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| Should a woman buy a round of drinks?
Posted: 6/16/2008 3:54:23 PM | Refer to my previous post on dignity.
obviously Iconoclast v.2.0 is the chief critic...
your dignity is a matter of perception that appears not to closely followed by yourself when it comes to adversity. | |
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| Should a woman buy a round of drinks?
Posted: 6/16/2008 3:55:53 PM | look at it this way...if there weren't women looking for a free ride all the time, and men complaining about being used yet again.......
we wouldnt have the forums!! | |
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| Should a woman buy a round of drinks?
Posted: 6/16/2008 4:01:39 PM | Ok....it just occured to me that my female friends rock!!! I love You! (Even on Dates) They will buy me dinner and drinks every so often and that makes me respect them a great deal because I see they value me as well. It makes me want to give back to them 2 fold because I see their generosity. The way the OP handled that was a bit odd b/c he asked for the drink and then wanted her to pick it up. LOL Just a hint...if you don't want to pay anymore...stop mentioning more and say you're done. Then usually if the girl really wants one more she will say "Come On, Have one more, it's on me!" You say...Nahhh with that "Hint of Ok"....and she'll order the round. ;) Before, I would easily blow a cpl. bills on these 1st. POF dates which adds up during the week...Easy for girlies to like you when you're a bottomless ATM..... | |
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| Should a woman buy a round of drinks?
Posted: 6/16/2008 4:02:02 PM |
obviously Iconoclast v.2.0 is the chief critic...
Dignity has nothing to do with being a critic! "Gas, grass or ass nobody rides for free" ?Yeah, thats cute when talking about hitching a ride - but not cute when referring that woman owes when a man picks up the tab on a first date or meeting. Thats just ignorant and pigheaded and any dignified woman doesnt wanna feel like she owes because you asked her out and dont wanna buy a 3rd round of drinks - which you offered in the first place!!! | |
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| Should a woman buy a round of drinks?
Posted: 6/16/2008 4:05:52 PM | | If you invited her on a date YOU pay. This works both ways of course. I never mind paying my share during a relationship but when you are trying to woo a girl, don't be expecting her to pay for the privilege. | |
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| Should a woman buy a round of drinks?
Posted: 6/16/2008 4:09:16 PM | I start out buy buying us a round, soon after all the other guys are buying drinks for her , so we share those drinks works for me and we always have a good laugh, thanks guys, and keep them coming
Really I don't care how many rounds I buy, I'm not a big drinker and I never stay at a bar past twelve, there just to much to do on a nice night. | |
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| Should a woman buy a round of drinks?
Posted: 6/16/2008 4:17:02 PM | Absolutely she should sometimes! Why not? Old-fashioned or not (and I consider myself one of those), it's considerate to help with social expenses. Men can't be expected to pay all the time just because they're men.
I love that my guyfriend will usually cover most, if not all, the food tab when we eat together, which seems to be fairly regularly, but I contribute whatever I can. This weekend I treated him to a carnival & other events all day, and only asked for a bit of help to afford something.
Since now I'm strapped, our next pizza is most likely on him, and he'll just take that for granted.
Sure, if he & I go out, and if I can manage, I'll buy a round. If I can't, he does. Sometimes we do Dutch.
It's all in the sharing. Being considerate is far more important than sticking to some stupid non-rule about how 'men always pay'. BUNK.
Another thing: if a woman asks a man out, she should pay, whereas if the man does the inviting, he pays. The other person can offer to contribute but whoever does the asking ought to do the treating, male or female.
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,,, oh, and OP?
If a man asks me if I wanted another one, I too would have thought he was going to pay, but I also would have asked
"so ... will you let me treat you next time?"
He'd know then & there that I wasn't buying right now, but that I certainly would like the chance to see him again and do the treating if I could. | |
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| Should a woman buy a round of drinks?
