| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:53:40 PM | Well considering how many women on this dating site he joined now think he is a creepy, clingy, sicko without ever meeting him or getting to know him. Guess how that happened Sweetone?? You will find as you get older that good reputations are hard to build and easy to tear down. Just learn from this and move on, lets hope the guy can move on too. I've spoken my peace on this issue  | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:56:02 PM | | Speaking to this fact and this fact only...you don't know that he is a good guy. You simply don't. Even though he came to defend himself you really don't know. Nash until recently I had just as many women see my point of view as well as yours. | |
|
| I want your opinion
Posted: 7/7/2008 8:01:51 PM | Ok, this is the first time I've posted on the forums, so be kind.... 
Sweetone - I can sense your apprehension about the "miss you" stuff, and maybe your gut is telling you something, but don't be so hard on the guy. After all, you said "he seems nice and he appreciates me for all the right reasons", so give the guy the benefit of the doubt.
Some other responses on here are conjuring up scary images, but I don't really see anything in YOUR words that makes him sound like some kind of a creep or pyscho. It does sounds like he has a crush on you, big time, and my guess is that he's totally sincere when he says he "was thinking about you". Of course he was, you seem like a sweet young lady with a brain in her head and a good heart. He'd be crazy if he WASN'T thinking about you. And I suspect his meaning for "missing you" is that he misses the interaction between the two of you - either email or phone. Yes, it could mean he's a little clingy, but maybe you are the best thing that's ever happened in his life and he's trying to say that.
IMO, give the guy a chance. If you've talked enough on the phone, try to get up the courage to meet him somewhere, in a public place, with your cell phone handy, - maybe even have a friend bird-dog the scene in another booth where they can be handy if needed. No matter what, be SAFE about it.
good luck - to both of you! | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/7/2008 8:03:18 PM | Here is what I know: You treat him like crap and he's FORGIVEN you and even apologized, and asked people to go easy on you. And even still seems interested in you, after everything you've done. Why? Beats me. Maybe he IS a psycho, now that I think of it  Missing a good pen-pal is normal in my book... missing someone acting so indiscreet and childish... not so sure. And now you are implying, in public, that he is not a good guy based on something we don't know? How nice. Can you say, slander? Defamation?
Come on OP. It's obvious that you are not proud of this thread. Say sorry to the guy and be done with it. Don't dig yourself any deeper. | |
|
| |
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/7/2008 8:07:13 PM | Sweetone,
And I use that term loosely, He already proved he was a good guy by coming to your defence after you trashed him.
Think about this......look at the ages of these people that are telling you what you did wrong. Do you think that maybe we might know a little more about life and behavior than you do?
You wanted to know where the good guys are. After what you did to him.......who can blame him for NOT being a good guy anymore?
But...he won't change. The fact that he came to your defence shows that he has good strong character. You are young and inexperienced. Learn from this mistake....but in the future pay attention to others and learn from their mistakes so you don't make the same ones yourself. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/7/2008 9:49:10 PM |
It's a message board. End of story. Some of you take this way too seriously. Especially when you really don't know the situation you're speaking of.
Welcome to the internet where everyone is an expert on everything just because they woke up this morning. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/7/2008 10:02:59 PM |
Do you think that maybe we might know a little more about life and behavior than you do?
And I couldn't let this one go.
I'm gonna go ahead and answer this for her and say NO. Most people on this forum really don't know squat and are just full of hot air and nonsense. I continue to come here because, I'm not gonna lie, some of these forum posts are pretty ridiculous and hilarious. It's amazing the pickles some people will get themselves into and then try to turn it around on other people. It's the same reason that I watch daytime trash TV talk shows like Maury on the rare opportunities that I get to do so.
There's SOOO much bandwagonning that goes on on this site that it just blows my frickin mind. Someone will ask a legitimate question and that person better pray that the first reply isn't from whacked out zealot because every other reply past that is just gonna be "lol yeah shame on you" "wtf is wrong with you" "you're sooo in the wrong" etc. etc. because one disturbing trend I've noticed not just on the internet (that's always been the case) but in society as well people just don't want to think for themselves anymore.
Not to trash the guy, but if you read this, honestly, "I miss you" too early on comes off as stage 5 cling and overly needy way more than it does creep, especially in your 20's. However, I will say this in his defense, people nowadays are constantly mistaking niceness for creepiness and everyone wonders why they're so god damn miserable, because they end up with some douche.
