| I want your opinion
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:16:43 AM | | oooooh, when it comes to on-line dating, EVERYTHING'S a red flag | |
|
| |
| I want your opinion
Posted: 6/16/2008 10:38:54 AM | Re posts 52 and 53 as they relate to the Opost
She means that everything and nothing is a potential red flag and that there is no golden rules, one has to use one's common sense, plan for the best and the worst, and above all THINK. On top of that, dating experience matters in analysing situations and evaluating potential threats as well as identifying genuine "good catches". No ABC how to book can do that.
That is what she meant, IMO. | |
|
| I want your opinion
Posted: 6/16/2008 10:46:08 AM | I have learned, in a situation where you don't know someone, you really can't trust anything ...
You're LUCKY if something's glaringly bad ...
But, then you have:
Seemingly ok, but potentially not true ...
or
So damn awesome, it's got to be too good to be true ...
Trust your instincts. | |
|
| I want your opinion
Posted: 6/16/2008 10:51:59 AM | Take it as a Red Flag! Anyone who jumps in too fast is not real relationship material.
Just my friendly advice | |
|
| I want your opinion
Posted: 6/16/2008 11:31:02 AM | | Yep, red flag. Call his bluff and get the meeting out of the way. | |
|
| I want your opinion
Posted: 6/16/2008 11:39:19 AM | | I wouldnt treat it as a red flag but more of a yellow flag proceed with caution. lol | |
|
| I want your opinion
Posted: 6/18/2008 9:16:21 PM | julietjuliet,
I just read your post, It has me Befuzzled and yes I made that word up It is Befuddled and Confused mixed. Which is what I am with your post.
He never said " I can't live with out you" Or " What have you been doing behind my back"
This guy simple missed her and actually thought about her during his busy day.
I Hadn't met the Gal I am dating now for several months, we just chatted online & on the phone. And at times I did "Miss her" and "think about her". But to date I haven't "Purchased her" Nor have I lifted my leg to "mark" my territory. To be quite honest we have a great time together and love each other.......But neither of us are into the Ownership thing to begin with.
If you ask me, he sounds like a guy who likes you for head not your tail, I think he might be a decent guy.....But hey who am I to say. | |
|
| |
| I want your opinion
Posted: 6/20/2008 9:37:51 PM | Well, i thought i'd jump on here to talk for a sec, as im going to probably delete my account.
I signed up for this as an alternative to going out. With school, working, i barely had time to go out on fridays anymore, so a friend told me he met his girlfriend on this site (POF) so i figured i'd sign up and give 'er a try
About me? My profile speaks the truth. I am different from most guys. Where most guys think about where they're next "lay" is, or how drunk they'll get from night to night, i focus on my schooling and my jobs. I work many...i own my own computer repair business, i had a television program on time warner cable here in my area (it wasnt public access, it was on their O&O Channel!) and i work as a Department Manager. I attend a state school, working towards a dual major...so as you can see, i sometimes find i dont have time to get out.
The person she speaks about, is me. I'll admit, i said everything she speaks of. The problem is, i see alot of people who are throwing up these barriers of "red flags" and "creepy", to which, it really just isnt me! I'm just an all around nice guy who likes hanging out with his friends (when he has time, of course-lol) and working..i love working.
When by saying "i missed her" i referred to us talking, as i stated to you!!! I couldnt have missed you physically, since i hadnt met you yet...i missed talking to you! I missed our in-depth conversations late at night about just about anything.
Anyhow, i guess i just wanted to clear up these bad feelings about me that everybody had, but i fear its too late anyway. I kinda made her mad tonight, and it looks like she wont talk to me ever again. I really cant say anything, but i hope she reads this.
Yes, i know others will read this when they see my profile, and thats the point...maybe that will show others that i really am a different guy...but after this post started, it seems like there was this bad image of me...long story short, i dont think she's gunna talk to me again.
So, if you can read this...i'm sorry  , and i hope you reconsidar and wanna talk to me. If not, i'll understand. This is my fault, and im stepping forward to apologize to you, and everyone else, so you can at least see that i'm not a creepy, intimidating guy, and i am whom i say i am.
