| Missed opportunity or lucky escape ?
Posted: 6/14/2008 5:05:00 PM | Hi all, this is my first thread, and hope it doesn't have any rule infractions 
I have a question for all you guys out there. I've been talking to a guy I met on here for around six weeks now. He lives fairly locally but I had seen his profile before he first contacted me, and, to be honest, I didn't find his profile all that enticing, it was pretty run-of-the-mill stuff, so I skipped past him. A few days later he contacted me, and we began corresponding exclusively through this site. His profile did say that he was looking for friends, so we started chatting, but something in the back of my mind was a little disconcerted. I tried to ignore the voice at first and played it cool. He was much more keen than I was and badgered me to phone him, but I didn't cos the nagging voice said that if i phoned or texted him he would then have my phone number and could then pester me by phone too. He quickly began sending me messages on pof twice a day every day and getting a little grumpy if I didn't reply daily. I told him he was moving way too fast and he slowed it down slightly, but he continued to message me daily, but barely told me anything about himself and expected me to tell him my life story. Every time I asked him anything about his past he was very evasive and I only got one sentence answers. He did tell me he had been married before and that he didn't get on with his family and had fallen out with all his friends, he has been unemployed since he moved to the area 5 years ago and living on benefits, he doesn't have his own computer so he uses the public library. All of this I could cope with so we arranged to meet, but the night before a few things happened which gave me cold feet.
1) His profile and all the emails he had sent me spontaneously disappeared from POF and he came up with some way out bizarre explanation about a friend of his being jealous and deleting his profile !! Err, I don't think so mate !
2)Before his profile disappeared he said could we meet somewhere other than where we had planned, but then the profile disappeared before we could decide a new location.
3)After looking at the forums I read that some women on here google their potential dates and of course I thought; what a good idea. Wrong - I discovered that my potential date is a local mental health service user. On it's own this wouldn't put me off per se but combined with a few other troubling facts I'd already discovered about him, this was the final straw.
He created a new profile and has started messaging me again. I told him my concerns and that I wouldn't be meeting him and he continues to message me and pester me to meet up.
My question is this, am I judging the guy unfairly, should I give him a chance or should I listen to my instinct (which is telling me to give the guy a wide berth)?
Also, do any of you guys out there think I handled this wrongly ? I'd be grateful for some male advice on this one as this is the second freakish stalkery type I've met online. | |
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| Missed opportunity or lucky escape ?
Posted: 6/14/2008 6:04:13 PM | Well, I'm definitely not a guy, but as a woman, I say trust your gut. If you feel something isn't quite kosher with this guy, block him and be done with him.
He was much more keen than I was and badgered me to phone him, but I didn't cos the nagging voice said that if i phoned or texted him he would then have my phone number and could then pester me by phone too. He quickly began sending me messages on pof twice a day every day and getting a little grumpy if I didn't reply daily.
See, this right here is red flag stuff... I don't give my number out until I'm damned good and ready, and any guy worth getting to know would understand that, especially in this day and age.... and him getting grumpy if you didn't respond right away??? Huh??? That'd be the end of it for me. No time in my life for that kind of stuff.
We don't trust our guts often enough IMO. If your gut is telling you something is not right, then chances are, something is NOT right. | |
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| Missed opportunity or lucky escape ?
Posted: 6/14/2008 7:05:58 PM |
I asked him anything about his past he was very evasive and I only got one sentence answers. He did tell me he had been married before and that he didn't get on with his family and had fallen out with all his friends, he has been unemployed since he moved to the area 5 years ago and living on benefits, he doesn't have his own computer so he uses the public library. All of this I could cope with so we arranged to meet,
I'm scared already
Also, do any of you guys out there think I handled this wrongly ? I'd be grateful for some male advice on this one as this is the second freakish stalkery type I've met online.
Stop ignoring the red flags that are beating you over the head.
And start expecting more for yourself other than some guy who doesn't talk to his family-doesn't talk to his friends-has no job-and is dealing with mental health issues...good Lord lady Makes me concerned for your safety. | |
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| Missed opportunity or lucky escape ?
Posted: 6/14/2008 7:46:16 PM | You had, what seems to be on the face of it, a lucky escape.
barely told me anything about himself and expected me to tell him my life story There's a red flag.
Ahh, geez, I'm not even going to quote any more of your post.
The whole post pertaining to this guy is nothing but a red flag OP and not only that, but the flag is red neon and shines like a beacon on a dark night.
Block him from emailing you.
That's what I'd do, but that's me. | |
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| Missed opportunity or lucky escape ?
