| No sympathy for breaking up over a married guy
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:48:52 AM |
I didn't tell anyone I was secretly dating a married man until after we broke up.
That says it all to me.You didnt tell anybody because?.
You were ashamed,embarrassed,knew you were doing wrong?.
You showed no sympathy for the fact that he had a wife and children that were being lied too yet you automatically thought you may be entitled to sympathy off others?.
The way I look at it he gets to go home to his family and pretend like nothing happened.
Did this only spring to mind after you had been dumped on your @ss?.I am guessing not but as long as you were getting the attention it was irrellevant | |
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| No sympathy for breaking up over a married guy
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:05:24 AM |
Yes, I knew it was wrong, and I knew what I signed up for
So there you go. You knew it was wrong and did it anyway. Some of us like to call what you are going through "consequences".
I guess you gals got cheated on and are bitter.
I've never (to my knowledge) been cheated on and I still think it is wrong. But let me ask you...if the shoe was on the other foot, wouldn't you be bitter toward a woman who would have no compunctions against sleeping with your husband?
I guess when you date a married man and break up you grieve alone.
Pretty much. | |
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Dia623
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Joined: 5/13/2008
Msg: 28 | |
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| No sympathy for breaking up over a married guy
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:19:54 AM | Totally agree Dia623 ....... she makes me sick also
I was that wife and mother.......Wait until it is done to you gamblingal, I wonder how hurt you will be then. Where is your morals....and you didnt tell anyone!!!!! why????? | |
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| No sympathy for breaking up over a married guy
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:21:44 AM | Why do you think you ever deserve sympathy?
I'm sure the way your 'unsympathetic friends' see it is.......you made the free choice to be the mistress. You made the choice to remain with a horribly selfish man who obviously had no qualms about putting his marriage and family in jeopardy - not to mention the health risks he exposed his wife to (STDs). You obviously knew it was 'wrong' because you felt the need to "keep it a secret" while it was going on. So you knew all this but you were a willing participant in the selfishness and deceit and disrespect of someone's marriage and family. How do you really expect people to feel sympathy? If anyone should feel sympathy, it should be for his poor wife and children - they're the innocent ones who didn't have any say in this ultimate act of betrayal.
Do you really "need" someone to tell you "you made a mistake - learn from it"? By the way, I wouldn't call this a "mistake" at all. A mistake, to me, is where you unknowingly do something wrong....but surely you knew from the minute you found out this lying sack of shee-it was "not separated" - yet you decided to continue, that what you both were doing was wrong. That, my friend, is not committing a mistake -- that's making a conscious and selfish choice to throw morals and principles and integrity out the window.
Do you really need someone to point out the obvious - that you should learn from all this? Shouldn't that really go without saying? | |
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| No sympathy for breaking up over a married guy
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:30:47 AM | You don`t date married men,you only sleep with them and as long as you went into it with your eyes wide open whats the big deal.
Don`t worry about what people say."Poor guy "my ass.He had his fun too and I am pretty sure it wasn`t the first time he cheated on his wife .Most cheating husbands do it on a regular basis with different women.
I interviewed 3 cheating husbands a few years back and all 3 of them told me that they were cheating early on in the marriage and they continue to do so.One of them went home with scratches all over his back one time and he told his wife he was doing yard work and was scratched up on a tree branch.....BTW,none of them practiced safe sex.
The joy of being a wife,eh.....
Not to mention...they are probably wondering if they have to worry about THEIR husbands or boyfriends, around you??
A loving ,devoted man would never cheat on his gf/wife no matter that the temptation.
Would you really want to worry about your man every time a good looking woman comes around?? | |
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| No sympathy for breaking up over a married guy
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:31:30 AM | I do feel sorry for the woman in a relationship with a married man ... I feel sorry for the man and his wife and any kids too cause only bad things will come from it ...
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| No sympathy for breaking up over a married guy
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:33:59 AM |
Why does the female get crucified and not the married man?
Because, it takes TWO to cheat. Without that second person (i.e. YOU), cheating wouldn't happen.
And it's not the "female" who gets crucified, it's the "person" that the married person is screwing. My wife cheated with a piece of filth. He's the male equivalent of you. So no, I certainly have no sympathy for someone like you. My whole f*cking life was destroyed because of someone like you. You want some d!ck, go find a single guy like women with morals and values do. The whole deal with screwing a married person is that the situation is "safe" - you don't have to make a commitment. Well guess what? That comes with a price, and I'm quite glad to see yet another homewrecker pay that price. | |
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| No sympathy for breaking up over a married guy
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:34:06 AM | I think your friends were telling you they way they saw it...if your friends cant do that..then who can?
