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| Why am I always the best friend and never the girlfriend...
Posted: 6/10/2005 8:25:35 PM | Punkdchick, consider these things:
When you say that you meet wonderful guys, what is it that makes them wonderful? You must be specific about this. I'm not asking you to reply, but to think about that.
When you say that you flirt and smile a lot, do you do it the same way with any cute guy, or do you reserve the stronger stuff for the guys who are not only cute, but who are really sexy/fun/funny/etc? Flirting with too many guys makes you look like just a tease. Guys know this kind of girl, so they don't pursue her, but let her pursue them. In other words, if they feel that you aren't serious and don't want a boyfriend, but just like to tease, then they'll keep looking elsewhere. Some might like hanging around you even so, but it's hard for a guy to go after a girl who seems like she is just a flirt.
This may offend you, but you must consider it: are these guys REALLY attractive? Are they the guys who already get lots of female attention? If so, then you need to look at the girls they are talking about and ask yourself if you are as good looking or sexy. Sometimes a girl can be cute but not sexy. I know a girl like that. She has quite a body, and a cute face, but I can barely stand being around her. Then there's another girl who isn't as physically attractive, but who is cute enough and more than sexy enough to make me interested in her. So this could just be an matter of looks, or a matter of sex-appeal, or both. Don't ask a guy if he thinks you are pretty. You are pretty. But you may not be as hot as the girls that he has been dating already.
The other thing is that you don't sound like a person who isn't looking for a boyfriend. You may behave like that around guys, but your words here suggest the opposite. You sound like you want a boyfriend. Be honest with yourself. Often you do better if you seem like you are looking than if you seem like you aren't. | |
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| Why am I always the best friend and never the girlfriend...
Posted: 6/11/2005 3:45:21 AM | I kid you not this has happened to me 14 times in the past 10 years......and I am still really good friends with about 10 of these guys.....and yes it does start to happen again now, but then I really think about if this person is going to be a good friend, or just someone I keep as a friend because I have a crush....one thing that I have noticed is that if you don't talk about other men and seem interested in guys that are around...the friend will not see you as a woman seeking a companion, you'll get lumped into the friends pile and be seen as one of the guys....make sure they know that you are a living, breathing, desiring woman who could be taken by him, and if not you'll be taken by someone else. | |
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jaady
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Joined: 4/23/2005
Msg: 55 | |
| Why am I always the best friend and never the girlfriend...
Posted: 6/11/2005 8:47:15 AM |
I'm not at all bothered by it, I'm not looking for a boyfriend,
that's the reason why. Although I met handfull of girls who said they didn't want a boyfriend but in fact it was a hidden desire that they hide not to feel volnerable. The reason why they don't consider you is because you give the impression to be one of the boys. | |
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| Why am I always the best friend and never the girlfriend...
Posted: 6/11/2005 2:48:36 PM | RE: but in fact it was a hidden desire that they hide not to feel volnerable.
I think you hit the nail right on the head when you said that! I guess I give off a lot of wrong impressions bacuse of past hurtful experiences or whatever. It's so much easier to just be the "friend" as there's no expectations! I guess I'm so used to being the mate that I'm not really confident in acting like a potential girlfriend!
@ Huggy. Thanks for taking the time to read this and giving me your opinion. I'm sure there's a lot of truth in what you said. I don't think it has anything to do with the girls they are talking about being sexier or whatever, I can't say this for sure as I don't know 90% of the girls they are talking about, but no the guys in question are not the ones who get all the girls. They are usually the shy ones who need a lot of encouragement and advice on females (that's where I always seem to come in!)
I meant it when I said I wasn't looking for a boyfriend! It would be nice to have one, but i'm smart enough to know that I'm not ready to have one at this particular time. Maybe the guys pick up on that, I don't know! I don't want a boyfriend, but it would be really nice to have someone truly interested in me again, as a confidence booster I guess! Lol, I really should be working on my self-esteem before I think anymore about why I'm always the friend!
I know you said I didn't need to reply to "what is it that makes the guys so wonderful" but I wanted to anyway. They're wondeful because we feel really comfortable bearing our hearts and souls to each other, we have lots of tihngs in common and they genuinely care about others! It has nothing to do with them being cute or whatever, most of the time I'm not initially that physically attracted to them but as we talk more they seem to become hotter!
