| Guys, how would you recommend I answer this question?
Posted: 6/18/2008 9:21:35 PM |
The thing that is shocking to me the most is when guys are offended that I will not give them a free massage. The date seems to be over for the both of us, they walk away offended and I'm left thinking.. wow, that's all I'm worth?
No, that's now all that you're worth. This isn't a reflection of you, this is a reflection of the guy. A decent guy wouldn't even consider asking something like that. So in a way, the guy's reaction to what you do for a living is a very quick sign as to what kind of person they are, and what they are really looking for.
If you don't like that angle, though, and these are guys you are meeting on here, just point out in your profile what you do, and if they ask for a free massage or suggest a sexual connection with what you do for a living, the date will be over immediately. | |
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| Guys, how would you recommend I answer this question?
Posted: 6/18/2008 9:55:59 PM | I'm happy to see that the overwhelming majority of posters told you not to lie....I agree....Also, never be shy about answering the question when someone asks about your profession. As far as I'm concerned, it's natural interest.....If I ask someone what they do for a living, it is usually because of something he says in our conversation. I'm interested. And, if he deflected the question, especially with some "clever" remarks, that would set some Red Flags in motion for me.
Nobody has yet suggested the answer I thought of...when he asks you when he's going to get his massage....Have you considered telling him, "When we're in a committed relationship".
That might just stop him dead in his tracks!.
  
Just my thought.
KK
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| Guys, how would you recommend I answer this question?
Posted: 6/18/2008 10:15:44 PM | | I would say that you are a REGISTERED Message Therapist. That should set them straight (as opposed to the other kind). It's bad too when your NOT a message therapist and if you're getting busy with a guy and he asks for a message. Guys, I'm here for love not to work... asking me to give you a message or scratch your back is a huge turn off! Never ask a girl to do that unless you've been dating a long time. If she wants to do that, she'll offer. | |
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| Guys, how would you recommend I answer this question?
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:23:39 AM | Everyone's advice is awesome! I do love what I do and I have mentioned for a few that I was running a special. However, I do not like to mix business with pleasure, I'm actually pretty firm about that. When I'm dealing with a client and I'm asked if I am with someone, I usually change the subject to their muscles and what is going on. If this sort of questioning is persisted and it is made clear that they are interested, I have stated that I do not mix my business with pleasure and give them the option of either dating and seeing another therapist or we would date. That has only happened twice and they chose to continue the professional relationship. Dating is personal and I'm new to being single and being a Therapist at the same time. I do thank everyone for their honest and straight up answers. Know this, I love what I do and I'm quite passionate about it! So, lying about it is not the answer. However, if someone can not respect me for what I do then it is their issue not mine.
One thing, someone out there suggested for me to go ahead and give a free massage after a day of work. Hmm, no. Understand, when I'm working on a person, I'm totally into their muscle, what's going on, talking to the body, etc. However, I do not engage on a personal level. It can be draining sometimes. So, if I was to attempt that on a date, you would see a very different side to me that only clients see. This would be awkward for both myself and the person that I'm with and chances are I would not see you again after that. I do agree with another poster, a dinner just doesn't compare to a $100 massage, sorry. I do have bills to pay like everyone else and the cost of having a business. Nothing is free in this world. Also, after a day of work, my body needs to regenerate for at least 12 hours before another day. So, If I do give a massage at night then have to give a couple of deep tissue work the next day, I will be shot and the paying client would not get what they deserve. Also, I do have a guy friend that is a pro/amateur cyclist and I did give him massages in exchange for dinners and just hanging out. This stopped one day when I was unavailable and he went and PAID regular price with someone else because he needed the bodywork. Is that fair? This was a friend, so if they are willing to pay for it with someone else, then they can pay for it with me. ;) Cheers. | |
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| Guys, how would you recommend I answer this question?
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:43:21 AM |
Lie about what I do
NEVER lie on a date! You're just getting off on the wrong foot and it could be a source of mistrust later if you continue seeing the person.
That being said, I don't think that these guys are trying to get freebies from you. It sounds more like they're just tossing out a a real cheese doodle of a flirt and trying to move the conversation towards an area that they perceive as more exciting and sexually charged.
At this point you have to take control of where the conversation is going and aim it 1 of 2 directions:
1. AUTO DESTRUCT! If you're not into this guy then I agree with 90% of the other posters here. Put out some boring reply like "sorry I'm booked", or "You can call my secretary and schedule an appointment; its $n / hr", or "This is my job; I'm not a charity" and impliment your escape and evasion plan ASAP.
