| Women don't really care much for men do they?
Posted: 6/17/2008 12:25:38 PM | First, why would the fact a woman has to be interested in you to care what you think about her get anyone down?
I'm not sure i really understand the question you are trying to pose... What I was saying to the OP was don't get too discouraged even if lots of women turn him down, happens to most guys. Say my success rate is 20% for girls i'm interested in, that's a very high number of women, but it still means i have to get shown down 4 out of 5 times which is a low success rate.
take you for granted"? I'm sorry, but this is lost on me. How is being polite but not being interested in someone "taking them for granted"?
I mean in the general sense, as in they think it's a given that lots of guys of whatever caliber will always be interested in them. It's not the case most of the time, if you were to look at my facebook account you would see that a lot of the women my age are starting to look kind of haggard. Some were gorgeous when I first met them..not anymore. Men get it easier when it comes to aging.
I have to say, I've always found it amusing when men use the "cat lady" epithet like it's an attack.
me too, cat ladies are hilarious.
If a man plays the field, and you don't want to deal with a man like that then don't deal with him.
fair enough, but lots of you aren't happy at all that we feel entitled to play the field if you like that particular man. I'm just saying this is the number one reason we do it even when we are open to having a girlfriend. Pickier gender = low success rate means expand your net. | |
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| Women don't really care much for men do they?
Posted: 6/17/2008 12:35:01 PM |
I think most men will agree that we usually dress and act the way we do at least in part because we think it's attractive to women. I'd also think very few heterosexual men go to bars just to dance or hang out with the guys.
Things sure are different here in the Midwest. Women nicely, men seem to give little or no thought to their appearance. They mostly range from utilitarian/frumpy to downright slovenly. | |
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| Women don't really care much for men do they?
Posted: 6/17/2008 12:54:27 PM | I have never understood people who find others misfortunes hilarious. If some poor soul ends up alone in this world with no one but pets for companions then I find this sad and tragic. If someone does end up in this situation then it's a pretty safe bet that they are alone for far more serious reasons then just being picky about choosing a partner.
You look at some of the actual cases of the so called "cat ladies" and you will see problems with mental illness, no family or friends for support and basically tragic circumstances. No one becomes one of the "cat ladies" because they were too picky in matters of romantic love. | |
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| Women don't really care much for men do they?
Posted: 6/17/2008 1:25:28 PM |
I mean in the general sense, as in they think it's a given that lots of guys of whatever caliber will always be interested in them.
I see, that makes sense. I agree that many women don't take into account that the superficial qualities they can demand in a mate (looks/money/status) depreciates just as their own superficial qualities (looks/youth/overall fitness) depreciate. The younger and prettier you are: the higher percentage of superficial male traits you can demand and obtain in a mate. This of course isn't set in stone, but is the general consensus since men are typically easy to please.
If men valued wisdom and low drama over looks and youth, then the best option would be an older woman. Since most men value looks and youth over wisdom and low drama, then the best option is typically a younger woman. Again...not set in stone. Being old doesn't make you wise, being young doesn't make you immature and being a man doesn't mean you automatically care about looks. I'm speaking in general. And if a man is able to acquire a younger woman, then he usually will because she carries the traits he values most: looks and youth.
I understand this and I can't speak for all women, but I will speak for myself and say this honestly doesn't bother me. I think most men assume women play by numbers since that's how guys go about dating and acquiring a mate. I don't think this is the case for women. I believe most women play by elimination. There's a key reason why: We are limited by time.
If I had the option of increasing my chances of acquiring a mate through income and status, then playing by numbers would make sense. I'd relax, improve myself, play the field and rest assured that I can still find someone that fits my basic needs of looking good, being faithful to me, and not nagging me too much if I increase my income and status.
This option is not available to me as a woman. Although at a younger age, I would theoretically have a larger pick of men to choose from, I was not equipped at that age to choose well. And let's be honest, I need more than a guy to look good, be faithful and not nag for me to be interested in him. My only saving grace was that I knew well enough not to choose at all if I couldn't make a wise decision.
Thus, most women I know play through elimination to increase their chances of having a relationship last a lifetime. They know what they don't want, and whittle down their options until only a few remain. This is beneficial in that you've already eliminated the traits you know you can't deal with for the long haul, so you have a higher chance of the relationship lasting if a relationship occurs.
In my opinion, both methodologies have their downfalls so its best to use a combination of both. Increase your numbers without compromising yourself (becoming something you're not) and know what traits you don't want in a mate and eliminate based on those brutally. Many people don't seem to know when optimism is working to their detriment rather than for their benefit. Men tend to be most optimistic of all, and are therefore typically atrocious at choosing mates well.
