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| past lovers becoming close friends.
Posted: 7/3/2008 5:30:45 PM | OP, yes it is possible.
I had a relationship with a woman for 5 years.
We split up simply because we weren't day to day compatible enough for things to work in the long run.
But, we also never wronged each other during the relationship.
We mutually decided to that to get married would be a mistake, and have remained in touch ans friends ever since. | |
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| past lovers becoming close friends
Posted: 7/6/2008 1:43:19 PM | becoming or staying friends, sure, it's possible. Living together? Probably looking for a big mess. You're going right back to the issues that are why you're not together any more in the first place. You'll probably end up sleeping together, and even if you don't, having other relationships for either of you will be almost impossible, probably any potentials will will run screaming. And last but most important, do you live in a state with commonlaw marraige? If so, in a few short months you'll be married.
You sound like a couple whe really just want to get into the swinger lifestyle and just don't communicate
Most people have trouble not falling into the ruts that broke their last relationship with a new love, much less moving back into a live in situation with the same person a second time without councelling | |
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| past lovers becoming close friends.
Posted: 7/6/2008 4:02:07 PM |
Does this work, especially if there is still a very very strong attraction on both sides, or is this just asking for a problem?
That's the part that I think would be difficult about co-habitating.... if you plan on being platonic....
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| past lovers becoming close friends.
Posted: 7/7/2008 11:58:18 AM | | Wow, what a tough question....I'd like to believe that I was good friends with all the women that have been my lovers, quite a few of them and I have remained friendly with and still speak with...sometimes even date...but I'd never allow things to ever get intimate again, we ended it once before for what must of been a compelling reason...esp. if she had some sort of self-destructive behavior....living with them????...that would be rough going | |
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| past lovers becoming close friends.
Posted: 7/7/2008 5:00:18 PM | | Yes, I have several very close friends who used to be past lovers, I am not a person who holds a grudge and those men had some wonderful qualitys that made me fall in love with them in the 1st place, just because for one reason or another we weren't able to sustain a long term committed relationship and/or marriage, doesn't mean they are still not great friends. There is only one person in my past whom I did not remain friends with and that was because he hurt other people besides myself and I could not forgive that..nor did I feel he was someone I wanted to be friends with..Living together I probably wouldn't want to, only as to not ruin any potential relationship I might find with someone else... | |
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| past lovers becoming close friends.
Posted: 7/7/2008 5:16:43 PM | lol. Sounds like you wanna but don't because you smell danger. Or at least see smoke.
I think that's looking for trouble and someone's gonna get a stick in the eye. Expecially if you're both single. | |
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| past lovers becoming close friends.
Posted: 7/7/2008 6:33:10 PM | | I have maintained "civilized" friendships with past lovers, but I wouldn't go so far as to say they are "close friends". From what I've seen, this type of "close" friendship only leads to a new person in one's life not feeling very comfortable about it. It's only human nature to wonder if anything else other than "friendship" might be going on from time to time but, if it works for some, who am I to say there's anything wrong with it - but some might call it "baggage". | |
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| past lovers becoming close friends.
Posted: 7/8/2008 9:52:13 AM | | If there is still an attraction I don't recommend it right away. When my boyfriend and I split , we did stay good friends and still are even after 3 years, but we found it very hard for the first year , when we seen each other . So we decided that maybe we shouldn't be as close as we were in the past. It makes it hard to move on when your still holding on to the past. But after we both started dating other people and had other intrest's it seemed to be a lot easier to be friends. But it can be done and I see no reason why mature grown people can not hold a friend ship after dating. | |
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| past lovers becoming close friends.
Posted: 7/8/2008 12:00:20 PM | | There is a past relationship one must acknowledge......whether it is comfortable or not.....this is the one involving the other parent of my children and it is one that must be respected...the marriage ending is not the fault of my children, and they must see that I still respect their mother, even tho I no longer love her....this is where it gets soooooo complicated.....I still love the fact that we made life together, part of me may even always love her because of the children....but I no longer love her or could ever again live with her. This is why I believe that I could only be with a divorced woman that has children of her own....she would understand my feelings and I wouldn't need to explain them to her every time the ex called. | |
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| past lovers becoming close friends.
