| |
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/21/2008 4:51:08 PM | | What if he said "I miss hearing your voice", I think that would be sweet. <<<Ok disregard that, that will probably creep you out also, there is no love lost yet, as others have said it's your decision, you know him better than any of us. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/21/2008 5:10:08 PM |
I feel so annoyed for the poor man in this who felt he had to justify his meaning because he was not only humiliated by someone that he thought was a "nice girl" he also got slated as a creep, clingon, pshyco etc etc etc, by people that do not even know him or have conversed with him. Talk about sterotyping big style Wow.
My advice would be Not to leave POF, and if the girl does unblock you and start to chat to you again a polite thank you but no thank you and then block her.
Here, here. My thoughts exactly.
Further, you may want to rethink the Olsen twin shot. Some nice guy might get the wrong idea and God forbid... | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/21/2008 5:39:53 PM | I feel so annoyed for the poor man in this who felt he had to justify his meaning because he was not only humiliated by someone that he thought was a "nice girl" he also got slated as a creep, clingon, pshyco etc etc etc, by people that do not even know him or have conversed with him. Talk about sterotyping big style Wow.
My advice would be Not to leave POF, and if the girl does unblock you and start to chat to you again a polite thank you but no thank you and then block her.
*****************************************************************************
OK I reread what the OP posted throughout and NOWHERE does it seem she is trying to humiliate him. She is unsure and trying to get feedback and that shows INTELLIGENCE on her part. The fact that he is tracking her in this post AFTER she has blocked him and humiliates HIMSELF SCREAMS CREEPY!!!!
OP - you are very smart to question this before agreeing to meet him. Having red flags and heeding them is great. I am sure there are many who in hindsight wish they had done better at listening to the warning signs before meeting someone. Caution is very good, especially for a young girl. You had your reasons, you asked questions (and I personally feel you did it in a manner of respect, w/o humiliating the guy).
Those red flags could be your gut saying there's more then just the "I miss you" problem going on. LISTEN to your gut.  | |
|
| I want your opinion
Posted: 6/21/2008 5:43:55 PM | | Drumset, I know you got slammed on here. Maybe you are a really great guy that just needs to ease up, hopefully you learned what not to do. I don't think deleting your profile is the right choice but it's up to you. I suggest you get into more forums and learn a little bit. There's so much good input (and bad) but it's a goldmind of info that will help you. Sorry if my earlier post was harsh. Honestly tho, it would creep me out as well. | |
|
| I want your opinion
Posted: 6/21/2008 7:01:46 PM | Yeah.. I mean really.. don't ever tell a woman you're interested or miss her. Seriously she might get creeped out.
/sarcasm
And the post above me.. make up your mind. On the one hand you're slamming the people who agreed with the OP's assessment of his actions and in the very next post, you're pretty much agreeing with them that he did something wrong.
At least you were polite about it, I suppose.
Can't win if you read this thread. Hmm, no wonder so many men think they can't win. | |
|
| I want your opinion
Posted: 6/21/2008 7:06:22 PM |
Can't win if you read this thread. Hmm, no wonder so many men think they can't win.
Ding Ding Ding...we have a winner | |
|
| I want your opinion
Posted: 6/21/2008 7:28:44 PM | OP, just be honest with him and tell him that him writing "I miss you" makes you uncomfortable. Then see how he reacts. If he seems to get angry, there's your answer. If not, then great, maybe he'll cut it out.
N. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/21/2008 7:36:18 PM | O snap! Someone on here actually missed talking to another person for their personality. Damn what is the world coming to when someone actually is nice to you. Report him now, how dare you miss talking to someone. We are ***holes around here drummer and dont you forget that, dont corrupt us with your niceness. Your creeping me out!
 | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/21/2008 11:54:56 PM | Talk about reading too much into it. I think he's just saying how he feels. He misses you when he doesn't get to talk to you. Heaven forbid he loves your personality and thinks you're cool.
I don't know. I've been chatting with a guy for several weeks now. The more we talk the more amazing he becomes... and vise versa [so he has told me]. He always says things like 'I've been thinking about you...' to which I was kind of like you... like wait a minute, we haven't met yet. We've had plans to do so, there's just been a ton of crap going on in my life to prevent it. Then finally tonight he just broke out with all kinds of things and really what it comes down to is that he thinks I'm pretty spiff... and is just excited to get to meet me and see where things goes. I think you just need to take a step back and appreciate the fact he thinks you're pretty awesome. he's probably just really excited that you guys seemed to hit it off over IM. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/28/2008 6:10:22 PM | If you think "I miss you" is a red flag....wait until you get the ones who tell you outright that they know the type of person you are and how you think after a few dates........just run.......they are setting you up for emotional manipulation and abuse...... for the ones who tells you that they have to be open and honest..........just dont let the door hit your behind on the way out............They have a whole heap of crap to dump on you....lol
I dont care how sincere and polished they are................ watch yourself on the internet.....there are a lot of people here who prey on the newcomers...........they know how to stalk and they know how to swoop.......... If you get a tingly sensation at the back of your neck or you hear or see something to make you question their mental stability or their sincerity...........For your own safety.........just go through that door and dont look back. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/28/2008 9:25:30 PM | I feel bad for the guy. He was sincere and genuinely interested. Has a great background and career and took a chance and failed.
