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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/18/2008 12:43:06 PM |
Women who date a guy for his money will find they earn every penny anyway. It's not a big deal in the end.
You think so? I definitely disagree with that statement. It's not always the case. Some people have a free ride. To suggest otherwise is false and even foolish. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/18/2008 1:04:25 PM | I vote psycho!
And a big waster of money. Unless he's got major money in the family, I would expect a guy that spends like that to be broke-as-hell, which is a total turn off.
I'd be happy to get a special gift from my BF even after only 2 months. Even if it were something very expensive, I wouldn't feel uncomfortable, (if I knew he could afford it) and I like him and felt like our relationship was on steady ground, but that degree of excess is just plain manic...and most likely hiding something very, very, wrong.
She's a fool if she's impressed by a guy who pays $600 bucks for coffee and eggs for her and her giggling friends, without seeing the bigger picture.
PS. I work in a large law firm and make good money. So does everyone I work. Because I have a little extra, I have a good lifestyle, spend money on myself and am used to seeing money spent liberally, but even with my life style, spending level, etc., this still seems like total excessive behavior. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/18/2008 1:19:57 PM | Now, i can see what you are getting at..too much too soon. but he also told her he cared for her deeply..and she feels the same right
he didnt stay, he didnt try to hide it, he didnt invade her birthday..he made it the best he could. My boyfriend bought me a $239 I-pod for my birthday and we were only going out for three monthes..he isnt creepy..he did it because he knew that i would appreciate it. you seem jealous..i am sure your present was good too..haha | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/18/2008 3:13:09 PM | Just because someone has a lot of money, it doesn't mean you 'earned' it. Women assume because a guy has money, he somehow has value along with the money. It's automatic for most women to assume this. The other idea is that because a guy has all this money, that anything he 'does for her' is romantic or implies that he cares or is doing something that shows how he cares. This is a superficial and even a materialistic view. Is it no surprise, though? Women shop for things even when they don't 'need' it and they buy things because how it makes them feel, too. They value materialistic things. Everyone does but something superficial is of considerable importance. It places value on the buyer or one who possesses it.
What I'm trying to say here is that 'romance' is about the intention and genuine feelings as much as it is about the thought. It's not about how much money the guy can spend or how much disposable income he has that can be used towards a girl of interest. It is great that someone can spend the money and has it at one's disposal but it doesn't make one more worthy or romantic than another. It's only a psychotic episode if the woman's feelings are secondary or ignored if her feelings for the guy should change and he refuses to accept. If it reaches a stage in which he becomes aggressively resistant and hostile then it's psychotic. It's not about financial ability or whether she's into him or not. Well, it shouldn't have to do with either of the latter. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/18/2008 4:51:09 PM | | Alex, I think what the poster's here were saying is that if he could afford to do it, then what is the big deal? Not assuming that because he has money he should do it...which is different. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/18/2008 5:37:48 PM | | Or that people with loads of money will pick up a check or get caught up in buying cool stuff without regard to the price. They're just oblivious to the cost and only concentrate on the gesture or the fun of buying stuff. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/18/2008 6:12:34 PM |
f you date someone almost soley to share their money - spending time with them, sleeping with them. etc... it's work.
Good point - comparable to the work of a certain illegal profession only not pimped out. It is what it is.
no woman worth having can be bought off in this way
Spot on. Healthy relationships aren't about being bought off anyway. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/18/2008 6:19:39 PM | Pretty simple answer here:
It depends on what his TRUE intentions are. And NONE of us know except him and the big man upstairs.
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/18/2008 7:48:02 PM | | I think it's sweet. Not at all necessary, mind you, but very sweet nonetheless. If they're both serious about the relationship, there is nothing creepy about the fact that it has only been 2 months. As I see it, the most romantic thing about the whole situation is that it shows how much he pays attention to her on an everyday basis. The fact that he knew 7 distinct smallish (somewhere around $70 each) presents that would each be significant to her demonstrates that he cares enough about her to make a mental note of things that she likely mentioned in passing. To me, that seems a lot more romantic than buying one larger present for about the same cost. Would you have thought he was "PSYCHOTIC" if he got her a midrange diamond necklace? Some people are very demonstrative and romantic by nature; personally I love giving gifts even more than receiving them because it is so much fun to pick out just the right thing to brighten someone else's day. Nothing wrong with not being romantic if that's not your style, either; my parents have been together almost 30 years and they are about the least romantic people I know. As long as both people are on the same page it's all good. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/18/2008 7:56:12 PM |
It all boils down to that. Basically, that fact and the responses here is indicative of a lack of logic.
Case #1: Buying all those gifts is *romantic*.... if he can afford it. Huh? Is that statement ridiculous or what?!? How is it romantic if he can afford it? That's like telling me, if I can afford a Ferrari, then I'm cool. Exactly how is romance dictated and decided by finances or affordability? So, millionaires are more romantic than blue collar workers and blue collar workers are more romantic than people just below the poverty line?
