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| Why do men ask so few questions?
Posted: 6/17/2008 1:46:24 AM |
Maybe alot of the men you are complaining about want to ask you those questions in person. As in on an actual date. I know i do........
I think karrpilot is probably right on this one... a guy generally wants to know two things when he's emailing you
1) Are you hot?
2) Are you nice?
If the answer to both is yes, then he wants to meet you. Everything else he wants to know is best found out in person, rather than building up and image of you in his head which could well be completely wrong. | |
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| Why do men ask so few questions?
Posted: 6/17/2008 5:12:19 AM | This is the number one reason I stop talking to men. They have nothing to say, nothing to ask, and want the woman to do all the work in getting to know them.  | |
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| Why do men ask so few questions?
Posted: 6/17/2008 7:48:36 AM | I used to email women sometimes. I would read their profile which were sometimes quite long, sometimes almost nonexistent.... If they are good looking, they most likely don't need much for most guys.
Then I would think of a conversation starter and finish with a unique question so she could send back an answer.
I would finish with my real first name.
Sometimes i would get a one line response... maybe just an answer to the question. Most times no response at all. I actually wasted my time for nothing. I understand why some guys have form letters. It is generally up to us to start and carry a conversation while the woman builds interest. The other thing is it takes quite a bit to find someone who might be worth it.
I never message women any more... can't be bothered to waste my time. Now, sometimes I read the forums.
If I want to meet someone, I don't do it on line. I prefer to go out. Women respond very well to me in person. I get to have an actual conversation. Flirt some. etc. I have lots of numbers to call on my cell. No, they aren't all my type, but it is a lot easier to find out.
Life is too short to spend it writing emails and I never use IM. | |
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| Why do men ask so few questions?
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:32:48 AM | | I ask a couple of questions, she usually doesnt bother asking. Then I get bored and dont email again. If she doesnt make the effort why should I ? | |
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| Why do men ask so few questions?
Posted: 6/17/2008 9:08:04 AM |
Have noticed that when men write emails they very rarely ask any questions to the woman they're writing to. This makes it awkward writing back as you have no questions to answer and have to come up with something completely original to say.
Men often don't bother to sign their name at the bottom either so you know who you are talking to.
I think asking questions is vital to keep up the dialogue before going on a date. Is this maybe why women lose interest in guys and don't write back. Do guys think it might be a good idea to include more questions in emails to get to know someone?
I think it's interesting that only one person has made the same point earlier that I'm going to repeat now.
Your profile is THREE SENTENCES LONG.
Crazy idea, if there are specific questions you want answered in a first email, how about writing them in your profile and asking people to answer them?
You are basically complaining why men don't put more of an effort to show you something about themselves. Have you? I know what TV shows you like to watch, but have you really put in an effort to show something about yourself?
Now if I was surfing profiles and I came across yours, you know what I would think?
No effort.
And I'd expect that same kind of effort (people always give you clues about their base nature or how they would behave) in every interaction with you. No effort in your dialogue. No effort in your conversation. No effort in your approach to dating.
Now could you be willing to put in a great effort? Sure. Does your profile give any indication that you might? Absolutely not.
There's a reason why people who show up 10 minutes late to their job interviews don't get hired. Perception. Red flags. Clues about behavior. There's also a reason you aren't getting the responses you want.
Rule of life, you get back what you put in. | |
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| Why do men ask so few questions?
Posted: 6/17/2008 9:10:12 AM | | The same logic can be applied after you've been talking to someone for a while. If a person doesn't ask ANY questions, then I would feel like they simply aren't interested in what's going on in my life. Forcing conversation is quite boring. | |
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| Why do men ask so few questions?
Posted: 6/17/2008 9:31:55 AM | Have noticed that when men write emails they very rarely ask any questions to the woman they're writing to
woh! Thats a bit of a sweeping statement. In the past I've attempted (and given up) to communicate with women who are exactly the same. They take but they don't give. I dont believe its a trait specific to any sex. These seem to be the people who are incapable of communicating through static email. Stick them on IM and they do much better, although asking questions is still a premium. Quite often you end up having the same conversation repeatedly or it goes round in circles.
You're talking about a personality trait here. I firmly believe there's a whole swathe of the population who can maintain whole conversations based on nothing in particular.
Your profile is THREE SENTENCES LONG.
As far as 3 sentences go the majority say nothing in particular. I'm already wondering how the OP can like sci-fi and x-factor.... | |
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| Why do men ask so few questions?