Posted: 6/16/2008 4:17:36 PM | | First of all OP you asked her if she wanted another drink and than you wanted to know if she was buying it..lolol.......That was just no class right there.... | |
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| Should a woman buy a round of drinks?
Posted: 6/16/2008 4:21:00 PM | I always offer/insist paying for my half on a first date however...
He asked her out for drinks, and then asked if she 'wanted another one'- then asked her to pay for it...I don't know, that is pretty much a turn off. If she'd asked him it would be a different story.
Were you interested in her before that whole exhange took place? If you really were, I doubt you would have made an issue over who paid the $13...I imagine that's partly why she was unhappy.
They figure you care more about keeping a few bucks than about making an impression on them and that's a bummer. Also- it just doesn't seem manly to worry that much about a small amount of cash- seems more like a teenager with his allowance in a way.
I'm not saying this reaction is necessarily rational, but there are definitely underlying emotions making everyone so angry. Who the hell cares about 13 (or how ever many) dollars? I probably spend that much in salad mixes that rot in my crisper every week. | |
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| Should a woman buy a round of drinks?
Posted: 6/16/2008 4:35:41 PM | she brags to her friends how she got a free ride from another sucker
Yes, because we have nothing better to do then talk to them about some guy we tricked into buying us a few drinks. Sorry lol...but please.... not all girls are like this and I am very sorry if that is the only types of girls your meeting.
Ummm....Vinny dear...I'd say that he offered! If a guy asks if you want something I would assume he is offering to pay
I couldn't agree more. I most certainly offer to pay my own way and actually now I ask for a separate check when first meeting someone but in my opinion in this case he brought the subject up and I think he should have paid.
It's sad actually, but after reading all the crap on these forums about how a if a girl accepts someone offer to pay,,, then they are a surly a gold-digger. I always pay for my own way. I also love it whe a man admits that he pays and instead of being considered a gentleman he is just considered a sap. Gimme a break. For most womem, money isn't the issue. Most of us can take care of our own tab (and our dates) but we are looking for someone who is more concerned about enjoying the evening and getting to know us versus getting all worked up and pissy about who is paying the tab. If it's that big of a deal people than get a separate check to begin with. Then everyone is on the same page.
I have two brothers 16 and 18 yrs older than me. I remember them telling me two things when I was growing up. Always reach over and unlock the car door for your date AFTER he opens the door for you...Yes...the test. And always offer to pay to your way. If he accepts your money dump him. If he pays for your meal that means he is a gentleman and he is interested in you and not the issue of the bill. If you want to show your appreciation bake him some cookies or offer to make him dinner once in a while.
Maybe it's the fact that they were dating in a different generation or maybe it was because we raised in the south. They knew there dates were capable of paying but to them that just wasn't what a gentleman did and they always paid for the whole date when they went out.
No, I wouldn't dump a guy if he didn't pay. I am just saying that I think there are more important issues when dating. Maybe this is why I don't date anymore lol...I will just hang out with my friends, pay my own bills and not worry about what anyone thinks :) | |
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| Should a woman buy a round of drinks?
Posted: 6/16/2008 4:59:09 PM |
No, freeloading is when someone moves in and you have to pay for everything. Buying a woman drinks and dinners when you go out is called BEING A GENTLEMAN. The fact that it's 2008 doesn't mean that a man should no longer respect a woman and try to treat her like a lady.
I disagree with that. In this day and age when women make as much or in many cases more than men the women shouldn't be expecting the man to pay. A real LADY wouldn't. The whole idea of a man paying came about when women didn't work or have any money.
I don't expect a woman to pay, and I wouldn't ask one to pay. However, I have a LOT more respect for a woman that offers than I would for one that doesn't.
More and more women are realizing that since they make as much it's only fair that they pay. As a matter of fact.....some feel some have told me they would feel insulted if I don't let them pay once in a while. A man can still be a gentleman without paying everytime. The women that really work hard for their money and do offer to pay seem to appreciate it more when a man does pay for the whole date. At least that has been my experience. | |
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| Should a woman buy a round of drinks?
