| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/3/2008 3:11:55 PM |
Others have posted drastically different opinions than yours that are much more credible.
I'd love to know how you can differentiate between credible and not credible about replies from a bunch of strangers.
Guess which one we've only heard.
We've heard her side and his side, actually. It's anyone's guess as to whether we've heard the truth yet.
Meeting someone in the flesh doesn't really change whether you miss them or not. If they ae smart, funny.. or whatever requirements you've got for liking someone, it's all pretty much the same. Someone saying, "I miss you" simply misses you. Be it seeing you OR talking to you. This whole how can you miss someone you've not met in person is really just a semantic argument. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:33:52 PM | wow... damn im afraid to just say hi now cuz that could implicate ALOT of things!!! why does everything need to be so damn complicated! SweetOne2654 is just being cautious and understandbly so, how many times we hear these horror stories about people on the internet, and how many lies have you came across with youre conversations to people on here!? and as for people saying that you cant miss someone you never met is bs!!!, of course you dont miss them physically, or even somewhat emotionally. it doesnt have to do anything at all with love or sex or anything like that!, the guy just misses thier long conversations about everything and nothing! and i can totally relate to that because i got a friend that lives in vietnam, and for 6 years we talk on n off on yahoo once in awhile, i never met her, and never will! but i do miss our 3-4 hour conversations about life, love, heck everything. i dont love her, i dont want to have sex with her, or marry her or whatever.... i just loved talking to her, and every now n then i miss those conversations too. cant a guy actually WANT to talk to a girl like he does his best friend!?
my advice to the woman is you were ok to feel creeped out but i think you shouldve confronted him about it first before writing a post and making it public. but even so you did nothing wrong ,you were just watching out for yourself and getting advice! just remember you can meet losers on here, or at the bars or gyms,shopping malls or at work but theres also nice guys in all those places too. in time it should get easier to weed out the losers from the rest of the crowd. just dont over analyze everything.
as for the guy. id say move on if she dont want to talk to you anymore, theres PLENTY of women on here that probably love to talk to you, just dont get over emotional if you do find that connection, dont rush it, just wait and see if they feel that connection too!! i mean obviously if you got her on phone for 2-3 hours talking non stop then there has to got to be somewhat of a connection right!? heck ive talked to some where 5 minutes felt like hours and i felt like a dentist pulling teeth just trying to have a conversation... and others where where we would talk for hours and it would seem like only a few minutes and look at the clock and go woooooo i got to get up in 4 hours for work!! lol....just take everything slow, no need to rush.
of course that was all my opinion and as an american, an under the constitution. i felt like giving my 2 cents worth lol
HAPPY 4th of july weekend to everybody!!!!!! | |
|
| I want your opinion
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:45:26 PM | | Go with your feelings, if you feel creepy then it is , how can he miss you so soon??? what is he lacking ??? just be careful and remember go with that gut feeling you have... good luck | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:58:11 AM |
We've heard her side and his side, actually. It's anyone's guess as to whether we've heard the truth yet.
Unless I missed where the guy in question posted in the thread, we've only heard hers. The OP can't mind read what the guy was thinking, nor may have understood why he feels like he misses her (you lose a lot of communication (body language) in text and phone calls. She assumes that can't happen, so she can't post his side of the story, only a biased view of what she interprets to be his side of the story.
Anyway, this is not something the OP can understand. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/4/2008 9:22:50 AM | | It's not a matter of understanding anything. This thread has only proven my point further in some ways. Although there are some people that believe you can begin to adore someone and have affection for them from getting to know them online, there are also many that do not! Or atleast, that it is not appropriate if you do. How can you start to truly like someone when you lack everything you stated? You can't see their expressions, hear their voice, touch them, hear their laugh everything that goes along with getting to know the true individual character of the person you're speaking with. You lose all of it. That was my point. Many believe that you cannot truly get to know someone and definitely start to adore them enough to say you miss them from only speaking online .. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/4/2008 12:33:04 PM | I honestly think you should find a nice sunny afternoon, and meet him in a busy coffee shop and see for your self.