Posted: 6/14/2008 9:41:56 PM | I'd say you lucked out. Just sounds really shady to me. Trust your instinct, if there's any doubt about meeting this guy or anyone on here then you just shouldn't do it. Better safe than sorry.
Also, how do you google your date? Just put their name, I mean that could end up as anybody. | |
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| Missed opportunity or lucky escape ?
Posted: 6/14/2008 9:47:21 PM |
he doesn't have his own computer so he uses the public library
Arrange to chat with him on-line at a specific time and then go to the library in order to prove/disprove his story. Apparently, it won't be difficult finding him at the library, based on the following:
He quickly began sending me messages on pof twice a day every day and getting a little grumpy if I didn't reply daily
Does he hang out in the library waiting for your replies?
Also, do any of you guys out there think I handled this wrongly ? I'd be grateful for some male advice on this one as this is the second freakish stalkery type I've met online
I think you're handling the situation incorrectly because you are letting communication continue. Obviously there exists some sort of manipulation and/or unstable behaviour. | |
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| Missed opportunity or lucky escape ?
Posted: 6/14/2008 10:01:42 PM | That my dear was a lucky escape!!!!!!! Those little voices inside us are there for a reason, listen to them.
Unless of course you're like me, have too many talking at once, and get confused easily. | |
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| Missed opportunity or lucky escape ?
Posted: 6/14/2008 10:31:06 PM | | I'm thinkin' it's WAYYY beyond a lucky escape... Block him, definately. Maybe even report him to the admin/mods folks. | |
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| Missed opportunity or lucky escape ?
Posted: 6/15/2008 12:34:46 AM | So, you're really asking if unemployed can't get on with his family mental health pester you daily guy was a 'Missed Opportunity'?
Are you one of those fond of the fixer-uppers? ;)
But, to agree with everyone else, yeah: | |
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| Missed opportunity or lucky escape ?
Posted: 6/15/2008 3:29:48 AM | As everyone else says this guy has red flags all over the place.
the minute "badgered me to phone him" happened you should have been like "run away!"
You really need to ask yourself how you let it go so far. | |
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| Missed opportunity or lucky escape ?
Posted: 6/15/2008 3:51:46 AM | | The voices you're hearing shouldn't be little ones at this point. No, job, no computer, living on the dole and masterful evasiveness. The voices ought to be screaming if you were still even considering this guy. You seem to a lot on the ball, you can do much better than that. | |
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| Missed opportunity or lucky escape ?
Posted: 6/15/2008 4:12:02 AM |
Arrange to chat with him on-line at a specific time and then go to the library in order to prove/disprove his story.
NO! Block him now.
Also, do any of you guys out there think I handled this wrongly?
If anything, you should have stopped when you felt you were being "badgered" to be "pestered" later. That's a hopeless prospect even among the otherwise sane. What "missed opportunity" could you possibly imagine? Don't answer that; just save yourself, and devil take the hindmost. | |
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| Missed opportunity or lucky escape ?
Posted: 6/15/2008 6:09:01 PM | Thanks for your advice everyone, I see the general consensus is that my gut instinct was right, and although yes, I do like to see the best in people and understand that sometimes crap does happen in all of our lives, I think you're all right and yes, I did have a lucky escape.
I shall heed this valued advice and block him from contacting me.
Thanks everyone.  | |
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| Missed opportunity or lucky escape ?
Posted: 6/15/2008 6:17:24 PM | And Browolf, yes I have been wonderinghow I let it get so far, again, I was aware that the guy had low self esteem and I was trying not to hurt his feelings, however, I think I was in denial and trying to make myself believe there was a good explanation for these things, but when they're all added up I think maybe I was living in cloud cuckoo land.
I should also point out that this guy said in his profile that he was looking for friends, which is why I replied and started communicating with him in the first place, but he seemed to want more than I was prepared to give and it escalated from there. | |
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| Missed opportunity or lucky escape ?
Posted: 6/15/2008 7:02:25 PM | ,,,hey girl,,,glad you found out first too,,he sounds just like the one i was talking about,,so RUN,,,and do like me and dont look back,,  | |
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| Missed opportunity or lucky escape ?
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:12:52 PM |
he has been unemployed since he moved to the area 5 years ago and living on benefits, he doesn't have his own computer so he uses the public library. All of this I could cope with
You could cope with that? 
Find some self respect and self worth. | |
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| Missed opportunity or lucky escape ?
Posted: 6/16/2008 11:06:43 AM |
You could cope with that?
Find some self respect and self worth.
Thanks for being so judgemental a.m.a - as I said before, shit happens to everyone at some point in their lives and I wasn't going to write someone off altogether just because he was unemployed. How callous are you ? that's pretty harsh imho ! | |
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