~Matt | |
|
| I want your opinion
Posted: 6/21/2008 3:06:02 AM | to matt,
I sympathize with you matt because you probably feel like you have made a connection with someone and you are letting them know in your own way.like you say you was missing your conversations,but i do believe that when we meet certain people and feel that connection sometimes we can get a bit ahead of ourselves and have to be careful not to run before we can walk.We all interpret things in our own way.some women may have responded quite the opposite and found what you was saying very endearing.some women are prepared to meet after a couple of interchanges others its weeks,its a bit of a lottery in many ways or as i sometimes put it "a minefield".But i think most of the time you have to play it the way that you feel it and accept the result.good luck to you. | |
|
| I want your opinion
Posted: 6/21/2008 4:33:59 AM | | It's only creepy when you don't feel something. Otherwise it's just a term of endearment. | |
|
| I want your opinion
Posted: 6/21/2008 7:58:13 AM | It's a huge red flag in my opinion. I ran into this recently. I met the guy twice and he assumed I was his girlfriend and ended up being really psycho.
He says your different from his other girlfriends? He's never met you and he's calling y.you his girlfriend? That's creepy. Emails and phone calls are not a relationship. He's painted a perfect picture of you without meeting. He's probably scared to meet you in case you don't live up to his fantasy. Just my opinion. | |
|
| I want your opinion
Posted: 6/21/2008 8:00:37 AM | I guess maybe i came on a little too strong? I'm sorry, i dont do this online dating thing. Usually i go out..bars, clubs, coffee houses, anything...ive never done this before. My friend suggested it to me, since ive been single since Oct 07, and i hadnt had time to go out and meet new girls.
After 4 weeks of talking virtually every night, i cant help but feel even just a little crappy...its not like i was on here playing 40 different girls. I'm different. When i met her, i stuck with it. Before, yeah, ill admit...from March until now, there was about 10 other people i met on here...and after talking to them for a day or two, i finally told them that im sorry, this wasnt working out, and i think we should part ways (nicer though)...but with this, i stuck with it. You know when you feel like things are sorta connecting as you talk...we've all experienced it before!!
But i thank the people who brought up the red flag against me, you were actually looking out for her, and i understand that. I do apologize if some of the things i said were interpreted as "coming on too strong"...i in no way meant that.
I guess all in all, its up to her now, but i dont think i'll ever hear from her again after last night. It just seems like she's completely changed around since the start of this post...and last night she blocked me...so idk really anymore. I'm new to this whole online thing, so im sorry if anything i said to her was waay to fast...im used to something off the computer.
I dunno...i kinda feel bummed, although people will prolly disagree. Who knows.
Should i delete my profile? idk...i'm about 95% all for deleting it, after this. This was going so well, and it suddenly turned so wrong.
I gotta run for the day though, take care everybody! | |
|
| I want your opinion
Posted: 6/21/2008 8:02:28 AM | | by the way...everybody who says i was calling her my girlfriend...i wasnt. All i said was that i missed her..referring to talking to her from before. I dont want to be interpreted as some creep. This was the only issue. | |
|
| I want your opinion
Posted: 6/21/2008 8:10:58 AM | | I have met a few guys like that and if he is like the few I have met--RUN. lol What is even worse is when they ask you if you have missed them....when you don't really even know them..... | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/21/2008 8:28:55 AM | He's letting you know he likes you.. although is a bit of an odd way. My opinion is that he's maybe too shy or nervous to come right you and say "Hey, I'm totally into you" so he figures that letting you know he misses you when you aren't chatting is the next best thing to do. He's getting his point across without actually making a real point.
I'm gonna guess this is a problem for you though, based on your reaction to it.
I would say it's a big red flag. How can you miss someone you never met.
Oye, are you freakin kidding me... they chat.. he misses THAT when they aren't doing it. The leaps of (non)logic some of y'all make leave me wondering. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/21/2008 9:10:53 AM | its just my opinion, but i feel it is inappropriate to say "i miss you" to someone you havent met.. communication is key..especially since on line chat is all you have on here,
what someone says is important, as well as what they dont say..listen to both..
he could have avoided saying "i miss you" and creeping you out, but he didn't, so he's not sensitive to how it would affect you or not a good communicator ( either way-not a good sign)..he could have said "i'd really like to see you , when can we get together?" and didnt..so instead of sending a positive message, he sent a negative one..yes, in my book that is a red flag
Others have encouraged you to "get it over with " and meet already
I dont feel that way..