Posted: 6/17/2008 9:39:03 AM |
Dialogue is dialogue. It's not necessarily about one asking questions, it should be about whether you find the exchange interesting enough to continue. What if a man asks LOTS of question but they're all the wrong questions ("How many dates 'til I can get laid," for example)? Would that keep a woman's interest any more than a man who asks none? One way to inspire someone to ask questions is to be interesting, yourself. Can you tell a good story? Can you bring your experiences to life as you tell them? Or are you relying on a somewhat mistaken notion that any man who is truly interested in you will ask lots of questions...about you? I mean, what if he asks questions but they aren't about you - is that good enough?
ding ding ding we have a winner
this is one one area where i have struggled the exchange of qwestions sometimes intrestiong sometimes the bland yes /no answer and theres always the read delete lol
then theres guys like me thant wish little out of a woman are you safe? can i trust you?will you trust me?will you treat me as i treat you? will youi be honest and upfrunt with me? where do you see this going? ect. im shure you get the point | |
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| Why do men ask so few questions?
Posted: 6/17/2008 9:47:25 AM |
This is the number one reason I stop talking to men. They have nothing to say, nothing to ask, and want the woman to do all the work in getting to know them.
Quit generalizing please, it's quite offensive to the minority of the opposition.
Furthermore, some may not ask questions due to the fact that they/we are not interested in anything but friendship, and for that, we have an infinite amount of time. (Figuratively speaking of course  )
Scott. | |
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| Why do men ask so few questions?
Posted: 6/17/2008 10:12:13 AM | Straying from the main point here but i'm sure i' not the only man on here that when conversing with a woman she signs her name,so you think you know her name,then when you get to the email chatting they have a different name on there, and after a few chats they tell you there real name is whatever, completely different, so they have about 4 names they use.
I think either they don't trust guys even with there names or they have something to hide or even playing the game.
r4reliable...aka ray.. aka the mainman. | |
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| Why do men ask so few questions?
Posted: 6/17/2008 10:26:31 AM | I recently have been having a "conversation" with someone, as I am new on here, most of the time I am a chatterbox but when I asked 4 times for his name and he didnt bother to respond to that but kept asking for a date I said no on that factor alone, why would I waste my time on a man who, it seemed, could not be bothered to read my email correctly?
Us ladies want a man who shows interest not a skipper-thro-it-all ;-)
I dont write war and peace but I like to get to know someone with ?'s
Kim
x | |
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| Why do men ask so few questions?
Posted: 6/17/2008 10:34:48 AM | I agree with just about everything said. I really think the
unfortunate reality is that we are ALMOST ALWAYS not
interested in the people that contact us!
So why talk about questions or whether they get answered?
There is clearly a much larger and more disturbing problem here! | |
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| Why do men ask so few questions?
Posted: 6/17/2008 10:38:39 AM | I agree that 20 questions is a bit boring... however;
when he answers any questions I ask with one or two quick lines and nothing more. Adds nothing to the conversation, nothing to help further the next email... then....
If I am in the conversation alone..it is even more boring.
The art of conversation seems to be mostly dead on the internet... so...
I say.. if you (man or woman) cannot add to the conversation..then ask a question!
Otherwise, people are likely to just give up on you! | |
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| Why do men ask so few questions?
Posted: 6/17/2008 11:22:09 AM |
I asked 4 times for his name and he didnt bother to respond to that but kept asking for a date
maybe there's something to be said about the name thing.
remember legends about demons, I think it was said to know their name was to have power over them.
Perhaps a similar thing can be said about offering ones own name...The act of revealing something precious to a stranger. An illustration of genuine interest? There's more familiarity thinking of someone by name than no name.
In this light to send a heartfelt message to someone and then not leave a name seems quite contradictory. | |
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| Why do men ask so few questions?
Posted: 6/17/2008 12:08:47 PM | Posted By: funone571 Why do men ask so few questions? Maybe because we're tired of getting one word answers.
You have to quit asking the same question the same way every time...
The answer the way you ask will always be:
NO!
(occasionally you might get: Hell NO!)
OK... you might occasionally get an answer of: That'll be $50
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| Why do men ask so few questions?
Posted: 6/17/2008 12:16:49 PM | OP, I though your question was very insightful. Women can completely understand what you mean!!
80 % of the men who have answered have been mean, spiteful and sarcastic in their responses, no big surprise, and I truly think that comes from the fact that we are built very differently.
When a man asks questions it shows interest, concern, maybe even a bit of intelligence, and I don't think signing a name is sooooo much to ask/expect.
A good email convo can go a long way- it can say alot about a person's personality.
If a man can keep up a email convo and it's not necc about sports or sex, well that's a big plus!!!
Many of them in this fish pond cannot.
I have come accross 2 or 3 men who carried on good email convo, and they were the one's who turned into something nice. The other one's can take their ignorance on this subject and shove it where the sun doesn't shine!!
Good qustion OP-- IMO
JJ | |
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| Why do men ask so few questions?
