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| Conversation Going Well then Nothing..
Posted: 6/15/2008 3:43:48 AM | | Actually, now I'm intrigued to hear what the girls think about the jump from email to IM to phone to meeting? What progress do you feel comfortable with? | |
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| Conversation Going Well then Nothing..
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:52:53 AM | I think it's gonna depend on the woman...everyone's different about how they like to communicate. Some hate the phone, some hate IM - some like to meet right away, others like to e-mail for a while...some prefer the phone...who knows.
You're probably better off asking each one or feeling the situation out as it occurs... | |
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| Conversation Going Well then Nothing..
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:22:02 AM | It's so unfortunate that even after there is enough attraction for two people
here even to be communicating in the first place, it's like skating on VERY thin
ice! And I think it's worse for the guys. Women often dissect every word and remember everything! I don't think guys are like that as much! Later, if a relationship developes, things that are a deal breaker at the beginning are forgiven!
Another thing! Women almost all want humor, but here the ice is EVEN thinner!lol
Many, many women are extremely sensitive and self conscious! I myself know that I have unintentionally offended many women that were initially interested in me! | |
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| Conversation Going Well then Nothing..
Posted: 6/15/2008 10:15:37 AM |
It's so unfortunate that even after there is enough attraction for two people
here even to be communicating in the first place, it's like skating on VERY thin
ice! And I think it's worse for the guys. Women often dissect every word and remember everything!
EXACTLY (not saying that I agree with the "Women often dissect every word" but plastic sturgeon certainly thinks so). A few women above have said "I can tell in email". No, I don't think you can. I think you can exclude people for things you think they said - if you look, I think the poster that said "even after 40" was something bad is STILL defending what she thought i meant even though I've told her EXACTLY what I meant). Email communication is different than live (I work in the computer industry and have learned this, even trained people on it) - just look at the email muscles thing where people act tough over email 'cause they're not face to face - and when someone says something in email you can't see their facial expression and go "wait, I don't think you got what I meant..". A natural, rolling sense of humor or closeness can't develop. I could go on..
I'm not gonna get into the argument that there is only one person for you out there - but my feeling is LIGHTEN UP - if you're physically compatible and like the same things and communicate reasonably well GO HAVE COFFEE. You're gonna have a better chance of meeting someone you like than if you spend two months interrogating them online looking for a flaw in their personality! | |
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| Conversation Going Well then Nothing..
Posted: 6/15/2008 10:29:41 AM | | Agreed. But hey they control everything. We are just like dogs just to wait to be accepted. Do they think they are perfect? But one false joke, "ohoh this man is not datable". Seriously, this whole email dating on internet has become a joke to me. Only people that get girls on internet alot are those who are looking to get laid often. I know people who get laid almost everyday. Relationship guys stay and stay until they get rotten, frustrated and develop a hatret for the opposite sex. ciao. | |
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| Conversation Going Well then Nothing..
Posted: 6/15/2008 10:32:14 AM |
Actually, now I'm intrigued to hear what the girls think about the jump from email to IM to phone to meeting? What progress do you feel comfortable with?
A few emails and if WE feel mutual connection, let's talk on the phone. One phone call and if we are both feeling it, let's make a date. Crazy, I know!
A few women above have said "I can tell in email". No, I don't think you can
What, are you inside our brains now? What an arrogant statement.
Email communication is different than live
I do agree with this point. Email impressions can be very different and that is why I ask to speak on the phone at least once before we meet. I have talked to several men that I thought I got a good idea that we were not going to be a very good match, but agreed to meet them anyway. Needless to say, we were NOT a good match. So, perhaps I am a bit more selective now as my time is limited and I am not looking to waste anyone's time. I feel bad when a guy has waited two weeks to see me, and then I meet him and I have my phone impression confirmed.
if you're physically compatible and like the same things and communicate reasonably well GO HAVE COFFEE.
I do.
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vro312
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Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 32 | |
| Conversation Going Well then Nothing..
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:46:11 AM | I think you can exclude people for things you think they said - if you look, I think the poster that said "even after 40" was something bad is STILL defending what she thought i meant even though I've told her EXACTLY what I meant).
Hmmmm . . .