If you already have negative feelings about this going into it, I dont see why you should waste your time
People dont trust their instincts.. you cant make this something its not..you would like a good relationship and sometimes we'd like things to work out so badly that we ignore what we know deep down inside..
I do think its your responsibility to yourself to protect yourself from negative experiences..If you do go meet him, and it turns out this is the tip of the iceberg and he's needy like he indicates, ..what are you going to feel about yourself for ignoring your instincts and going ahead? Are you going to feel foolish or draw a negative conclusion about dating? If so, dont go..
You shouldn't let your desire to find the right one cloud your judgement.
Personally, i do think its a red flag and i would be reluctant to meet someone just to clear that up or in the hopes of finding I am wrong about it being a red flag..if anything, slow things down and talk even more, without ideas of meeting..people usually show all their cards if you talk long enough and i feel that, with on line dating, everything should be in order before you meet...If a person cant communicate well on here, theres little hope things will be different when you meet.. it is all about communication.. when you meet the right person, you wont have this sort of doubt..they will care too much about you to put you in this situation.. thats my opinion | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/21/2008 9:12:38 AM | drumset5994
You know, when someone posts on here asking for opinions most of us post from our own personal experiences--how else are we to form opinions about things? If someone asks for opninins they are gonna get them---from one extreme to the other. ALL should be taken with a grain of salt(mine included) and the OP should make their own decision.
From your posts you sound like a nice guy--maybe she will read it and unblock you.NO, don't delete your profile | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/21/2008 9:19:54 AM | It's creeping her out and she's rethinking him because she's not interested. Period.
Missing someone is NOT a creepy offense. She's NOT interested. Weird tho... since he seems interested in her. Isn't it odd that as soon as he indicated some kind of interest (with the "missing you", "thinking about you" comments... that she suddenly got all creeped out?
Come on... it's so obvious.
Good Lord, drumset.. don't ever apologize for giving women something they claim they want.
Thing is, however, I guess now you've learned they only wanted those things from guys they were interested in from the get-go.
| |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/21/2008 10:53:11 AM | Shaking head
No wonder guys are so shy. So you have been chatting with this guy for a few weeks who
seems nice and he appreciates me for all the right reasons .
Sometimes when you meet someone, even if it is only virtually, a bond starts to form it becomes a part of your life, something you look forward to. Perhaps you bring something to him that just makes him feel good, how about that? It's not like he showed up at your house, or sent you a BMW. He said something nice to you...let's stone him shall we?
I think you may not appreciate him for the right reasons, in which case, meet him, find out if anything is there or stop wasting his time. | |
|
| |
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/21/2008 11:27:57 AM | They could be clingy but it could just mean - "I was thinking about you".
Either way they like you.
Trust your instincts they are almost always right, if you think they are too clingy, you need to be crystal clear when you break it off.
Better to do it early than later (trust me). | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/21/2008 11:40:44 AM | If you knew each other briefly and had only been on a few dates then yes it would be a bit creepy. If you've been talking on the phone or chatting for a while then he might just mean he misses talking to you and is looking forward to meeting you.
I wouldn't write him off just yet. Meet him first and if you still feel creepy then that is your gut telling you something. | |
|
|
Posted: 6/21/2008 2:19:33 PM | No wonder there are so many single people in the world when everything they come across is a RED FLAG, what a lot of rubbish.
You can miss people that you have never met, especially if you have spent a lot of time conversing with them on the silliest meaninless things, you miss the conversation humour etc that keeps you chatting for hours on end.
I think it was a look at me post I'm new here and need more attention as I only have x amount of men interested in me.
I have missed people that I have never met but spent hours talking to and I have told them too, and never have I scared them off or gave them a creepy feeling, and yes I still converse with them.
I feel so annoyed for the poor man in this who felt he had to justify his meaning because he was not only humiliated by someone that he thought was a "nice girl" he also got slated as a creep, clingon, pshyco etc etc etc, by people that do not even know him or have conversed with him. Talk about sterotyping big style Wow.
My advice would be Not to leave POF, and if the girl does unblock you and start to chat to you again a polite thank you but no thank you and then block her. | |
|
Home
login 