Posted: 6/17/2008 2:02:57 PM | Set ourselves up for what? I'm not wanting for anything, and I'm always grateful that I have met so many kind and interesting and sexy men in my life. I've recently met another one that gives me butterflies, and I feel very fortunate.
Good for you. You must be different.
The number one complaint that women express on this forum can be summed as follows " He was such the perfect gentleman, then we had sex and now he won't call me."
Players know to be polite. That's all I am saying.
I know this wasn't directed at me, but I completely understand that it works both ways: There are men who are hard to talk to and there are women who are hard to talk to.
Yes, thank you. I think it would be nice for more females to keep this in mind, when they flippantly tell men "why don't you just go talk to her, like it is so hard? oh my god!"
...one of my firm boundaries is that I will not try to force a connection with someone.
Well that's great. But just remember that you are a woman and you can get away with being passive and picky.
I don't try to force a connection either. But most of the time, it's up to the Man to make something happen. | |
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vro312
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Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 46 | |
| Why do men ask so few questions?
Posted: 6/17/2008 2:38:46 PM | The number one complaint that women express on this forum can be summed as follows " He was such the perfect gentleman, then we had sex and now he won't call me."
I've seen this complaint, too, and it's difficult for me to understand. Nobody is going to be having sex with me if I'm not wanting it pretty badly. (And yes, I realize there are violent scenarios that take choice out of the equation, but that's not what I'm talking about.) If I get to the point at which I am wanting it badly enough to sleep with him (for whatever reason), I'm sleeping with him because I really, really want to. This doesn't happen very often, but when it does, I experience no confusion over why I'm doing it. In these rare cases, I assume all responsibility for my part--I know what I want out of it. I don't expect it to mean we're committed unless we've already made a commitment--but if I like a guy enough, I'm not going to be able to wait for us to commit. So if he takes off afterwards, he takes off. Maybe it would be a relief, but I don't know because it hasn't happened.
Speaking of generalizations, though, I have known men to complain about this as well. In fact, I have known men to say they were "used" when the sex didn't lead to a long term relationship. Again, this is a matter of certain personality types, not certain genders.
Well that's great. But just remember that you are a woman and you can get away with being passive and picky.
I don't think this is true. I'm not interested very often, and I don't exert energy when I'm not interested; however, when I *am* interested, the guy knows, and I don't act even remotely passive. Of course, if he backs off, I back off, too. I know how to take my cues.
If by picky you mean choosey, then yes, I can be picky. I've been married, and I don't plan on having kids. So I'm not really in any hurry to settle (down). I married someone with whom I was not compatible--now I try to weed those out before the first date if possible. | |
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| Why do men ask so few questions?
Posted: 6/17/2008 2:48:19 PM | OP,
You have some very good points.
I see this from the other side; the last few e-mail exchanges I've had have been rather one-sided.
My interest fades fast after I get a couple one-line replies  | |
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| Why do men ask so few questions?
Posted: 6/17/2008 3:24:19 PM | Here...I'll save the ladies some time on the first few questions.
1. Sure, I don't mind.
2. No, I sent in a ferret and that seeemed to do the trick.
3. HAHAHAHA, I agree completely!
4. Me? No, I've never tried barbecued llama with hollandaise sauce.
5. Hey, set your phone to vibrate and I'll put mine on speed dial.
6. Oh, you love animals too? Do you kill flies?
7. Bet I can make you snort when you laugh.
8. What kinda bait did you use for that? | |
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| Why do men ask so few questions?
Posted: 6/17/2008 3:36:40 PM | I get these bland e-mails too that I do not know what to do with. Maybe a lot of lawyers are e-mailing me and afraid I will hold what they say against them, because I do not know if the guy is not interested and being nice or if he just does not know what to ask me. I can't figure it out either.
I remember a couple of years ago having this WONDERFUL date with a guy and nothing. I volleyed a soft e-mail to him the next day saying I had a great time and he responded about a week later with a bland you're an "amazing woman" e-mail, but nothing for me to gage his interest. No telephone call or anything. I figured the guy was not interested and trying to let me down nicely. I let it go.
I ran into the guy recently and he mentions how he hoped we could have gone further. I said, "well you should have let me know that, because we could have." Basically, it was all "safe" communication, which goes nowhere. | |
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| Why do men ask so few questions?
Posted: 6/17/2008 3:37:54 PM | | OP, I think your question would be more accurately stated as "why do the men who write me rarely ask questions?". I ask usually two to four, depending on the length of the email. However, I've been forced to conclude that asking questions doesn't work. You still get the read/deleted or the fizzle-to-nothing responses. So maybe the other guys have already made it to where I am and don't bother? | |
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