If you read back through what I wrote about the "even after 40" comment the second time, I actually thanked you for clarifying. I was just saying that you didn't, in fact, say what you claimed in the previous post to have said--the words you used were different, and I quoted the exact words you used so as not to confuse the issue further. Since one of your central points seems to be about communicating, I was observing that, at least in this instance, you're somewhat difficult to communicate with. It's a serious communication issue when someone claims to have said something he did not say--that's crazy making. That's more than enough to send a woman packing.
I'm not being sarcastic. This just may be the reason women cut you loose. I would not continue exchanging e-mails with someone who doesn't seem to be processing what I say. And there *is* other evidence in this thread that you don't process what people say. | |
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| Conversation Going Well then Nothing..
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:49:58 AM | | ^^^that might be a perfect example for the OP, as to why *he* thinks the conversation is going well, and then the women drops off... | |
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| Conversation Going Well then Nothing..
Posted: 6/15/2008 1:18:44 PM | I have experienced this many times myself, as I too am a very nice, respectful, average
male. Constantly, females give no good clear reason as to why they just drop off the face of the earth; they do on the other hand have and do give plenty of excuses out of their big bag of excuses. They have many, excuses that is, (had to clarify that I was making a statement about excuses for the females replying on this posting, for they just don't seem to grasp what the nice guy is respectfully trying to relate of his real-life experience on net dating), at their disposable. You females just cannot take being wrong and the fact that you are misconstruing and misinterpreting everything the guy says proves your immaturity and lack of mutual respect for him when all he did and IS doing now is trying to explain himself and carry on an intelligent conversation! But you're having none of it. Why??? You need to apply the old saying to each of yourselves, so excuse yourselves and get out of the kitchen, for he is 100% correct and it is far too hot in here for each of you! He explicity said "after 5 or 8 emails" ; THEN IMMEDIATELY stated " even after 40" which says and implies emails obviously, being right after and attatched to the foregoing statement. What part of what he and I are saying do you not understand???!!! I experience females with emotional and mental issues regularly in this new age net dating arena. Constantly and continually FEMALES will stop all communication of whatever kind they are instituting and will give NO reason whatsoever and are indignant and very offensive why a respectful guy asks a simple question of why the heck did they or you abruptly stop??? Their anger issues instantly come to the fore like the claws of a wild animal out for a kill!!! What's up with that attitude? Where did their KIND, SINCERE, CARING, COMPASSIONATE qualities that they so like to boast about in their profiles disappear to??? All of my male friends have expressed this same concern about females for no reason at all treating them like dirt and trash in the same way as this. HOW REPULSIVE of an mental attitude on their part!!! My ex-wife of years ago would NEVER listen to what I was saying or how I was trying to express myself and my true feelings to her; would just jump to conclusions and cut me off as females do on my emails and I'M"s with them! I thought that's exactly what this net dating and computer age was for; ease AND QUICKNESS to cut to the chase (so-to-speak, explanatory for you females reading) so as not to take forever to find someone and grow old by ourself on the front porch, but find and locate someone within a realistic time-frame so as to enjoy their company and grow old WITH THEM istead of apart from them. How did people meet years ago? Did they use the phone for communication and to set up dates and etc.? Absolutely! But females from the early eighties or late seventies would not hang up abruptly and be rude! If they PROMISED they would call, THEY DID and at the date and time that she specified to the male. They, ( the females in that era) would literally die trying or "kill themselves" as the EXPRESSION goes, in order to fulfill what they had promised and GIVEN THEIR WORD on. NOT SO SINCE THEN!!! Every excuse in the book at their disposal is used to try to put off, delay, and get out of what they promised the male. They feel if they feed him a lame excuse or a pile of hoo hah that he will be just another "dumb" male and not know the difference! Trust me, we males know when a female is looking for Brad Pitt and trying to seek out someone with a pile of money! Happens everyday on here. their first communication on IM or email is: "well, how much money do you make, what is your financial status, what position do you hold in your company??? First, it's none of their darn business. After all, I thought she and they told me they were searching and looking for a GOOD MALE......NOT GOOD MONEY!!! Second, those things, (money and material things, job position, popularity in the community, etc.) should not carry the high importance that FEMALES place on them. I thought human beings were more important than "things". Thirdly, with this very prevalent attitude among females, it takes away from the dating search the whole real human touch and purpose of it all. When women met men years ago, it instantly was a done deal,(that they would be together forever)
and for proof open your eyes females and see the older generation that are still together after all these years, from meeting once, yes one time and it stuck because what he had as a male was not important at all; it was based on what he WAS as a GOOD MAN; and that was ENOUGH. What they were going to develop between themselves through the coming years and their plans and life together was the prominent thing and that was what their priorities were based on! Females of today could learn some really good lessons from this if only they would turn on their thinking capacities and open their minds to it. YOU GO " MINE "!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Conversation Going Well then Nothing..