Truth is, none of you have said it yet, but you're too good for her. She's not ready for a guy like you and will probably end up dating someone who doesn't treat her the way she wants, the way you would have.
Yes you can miss someone and think about them. No it's not a Red Flag. All of you who say it is just have had a bad experience online. But honestly, you all put yourself in that situation. Whether you dated the person out of pity, kindness, or just because you had nothing going on, you put yourself in a position to loathe someone in the end.
Yes there are pyschos, but she knew he wasn't one. Kudos to her for putting this on blast and crushing him. Likewise to those who judged him poorly because he said "I miss you". ALL of you are on here because you long for someone to MISS YOU. Good job guys.... | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/28/2008 9:32:39 PM | 5 SIGNS YOU MAY BE DEALING WITH A PLAYER
He’s bold. For the player, the pickup is a game. He doesn’t approach women with the same nerves or awkwardness of a normal guy. He’ll walk up confidently, with a big smile and great eye contact. His manner will be smooth and put-together. This doesn’t mean you should look for the opposite — a stuttering wreck — but be wary of a guy who acts completely bulletproof. A little anxiety is natural.
He declares his feelings right away. Players employ a “fast come-on,” according to Dr. Kalish, making sweeping statements of affection (e.g., “You’re the most perfect woman I’ve ever met”) from the word go. These declarations can feel very welcome, especially if you’ve been in a string of relationships that lacked such intimacy. Just remember that true closeness takes time, and it’s normal for a guy to be more guarded about his emotions.
He always plans romantic dates. Dating for the player is kind of a performance art. And he’s going to be good at it. “He won’t just bring a box of chocolates,” Dr. Kalish warns. “He’ll take you to a state fair and offer to share cotton candy.” Nice guys can be romantic, too, but life with them won’t always feel like a John Cusack movie. Non-stop rooftop picnics and weekends at the cottage could be too much.
He has lots of acquaintances, no close friends. The player tends to be a lone wolf. That doesn’t mean he lacks for drinking buddies. The same way he charms women, he can charm lots of people in his life. The key is that, in friendship as in romance, his affections run broad but not deep. If solid pals are hard to come by with this guy, consider yourself warned.
He’s a thrill seeker. A guy who spends his spare time looking for a rush — fast driving, bungee jumping, kite-boarding, heli-skiing — should give you pause. This type, says Dr. Kalish, craves the high that comes from conquering a difficult challenge, and that goes for his relationship goals as well. Once he’s “conquered” you, your allure may quickly fade.
…And 5 signs he’s just a nice, upstanding guy
He’s goofy. The sincere suitor is not suave. He doesn’t always say the right thing. It may sound weird to go into a date hoping for a pratfall, but it’s not a bad thing. “Believe me,” Dr. Kalish says. “The false charmer does not trip. He knows where his feet are at all times.”
He remembers personal details and events. It’s the most basic way to show someone you care—by learning about his or her life and interests. Players can’t be bothered with this. One of the most common complaints Dr. Kalish fielded about false charmers was that they failed to show up at important events. “They are narcissists,” she says. “Dating is all about them.” Trifling as it sounds, if a guy remembers to bring over your favorite ice cream or shows up at your pal’s birthday party, he might just be a keeper.
He treats his mama right. Generally speaking, a loving family begets a loving person, and the opposite is also true. Dr. Kalish often heard about alcoholism in the families of insincere boyfriends. While this might incite an understandable desire for you to reach out and help, you should also be cautious. The wounded outcast who is betrayed by his parents makes a hot lead in a soap, but not the best boyfriend. Try the good-hearted guy who flies home for his mom’s birthday instead.
He can mingle. “The sincere guy doesn’t mind being in a room with people who are more accomplished than he is,” Dr. Kalish says. Conversely, the player wants to be in situations that will glorify only himself, especially around his woman. He doesn’t want to listen to another man’s interesting story. A loving guy, on the other hand, can mix with others even when he’s not the star of the show, and actually enjoys learning things from them.
He says, “I love you.” As fawning as a player’s affections are, there’s still something sacred about the L-bomb. Kalish found that insincere men would say, “I want to grow old with you,” or “I want to have children with you,” but “I love you” remained somehow off limits. A guy who says those three magic words may very well mean them. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/28/2008 9:48:20 PM | I have been on several sites; as of right now, I am currently chatting with someone that is clear across the country... As we were chatting one night he wrote "I luv ya". At first it startled me, but after more chatting, I realized what he meant. Because we seem to have connected on some level, he feels emotions. We all have them. I am a secure woman that has been thru alot. I know that gut feeling that I have read about on several of these responses. My gut feeling now tells me that it is just a term of endearment, and nothing more. And yes, until we actually get the opportunity to meet face to face, I am not going to take it any other way.... We are becoming friends. I have several close male friends that I can say that to, and none of us are creeped out about it. It just means that we care about each other.