Posted: 6/16/2008 5:03:19 PM | Wow... that was a lot of heated reading to get through all the pages of this thread.
Here's my take on things:
- OP... next time you find yourself in that situation, do not ask her if she wants another drink.... just wait until you are both sitting there with empty glasses to see if she will be a decent person and offer to buy you a drink. If not, then you can graciously end the date if you wish.
- OP... don't put yourself in this position next time you meet someone... like others have mentioned... K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple, Stupid! If you weren't prepared to take care of the bill for the entire date, then don't do it. Just as I will not go on a "date" unless I am prepared to do the same thing.... and yes, that means picking up the entire date if I feel like it or if necessary.
- no one.... repeat NO ONE, IMO is entitled to anything. If one or the other chooses to pay for the entire date then so be it. While men generally (oh god... I really detest generalizing! LOL) do pick up the cheque, I don't think women should expect it. Now, having said that...... if a woman chooses not to continue seeing a man because he did not pick up the cheque, that is her perogative.... just as if a man chooses not to continue seeing a woman because she did not offer to at least cover the tip (I would be more comfortable doing half at the very least) that is his perogative.
Again, it's all about preferences..... some men do, some men don't.... some women do, some women don't.
There really is no point in debating this because we are all different. My advice is that if you feel strongly about it one way or the other, then use that as a weeding tool and move on.... live and let live.
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| Should a woman buy a round of drinks?
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:38:35 PM | Laughing libra ...again has said everything I wanted to say...including about reading through all the posts!!! Only she said a little better than I may have! Touche'.....
I always have enough money on me to cover any bill that comes my way! And I do offer to pay....I don't feel that a man should have to, especially on a first meeting. | |
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| Should a woman buy a round of drinks?
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:50:16 PM | | Because you are supposed to be trying to impress her. She is learning about you, and you have lost her respect. Sharing expenses is for people in a committed relationship, or a friendship. So, choose one. Is she only your friend? Or.... do you plan on getting married, so you are consolidating your incomes, in preparation for future plans? Which is it? Because she is trying to figure out where she stands, and if you insist that she buy herself things in the beginning of the relationship, then you are giving her hints that she had better hit the road to find someone who is going to work harder at winning her as "a prize". | |
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| Should a woman buy a round of drinks?
Posted: 6/16/2008 8:01:42 PM | Iconoclast v.2.0 your main point is worthless, and that's why i didn't bother to get rid of it for you, i assumed someone else would have, but they haven't, at least i skimmed passed it if they did. Yes he said they argued, more so, he said that she argued she shouldn't have to when he asked if she would, which is rude as all heck.
If you're with anyone, anywhere, and they ask if you can pay for something, never in a million years should you ever say no i shouldn't have to do that, it's one of the most ignorant self-righteous/important things to throw at someone, especially if what's being paid for, is for you.
Paying for things isn't the problem, it's the "ima princess" attitude that men are sick of. | |
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| Should a woman buy a round of drinks?
Posted: 6/16/2008 8:15:58 PM |
No, freeloading is when someone moves in and you have to pay for everything. Buying a woman drinks and dinners when you go out is called BEING A GENTLEMAN. The fact that it's 2008 doesn't mean that a man should no longer respect a woman and try to treat her like a lady.
Hmm paying for all the dinners and drinks is freeloading. A relationship is 50/50. Btw ladies also traditionally cooked and baked for men so unless at least half their dates are her cooking a meal for him and if she doesn't bake for him she isn't traditional. Dudes like this give women the princess mentality. If this your defenition of a gentleman i'd say being a gentleman involves being a submissive chump who needs money to get women. | |
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| Should a woman buy a round of drinks?