Posted: 6/15/2008 1:21:57 PM | It happens to us all. I can't even count the times it's happened to me.
If someone hasn't met you yet, they don't really feel bad about just disappearing. I guess they may think that you'll become a cyber stalker if they explain that they're simply not interested in you and best of luck, so they exit stage left in a way they think is safe.
That's just how it goes when you use something like this as a dating option. | |
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| Conversation Going Well then Nothing..
Posted: 6/15/2008 2:26:05 PM | Vro and Quirky - I ask you to reread - many folks here have said it happens to them too and often. I've said a number of times I'm discussing the broad issue for the benefit of many - I do OK both on PoF and personally. But you're attacking me saying I must have a communication issue and calling me arrogant (see below). It happens to many but you're attacking my personal communication skills and person.
A few emails and if WE feel mutual connection, let's talk on the phone. One phone call and if we are both feeling it, let's make a date. Crazy, I know! A few women above have said "I can tell in email". No, I don't think you can What, are you inside our brains now? What an arrogant statement.
If my statement is arrogant - why move on to a phone conversation if you can get everything you need from email?
I agree with the long statement above. It's similar to (c0ming from NYC) walking by a pretty girl and going "Hey" and being ignored. For some reason, common courtesy to say hey back (like two guys would) doesn't apply perhaps cause she's cute and apparently doesn't need to if she doesn't think I am. And one of the things I'm trying to say is, if you're chatting with someone why not just say "thanks, I don't think we're right". | |
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| Conversation Going Well then Nothing..
Posted: 6/15/2008 2:58:53 PM |
But you're attacking me saying I must have a communication issue and calling me arrogant (see below). It happens to many but you're attacking my personal communication skills and person
I am aware it happens to many. It happens to me. You missed my point. My intention is not to personally attack you, but to perhaps show you the error of your ways....You seem to me to have a problem with communication. I believe this thread is a testament of that. That is just my opinion. Take it or leave it.
I do feel you are being arrogant deciding that women are wrong that we cannot determine if we are interested in someone or not from email. I can at least determine if it is someone that I am interested in conversing with any further, most of the time.
And one of the things I'm trying to say is, if you're chatting with someone why not just say "thanks, I don't think we're right".
I do that. Though, more often thant not, I am not rewarded with the same consideration. That said, it is not a requirment to online dating. There is no moral police saying we should all play nice.
JMHO | |
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vro312
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Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 38 | |
| Conversation Going Well then Nothing..
Posted: 6/15/2008 5:21:33 PM |
And one of the things I'm trying to say is, if you're chatting with someone why not just say "thanks, I don't think we're right".
Thanks, I don't think we're right.  | |
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| Conversation Going Well then Nothing..
