of people who automatically "ruel out" people outside say several years of their age largely because they think the age defines the person....not true lol!) although i think geography can since obviously if you are to far away to meet, how can you really have something with them? Obviously this will vary depending on ability to travel.
In my case, ive got no car so would have to go by train or bus yet i decided not to include a geographical boundary because it opens one's options alot more and if i did get to know someone with which there was deep mutual attraction, i would probably manage to find a way of meeting them anyway.
I suppose the only "absolute" restrictions i would put (if im looking for a partner) would presumably be that they must be female (im not homosexual), and that they must not be married......yet im also looking for friends too so this would rule out others (including males) with who i could be just friends with, so i left these restrictions off. | |
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| Geographic and age limits
Posted: 6/22/2008 10:14:55 AM | one thing id like to add, in a way this site is much better than most since restrictions are VOLUNTARY. On match.com for example, you HAVE to put restricitons in relation to age and location and this creates, in my opinion, severe difficulties since most put they would only meet someone within a few years of their age, AND within aprox 10 miles of where they live. If you live in a large city thats fine but if you live in a tiny village where no other member of that village is likely to be on the same site, it really seems pointless at all!!! youd have to wait a very long time for a response lol!
Obviously in a number of cases these restricitons would be preferances as opposed to absolutes yet the trouble was, it was almost impossible to tell which?
eg if someone put "within 20 miles", what if you lived say 21 miles away?
eg if someone put "20-25" what if you were say 26 or 27?
I suppose thats where restrictions can be severly confusing lol! | |
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| Geographic and age limits
Posted: 6/22/2008 1:41:54 PM | Zeeba - you are a cutie!!!
Not sure if anyone here lives in Los Angeles, but that is all that needs to be said - traffic simply sucks....
But with gas at approximately $4.65 a gallon - you can see a wee bit of lighter traffic.
So the good news is that I would be open to meet someone a ways away, the bad news is that we wouldn't be able to see each other as we couldn't afford it | |
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| Geographic and age limits
Posted: 6/22/2008 2:35:36 PM | | Age wouldn't be a problem unless the age difference is very large. For example, I'm 31. I would consider dating a woman in her late 30s or early 40s. But I probably wouldn't date a 50 yr old woman. IMO most potential couples would have different long term goals when there is a large age difference. As for distance, I would like to date someone who lives within 50 miles of me. I probably wouldn't reject a woman just because she lives 60-70 miles from me. But that would be around my limit. I think long distance relationships can be difficult because it can be harder to make plans. A person would spend a lot of time and money driving to and from the date. | |
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| Geographic and age limits
Posted: 6/22/2008 2:48:59 PM | I am dating someone who lives abot 1,000 miles away, and I can not understand geographical limitations, to be honest. You can never know where the one person that you want to be with is located, and I would not have wanted to miss out on this most special man.
When it comes to age, though, I know that for me large age gaps don't work, so I had set a pretty narrow age frame (of five years give or take), however, that was an age frame I had expressed in my profile - I had not limited the contact to that age frame in order to enable forum friends to e-mail me.
Naturally, I had come across a number of middle-aged (or even older) men that were only looking for mates significantly younger than themselves. Whenever I encountered that I'd just move on - a man looking for a mate that could be his daughter does probably not have the mindset I am looking for a in a partner, so I had actually been grateful that those guys made the weeding process so easy. :-) | |
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| Geographic and age limits
Posted: 6/22/2008 3:39:38 PM | Just a few random thoughts on this subject:
Stylegal, you are so right....if you live out in the country, you can drive 60-70 miles in an hour, less time than it would take someone in a big city to drive across town.
I once had a woman about 40 minutes from me tell me she wasn't interested in a long distance relationship. I emailed her that I didn't consider 40 minutes long distance!
And the guy that lives in San Francisco and complaining about the price of gas. Anyone that chooses to live in a rediculously expensive place like San Fran, probably paying a couple thousand a month or more in rent, ought not be complaining about the price of gas.
As far as the age thing, I am 56 and have dated women from 40 to 60. I have a sixteen year old son, and the women my age are likely to have grandchildren my son's age. I seem to have a lot more in common with the one's in their forties.
I have been in a long distance relationship for some time...where there is a will, there is a way!!! | |
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| Geographic and age limits
Posted: 6/22/2008 3:42:20 PM | Age limit would be five years either way if I was looking , I tend to lean towards older, but that can change, I mean if someone is one or two years out, were do you draw the line, would it be a definite deal breaker.
Travelling is not an issue for me, but the distance is, if you can understand what I am saying. I would prefer the girl next door that way we can meet at a moments notice and planning things are so much easier especially with everyones hectic schedules.
Here in Halifax once you cross that bridge once or twice a day, some people see that as a major border crossing around here, most people will just not migrate to the other side of the harbour, that 75 cent bridge toll seems to be a real deal breaker. JMO | |
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| Geographic and age limits
Posted: 6/22/2008 3:53:33 PM |
Personally, I'm open to moving pretty much ANYWHERE in the next few years.