When I first started chatting with girls online, we got carried away and built ourselves up and were crazy about each other... Then we would meet in person sometimes after months of chatting and the "spark" was just not there, or it was not a two way connection.
I find it best to exchange emails for about a week, send pictures and chat a bit. Then meet in person in a safe friendly environment as soon as possible. More often the "spark" or "connection" is not there, so you want to get it over as soon as possible and move on.
This was talked about in detail by Dr, what's his name from eHarmony.
The only way to know if you truly like someone is by meeting them in person.
I think this guy really likes you and he is just young and can not hold back his feelings for you. Young guys can get carried away when they meet a beautiful girl such as yourself online and you should not hold it against him.
Even if he is a creeping you out a little, meet him, and if you don’t like him or still find him creepy, ditch him and latter send him an email about how you did not feel a connection or something like that. If you don't get it over soon, he may get hung up on you and be harder to get rid of.
The girls that one meets in the first week after a few emails are the easiest to get over. It is the ones who talk hot and long on the phone for weeks on end waiting for that meet that linger in ones hart. | |
|
| I want your opinion
Posted: 7/4/2008 12:59:42 PM | I think he sounds sweet.
People are so afraid of love and affection these days. If you can find someone that actually has loving feelings....WHAT A FIND.
I think you should meet with him..
Thats when you will know. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/4/2008 2:50:57 PM | Op I have to wonder why you had to ask anyone elses opinion as to whether this was a red flag, when you had so obviously already made your mind up that it was indeed a red flag.
You have made it clear in your latest posts where you stand. You have sided with the people who were of the same mind as you and have disregarded the many other people (possibly in equal numbers) who have disagreed that he is a psycho in the making.
There is lots to be said for keeping an open mind especially in the light of so many differing views on this subject. The results were in no way conclusive....but you seem to have read them in your favour, which leads me to believe you were just looking for faults in this young man for whatever reason probably unknown even to you. He comes across as a sincere and genuine bloke and I hope he realises that most stable people on here would view you with egg on your face not him. Im sorry but you seem a very cold fish. | |
|
| |
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/4/2008 6:33:06 PM | It depends. Maybe he said it, thinking you missed him already? just a question. He may also have thought that you expected to see him that day and he knew he couldn't see you.
It's probably not a red flag, but if you are worried then just back off seeing the man a few more days. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/4/2008 7:51:39 PM | i did post a few pages back. I'm really starting to regret signing up for this POF thing after all this. Please dont take it out on her though...she was just nervous. She's really a sweet sweet girl.
She was just worried about what would happen...yes, i am the guy this post speaks of. No, im not a wierdo stalker. I'm just regular old me.
But please, dont take it out on her. She's too sweet for that. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/4/2008 8:42:51 PM |
But please, dont take it out on her. She's too sweet for that.