Posted: 6/15/2008 5:40:33 PM | And that is just my point, Miss Quirk, that since there are no quote, as you say
"moral police", females DO NOT PLAY NICE. He (Mine) did not ask the female whether in public or in private conversation on the net to give him some kind of special favors, or to go home and sleep with him, or walk arm-in-arm with him and been seen in public by everyone to show off!!! HE ONLY ASK FOR A SIMPLE KIND, FRIENDLY HELLO! Good Lawrd, what does an "average", nice, respectful male have to do to be treated and respected as a fellow human being, just as every female will very quickly tell any male that she wants to be treated in the same way ???? As a famous person said in a movie, "herein lies the real root of the problem". Point also, is that several of you females are "bashing" him, when at the same time You call him arrogant as well as accuse him of several other things that you term so-called mistakes that he's making in dating life and communication on the net, when you and others have nothing to base that on except preconceived ideas that most females naturally have when they want to jump to conclusions. It's like condemmed to guilt before having all the true facts to presume one innocent. And about the issue that you can read males minds or his intentions through his typed sentences, for the most part,
no way. Yes if the person is TOTALLY illiterit, cannot at all spell, or through misconstrueing and mismeaning in the wording of sentences, you could come to the conclusion that the person has very little education. But as females accuse males all the time and say something like "but you don't even know me", in the same way how can you tell 100% positively for sure, that it just will not work with this one or that one, and you haven't even met them in person??? No, most of the time, that is humanly impossible. I do agree that you can tell much from a phone conversation, but not to get overboard, that obviously depends on how long the call is, what is the topic of discussion, how much REALLY PERSONAL information is exchanged between the two, is one or the other pressed for time, etc., etc. I say you simply just have to meet them in person! Now again, before you jump to conclusions, for example if one doesn't like baldness for example and the other is bald, okay you can say just from the dating net pic that it won't work with you. True. The same if one is not seeking a smoker, or wants someone that has good teeth and they do not, or for me I do not want someone who is overweight. But those are the too obvious things that all the world can see. As has been stated on here (POF) many times by many people, you must meet in person, it takes time, and the normal frame is usually more than once (in person) to really see if two will connect. Sad, but the true reality of net dating is the stupid little immature kid mind games that so many, male AND female are playing on here. Hiding profiles,
outright lying, deleting profiles and setting up new ones to fool and mislead others, no
pictures, and the list goes on. Stupid, ignorant people have taken modern technology
that was designed, created, and purposed to help bring serious people together so that their search for somone could be not only enjoyable and fun, but take very little time to find that special someone, and have maliciously and cruelly made a joke of it, all but destroying it totally, for the good that it was intended for! Therefore my profile states what it does, in that I only recently have changed it, to reflect EXACTLY how I have been treated on here and to put any on notice, that they, WHOEVER they are, will
not scam and deceive this male anymore!!! I feel get to the "place" or point to where you meet in person a prospective match as quickly as you can, with as little time, effort, thought, typing, phone calls, miles to drive or whatever, so if it DOESN'T work with that person, it's as little of a loss as possible. Just the truth. I don't understand why, but females are afraid to call or talk on the phone, saying it's unsafe, when obviously there are so many ways to block one's personal information from being sent.
Now, on the other hand, as has been proven by Government, police, military, news investigators and the like literally thousands of times, the "net" IS NOT SAFE. PERIOD. But 99% of all females on here that I have had any type of communication with will stand their ground and tell me how safe and secure the internet really is!!!
What an absurdity! I wonder if much of the time this is just an excuse to put me off further so as NOT to give me a phone call as they are constantly on the phone with other men!!! I am too old and I am NOT STUPID! | |
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| Conversation Going Well then Nothing..
Posted: 6/15/2008 5:43:22 PM | ^^^^Say ladies, who will pitch in to send the gentleman on a nice, relaxing cruise to clear his head...
You call him arrogant
No, I said his statement was arrogant.
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| Conversation Going Well then Nothing..
Posted: 6/15/2008 10:22:39 PM | I think 40 emails back and forth is too many. Speak by phone or in person so by that time, they know enough about you to give you the benefit of the doubt if they misunderstand something you are trying to say.
It does happen to everyone in this process that you email back and forth and something in there makes someone decide that it's not going to be a match. Don't take it personally, and don't expect everyone to match up to everyone.
Looks matter, but everyone can find someone that is attracted to them. What helps is if you are approaching people in the same general range of looks. That sounds really superficial, but people do tend to pair up with people who are generally the same level of physical attractiveness (just look around at some happy couples that you know), and those people who insist on looking only at people of the opposite sex who are much more attractive than they are, are simply going to have trouble. If the conversation was going well, then I'm guessing this isn't the issue most of the time anyway.
I think the most important part is to try talk by voice and to not take it personally if things don't work out. I know it's easy to get discouraged. But keep believing she's out there. | |
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