Posted: 7/14/2008 11:50:30 PM | | ^^^^^^ If one has younger children, then dealing with their other parent frequently is a given; however, if the children are grown (38 & 34) and moved away, I see no reason for me to maintain frequent contact with their father. My children have developed their own relationships with their father which have nothing to do with me and they have relationships with me that have nothing to do with him. I have attended social functions, like family weddings, christenings, etc. where he and his current wife were in attendance - no problem with that, as we are all civilized adults. I don't, however, feel the need to phone him to discuss our children's lives and neither of us would presume to interfere in each other's lives in any way. If my ex were to call, I'd think someone had died. | |
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| past lovers becoming close friends.
Posted: 7/15/2008 4:54:46 AM | | yes its def possible..its a change in the mindset but it can be done..I personally do it myself...Idon't like negative feelings..much better to be friends then not speak | |
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| past lovers becoming close friends.
Posted: 7/16/2008 4:33:18 PM | yup it works
Messages this short may not be postedMessages this short may not be postedMessages this short may not be posted | |
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| past lovers becoming close friends.
Posted: 7/16/2008 6:16:39 PM | | I tried several times with someone in my past. We kept ending up in bed though, lol. I guess the attraction was/is too strong. We'd get back together and the same issues would come up and I'd break up. The last time I purposely distanced myself and was glad when he got a new gf. He made a point of letting me know he had one, but I didn't take the bait. He comes in to where I work occasionally and I am nice, but not warm. I know he'd like it if we got hooked up again (he's unattached), but I'm not going there. | |
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| past lovers becoming close friends.
Posted: 7/23/2008 7:42:50 AM | "Do you think it is possible for a mature man and a woman who were in a romantic relationship at one time , to become good platonic friends, if both are in agreement that this is something they both want?"
Yes. I have three male friends in this category ... and the friendships have lasted 22 yrs, 30 yrs, and 35 yrs. One married, one has a live-in girl friend, and one is currently single. What I have with these three particular men is worth keeping. | |
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| past lovers becoming close friends.
Posted: 7/23/2008 9:02:38 AM | past lovers being friends? yeah it can happen. should it happen. probably not. one of the things i try to live by is "i shall not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it". however treating people with kindness and respect is a whole lot different than friendship. i have few close friends because i take that relationship seriously too. if a real friend called me at 330 and i had to drive a hundred miles to help them with a serious problem, im there no questions asked. not sure i want or could maintain that level of connected ness with a person i once slept with but now am estragned from. seems like doing something on that line is like lighting a match in a fireworks ware house and hoping the sparks dont fly | |
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| past lovers becoming close friends.
Posted: 7/23/2008 12:50:21 PM | | I asked about this not long ago on a different site and people talked about emotional/mental adultery if one or both become involved with different people. Live with an ex? No...because you became ex's for a reason. If you were all that as a couple, you wouldn't have ended your relationship. If you are attracted and still free, no other SO's, then why not get back together and quit playing the field? It sounds like you are still want to be lovers - so go for it, get back together as a couple. | |
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| past lovers becoming close friends.
Posted: 7/24/2008 1:58:13 PM | I'm going thru this right now. My boyfriend moved in with me in January of this year. We had been dating off an on for 10 months. He moved in because of necessity for him, I was there for him.
I care for him alot, we knew eachother 30 years ago in high school, ran into him again after all that time after my husband left me a year ealier. I had been married for 25 years...had never even kissed another man...
So, this being my first relationship after my marriage and with someone familiar...was good. The intimacy was awesome for me...however, he didn't want to be in a "serious" relationship...
We talked a couple of weeks ago, (finally) about our sitch...I told him he could either move out, we stay friends, or he could stay and we'd not have a romantic relationship. He liked that idea...for now.
It's been tricky for me. I'm a lover, emotional caring person. He knows that and feels I care too much 
I believe he's trying to get to know someone else, I'm trying to keep rational thoughts...it's the best way. You can't make someone love you...doesn't work. He told me he loves me...I think he's confused... no shit...lol.