Hey Matt,
If she was sweet she wouldn't have started this thread. She knew you would see it. Any woman that feels creepy when a guy tells her that he misses her has self esteem issues. Sure she is cute......but you can do a whole lot better. Heck, any woman that is going to start a thread on this site about a guy she met on this site can't be too bright either. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:25:14 AM | | i agree with bassman! plus she had to know he would eventually read her posts! so instead of confronting him about problem personally, we discuss it in a forum?! now theres a red flag!! matt do you really want to date someone that when you do or say something wrong instead of talking it over with you, she posts a forum about you n youre problems? move on matt. she had her mind made up in the begining like that one woman said. besides there still has to be some women that like affection and that likes that someones thinks about them and enjoys thier conversations. she might be cute but sure aint sweet otherwise this forum wouldnt be on here. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/5/2008 5:47:03 AM | | I'm a new member on this site and when I looked at other people's profiles there was no links for this forum. It was only until after I posted in the forum that I noticed that it's not a choice whether what you say pops up or not in your profile. It's not like I pointed out his screename or his actual name! It would have been anonymous otherwise. For all of you slamming me so much, what makes you have so much trust in someone you've never met? For all I know I could have been talking to a serial killer or just someone who does not have their life together at all. You all insult me for not trusting SOMEONE I MET ON THE INTERNET and have only been talking to for a few weeks, if that. Let's think about all the things that are wrong with that statement shall we? I don't know him! I have every right and still do now to question his behavior until I meet him. Secondly, I did confront him before I posted on this forum, I told him to step back. But I wanted to get a second opinion. Some of you really need to put things in perspective more. I'm not going to apologize for not entirely trusting someone I've never even met before. | |
|
| |
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/5/2008 1:29:41 PM | | number 1 sweet, this post had nothing to do with trust?! you asked if someone you talked to for weeks on phone and internet said they missed you if that was creepy?! some said yes some said no,i wasnt slamming you, i just thought it was mean to write it on here without talking to him first and knowing hed see it on here. i didnt know you told him that it bothered you having him say that before all this and you thought all this was going to be anomyous! so thats my bad. besides hes no serial killer, i am! i did in lucky , tony the tiger and the silly rabbit in one week! haha people take crap wayyyyyyy tooo serious on internet! need to lighten up and have few laughs and if someone creeps you out thats why they made an ignore button! | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/5/2008 2:08:43 PM |
It's not a matter of understanding anything. This thread has only proven my point further in some ways. Although there are some people that believe you can begin to adore someone and have affection for them from getting to know them online, there are also many that do not! Or atleast, that it is not appropriate if you do. How can you start to truly like someone when you lack everything you stated? You can't see their expressions, hear their voice, touch them, hear their laugh everything that goes along with getting to know the true individual character of the person you're speaking with. You lose all of it. That was my point. Many believe that you cannot truly get to know someone and definitely start to adore them enough to say you miss them from only speaking online ..
I think your point is wrong but first things first.
When you dont see someone like in internet dating, it should take you longer in fact to get to know them. Instead people fall for someone right off. So far in two months I've had several girls tell me how much they love me and then after I tell them it isn't possible, they get freaked out and are looking for another guy the next day and tell me I'm a jerk. LOL; one extreme to the other.
Of course you can miss someone if you dont see them. I have several business and personal associates that I've become friends with that I've never seen, only talked to on the phone with. They will call just to talk and I miss them when they dont call. Some are very funny and I like them.
Lets face it; internet dating is a nuthouse. Peoples feelings are so extreme and have such extreme swings that it is amazing. Someone will be near in love with someone one second and they blow them off the next day and get another person without batting an eye.
There is no way you get to know someone fully online though and thats obvious.
On the other hand, there is a phenomena going around where people are obsessed with looks. A good looking person can be the slime ball of the earth but still get away with it. People are into impressing their friends and family with who they are dating more than the character of the person.
Character has nothing to do with what a person looks like or their actions when they laugh, or their expressions. Those are more charecteristics of their mannerisms. Character is when you do the right thing and thats why being with someone in person means so much. Love takes time; not a couple of months. | |
|
| |
| |
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/7/2008 1:20:17 PM | Your posts don't show up until I think you have posted five times. You ask in your profile if there are any nice guys left, yes there are, you found one and look how you handled it.
Whether or not you knew your posts would show up on your profile is not the question. You met the guy here, you knew there were forums and you asked about him, here specifically here, in the forums on the site where you met him.
Do you understand this? I realize you were "creeped" out by his "miss you" comment. But let's look at what you did for a moment. You had to know in the back of your mind that he would see this, it is not that hard to put two and two together. I am not sure why he came to your defense, he must see something I don't, because the way I view it, you had no regard for his feelings and to me that is the huge red flag. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/7/2008 3:47:57 PM | Some people are just too set in their ways, and too obsessed with the social norm. This is too early, that is too late... yikes. Get off your ivory tower, have coffee with the guy already, you said you like him, and tell us how it went; I mean, what's the worst thing that can happen?
And yes, I can miss a pen-pal I've never met, easily.. man or woman. And if I miss them, I'll think nothing of telling them so, why not? Life is too short not to compliment each other...
