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| second chances
Posted: 6/21/2008 11:26:51 PM | | I tried once but it just couldn't work. There was too much mis-trust already established and that wasn't going to go away any time soon. I don't regret it at all, just glad we were able to try one more time and it was a good choice to do what I did. | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/22/2008 9:23:17 AM | | I split with my b/f last year for cheating, I took him back after 3 weeks. A year on and hes just done it again!! Biggest mistake i've ever made. Never again would I do that again for anyone, doesn't matter how much I love them I will never go there! So anyone reading, for cheating and lying no second chances, they don't change xx | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/22/2008 9:25:42 PM | | Sometimes a second chance is all a person needs.... | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/23/2008 2:50:28 AM | Someone just used the word "mistrust" Made me think. A second chance can work if the trust was not broken. I do not believe it can work if there is a major trust issue.
Second, I think there has to be a huge amount of respect for the other too.
If you can't trust them, it will never work regardless of how hard you try. That mistrust will eat away at your feelings and cause more arguments, fights or other emotions that will break you up again.
Same thing for respect. Lose respect and I think all hopes for love are gone. | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/23/2008 4:45:29 AM | | I think to myself the chances of a second or third time with a former partner is brought on by the hope of that feeling of the good times you once had, here the problem with that it like a drug once you had that high you will never reach it again no matter how much effort you put in to it it will always come crashing down and when you come down the hurt is more than the time before lesson learn on both accounts. for now I choose to be myself, true to myself, it is what it is and if you like the pain then go for it. | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/23/2008 4:50:33 AM | I've seen second chances work......but only after the issues precipiting the break up have been worked on and resolved.........the fact that you love someone does not guarantee that a relationship is going to work if those issues are not taken care of...........love does NOT conquor all.
GOOD LUCK............. | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/23/2008 7:44:09 AM |
I've seen second chances work......but only after the issues precipiting the break up have been worked on and resolved.........the fact that you love someone does not guarantee that a relationship is going to work if those issues are not taken care of...........love does NOT conquor all.
I have seen second chances work before too. You said love does not conquer all. I agree with an exception. The love has to be equal. Both have to want to keep that love relationship. No good if only one wants it.
They also say, "time heels all wounds". That can also be applied to the offended party that wanted the breakup. In time the issue or issues that caused the break up might fade in the way of importance or pain.
Both parties have to have the same desire to love and be loved by the other.
They have given the break up enough time to honestly forgive whatever issue or issues caused the break to begin with. It might take weeks, months or more to perhaps just be friends. Stay in touch. Stay away from talking about the past. Give it time to rebuild the trust and respect for each other all over again. It's work, but if both love each other, it is so worth it.
So in my opinion, these are the elements needed to make a second, third, fourth chance work. Desire to at least be open to it. (on both parties part)
Communicate, communicate. Be open, be painfully honest. Rebuild the trust. Be respectful and build respect back. Try to have conversations that bring laughter and happiness to each other. ( that's the way it was in the beginning right?)
Be prepared to compromise and maybe even change something that irritated the other. If the love is desired and real, we all can change if we want to. If that love interest is important enough to you. Put away all blame. Acknowledge you had a part in the breakup to him or her. Face your errors. Apologize for them. And change things so they never happen again. Don't say you forgive the other unless you really do and will never bring it up again. Try to forget it. To me to forgive is to forget. If you can't forget, don't say you forgive. It will pop up again in a future disagreement. (and you will have them)
It will take work, patience, time, more pain, and tons of understanding. But you can do it. If you BOTH want it. | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/23/2008 8:41:41 AM | | And may I add...the only past wrong that has power is the one we give power to..... so judge present and future actions not past ones....if you cant do that.....move on........ | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/23/2008 7:33:54 PM | | I kept going out with my x after we broke up because I love him and no matter what I like to be with him. Everyone says listen to your head but I followed my heart. This brought me heart ache. You have to be head smart first.Learn from my mistake.Be very careful or you will get hurt. | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/23/2008 8:39:39 PM | | As with "First Chances"....."Second Chances" depend on the 2 individuals.... | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/24/2008 12:43:58 AM | I dont believe in a second chance and i will tell ya why.
Because if they did it once what make's u think they wont do it again.
It's alway's the same bs im sorry and i love you i wont do it again i promise i will change and i do thing's better this time it's allway's the same old stuff another word's it's what some use as a guilt trip to make you believe it and some people are that stupied and go back and thing's go good for a little and guess what it happend's all over again.
That is why i dont give second chance's if it didn't work out the first time around how would it work in the secon. | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/24/2008 12:54:42 AM | Naaah.. I did that second-chance thing with the first one.. just two more years of extra agony & B/S. Learned well from there.. "Once an X ...ALWAYS an X." Make the mark of the "X" and ride off in the sunset.   | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/24/2008 8:11:11 AM | msg. 29>>>Sometimes a second chance is all a person needs....
