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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:47:57 AM | | Here is one more point of view. He is not a potential abuser, he is already abusive. Treating you like a child, checking on you. I want a partner, not a parent. It sounds like you have already decided to get out. Don't look back. In my experience anyone who says they love you and are talking about forever within 2 months has issues. I can see infatuation but real love takes some time to really get to know one another. I have dated one of these guys, I love you means: "you are my possesion and toy and no one else may take your time from me. Meanwhile I do what ever I want." He is checking on you cause he would mess around. IMHO | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/17/2008 1:42:53 PM |
My question is, why the obsessive behaviour???
Classic abuser behavior! If you continue with this man you will just be another number down the road. Use your rational to make this decision not your emotions!! | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/17/2008 10:43:36 PM |  as fast as you can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been in a relationship like your describing, & it only gets worse. He becomes very abusive in all ways. The guy I was with even threatened to kill me. Even though he lived with me in my apartment, my daughters came to pick me up the next day, & I had to get a restraining order against him to get him out of my apartment. So, for your own safety, get away from him immediately. Good luck in your future life. | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/18/2008 10:21:12 AM | I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to the posters until now but my PC has been out of action for 2 days. I'm really pleased there has been so many responses to my original post and I would like to say that most of you expressed what I already suspected. I guess in my dating history (which hasn't been that colourful) I haven't encountered anyone like this before. Sure...I've been no angel, but at 35 of course there will be some history. The reason I haven't settled down as yet is not because I want to play the dating game because to be honest, I don't really enjoy it. I enjoy being in a commited relationship but with the right guy and unfortunately, the right guy just hasn't appeared yet  I am not long out of a relationship that was very close to marriage etc but he had issues with this himself and not to put too fine a point on it.......he didn't want to do the 'bedroom olympics' anymore...so I had to get out even though I loved him dearly and with all my heart. A relationship cannot work without...well you know.....especially if you plan on having kids.
I guess I stayed with this one for 2 months is because the physical side is faultless and I was out of that game for so long. I don't sleep around and wanted to have a relationship rather than a one night stand....but I wanted it to grow slowly and not flower into a huge tree at 2 weeks!!! I thought he would feel the same, but he's just a nightmare. I think you guys are right about not trusting himself. I think he has problems saying 'NO' to sex and that's why he was sleeping with all his exes at the same time. Ok, so he stopped when I came along, but if he has no moral standing on those issues (as I do) then why would he turn down a potential hot night with a random girl if the situation ever arose and I wasn't around??
Apologies for the mammoth post
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/18/2008 12:58:30 PM | Lack of confidence on his part, numerous partners to boost his ego, some of them are probably not true
He sounds VERY insecure !!
Tell him to trust you or walk | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/18/2008 1:04:06 PM | Can you say ADD???? 
He's the kind of guy who expects a woman to be waiting by the phone for him while he nails everything that moves.
He's a player.
Run away, FAST!!!! | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/18/2008 1:12:29 PM | He sounds like a co-dependent nutter.
You should really think about what qualities this guy has that you like, and see if they outweigh his obvious personality/relationship flaws. | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/18/2008 1:21:21 PM | I don't think he has any apart from the fact that he is a good lover which is why his exes keep coming back...and back....and back...yet they don't want a proper relationship with him.
I guess this is why I am with him.......but not for long..... | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/18/2008 3:25:21 PM | I havent a clue as to what you are asking. God knows how many women this guy has been with, or STD's he's exposed too. He has a long history of being irresponsible in relationships and he's a control freak with mood swings. Sounds magical.
You need to mature and get out of it. You are not a victim. You need to take control and get out of it, or climb aboard the train wreck and get ready to crash. Its up to you. Dont complain if you wont get off the train. | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/18/2008 3:55:22 PM | | I would say the reasons for the behavior do not matter, only the fact that the behavior does exist and they are major red flags for anyone paying attention. I agree, run forest run.... | |
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| Yeh ...
Posted: 6/21/2008 3:13:36 AM | | Why ARE you obsessed with this loser ? | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/22/2008 6:23:19 PM | MY biggest worry for you sweetie is "What if he finds out you are on a singles site?"
I had a situation like yours...He would wait for me to leave the room and check my phone for calls and texts...He had spyware installed on my computer on at least 3 occasions...HE had family in different parts of the city that he would spend time with but would call me SEVERAL times to make sure I was home. He would call my children with silly excuses and ask them if I was home. It was like a prison. He swore it was LOVE. He could come and go as he pleased but I was stuck at home doing laundry and dishes.
Two weeks is WAY too soon to say "I LOVE YOU" Two months is too soon for moving in...He is looking for a mommy and a maid.
He does not trust YOU because he knows HIS past and more than likely his PRESENT behavior will prove that he is STILL messing with his PAST life...
Why he chose to share all of the cheating with ex's to you???? WOW...What a smart move...Good luck..... | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/22/2008 6:41:16 PM | All the guys have reall good advice today.
You sound like you're still getting over the last relationship and this guy is a rebound, so maybe your radar is a little off. Actually, you know he's bad news, so your radar isn't off, you're just not trusting your instincts like you know you should.
Just get rid of him real quick like ripping off a band-aid...one, two, three...over. | |
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| Can you advise on this man's behaviour?
Posted: 6/28/2008 1:01:17 AM | Just to tie this one up I have finished it. I was just waiting for the right time as I knew how he would react and he has been away for a couple of weeks. I didn't want to do it over the phone. As suspected, he went nuts. I explained that it was reactions like this that contributed to my decision to finish. He is a good man deep down but he just has issues with the female race.
I would like to point out that there was no "cheating with exes." He was seeing them before I came on the scene, I just couldn't get my head around why you would want to keep revisiting old flames like that. When I'm done I'm done.....regardless of how good the bedroom activity was. Also, someone made a comment about me being 'obsessed' with this guy. I did laugh! My feelings for that man steer in totally the opposite direction! I couldn't wait to get away! It was the other way around....hence my post. And yes......I am still getting over my ex and yes....he was a rebound date. I have learnt my lesson now.
And also, I'm not on this site for dating. I'm only here for the forums. I'm seriously allergic to internet dating. In fact I found this site on a google search looking for advice about 2 years ago. And I love it!
Well thanks for all the advice and time taken responding to my post. I'm sure there will be many more!
Z x | |
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