Edit: if you are new and afraid of meeting people, just say so! Been there, done that ;-) Just acknowledge this as YOUR problem, not his. What's the harm of meeting at a coffee place anyway? It's not like you've never met a complete stranger before.
| |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/7/2008 4:22:28 PM |
I did post a few pages back. I'm really starting to regret signing up for this POF thing after all this. Please dont take it out on her though...she was just nervous. She's really a sweet sweet girl.
She was just worried about what would happen...yes, i am the guy this post speaks of. No, im not a wierdo stalker. I'm just regular old me.
But please, dont take it out on her. She's too sweet for that.
Sweet you say? But you have to close your account nevertheless? I don't think so.
Drumset, I would not close the profile if I was you, you come across a whole lot better than she does. In fact, if we were same location and age range, I would have dated you in a heartbeat, and would NOT have waited weeks. I never do.. when, not when I can help it.
OP is a scarycat, as are many women who joined the bashing party here. It's THEIR shortcoming, not yours. Many of them are too scared to date, and congregate here in the forums, finding safety in numbers. You've done nothing wrong. You simply met a girl you liked and told her that in your own way - it came across wrong, and you apologized and backed off. Big deal! Quite frankly, I think she ought to 1) meet you, and 2) if she finds you are not creepy, and i am sure youare not, publicly say so and apologize. Maybe give you a nice testimonial for your profile. Restore your reputation in the eyes of all the other scarycats.
Wheew, what's with all this online drama??
Anyway, stay through the storm, you'll feel better. It will pass. You come across as an all around sweet guy. A bit of a doormat if you ask me, but a sweet guy nevertheless.
OP: you say some people agreed with you and some did not ... think about it logically. Does not it tell you that some NORMAL people can bond online to the intellect and the spirit alone, and some others need your voice... face... boobs... (I could not resist). Both bonding tendencies are within the range of normal human behavior, even by this site's harsh and contradictory standards. You are up against a normal, sweet guy who missed you at some point.. aparently still does, and whom you said you like. What are you going to do about it? Geez, were we all like this in our 20's? :-) Hilarious. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/7/2008 5:44:25 PM | OP, since you are new, I will excuse your indiscresion. If you don't want people's opinions, you should not ask. When you ask in the forums, keep it in the forums.
I stand by my statements to you "in the forums."
Everyone has a right to question a "safety" issue, but other than expressing an emotion you did not share and/or understand what did this young man do?
He certainly did not deserve to have his feelings hurt here in the forums, whether you mentioned his name or not. It doesn't matter, all that matters is what transpired between the two of you.
Whenever someone takes a private situation public for the other to see it shows exactly what class you are. Low. | |
|
| |
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:25:19 PM |
OP is a scarycat, as are many women who joined the bashing party here. It's THEIR shortcoming, not yours. Many of them are too scared to date, and congregate here in the forums, finding safety in numbers.
Whenever someone takes a private situation public for the other to see it shows exactly what class you are. Low.
Well Sweetone looks like there are some credible women here that were just as "rude" as I supposedly was. Its refreshing to see they didn't sugar coat things either. Hope you can handle other women being critical of your actions too, you sure couldn't handle a guy saying it.
Nice to see some very good recent posts by women, especially the last two. I applaud you ladies for telling this "girl" the truth. I know when I made some of the same points to this girl she moved on to attacking me and whether I'm a nice guy, TOO FUNNY. Since my response wasn't what she wanted to hear, it was deemed not credible by her and lets try throwing another guy under the bus This just in, some guys have a backbone and will speak up if someone is "behaving badly". Hey sweetone, are you going to tell all these other women that they are not credible too?
Sweetone needs to just admit she had faults and is not miss innocent school girl in this scenario. Its all apart of growing up and being a mature woman instead of still acting like a "girl". Nice to see respectable women posting here and not let a girl like this throw decent guys under the bus. Girls like her are the reason many respectable guys have lost faith in women and how they behave. | |
|
Home
login 
