| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:24:23 PM | Read "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus". The behavior you describe as well as the reasons for it are well documented.
If it's me, I want to be alone to think my way through the situation at hand. I don't want to share my feelings -- if I'm stressed I'm likely also pretty pissed already, and someone constantly asking what's wrong and to describe whats going on in my head only makes matters worse. When I figure out a workable solution, I'll reemerge. | |
|
| |
| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/24/2008 12:55:09 PM | | it could be alot of things....my pride gets me to go off to myself and try to figure out how I can fix my problem....or some people aren't comfortable talking about there feelings...in the end give your 2 cents and if the guy still wants to be isolated at least you tried . everyone is different | |
|
| |
| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/24/2008 6:29:16 PM | Can I have a moment?
When I'm stressed to the max, sometimes I just need a moment to get over whatever is stressing me out. I can normally deal with issues myself, it's normally all in the mind. Sometimes it takes a few mins, sometimes it takes a few days (off and on). If it's a major issue between someone else and myself, I like to talk to that person about it. Sometimes I like advice on certain situations, but mainly I can offer advice, and I have enough of my own to know when it's not a big deal and I'm just having a moment that I need to get over. | |
|
| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/24/2008 6:41:56 PM | | cause men would rather deal with their stress in different ways! i think because they need the time to calm down and get over it! and plus men want to find a way to solve their problems! i know myself that i dont mind help but if im really stressed i would rather be alone! | |
|
| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/26/2008 9:53:45 AM | who cares? leave them alone. they look good when they brood. they're probably just experiencing some dead air space between the ears.
i like to isolate, and i'm a woman. or am I? i'm starting to wonder, on this feckin site.... | |
|
| |
| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/26/2008 9:56:28 AM | | I'll tell you what i certainly wouldn't feel the same after a couple of long-winded sulk sessions.....deep six....later gator....the next bus comes in 20 minutes....are girls really that cruel? or guys are just more sensitive i guess. but in the end - in the end isn't it more interesting to just quit trying to bridge the gap and let them be and appreciate that their very differences are what makes them interesting? just a thought on the other hand, 3 long-winded sulk sessions and i'm out with the girls..lator gator lol sue | |
|
| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/26/2008 6:32:24 PM | I think its because (Most) men in general don't listen to every word in most sentences women speak to them. (All) Women on the other hand REMEMBER everything. 
So, when stress hits men tend to draw quiet to think.... Thats my story and I'm sticking to it.
We're just doomed when we stress out.., but we are nice to lie down next to on a cold night aren't we?
 | |
|
| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/27/2008 12:40:22 PM | To me it is an issue of safety and self-consciousness. If I am going to slowly converse about a problem and divulge my angst, I want to have a counterpart - male or female - with whom I feel that my thoughts and existence will not be problematic. My greatest motivation is producing a net positive impact with my life. I exist with relatively small amounts of emotional capital. If I am going to express my frustration and the response inflames my level of frustration, then I will react very irrationally, because the restraints to pull me back into rational thought have been overtaxed. The "net-positive-impact" bubble has burst.
While the potential gain from discussing a problem with someone else, which might actually deepen the relationship, goes unrealized through withdrawal, the risk of it not working out may seem to great, and it is safer to either remove oneself from the problem (withdraw), or brood over the problem in isolation.
Thus, my explanation for the "cave" reaction is reduction of risk to emotional investments. | |
|
| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/27/2008 1:37:03 PM | You are NOT dreaming. It is common trait of men in general often referred to as Cave Time per the [already mentioned numerous times] Mars/Venus book. Cave Time is simply how SOME men solve SOME of their problems. Excellent book which also "explains" that most [seemingly] ridiculous trait of MANY women of desiring/needing to DISCUSS almost every "problem" that comes along, some seemingly trivial ... at great length. AND ... more often than not, they could care less about actually trying to find/even talk about an actual SOLUTION to the problem. Simply TALKING about something IS often all the SOLUTION they desire or need. I am sure I am not the only man who has nearly had his head bitten off for offering a Solution to a woman. I have witnessed this exact behavior in "most" of the women I have known and I myself am guilty of Caving at times so I think Mars/Venus should be required reading for couples of any type. JMO.
For a good laugh, go over to the Mars/Venus thread currently running and you can marvel at all the folks who would knock a book that they admittedly have never read. Then again, narrow mindedness is never in short supply here at the Forums... | |
|
| |
| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 6/27/2008 2:16:22 PM | I'd like to propose that the different reactions, ie retreat to the cave or surround yourself with others, are solutions to the problem of knowing "What's behind your back?"
Different instinctive stress responses that would have served first, the solitary hunter in danger of becoming prey himself, who chooses the best and safest approach and 2nd, the group of female gatherers, required to expose themselves to whatever danger lurked at the site being exploited. The more eyes and ears, the better.