But if YOUR gut feeling is telling you to beware, then definately BEWARE !!!! AND PROCESS WITH CAUTION !!!!! | |
|
| |
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:18:02 AM | Like I've said before..this is the strangest way of meeting someone.
Everything you write can be interpretted totally different than the actual meaning you try to put out there.
People on here are going to be single a long long time if everything that is written is disected and disguarded as waste ..I mean geez...I miss you???? Thats a toughie!! What does it MEAN!!!
Nice to see the guy stood up for himself though. | |
|
| |
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:44:28 AM | | Maybe I shouldn't respond to this but I wanted to get some things straight. Number one, I didn't realize this link would pop up in my profile automatically. Number 2, I never set out to humilate the person I mentioned. If I did I would give his name, or even his screename but you can see that I didn't. He only gave himself away by posting on here! Thirdly, never put down anyone for being cautious on the internet. NEVER. This is not about me being an ice queen and not knowing how to treat someone properly. Don't lump me into a category of women that I have nothing to do with. Also, the problem of missing me only came up because we pretty much speak every day so what is there to miss? Also, we had only been speaking for a few weeks. Doesn't missing someone require a substantial lack of their presence? That's all I meant to ask. Please don't give me flack when I was simply just trying to use my head... | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:45:03 AM | I was starting to talk to a girl once and I was about to get on a plane for spring break, and we were texting back and forth while I was sitting waiting in the airport, and when I said it was time for me to shut the phone off, she said "ok, I miss you". We weren't even dating, I'd just seen her the day before, and my first thought was "oh jesus, stage 5 cling".
So in short, unless you want this guy all over you 24/7, yeah I'd call it a red flag. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/30/2008 1:13:19 PM | OP,
You're a young 23 so I'd suggest that the online world isn't for you, ok.
Nobody has any clue as to what was really texted or chatted because we don't know you from a hill a beans despite what you say on here.......just guessing that it was 'sexual' in nature or that you were playing around with him in some way thus got freaked for your own wrongdoing. Heck, he could have simply been stating "miss you" as a friend like your profile states you want but no reason to freak on that.
Stick with meeting people in person at random through school, clubs, friends, etc.
Best | |
|
| |
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/30/2008 1:43:44 PM | OK....I've read the guy's two or so posts and hopefully all of OP's too.....damn it was a lonnnnggggg BO talk lol.
I have to go with the guy on this one. OP needs affection and kindness that she isn't getting in real life so substituted by playing him for it on here...the usual online gaming. The guy obviously works very hard and is ambitious and thought she was pretty and cool to him so he went for it just like any normal guy would but she freaked when it backfired on her and wants sympathy and empathy for it. 
This is a perfect example of the trouble that substituting lots of texting and chatting can get you in when you simply don't have the courage to call for a little talk then meet for a good start or you do meet and yet keep playing the fool's game. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/30/2008 2:04:23 PM | | I don't need any sympathy. I'm just trying to represent myself properly. You can have your opinion but it doesn't change facts. There is no reason for me to humilate or hurt anyone in this. Read my profile- I am not a cruel or mean spirited person. Add up the facts and you should be able to understand I was just using my head. Never meant to hurt anyone as I am STILL talking to the guy in question. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/30/2008 2:14:05 PM | its not that big a deal; when they start saying I love you I run. I wish I had a nickel for everyone that said I love you and then I dont say it back and I never hear from them again, LoL and they act like I'm a stray dog.
The internet is what it is. | |
|
| I want your opinion
Posted: 6/30/2008 2:46:13 PM | El Mari,
Maybe to you I sound like I can't make up my mind. But maybe I am trying to see it from both sides. Being the female and having this happen would definitely make me feel creeped out since I have been through it. I have had someone I emailed with, trying to get to know. Never even spoke on the phone and he sends me messages of I love you, I miss you, now has started following me through forums. It is very creepy.
Hopefully the op can understand that, maybe he didn't intend to act that way, maybe he is a great guy that just needs a little social skills, by trying to suggest he learn a few things such as reading more forums maybe he will see her side and why she'd feel creeped out. From a females perspective, especially one who may have had a man stalk or harrass, we can be more cautious then normal. Some men don't understand this and might need a little help in that area. That was my purpose of the second post to the fella. If he is a nice guy and just needs a little help then great, it's all good. If he is a creep and is pushing things, well then it's still all good because she blocked him and he might get the hint on this forum.
I definitely have gotten a totally different perspective from many of the threads I have read/gone to. Some have made me more concrete in what I felt/believed, some have made me really see a different view and allow me to learn, even given me a whole new outlook on certain issues. I think that is what makes these forums so wonderful. We hopefully can learn to see from others perspectives and learn from it. Sorry if you felt I couldn't make up my mind. | |
|
Home
login 