I don't think that's what the people posting here meant at all! The idea is that this would only constitute a crazy, over-the-top gesture if the guy was way overspending his budget. In other words, if he has the disposable income to do this without suffering for it, then that's fine and sweet. If he had to take out a second mortgage to do it then it's not romantic, it's just way too much. A more accurate reworking of your Ferrari example would be that it is cool to own one if you have the money, but if you have to go deep into debt for it then that's just stupid and not cool at all. No one ever said money made anybody romantic, nor do Ferraris make anybody cool. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/18/2008 9:39:28 PM | | I love romance and all it entails..........however, what the guy did would have made me feel rather uncomfortable....plus, I'd be wondering if there was a control issue coming down the road with that gent. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/18/2008 11:11:51 PM |
Today's culture is all about that. Of course, the girl/woman must initially like the guy or be into him at the beginning or he has to make a considerable income to overcompensate but then women don't like to be accused of outright 'whoring' or 'gold-digging.' It needs to be subtle or a good explanation has to be available.
Alex89, you are completely and utterly missing the point.
A rich man throwing out hundreds of dollars on a present is the same romance level as a blue collar worker spending a few bucks for a gift. However, that blue collar worker trying to spend the same amount of cash on a gift as the rich man is what comes across as creepy. This, however, has absolutely nothing to do with the actual price of the gift.
The reason this standard is prevalent, is because the latter situation is one of somebody spending outside of their means to impress somebody, while the former is a situation of somebody spending within their means for the same end. If you are willing to blow more money than you have just to impress somebody, it's a mark of desperation, which is why it comes across as "creepy." The whole point behind this is to show that somebody dropping a grand for presents (assuming they live within the means to afford that sort of expenditure) has no baring on whether their action is romantic or not. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/19/2008 12:29:17 AM | Well just postface (is that a word??) this - I really don't know the girl or her boyfriend. So I haven't stepped in to say I felt something was odd. Her (our) mutual friend mentioned it to me and I did let her know it seemed odd.
So by all means if she's found true love then by all means have at it. I'm glad to see varied opinions here though, puts it in perspective for me that people do see things in the same and different light. I can relate to almost everything everyone says. However I still stick to my guns when I say it just seemed a little too much too soon.
And yes, I would love to have the romantic imagination of this gentleman, I guess I just feel that timing is a bit more important.
Meh, good read if anything.  | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/19/2008 6:53:23 AM | My co-workers and I are talking and here is the result:
We think that you secretly have feelings for this girl and are jealous that it's not you doing this stuff.
The money was abit extensive but in a new relationship, the guy should be trying to impress the girl and in this day in age, there are not enough romantic gestures. Maybe not so extreme, but you should use this guy as a role model for your future relationships.
Having a guy show interest in a girl, and show that he pays attention (buying things she says that she likes) is a BONUS. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:06:54 AM |
alex isn't entirely wrong. rich guys everywhere are not shaking their heads in dismay because women won't date them.
I'm not wrong at all. They just don't understand.
I already know what the rest of the posters were talking about. I still stand by all I said. It's only creepy when the girl is not interested. Period. It doesn't matter if he spent $20 or $200. However, yes, the dollar amount does make a difference in the perspective. However, I still assert that because a guy can spend multi-dollars on someone, it doesn't mean he's romantic. Anyone can spend money if they have it. I could think of many romantic scenarios and so could anyone else who has the finances. It becomes psychotic when it's overdone or the recipient doesn't want the gifts or no longer wants the gifts or there is some violent/hostile overtones if the gifts are perceived as not appreciated. I'm sure there's more examples but the point is, girls seem to think romance = $$$$. At least, that is the perception if a reader just stepped in and read the thread. It's also about 'gold digging' because the money is overvalued and that's all it's about. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/19/2008 1:09:48 PM | | although the gesture was sweet and very romantic he may be pushing the extreme. I think it was nice but maybe did a little too much...i wouldnt mind say, the brunch taken care of OR the gifts. but both of them and within 2 months maybe its a little much. i would feel there was no way to show my gratitude to a guy if he did all that at once for me. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/19/2008 5:21:47 PM | | I find it romantic. Although I would agree spending that much $$ on someone in that short of time is a lot. But like the other girl said, maybe he does have a job where $$ doesn't really apply. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/19/2008 7:05:54 PM | | Waaaaaaay creepy. Whole field of red flags to me. I totally agree with the op. | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/19/2008 7:21:20 PM | The wrong guy ... very Creepy
The right guy ... wonderfully romantic
I get it... I like it.
~Charmed~ | |
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| Romantic Guy or PSYCHOTIC?
Posted: 6/19/2008 7:43:19 PM | i agree with the poster Rohypnalguy...well said.
why is this perceived to be psychotic? if the 2 people involved mutually like each other, i would think this act of kindness would be a joyful thing.....
undoubtedly, he took alot of time & thought to put all of this together....he went out of his way to not only make her happy but her friends as well...quite impressive. what puzzles me is that first you stress that he's the subject of psychosis...then at the end, you imply that your friend "seems" to be into all the money he spends on her...
what is it that you're not saying?? (rhetoric) | |
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