I'm trying to make it work, he doesn't want to move out...I don't think I'll be able to date anyone else with him living there...but, after 27 years with the same person (my ex) I don't think I necessarily need to be in "serious" relationship either...I probably did fall for him...why wouldn't I?
So, here I am....it's weird...it's great....it's hard....it's nice....so many different things.
Strongsagg | |
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| past lovers becoming close friends.
Posted: 7/24/2008 9:27:59 PM | Yes, I've absolutely been able to maintain a very close and caring friendship with an ex-lover or two. There's no reason not to be friends, when you've shared so much with a person, if both people are interested in being friends.
As for becoming roomies with them.....no, I don't think that would be wise. | |
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| past lovers becoming close friends.
Posted: 7/27/2008 10:44:02 AM | It is possible... I was married for 10 years, and ex-husband and I are friends now, we have our disagreements time in time, but for the most part I can count on him as a friend... Just today I called him to let him know I'm going through a tough time -I moved 5 months from my hometown to USA- and as I expected the only I got from him was support, comfort and care....  | |
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| past lovers becoming close friends.
Posted: 10/21/2008 7:46:03 AM | | thank you breath! I have 2 very close friends that were once lovers several years ago. We have relationships because we see things in each other that draw us together, and those things don't change. Just because the 'romantic phase' didn't last does not mean that either person is bad or did something rotten. I can't imagine NOT having these men as friends today. Over these last years they have been an incredible source of support, advice and encouragement precisely because they know me so well. And visa versa. And I will tell any man I date right from the get-go if the conversation presents itself. I live in a small town and it would be wrong and hurtful for a man I date to find out from anyone besides me. But friends with benefits? No, I'm just not temperamentally suited to go there, but that's just me. | |
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| past lovers becoming close friends.
Posted: 10/21/2008 8:07:32 AM | | I'm still friends with MOST of the men I have been with, I value their opinions and feel blessed to have had them in my life...just cause we aren't a *couple doesn't make the basis of the friendship nonexistent...however I hate when someone betrays you and then feels they can under the guise of *friendship use it as a way to reconnect to you...that one doesn't sit to well. Honesty goes a long way with me. | |
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| past lovers becoming close friends.
Posted: 10/21/2008 9:26:27 AM | There's been more than one occasion where I've been dating someone and I get a call from an old friend that happens to be female. Invariably the question comes up if I ever slept with that female friend. As long as the answer is no there's been no problem. But I can't imagine telling a new girlfriend I'm living with an ex-lover, but now it's strictly platonic. I wouldn't want to be saying it and I wouldn't want to be hearing it.
If you couldn't make it when you had all the passion and feelings going at full tilt, why hang on for the little bits that did work? I think it just sabotages your future. I've met several women that had part of their emotional needs taken care of by a past lover. What they don't seem to realize is that it steals a very large part of themselves and the next guy is supposed to fall for what's left. It's a prescription for failure, in my humble opinion. | |
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| past lovers becoming close friends.
Posted: 10/21/2008 10:32:33 AM | I have an interesting update to this thread.
I live in an area that was especially hard hit by Hurricane Ike, so I spent over a month at my little place in the country. Now, when I say "little" I mean just over 900 sq. feet. But, thanks to a generator that runs the house, I had electricity, a/c, water, and a safe shelter. While talking to one of my past romantic interests on the cell, I found out he was in a terrible situation, so I invited him to join me in the country. He asked if he could bring one of his friends (a woman).
Within 2 days, I had 8 people and my two big dogs living in very confined quarters. Almost everyone there had been involved romantically with one or more people at some time or another. Not only did we do just fine, we got along very well. We all pitched in to make the whole thing work, and there was no quibbling, hurt feelings, or bringing up the past except for recounting funny episodes.
The one good thing that came out of the disaster from the hurricane was the opportunity to make new friends. After living together for a month in a stressful stituation, I think I could live with any of them indefinately. | |
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