Friends arent suppose to sugar coat anything..they are suppose to be truthful to you. why would you want it any other way?
your friends dont give a rats azz about this married man..they care about you! So dont get pissy because they say whats on their mind! | |
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| No sympathy for breaking up over a married guy
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:40:13 AM | You knew going in that he was married...The sympathy should go to the slime's wife..
There is a saying.."reap what you sow"
It says a lot about you that you think you deserve sympathy. How would you feel if you were the wife and he was having an affair with another woman? | |
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| No sympathy for breaking up over a married guy
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:47:56 AM | separated is still "married". That is no excuse. You knew what you were doing from the start and didn't care about his wife and kids.
You should feel ashamed. | |
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| No sympathy for breaking up over a married guy
Posted: 6/15/2008 10:01:43 AM | you both walked away from it with what you had when you met ,he had his family and you were on your own. Harsh but true.
This happened to me too when i broke up with my married man, unfortunately in my situation, he forgot to tell me he had a wife! | |
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| No sympathy for breaking up over a married guy
Posted: 6/15/2008 10:03:32 AM |
A loving ,devoted man would never cheat on his gf/wife no matter that the temptation.
Would you really want to worry about your man every time a good looking woman comes around??
Absolutely in agreement here!! But what I was throwing out when I made the post you referenced, is that no matter how much you trust your own SO, you still don't want your "friend" considering it. I had a "friend" who made a comment with MUCH innuendo to my guy...and while I never feared he would have acted on such...I also recognized that I did not want "friends" as such. We are naturally drawn to those with similar morals and values! | |
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| No sympathy for breaking up over a married guy
Posted: 6/15/2008 10:09:35 AM |
you both walked away from it with what you had when you met ,he had his family and you were on your own. Harsh but true.
This happened to me too when i broke up with my married man, unfortunately in my situation, he forgot to tell me he had a wife!
how can a woman be in a relationship with a married man and not know he's married? Surely there would had to have been a lot of 'signs' that something was amiss, that things didn't add up. eg) he only called from work or a cell phone, he never invited the woman over to his home, he was often unreachable for long periods, she was never given his home phone number, he seemed secretive about things, he didn't want to go out in public as a couple (for fear of being recognized by someone), etc. | |
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| wondering
Posted: 6/15/2008 10:09:49 AM | | Did anyone ever wonder why men or women cheat? I dont believe in the old saying "stay together for the kids"..because they arent stupid and they know when their parents arent happy with each other..they see the lack of emotions between them, the closeness that once was..sometimes 2 ppl just fall out of love...so why stay..I am talking from experience..my ex and I split when our daughter was 16..I just woke up one morning and decided I didnt want to just exist in a relationship..and I think of all those wasted yrs..my daughter is now 21 and she tells me she knew we really didnt have a marriage..she knew I wasnt happy..dont get me wrong, my ex and I didnt fight...ever...we just existed in a loveless relationship..its interesting though..we are still good friends..and whether ppl want to admit it or not, the physical part is such a big part of the relationship..and we didnt have that for yrs..but I didnt cheat..and for those who are wondering, yes we did try and talk things out..it just wasnt there anymore... | |
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| No sympathy for breaking up over a married guy
Posted: 6/15/2008 10:23:23 AM |
1. I didn't tell anyone I was secretly dating a married man until after we broke up. I thought I would get sympathy but instead I got disappointment. "What were you thinking" "What about his kids" "The poor guy probably thinks you'll tell his wife" blah blah blah. The way I look at it he gets to go home to his family and pretend like nothing happened.
2. Why does the female get crucified and not the married man?
3. yes, I knew it would not end living happily ever after
4. " you made a mistake - learn from it" ... I guess you gals got cheated on and are bitter.
5. I am a professional woman, own my own everything and am not looking for a meal ticket...Its not like I am bragging.
6. It takes two to tango - he lied and said he was seperated - I found out he wasn't but stayed because my emotions took over.
7. I'll take 50% of the blame - not 100%.
8. I would never tell his wife - I would never want to hurt him.
9. I never wanted him to leave his family - never. This thread is so wrong. I'm glad the OP left.
1. Homewreckers don't deserve sympathy.
2. "Crucify" is a very strong metaphoric term. I'd say the married man and the woman should definitely be frowned upon. Both of you engaged in extremely selfish behavior. The OP is a sucker for not ending it right away. How does a woman have sex with a "separated" man without getting a sense of what his homelife is like before she opens her legs?
3. Then why get involved? I guess just for the sex.
4. Transference. Why not pony up some responsibility for your behavior?
5. You sure you're not bragging? It sure seems like it.
6. You should have tried to figure out better what your lover's status was before getting involved. Your rationalizing your desire for sex by claiming you are helpless to your emotions. Pony up some responsibility.