The man secures his back by making sure NO ONE'S back there. The woman, by setting up a rear guard. This may also explain why military training always begins by forcing males away from their individualism to become a trusting and trustworthy part of a team.
You're not allowed into the cave in uniform.
I have no more evidence than this: the casual fit between hunter/gatherer cultures and the anecdotal assertions made here and elsewhere about "our" natural responses to problems.
Makes a pretty good just so story, though. | |
|
| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 7/9/2008 11:02:48 PM | | I"m not an open person but when I am around someone that is sweet and not aggressive in regards to trying to get into my feelings, I tend to open up when I feel relaxed. If someone tries to make me express feelings; I clam up. Again, we'll do it, just be patient and just be there. | |
|
| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 7/9/2008 11:12:45 PM | | maybe we're silent because you wont like what we have to say........and alot of times men hold their tongues for the sake of peace........i'd rather hold my tongue then get biched at for hours.................i need my peace..... | |
|
| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 7/9/2008 11:16:03 PM | There's a chapter in Men are from Mars, Women...etc about this that actually explains it very well. All about the hunting instinct in men and the need to focus on their prey. Their prey being whatever problem or stressor they may be dealing with in modern society.
It also discusses why guys will sit and stare at a tv or newspaper endlessly at times while we think they're just blowing us off or whatever. I found those parts of the book very helpful in understanding why a guy needs his space at those times.
Then again, I do too so maybe it's all a bunch of BS. | |
|
| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 7/9/2008 11:16:44 PM |
I don't do that. I don't think I've ever done that. Why do women do it? Is it because ALL women ALWAYS take the path of least resistance, due to their inherent weakness?
HAHAHAHA sorry just...not very good at bottiling up my emotions...If i am pissed peolpe know it. Granted it blows over quick but....well i just let people know how i feel about things and sometimes i get a little loud about it. I have learned it is better to get it out in the open then to hold it in | |
|
| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 7/9/2008 11:46:31 PM |
Women have problems and want empathy and not solutions. Most won't admit it, but it's the truth. When a g/f or wife has complained to me about her problems and I offered her a solution, she got pissed.
While I know all women are different and generalizations always have exceptions, this has always been my experience and I hate it so very, very much. I work in tech support and even then I sometimes get frustrated from women who call in for their Internet trouble, and want to just talk about it for ten minutes before I can do anything with them to fix it. Sometimes they can talk for those ten minutes and I'm still not even sure what their problem is; they just vent!  Don't bring me your problem if you don't want it fixed! 
Having said that, if I had a women who was open with me I'd be open with her. But if she were the "empathy and not solutions" type as most seem to be I would distance myself because when I have a problem, I need a solution. If my woman was caring enough to be practical I'd ask her to support me more often as I would support her, but show me a woman like that .... | |
|
| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 7/10/2008 6:55:16 AM | Because they're not dealing with stress. They're eliminating variables so as to get to the root of the problem and fix it.
In all seriousness, go find a troubleshooting checklist for a computer. The first thing you do when you have utterly no answers is strip the thing down and slowly add parts back and in and keep firing it up until one of the parts you add makes it not work.
There is a basic maleness to problem solving, and none of it has to do with how we cope with stress. All men are required to deal with stress the same way: collect yourself and come back with at least three ideas ranging from good to just plain hare-brained.
It's why you gals sit there perplexed at us as we try every dumb idea under the sun in order to fix something.
We apply the exact same system to everything that confronts us. And it is why we are endlessly perplexed by women and their need for someone to boo-hoo to about everything.
Although we do get the grim satisfaction of watching you guys limp into bad relationships with obviously shitty guys because those losers are all pros at "listening".
In short, guys do this because we are guys. Evolution has rewarded the male who retreats, regroups and then resumes the attack with a new plan. | |
|
| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 7/10/2008 6:59:54 AM | We men are not all alike, but as some men already stated we like to think things through.
I also become silent when angered...which isn't often. The reason some men do THAT is because we don't like drama. It still takes two to have a fight. | |
|
| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 7/10/2008 7:01:51 AM | | Sometimes talking about things is helpful, other times it just magnifies the problem. Mountain out of mole hill stuff. Personally I think I'm quite verbal in my grievances but quiet time is also most valuable. Noisy ranting can kind of do ones head in. Meditation is probably the solution to most problems, but who has time for that these days? | |
|
| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 7/10/2008 7:07:32 AM | | Sometimes it seems like some women will take a simple problem and make it complicated. The solution to any difficult problem is divide and conquer, that is take your difficult problem, see how you can break it up into lots of simple problems, solve the simple problems and you have solved the difficult problem - simple hey! | |
|
| |
| When men stress.....why do you guys want to isolate?
Posted: 7/16/2008 9:35:51 AM | | Probably cause he goes out, kills something, works out or punches a bag for a little while. Take out the stress with some fight back :-) I know when I get a little angry, I go workout. I can workout by my lonesome :-) I assume its the same for others. | |
|
Home
login 