In a very long and convoluted way I'm saying that I personally would rather take the time to learn what I don't want, who I am, what I stand for, and what I have to offer to a potential mate than have a larger selection of men to choose from but lack the ability to choose well. I agree that many women are time wasters and are removing their chances of finding a mate by not taking what men want into account, but such women often don't care about that. As I said before, being alone isn't a curse. When a person decides to wait for a complete package rather than settle, they already know that being alone forever is a possibility and have hopefully accepted that. I know I did. I don't believe I took any man for granted that considered me for a lifelong companion but I disagreed since I saved him from wasting his time. | |
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| Women don't really care much for men do they?
Posted: 6/17/2008 1:34:19 PM |
According to these two threads women don't care what men think about how they dress, nor do they go to bars to socialize specifically with men.
Maybe those particular women dress for themselves, not for men ??? Nothing wrong with that. A self-secure woman (or man on that note) shouldn't have to dress in a particular fashion to impress the opposite sex. Be real, true to one's own self. That would be what I consider "honest" rather than uncaring.
Things sure are different here in the Midwest. Women nicely, men seem to give little or no thought to their appearance. They mostly range from utilitarian/frumpy to downright slovenly.
Having lived in the mid-west, I'd have to agree with this. Sadly. 
~OT~ I love the opposite sex. I do have personal preferences on dress for myself, but what "he" chooses to wear is strictly his call. I have no intentions on attempting to change someone to be who I want. If we don't mesh on the side of personal hygiene, dress, exercise, etc., it's a no-go. It's really pretty simple in my mind. JMO  | |
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| Women don't really care much for men do they?
Posted: 6/17/2008 2:34:05 PM | I think women are almost like a lock and men the key. Men will attempt to open alot of locks but only will do it when the right set of conditions are there. When women are out and about, men are talking and coming up to them all of the time. Also, most educated women know why men are attempting to get to know them. It`s all about the acquisition of sex. So women need to have that very specific combination in order for her to be interested in getting to know you, and possibly having something develop.
Yes, alot of men are fine to visit with a bit. But that is a far cry from wanting that man in your life or your bed. Generally, for myself, the vast majority of men that I converse with don`t have the key cut right to fit.
If you go along with it anyways and go out with him,and things don`t go well, you can have a big mess. Unwanted phone calls, anger, nastiness if things don`t quite work out. So it is best to block through the bulk of not good fits rather than to get to know them and have a problem. | |
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| Women don't really care much for men do they?
Posted: 6/17/2008 2:41:21 PM | If someone does end up in this situation then it's a pretty safe bet that they are alone for far more serious reasons then just being picky about choosing a partner.
i guess if they really have dibiliating mental illness or say their husband died in a car wreck it's not funny.
but the ones who were ungrateful or awful to others in their younger more attractive years, pushed everyone away, and ended up alone - hell yeah it's funny that they become obsessed with their cats and give them titles or whatnot. It was their own fault. | |
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| Women don't really care much for men do they?
Posted: 6/17/2008 3:32:33 PM | Not everyone is lucky enough to be born with a family. Some have none at all, some have small families and lost them young , some have family ,but they don't get along , or the relationships are toxic ones. Some have gotten married and had kids ,but their husbands after 20 or so years of marriage decided to trade them in for a younger model. Age is not kind to women as it is to men. Men get sexier when they age while women just get old.
Having kids is by no means a guarantee that you will not end up alone , neglected and put away because you are not convenient. Come to my work and I will show you many of the forgotten people. I would say 97% of them have kids , yet you never see their children there to visit them.
Mental illness could be anything from social anxiety all the way up to hearing voices and having delusions. Not having the support of family and friends can make even something as simple and treatable as depression and anxiety get completely out of hand. You add in someone who is timid by nature and does not have an easy time making friends with all of this and you have a fertile breeding ground for "cat ladies".
Someone who is picky about romantic relationships do not end up as the "cat ladies". Being introverted, suffering with some type of mental illness, not having family or friends to depend on is the type of person who could become one of those lonely and unfortunate souls. Someone who is picky about men will eventually end up either finding what they want or they will become more realistic about who and what they can get.
Also I find it funny and annoying how men will say "oh she will end up with a house full of cats and all alone" just because the woman had the audacity to turn them down. Just because a woman does not like you does not mean she is destined for a life of loneliness. Some people are looking for very specific things in life and in their relationships. Compromising and being with someone who you don't really want , are not attracted too and whose beliefs are opposite of yours is a recipe for disaster. For some of us living the single life is preferable to being with someone I had to settle for.
If I were to end up single and never marry I would not be languishing away in my house lonely. I have friends and family, I have my work, I like to travel, shop , garden,paint etc... Yes I would love to get married and have children , but if I never do then my life will still be a good one . I would never regret turning down the man I never wanted and felt no attraction to at all. It's amazing how so many men would not mind at all being the guy the woman "settled" for . Personally I would be devastated to find out that someone "settled" for me. | |
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| Women don't really care much for men do they?