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:04:06 PM | I would have just paid for everything. At the end of the date I would be impressed if she offered to kick in and leave the tip at least. But if she didn't, then I'd wait for the next date. If she made me pay for everything the next one too and she expressed that princess attitude, I'd never see her again is all. Although I would not have asked her to pay, I still don't think it's such a horrible thing that you said, "who's round is it." It's not like he shot her dog or something.
Communication is the key.
I am far from cheap too, believe me. But I don't go unloading my bank account on dates. I wait until I know she really is liking me.
The last dates I went on, the girls paid first round! They WOULD NOT LET ME pay first! Their was one that would not let me pay for anything so I had to almost make her take it because I didn't think it was fair for her to pay for everything when it was me asking her on a first date. I was very impressed. But I think it was to do with the type of woman I prefer. They tend to be the type that don't like a guy paying for everything. Which I think is smart because you know some guys think you owe them something after that. | |
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| Should a woman buy a round of drinks?
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:54:49 PM | I go by the rule, who ever offers should at least expect to pay. Whether the person who asks/offers should always pay depends on the individuals.
Once you're involved in a relationship with someone, you can work out arrange who pays for what. Chances are costs may be split 50-50, or some other percentage based on income. Personally I prefer 50-50 anyway, even if they make more than I.
What you need to do to get to the relationship stage, will depend on how much you're willing to pay, and how "desperate" you are.
In any case OP, while her opinion on the subject didn't agree with yours, you did offer. Next time don't offer unless you've agreed a head of time that the date will be 50-50. Sure she had a well paying job, but you did offer another round. Wait for her to offer, and if she doesn't order yourself another, and wait for her to ask if you're going to order her one, and then bring up the subject of paying. | |
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| Should a woman buy a round of drinks?
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:57:11 PM | you never know with some women, cuz they seem to change the rules in the middle of the game -(to her favor -of course). - they fight for equality, cry they have no power -and demand to be treated as an equal -then go old fashioned, chivalrous or make us feel like some lame chauvinist cretin for suggesting mere fairness between the sexes.
most men don't care about the money, its the principle of equal interaction between two parties. were not expecting her to divide the evenings expenses in half. and most men aren't going to suggest so -just put a check mark in their "should i call her again" section of their brain. and women if your going out on dates penniless -expecting everything to be handed to you like a little princess -well -hope you stay cute and adorable forever -cuz after your first wrinkle -its just you and seventeen cats.
men love fawning over their dates, seeing her smile and warming up to our charm. -its quite a letdown when her transparent demeanor is showing like a las vegas beacon. and to the oppiset, such a welcome feeling when she offers contribute something (as the other equal half of the date). -usually our only means of gauging whether she is interested in us, or taking our plastic for a ride.
it all boils down to the MEN WHO TOLERATE this type of lame female chivalry crap she throws out to benefits her. -let her stay home for a few dozen empty weekends -until she finally realizes its her -and her princess attitude to be the cause for her phone not ringing. -ever wonder why some girls sit at home every night -while her friends are continuously out on dates?  | |
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| Should a woman buy a round of drinks?
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:58:07 PM | In my opinion it's not about whether you are the man or the woman that should dictate who pays. If you invite someone out as your guest YOU are paying. When I invite someone out to dinner/drinks etc.... I always pay. This is no different than if I invite them to my home for dinner/drinks---I will provide the food and drinks. I don't expect them to bring anything or compensate me for it. If it's not clear to me beforehand that I'm being invited as a guest when going out for dinner then I will offer to pay my share.  | |
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| Should a woman buy a round of drinks?
Posted: 6/16/2008 11:55:19 PM | | Im having a good laugh at some of the excuses the women are coming up with here as to why men should pay the whole bill.....there is no excuse!! And as for the woman who said she wants a man to sit her down and teach her 10 things she doesnt already know OMG Do you wear a chastity belt too!? I would prefer it if we can teach each other a thing or two, each taking the lead when appropriate. | |
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