Well thanks again for all your advice, I'll be sure to think about everything that was said! | |
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| Why am I always the best friend and never the girlfriend...
Posted: 6/11/2005 10:10:43 PM | I wish men wanted me to just be their friend...hehehehhe , it doesn't happen much.
I think you're gorgeous and yes it's likely they don't think they'd have a chance with you or you are just plain not edgy enough when it comes to your desire for them.
But...you did say "i don't care, i mean i'm not looking for a boyfriend" so why are you complaining? I'm confused...seems you answered your own question, that's the vibe you're giving off right there. | |
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| Why am I always the best friend and never the girlfriend...
Posted: 6/12/2005 4:38:24 AM | | @ blastkist, I'm not complaining, as I've mentioned in my earlier posts I'm just confused to why I may not be coming across as desireable! I think it was more of a self-esteem thing posting this thread than anything else! Thanks for your response. | |
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| Why am I always the best friend and never the girlfriend...
Posted: 6/12/2005 7:42:13 AM | Punkd- the problem ain't you, and it ain't them either - just some gears aren't meshing. Dating, chatting, hanging-out, etc. is the adult version of "I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours." Only we don't do it all at once (that would be flashing). So, you give a little about yourself, he gives a little in return. Things build from there.
You want to subtly hint that you're smart; you talk about the university you attend. He wants to play macho; he talks about his bike, his car, hang gliding into active volcanoes, whatever. Then it gets complicated. He wants you to see him as 'relationship material' of some sort, and he doesn't know a good way to present himself.
Fallback position for guys is to brag about how many notches are on the bedpost - but that's just to crude to use. So, they talk around it - girlfriends they have/had. Of course, talking about a current girlfriend with someone you're trying to score points with is a little tricky. One way to do it is solicit advice. If you play along you go home feeling like 'Dear Abby'.
Punkd, these guys WANT you. They probably feel you're out of their league, but they're giving you their best pitch. Yeah, it's kinda pathetic.
Anyway, your question was what should you do about it. You got a couple of options. Gain 40 pounds, lobotomy, hangout with a more self-assured crowd, wait for guys your age to figure out a better approach; maybe you could come up with some way to do the best you can with what you got. Now that you know what they really are driving at, learn how to steer the conversation away from 'you & her' to 'you & me.'
One more thing, Have a nice day. | |
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| Why am I always the best friend and never the girlfriend...
Posted: 2/11/2006 11:38:02 AM | hey punkd girl.....the only reason you are in these situations is because you aren't telling these guys what you want......if you did you would not have a problem.
And can you seriously not understand the intimidation thing...come on. | |
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| Why am I always the best friend and never the girlfriend...
Posted: 4/7/2006 10:57:33 AM | punkd,
did you ever think that maybe they're telling you about these other girls to 1)get your attention, 2)see how you'll react a.ka. they're wondering if it's bothering you that they're talking about another girl, 3)hoping you'll say something cuz they're too dumb/shy/hesitant about mentioning their interest in you?
sounds crazy, i know, but trust me, i've been there!! i know exactly how you feel! i'm always the best friend/confidante/sister material...which sucks because 80% of my friends are guys...and they start talking about how they hate being single and they can't find that "special someone"...and then they put the icing on the cake and say: you, bri...why can't i find a girl like you? uh, duh!!!! like you said, we're right here! but i've come to find that as much as my guy friends talk about "other girls" (and don't you know these are the guys with the mucho arrogant personalities, they can get any girl they want, no problem) they're all still single!!!!! if you're interested in any of these guy friends and they start the whole dating advice thing...call them on it....ask them if they really want your advice, or they're just looking for a reaction. and if you're not interested, still call them on it. tell them to stop whining and ask the chick out instead of looking for sympathy. and if they don't stop, look at 'em and tell 'em to stop wasting time on fantasies and do something real a.k.a. take a chance on a real girl a.k.a you. let them know that you're what they're looking for. and then flip your hair over the shoulder, turn and walk away. it's bound to get their attention. trust me, i've been there, done that. it does work! best of luck
<3 irish | |
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| Why am I always the best friend and never the girlfriend...