I agree with that mindset. I know a couple who ended their relationship of several years but obviously never stopped loving each other. They each went their separate way only to find that they couldn't stop thinking about the other and were more miserable apart than together. In the time spent apart each dated others but realized that the bond they had between them couldn't be broken no matter how they tried.
The woman told me that as time went on, she realized that the good in their relationship out weighed the things that were wrong. Little did she know he was feeling the same way. Long story short, they got back together again after several heart-to-heart talks. It seems they got it right this time.
However, I think this is a rare situation. In their case, it was perhaps, that absence made their hearts grow fonder and gave them time to put their situation in perspective. The key for them was that they loved each other deeply and never lost respect for one another.
This is one instance where two people learned from their mistakes and took the chance of giving the relationship another try. So yes, sometimes a second chance is all a person - a couple - needs... | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/24/2008 8:30:17 AM | | Second chances...Absolutely. But of course the problem needs to be addressed. Trust is the issue. I was divorced and then realized the problem. Now we are back together and it is Bliss now that we have taken care of the issues. | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/24/2008 8:45:59 AM | | people break up for a reason. The problems don't go away. Like they say, "theres no such thing as paradise revisited". | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/24/2008 8:48:39 AM | | Hi Angelicrose. Just to say I am sorry you are missing your ex. The world is not perfect. But you sound like a loving person, so good things will come your way in the end. | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/24/2008 9:05:15 AM | I know a couple who ended their relationship of several years but obviously never stopped loving each other. They each went their separate way only to find that they couldn't stop thinking about the other and were more miserable apart than together.
Seriously? They got back together to be a little less miserable?
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| second chances
Posted: 6/24/2008 9:15:43 AM |
Has anyone had a second chance with there ex's?
Yep. I pined away over her, missed her, wished we could try again. After 5 months we got back together. It lasted FIVE DAYS.
was it a good choice?do you regret it at all?
In a way, yes, it was a good choice, and no, I don't regret it, because it showed me that it really would NOT work again (for the SAME reasons it didn't work the first time), and that its a huge mistake. Although it's still hard, it will be easier to move on now that I've answered the question "would it work if we tried again". It took getting back together to realize the answer to that question is "NO".
The problem is, you can't really take someone else's word for it. They can tell you "don't do it", but you end up convincing yourself that it might be different for you. You have to end up learning that lesson for yourself. | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/24/2008 9:32:14 AM |
people break up for a reason. The problems don't go away. Like they say, "theres no such thing as paradise revisited".
I'm really glad I don't buy into generalizations like this. And yes, if I was in paradise, I'd damn sure like to go back again. That part makes no sense at all. And I want to meet that nut named "They Say" who is he anyway? lol | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/24/2008 9:51:23 AM | I'll give you a first chance.............
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Gracep
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Joined: 4/16/2008
Msg: 47 | |
| second chances
Posted: 6/24/2008 10:05:21 AM | | Just think about something... if you give him/her a second chance, deeply in your heart u will feel that nothing is the same as before.. | |
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| second chances
Posted: 6/24/2008 10:06:19 AM | msg. 44>>> In a way, yes, it was a good choice, and no, I don't regret it, because it showed me that it really would NOT work again (for the SAME reasons it didn't work the first time), and that its a huge mistake. Although it's still hard, it will be easier to move on now that I've answered the question "would it work if we tried again". It took getting back together to realize the answer to that question is "NO".
Exactly! As I posted earlier, for the reuniting to be successful, it's important to know that the love and respect for each other endured the separation. However, even more importantly, they have had the heart-to-heart talks to discover and understand that whatever the reason(s) for the split in the first place were can either be resolved by agreeing to disagree or be resolute in fixing the problem or agree that getting back together is completely out of the question.
The couple I posted about earlier decided to agree on a time frame and if getting back together didn't work out during the agreed upon time frame well then at least they would have the peace of mind in knowing they tried and as indehills posted, at least their doubts were confirmed making moving on a lot easier.
It's been almost 2 yrs since they reunited and they seem more in love than ever before. They obviously felt that the feelings they had for each other were well worth the gamble. | |
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Cazimi
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Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 49 | |
| second chances
Posted: 6/24/2008 10:07:24 AM | No second chances here.
I don't ever go back , once I crossed that bridge.
When I am in a relationship, I give my heart and soul.
I am sensitive, loving ,affectionate, understanding , lots of patience, and would make excuses why he is that way.
There are fleeting moments when I would think of going back , but I can't, it's hard for me to go back.
I rather enjoy a new adventure, than the same old broken record kind :)
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| second chances
Posted: 6/24/2008 10:20:18 AM | | Depends on the situation. Cheating, stealing and constant lying? HELL NO! dont look back. But if its just something stupid that can be fixed by simple communication, go for it. Just remember if you give it a second chance and agree to things, then by all means stick to them and youll have a stronger relationship. | |
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