Posted: 6/17/2008 3:39:19 PM |
but the ones who were ungrateful or awful to others in their younger more attractive years, pushed everyone away, and ended up alone - hell yeah it's funny that they become obsessed with their cats and give them titles or whatnot. It was their own fault.
From what I've heard and seen, the women who are picky when they are young tend to settle once they get older rather than become "cat ladies". The ones that usually become "cat ladies" are introverts that become more so the longer they're alone. The ones you're speaking of are more likely to just settle for an average guy once they get older.
Edit: Tuckerjo beat me to it. *lol* Great post. :) | |
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| Women don't really care much for men do they?
Posted: 6/17/2008 3:50:36 PM | The ones that usually become "cat ladies" are introverts that become more so the longer they're alone.
Well I'm introverted so it's good to know it will be me dying alone and not some woman chasing an impossible ideal. | |
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| Women don't really care much for men do they?
Posted: 6/17/2008 4:02:44 PM |
Well I'm introverted so it's good to know it will be me dying alone and not some woman chasing an impossible ideal.
Compromise enough, and everyone can have someone. Many women do compromise once they get older, but older than men would like for them to compromise. Men seem to want women to compromise in their 20's, when many don't until their late 40's. And even then those who won't compromise will likely settle and try to change that person into what they do want.
A guy's best bet has always been improvement so that he becomes the best option to the women he's interested in. Improve yourself enough and you won't have to do the pursuing. It's either that, create a fantastic single life or compromise on what you want. Personally, I'd take options A and B over C. | |
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| Women don't really care much for men do they?
Posted: 6/17/2008 4:16:59 PM | I'm not really old enough to taunt a woman who rejects me by predicting their future army of cats. when did being shy become a serious mental illness? sounds like an excuse to me. probably half the population experiences shyness. maybe more. if it's truly crippling panic attacks ok, they need help and I wont laugh at them.
for all the dear sweet old ladies in tuckerjo's retirement home there are plenty of ex wives who deserved to be left by their husbands, that's a two way street, plenty of women who push away their families by being awful people.. and yes there are women who say things like, "there are no good men out there.." when the reality is there are no men that fit their criteria who find them attractive or can tolerate them.
^ and yes it is funny if they begin to idolize their cat(s)
there's the male equivalent of course, the 50 year old bachelor with a crappy apartment and microwave dinners . | |
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| Women don't really care much for men do they?
Posted: 6/17/2008 4:38:19 PM | I guess you could call my Mom a Cat Lady! Got Divorced,
Remarried, Step dad Died of Cancer! Yup it's a Real Joke!
All the men that came into her life since have been terribly
insecure, creepy and not worthy of my Mom. Oh, sure,
they all appeared to be classy Gentlemen, in the beginning!
And I guess if my Mom had any personality disorders,
she's just plain too nice!
It's too easy to generalize! | |
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| Women don't really care much for men do they?
Posted: 6/17/2008 4:41:30 PM |
[Then you miss out on a wonderful thing sir, my friendships with my single female friends are much deeper than most of the ones I have with my fellow males.]
If you want to be a shopping boyfriend then go right ahead and be my guest. And when she's banging Joe Schmo and you're sitting there twiddling your thumbs, let us know how that feels.
You must live in such a 2-dimensional world? Hardly 'shopping boyfriend', but 'good friend'. I have had plenty of great female friends and 'girlfriends' as well.
Are you telling me the only reason you even talk to a woman is because you potentially want to sleep with them and nothing else?
The vast majority of women who meet me in this world will not be sexually attracted to me. A great many women in this world I am not sexually attracted to. That's just the way things work out. But why the hell should I not engage them as a friend if this is the case?
If your ego is so fragile you can't handle a 'grown-up' relationship with a woman that doesn't fit with your locker-room idea of what it should be, then you really are missing out mate. | |
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| Women don't really care much for men do they?
Posted: 6/17/2008 4:47:41 PM |
I guess you could call my Mom a Cat Lady! Got Divorced,
Remarried, Step dad Died of Cancer! Yup it's a Real Joke!
i think we covered tragic widows already. sorry about your step dad..
now if you mom was evil or a terrible wife who got dumped, like my grandmother, it would be kind of humorous that she named her cat "The Admiral." My grandmother is an evil awful woman. A couple years ago she mailed my family all the pictures of us as children she had, with accompanying hate mail. She was cruel to her ex husbands adult children and tried to remove them from his life, he chose them.. When he found a new girlfriend she was furious (ok fair enough,) when this woman got cancer she called everyone and gloated about it on the phone.
So yeah, don't generalize either way i guess. | |
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| Women don't really care much for men do they?
Posted: 6/17/2008 5:48:15 PM | Luke please learn to read ENTIRE post . Don't just pick and choose . I said that "COUPLED" with being timid, not timid in itself , along with some form of mental illness can result in the "cat lady" syndrome.