7. Actually you should take 100% of the blame, and your married lover should take 100% of the blame. You are right, it takes two to tango, you are both share the blame, all of it.
8. The only responsible mature person in this love triangle, who you deceived, who he deceived, is to be left in the dark. Don't you think she should get checked for STDs?
9. If you never wanted him to leave his family, you shouldn't have gotten so deep with him, especially after you ultimately discovered his prevarity but then chose to ignore it and rationalize your trysts as something that couldn't have been prevented. | |
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| wondering
Posted: 6/15/2008 10:29:21 AM | OP, like everyone else here I have no sympathy for you. You knew what you were getting into. And you ask in one of your posts if we were bitter women who were cheated on. Well, I am one of those women, no longer bitter. But turn the situation around, how would you like your husband cheating on you? You may become bitter as well. Don't believe the men that their wives don't understand them, or won't sleep with them, or whatever the excuse is. Usually it is not true. They just want to have sex outside their marriage. Period.
I was cheated on after nearly 30 years of being married. He carried on a two year affair before I found out. You're damn right I was mad as hell and bitter for a while. I had children and had built a life with him. But I still kicked him out. Broke my heart. Didn't date for five years, but I'm a stronger and better person today. No person, man or woman, deserves that. The woman he was running with knew he was married. She said she didn't, but I told her he was living with me and she said "No he isn't". Talk about denial. So my dear, look somewhere else for sympathy, understanding, or whatever. You won't get it from me. I make a practice before I date anyone, to find out if they are married. | |
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oshan
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Joined: 5/11/2008
Msg: 44 | |
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| No sympathy for breaking up over a married guy
Posted: 6/15/2008 10:54:45 AM | The female gets crucified because it's usually the female that starts it, in my limited experience. When I taught writing at UCLA Extension, the wedding ring on my hand was very visible, yet attractive women would throw themselves at me. One brought in Madonna's "Sex" book to show me after class (her lame attempt to fulfill an assignment, it was actually a come-on). I think women who have affairs with married men, like that woman, have some trouble in the father relationship department. It was the same in other classes I taught, and I turned them down. It's refreshing to see that lots of people in this thread have high morals and common sense.  | |
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| No sympathy for breaking up over a married guy
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:13:04 AM | Ahhh You don'get it! Wanting sympathy for breaking up w/a married person, is like playing with a strange pitbull wearing a lucky raw steak around you neck...and wanting sympathy because he bit you. You deserve a WTF were you thinking. Yes he was wrong,totally wrong, but you were stupid...totally stupid. I'm sure you're seeing now that most people don't sympathize with stupidity, and selfishness. I know it hurts, I feel you on that, but....thats what you get. Deal w/ it and kwitcher****in.
Most importantly don't do that again...ever again. | |
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| No sympathy for breaking up over a married guy
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:47:17 AM |
Ahhh - once again you don't get it. I thought friends were supposed to say things like
" you made a mistake - learn from it"
Your friends obviously have some morals, and they probably don't appreciate the fact that you were lying to them. They just learned that their friend has no morals, do not have sympathy for you either. Good for them.
Yes, I am one of them old bitter women that got cheated on. Not really, the bitter part, it's just that everytime you oppose a cheater, you get hit with the bitter card. And no I don't have any sympathy for you or him, just the wife.
It amazes me the amount of people that will come on here crying about being hurt, after their married lover goes back to their family! | |
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| No sympathy for breaking up over a married guy
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:52:47 AM | | Ok, I have no sympathy for you...And its not because im being an ass, its because it was wrong from the start. If the guy was married and you knew it and still continued the "affair", it's just as much your fault as it is his.Thats why marriges dont last long anymore, because a lot of people out there have forgotten what monagomy is. As far as im concerned, I think it would be just punishment for his wife to find out and divorce him. Maybe he wouldnt be such an idiot next time and cheat on the next person hes with. And I hope for your sake that you do use such bad judgment and do something like this again. Its only going to cause you, and possibly an entire family nothing but heartache | |
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| No sympathy for breaking up over a married guy
Posted: 6/15/2008 12:47:58 PM | I think it's the married person, not the gender, that should be crucified in this situation. I mean, what the heck are you thinking?!
If you are seeing a married man/woman, they'll do the same thing to you if they have a chance. Infidelity is a character flaw - a big one! | |
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| No sympathy for breaking up over a married guy
Posted: 6/15/2008 2:41:46 PM | | Maybe the friends had no sympathy in this case because unlike u they have morals! And if u are so angry at everyone else, that is just u displacing your anger . Deal with it, and learn. | |
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