Posted: 4/7/2006 11:59:37 AM | | i would have to agree with frosty here. i wish my ex could have been like you. i wouldne need to be on here right now. Girls like you are gold. i posted in another forum about the difference in american women as to europian women in how european women arnt as shallow and base their liking you on looks or money. i also siad that american women like this are in short supply. i feel that you are one of those in short supply. just try to keep your head up and lookforward. prince charming will come he just may be a little later than expected. | |
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| Why am I always the best friend and never the girlfriend...
Posted: 4/7/2006 12:44:36 PM | I am the friend. One of my best friends is the friend as well.
I've lost count of the number of times that's it's been said to me and her , by men, "you are wonderful. Can't understand why you are single. What's the matter with some men, have they got no sense" etc etc etc.
After a while it gets a little tiresome. | |
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| Why am I always the best friend and never the girlfriend...
Posted: 4/7/2006 12:54:03 PM | best friend and never the girlfriend... - best friend and never the boyfriend - works both ways in this weird and whacky world...
I guess we have to still be thankful for friends in many ways? 
Keep those friends - one never knows who THEY may know that could be more than a friend  | |
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| Why am I always the best friend and never the girlfriend...
Posted: 4/7/2006 3:15:50 PM | I ran across this situation back when I was about 18 or 20. Me, my brother, and a couple friends were at one guy's house and were talking. Somehow it came up that we all thought his younger twin sisters were really cool to hang out with, because they like to do "guy stuff" with the rest of us. Neither of the girls was there, but apparently his mom (who was kind of a second mom for most of us) heard the conversation and asked if we thought they were so fun to hang out with, how come none of us ever asked her daughters out. I know I was pretty taken aback, because I just had never thought about it. They were my friend's younger sisters! And while they weren't unattractive, they weren't drop-dead gorgeous either. And as far as we knew, neither girl had the hots for any of us. So we just had never even looked at them that way. To this day, I'm not sure if one of the girls was attracted to one of us or not, but I think that if either girl had let it be known that she was, I could have seen someone asking her out.
I'd just say, don't jump all over him or tell him you're madly in love with him, you might scare him away. Switching from the "friend" mode to "maybe more than friends" will probably have to be a gradual thing. But if he is attracted to you at all, he'll probably come around. | |
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| Why am I always the best friend and never the girlfriend...
Posted: 9/11/2008 9:33:42 PM | | Why do people always say that I am tired of it I will meet a great guy and we connect and he is moving things along sometimes to quickly then he stops and the funny part is he want to still be friends because I am great I am tired of it not to be mean I dont' need more friends. I am not looking for a boyfriend I am looking for someone where eventually it can possibly become something more. It is just frustrating I am tired of being told you will find a great guy well i have dated great guys they just don't want a great girl................... | |
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| Why am I always the best friend and never the girlfriend...
Posted: 9/12/2008 8:21:10 PM | At our age (assuming that you're my age, but by the sounds of it you are) this happens to guys a lot more than it does to girls... or so I've been told.
I like to think it's because some peoeple are too good at being rock solid friends  | |
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| Why am I always the best friend and never the girlfriend...
Posted: 9/12/2008 8:36:57 PM |
Someone did a thread search!!!
Not sure what to answer except that I absolutely value my male friends.
I wouldn't want to cross the line with them because I treasure what we have and visa versa.
I'm not always in the friend zone though. I guess it's just not an issue with me, I appreciate the people in my life regardless. | |
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| Why am I always the best friend and never the girlfriend...
Posted: 9/13/2008 5:52:39 AM | This question isn't all that different from the most common one asked around here:
"I'm not a troll! People are nice to me and I'm nice to them! Why don't they want me?"
And nobody's ever come up with an answer to that one.
ED BEAR | |
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| Why am I always the best friend and never the girlfriend...
Posted: 9/13/2008 6:14:38 AM | "I'm not a troll! People are nice to me and I'm nice to them! Why don't they want me?"
The question is a good one, but it leaves the initiative to the other party, and unless youre a telepath you cant answer that question ever. Besides, if you flip it around, you might get around an answer.
"Theyre not a troll. Im nice to people and theyre nice to me. Do i want them?" | |
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