Stop letting an evil old woman color your entire world. Oh and it's both the men and women in nursing homes who are shoved aside and ignored by children, not just the ladies. | |
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| Women don't really care much for men do they?
Posted: 6/17/2008 6:08:14 PM | depression can be a real mental illness, and so can anxiety - but again lots of people become sad or are shy without being incapable of helping themselves. Most of the population makes do and doesn't have a serious mental illness causing these feelings. I don't really consider that a reason not to find wicked old ladies deifying their cats funny.
lol, at grandma coloring my entire world. If she read that I think you'd make her day. | |
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| Women don't really care much for men do they?
Posted: 6/17/2008 7:03:32 PM |
How is that unflattering? If women don't care about men more power to them.
Lumping every woman into one category IS unflattering. Just like men complain when women out here post that "all men do this or that"--they get their panties in a bunch too. If women didn't care about men and vice versa, sites like this wouldn't exist.
I didn't know for sure, which is why I asked the question. I wasn't saying, I was asking. Learn the difference.
You're allowed to think whatever you like sir. But when you make posts that are generalizations...then someone will call you on it. I still don't understand why an intelligent guy like yourself would think like that. You don't strike me as someone who thinks just with their hormones. But many times I give others the benefit of the doubt. | |
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| Women don't really care much for men do they?
Posted: 6/17/2008 7:38:09 PM | Are you telling me the only reason you even talk to a woman is because you potentially want to sleep with them and nothing else?
I'm telling you right now that I don't get put in the friend zone. Period.
If your ego is so fragile you can't handle a 'grown-up' relationship with a woman that doesn't fit with your locker-room idea of what it should be, then you really are missing out mate.
Judgemental aren't we?
It has nothing to do with ego. Again, I have female aqaintences and not close friends. Yes I talk to them but I never get involved in their affairs or lives. Nor will I take them out.
If you want to be a shopping boyfriend then by all means go for it. I won't.
And I'm not missing out on squat. I have plenty of friends. | |
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| Women don't really care much for men do they?
Posted: 6/17/2008 7:42:51 PM | Jim, you are automatically assuming that the guy that is a woman's friend is automatically single. About 75% of my male friends are in relationships.
My closest female aquaintence is married and I've known her for over 20 years. See, now who's assuming?
Being single and having a single female friend is pointless.
I only want ONE FEMALE to be my friend and more. That's really all I need. | |
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| Women don't really care much for men do they?
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:05:08 PM | I guess to each his own! I certainly wouldn't EVER allow myself to
be friend zoned by a woman I had intererest in! But it never happens.
Maybe it happens more to some guys then others!
Women friends in your life can definitely give you much insight and
add another dimension to a mans life! I guess some men just don't care
for that, and that's fine!
I have often gone shopping with a woman! It's like you fuk, go shopping,
have dinner out, come home, fuk again! That's not so bad! I can handle
that!
What I REALLY, REALLY HATE, is when I am asked to hold the Hand Bag! lol | |
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| Women don't really care much for men do they?
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:09:27 PM |
Judgemental aren't we?
Not at all, I'm merely pointing out that you can have great, intimate, rewarding relationships with women that don't necessarily have to involve sex. Apparently you can't appreciate that.
If you want to be a shopping boyfriend then by all means go for it. I won't.
Now who's being judgemental? This is the second time you've used that term and you throw it around in such a disparaging way. Is this how you see yourself when you've been put into the 'friend zone'? Just because a woman can't picture herself having sex with you is no reason to take your bat and ball and go home.
Most women will not want to have sex with us. Many women will still want to know us and be involved in our lives. SOME women will want to know us and be involved in our lives AND have sex with us. But this is a tiny percentage of the overall.
So I'm the 'shopping boyfriend' and the 'drinking boyfriend' and the 'movies boyfriend' and also the friend they introduce their single girlfriends to because they know the kind of man I am, and know the kind of women I like, and know me, and trust me. and like me enough to feel happy to doso safely. | |
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| Women don't really care much for men do they?
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:23:25 PM | Women friends in your life can definitely give you much insight and
add another dimension to a mans life! I guess some men just don't care
for that, and that's fine!
Tell me what insight is that? I'm going on 37 and I kinda know the women thing pretty good. I had a few of them as friends in the past. Now though, I am looking for commitment, not friendship. And I'm not going to waste my time.
That's where you and I differ. You wanna play, well I don't.
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| Women don't really care much for men do they?
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:24:40 PM | Not at all, I'm merely pointing out that you can have great, intimate, rewarding relationships with women that don't necessarily have to involve sex. Apparently you can't appreciate that.
You and I are looking for different things. That's what you fail to see.
And all those intros must be working. That's why you're on here. | |
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