This whole topic all boils down to miscommunication since, after all, this is the internet, and personally I find it INFINITELY harder to strike up a conversation with someone on here, partly because I have things like charm and character that a lot of guys seem to lack in real life, things that they don't need to send a hay babay how u doin to every girl that comes up in their search.
Get off this girl's ass. Start thinking for yourselves.
sweetone, message me sometime and let me know how this all works out for you, I'm actually interested to know. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/7/2008 11:42:57 PM | | who knew anyone is missable these days..... go figure.. *smacks some random person* hello its a sign of AFFECTION!!!!!!! Missin somone for their conversation isn't a horrible thing... the world is going down.. i swear... | |
|
| |
| I want your opinion
Posted: 7/8/2008 12:11:00 AM | maybe he genuingley misses talkig to you, but yeah....
it wold freak me out a bit
or maybe you dont like this guy as much as he likes you? | |
|
| I want your opinion
Posted: 7/20/2008 10:01:33 PM | In response to msg 8:
He has also had other girlfriends, he has a steady job while going to school...and he's studying for a challenging degree so all else tells me that he's not a psycho or a loser
This may be a bit over the top..but, Ted Bundy looked like a great guy on paper as well and was no eye sore either...
If it feels creepy, it is creepy...that feeling you have is the small still voice installed in you to alert you when it's time for flight...ignore this voice at risk of your own peril. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/20/2008 10:16:29 PM | It is depending on how do you leading him on, don't need to take much to like or miss some one, just remember do not play game , you might hurt some one that care for you. if you have that question on your mind I don't think you care much for him, I ,myself can fall in love with a person, just looking at his photo.
Kalimem | |
|
| |
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/24/2008 9:03:07 PM | Well, as you can see, she's deleted her profile.
Yes, i am the guy she was speaking about. We met literally 2 1/2 months ago. I had no idea this post even existed till about 3 weeks after it was started, to the extent that i was humiliated, angry, and embarassed that i was made out in such this way. Here's what has really happened over the last 2.5 months...
Immediately after this post was started, i started experiencing wierd things with her. It was like, someone told her something bad about me. After i found this post, i realized she was taking what others said in here, and repeating it back to me...like a puppet.
The truth is, not once did i ever use the word love. Love is a strong word to use over the internet. I told her i missed her, meaning, conversing. When you talk to someone one night for 2-3 hours, and then she wasnt on for a few nights, i naturally introduced the conversation with saying "I missed you (name), i really enjoyed our chatting". I repeatedly said over and over AND OVER that i missed her conversing. I wasnt harassing her, i wasnt stalking her, i was TALKING with her.
Well i have pushed the notion about meeting over coffee as friends for about a month. She had to push it ahead...MONTHS ahead. At first it was end of September, then it was moved back to August...turning "Hanging Out Over Coffee As Friends" as i repeatedly asked her, as friends only, into a massive nervous affair. I rarely have done this whole dating online experience, so i waited for her. I'm not the type of guy that bangs one girl to the next. I'm a genuine, honest, true-hearted guy. I wanted to give her a chance because i sensed she was a great girl, with a great personality.
Dont get me wrong people...i did talk with her on the phone, so i have heard her. She said it was awkward...it didnt seem awkward at all.
After i posted my first in the post, i was standing up for her. I was very fond of her, talking to her about everything we had talked about, and talking on the phone, etc.
She had actually told me after i posted that message not to post anything else.
Well about 5 days ago, she comes to me telling me that she cannot be in a relationship right now, lotsa excuses. Basically, i feel cheated out. I meet a girl whom i think is a great person, lots of potential, and what do i get? Slammed on a message board by her, and she ends up telling me in the end she can't even date. But then she tells me, i shouldnt be remotely concerned, because "you dont know me, we never met so you cant feel anything"
What do i feel? Because i'm a nice, kind hearted guy, i feel cheated out. I talked with someone, someone whom i began to grow a connection to, almost every night. You cant just stop on day, after two and a half MONTHS, and tell me you didnt feel a thing. For you to not feel a thing, is cold heartedness.
So, after all this, i just wanted to give everybody the REAL insight as to what happened, because not only am i feeling like i wasted time/cheated out...im actually kinda pissed off. Considaring all that occured (the post blasting me, and then finally just saying you dont even wanna date)
My opinion is...if you dont want to date...
WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ON A DATING SITE TO BEGIN WITH???
Am i right?
So anyhow, thats what really happened. What do i do now? I do what i always do. Pick up and move on. But i think the online dating scene has burned its candle, and it has reached the end.
I guess, maybe a guy like me, who's kind hearted, warm, loving, sincere, and romantic has to go through this crap, of what happened here. Nice guys do finish last, i suppose. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:14:45 AM | well dude, needless to say the name of the site is plentyoffish!? theres ALOT of fish in the ocean! there are a hell of alot of women you can have a good time just talking to on here, and hey if end up like last one, just pick yourself up, dust youreself off and say next!!... sooner or later youll find someone. and yes nice guys do finish last! just remember great things come to those who wait...... but sometimes those things are gone by those who got there first! lol so have a  and try youre luck again.. happy  | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:21:01 AM | | I had a fellow contacting me on messenger when I was using Yahoo personals who always insisted on saying that he was in love with me. That certainly struck me as wierd. I'd really find saying a miss you wierd too I think. It's not something that men are in the habit of saying even in relationship generally, never mind when they've not even met you. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:29:24 AM | drumset5994,
Chin up, go back and read some of these posts and you will see that many of us knew she just wasn't good enough for you. She is very immature. You can do a whole lot better. You didn't do anything wrong. If you get the feeling that a woman is freaking out after you tell her you miss her........it's because she is very insecure with herself. She can't understand WHY you would miss her because she has very low esteem. You learned a very good lesson here. Many of us don't find this out untill we are in our 40s. Raise your sights and go after the quality women. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:35:32 AM | | I would normally concerned about a man missing me when he doesn't even know me. You have never even met him but if you have talked with him frequently he may miss talking with you. For someone to miss you if they don't know you (never met and didn't talk much) would make me think they miss their mental illusion of you or the "you" they have invented in their mind. If you feel like you know him then take it as a compliment that he misses what he knows of you. | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:38:59 AM | I was truly interested in this topic. I am an independent, lone wolf sort of woman. (yeah that's different!)
But recently I have met a man from POF that I am very into. His work schedule and mine aren't gelling. His children's visitation schedule is making it nearly impossible to find any time for us. (next meeting scheduled sometime in September!) so...we have met in person for only two hours, a long time ago, and now we're spending all our "getting to know you" time online or on the phone.
It isn't at all like me to feel so "into" someone, but I am. Can't say why. And believe me I am thinking about that!
But the point is...I found myself saying "I miss you!" while realizing the absuridty of it - logically.
I think the term is indicative of the person's enthusiasm for knowing who you are and sharing time getting to know you.
Could it be a red flag? Yes! In my opinion it's even a red flag for me that I have said it...but the truth is what I really mean to say by saying it is this:
"I am really looking forward to the time when our schedules allows us the opportunity to get to know each other better, because I am enjoying immensely who you are and it makes me feel happy and excited"
"I miss you" is only three words! Not three paragraphs of rationale or explanation! | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:47:22 AM | I would say no, he is being honest and letting you know how he feels. If he said he wanted to come over to your place and get physical with you? That would be a little scarey, but then your life is what you make it.
I think the question here is how did his remarks make you feel? Did you get that warm and fuzzy feeling, or the oh-no, here it comes vibe??
Pink | |
|
| I want your opinion
Posted: 8/24/2008 4:32:15 PM | I had the same feeling about this lady I have never met. she has call my family , had background check on me and my ex wife. when I ask her to leave me along, she gives me a sweet answer like I just don't know what I need. and it continue!  | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 8/24/2008 6:01:19 PM | You don't have to physically meet someone to feel a connection with them or to have feelings....
Human emotions arise from one source the heart and if someone 'feels' they miss talking to you I don't see anything wrong with that at all. Certainly NOT a RED FLAG!!! LOL
The red flag would be if you haven't talked to them in a few days and they became 'angry'....try that and see~ | |
|
| A few days datng - they say 'I miss you' is this a red flag?
Posted: 8/24/2008 6:44:19 PM | Could be a compliment to you but then again maybe not. When all is said and done:
If it feels good do it . Don't feel good don't do it. That's a quote from my flight instructor. He's right. Trust your gut. Unless this self doubt and questioning is providing you with something you will probably achieve more happiness if you make a decision and move on. Life's too short. | |
|
| |
Home
login 