That's why I'm not interested in something long distance as far as a long term relationship goes. Eventually, if it works out, someone is going to have to move. I have no intentions of leaving the area I am in, and I would be fine if the other person wanted to move here, but I certainly can't expect that of them. | |
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| Geographic and age limits
Posted: 6/22/2008 3:55:14 PM | | When you live in a big city that's easier to look for someone of the same city (more choice). But Internet is here to help people to go through the distance no? | |
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zeeba
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Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 43 | |
| Geographic and age limits
Posted: 6/22/2008 4:07:21 PM | Horses44, many thanks! I appreciate it.
And as the OP, I appreciate again everyone's comments on this topic. Honestly, I wasn't expecting it to be this popular; seems that the geographic limits and/or age limits are on a lot of our minds.
Yes, for me -- except for those pesky gas prices, driving is not really an issue. I like to drive, and wouldn't mind a halfway meeting point for coffee or lunch. I would love to meet someone fairly local, but I'm not sure that's going to happen. And on the age limits, I would not want to go too young or a lot older...my point again is that many men of my generation seem to have been "burned" by a few women. I've learned a lot already from replies in this thread.
If we are lucky enough to reach a certain age with health, a career, and friends, a necessary part of that journey is having some not-so-great experiences with the opposite gender. I just don't want men to let a few "bad apples" ruin their perspectives. I have a lot of war stories, but they don't have anything to do with age or geographic restrictions. My war stories are more from my own lack of good judgment and self-esteem at certain times. Let's put it this way: In the book "Maybe He's Just Not Into You", I have a name for almost every chapter. Yikes! But, that is very much because of my own skewed decisions. | |
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| Geographic and age limits
Posted: 6/22/2008 4:31:42 PM | Actually I do live in Bloomington, IN. I haven't had a problem with men driving from Indy, Greenwood, Greenfield, Mitchell, Bedford, etc. I don't actually date from this site, so I don't know if that's the difference or what. Also I have been contacted by men of all ages. Maybe just try a different site.  | |
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| Geographic and age limits
Posted: 6/23/2008 5:04:56 AM | Some will will take that daring step out into the real world (young and old) and make that long foreboding trip to into exile, but its like being an explorer, once you have been there, why go back when you realise this risk out weighs the bounty. 
So what I'm trying to say is, no sex they are not coming back, or sex and they are still not coming back. Some will will jump continents, they will even fly women anywhere, thinking , ah this bounty is ripe for the picking. But I give some of you ladies more credit than that. | |
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| Geographic and age limits
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:03:32 AM | For me, Geographic limits are more difficult than age limits. I don't have a vehicle and I don't plan to get one. I live in a city with a decent transit network, although I may decide to get a bike.
Distance I've dated/been involved with someone who was 76km (47 miles), 400km (250 miles) away, 1024 (630 miles) away, as well as on another continent. I have contemplated a 1600 km (1000 mile) move, but it would be nice if we didn't need a plane in order to have a casual meeting to figure out if online compatibility would translate into face-to-face compatibility.
I was able to drive the 400km distance, as we both had a car, but the one that was only 76km away we were both car-less. Looking at a very inconvenient out of town bus line as our only option to meet (into the city in the morning, out of the city in the evening) to see each other.
Just checked the distance to take the bus to someone local I met recently, and a total estimated trip time of 54 minutes on the transit system, is not bad (when 10 of those minutes are walking). The same distance driving would be about 15 minutes with light traffic (an hour or more when there is a fricken hockey game).
I have a preference for women older than I but I don't set limits because you never know who you "click" with. | |
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| Geographic and age limits
Posted: 6/24/2008 11:19:56 AM |  If POF had a setting for unlimited distance for matches I would click it or if they do I have not found it as of yet.Distance to find the person who is YOUR soul mate/perfect match should be unlimited.I have been in various chat engines on the PC for over 10 years and have many great friends who one moved half way around the world to be with the other.As for age,I dont think I would have alot in common with say a lady who is 35.Not to say that may not happen.the age for me is a guideline.I have found that women within 10 years of my age and I communicate alot better than say women who are 15 years difference.In the end I believe it's about how well two people gel.fit.blend.Limiting one's self to geographical or age restrictions could very well cost them finding their one and only. | |
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zeeba
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Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 49 | |
| Geographic and age limits
Posted: 6/24/2008 12:06:37 PM | The fact that this thread is still going tells me a lot. Great responses.
Since I am the OP, I've come to the conclusion that I make a much better appearance and impression IRL than I do online. I think that when some men look at my vital stats (45, no kids, never been married, in a relatively small city), they figure it isn't worth it. | |
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| Geographic and age limits
Posted: 6/28/2008 3:27:38 AM | Hey...if a guy has age restrictions...good! Do you really want him anyway because he would wander in a relationship! I think it is better that they are honest. This age and beauty thing has a lot to do with our society today. It is very superficial because of all the hollywood glamour. pushed down our throats If some of these guys would get off the sofa and acquire some interests other than television maybe this wouldn't be the case. But afraid to say America has become a very self indulgent, superficial society that bases beauty on externals. But I am 48 and had a baby at 45 and I could care less what those type of people think! I don't cater to the shallow and superficial class...why do you? What have they done for you lately? If you feel beautiful spiritually and emotionally...nothing and nobody can get you down! | |
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