2. Deflect it with some clever wit. If by some chance you're liking this guy and want to move the date forward without filling your day planner then say something like "It's my job; I don't mix business with pleasure"
Be advised: any guy that does this is lacking class and needs to grow up so lean towards option 1. | |
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| Guys, how would you recommend I answer this question?
Posted: 6/19/2008 12:11:06 PM | I agree -- Never Lie. It will come back and haunt you, but you might tell them that you do deep tissue therapy -- same thing, but different wording.
I have a different profession -- taxes but when somone tries to get me to do their taxes, I give them the option of becoming a client or remaining in a personal relationship. I make it a policy to never date clients. I like the idea of telling them to call on Monday for an appointment. | |
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| Guys, how would you recommend I answer this question?
Posted: 6/19/2008 12:16:08 PM | I'm a male escort and it really bugs me when girls try to get the next date for free because they think they know me now and have my phone number. It's rediculous...
So...I hand them the company business card and say I'd love to "give you a massage".
 Hope you can read between the lines there.. Xo~D'Lo! | |
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| Guys, how would you recommend I answer this question?
Posted: 6/19/2008 4:59:08 PM | No offense, but my advice is suck it up and get over it. I've got female friends who pull this card on me. And my requests are totally harmless. I suffer from chronic neck and shoulder pain and being that these people are friends of mine and not just random people I've talked to once, I find it rather lame and selfish not to help a friend out. I'd help them out if the situation were reversed.
As far as dating somebody who does such work, I wouldn't hit them up for a massage on the first date or anything. But after a few hangouts if things are going well, I don't see anything wrong with it.
It's no different in being in a band and having a girl ask you to serenade her or play her a song. It doesn't matter if I'm getting paid to do it elsewhere, I'm not going to charge her to hear me play her a song. That would be stupid.
If you're going to get that bent out of shape about not getting paid for it, you obviously don't enjoy what you do for a living. In which case, you should probably find another profession. | |
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| Guys, how would you recommend I answer this question?
Posted: 6/19/2008 5:08:24 PM | yeah, pretty cheesy lines alright
I have a good friend who is a massage therapist, she used to get that all the time.
Till she quit dating, that is...haha
Well, 'Kimbo is an accomplished woodworker, and so far, no one has ever asked me to come and replace their screen door on the first date.....
of course, if I get to know someone, Then they ask.
guess it's the handy baztard theory....
I think it would be pretty hard to get advice out of a lawyer for free
Work is something we do...and hopefully enjoy and it enriches our lives and those around us.....but, it is not who we are. This culture is big on identifying others on what they 'do'
you'll be ok
peace
~~~~~~~~~~~
Kimbo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |
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| Guys, how would you recommend I answer this question?
Posted: 6/19/2008 10:47:02 PM | | I'm amazed at the responses that think it's ok for the OP to just suck it up and massage these guys... Holy F...ing cow!! This is her JOB.. it is hard work. I'd love to ask these guys to add an extension on my house.. and I'm not paying, repair my teeth.. and I'm not paying, fix my car.. and I'm not paying, invest my money.. and I'm not paying. Get the hint!!!! Work is work. If you want a massage make an appointment and pay for it... End of story. | |
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| Guys, how would you recommend I answer this question?
Posted: 6/20/2008 4:45:45 AM | Well the guys that are meeting you from online should probably already know that you're a massage therapist - so you can simply let them know beforehand, no freebies.
I think most people, males or females who are dating a massage therapist would think it's a perk that goes with dating a MT.
I'm sure if you DO really like someone that you meet, you'd give them a massage wouldn't you? I can understand if anyone and everyone is asking you for a massage and you don't want to do it. I can also understand if it's a first date and they're trying to get a massage out of you and you're not "feeling it" as far as a dating vibe goes. But if you've been going on some dates and a guy asks for a massage, you're seriously going to tell them to make an appointment and pay for it? Who does that?
Personally I think it's absurd to expect someone you're dating to pay for a massage. I went to a massage therapist before and I thought it was absurd she was charging me she gave me such a shit massage - it was a glorified backrub. My uncle who is a massage therapist said, "beware of the buff and fluff."
I guess you could always give them a shitty massage if you didn't like them lol
I had a girlfriend who did some massage, but it was more a Swedish massage with her esthetics business, but she would try to do the deep tissue stuff sometimes on me. I wouldn't demand a massage from her - like it was my God given right to have one any time I wanted it because we were dating - but she knew if I asked for one, it was becasue I truly was hurting and I needed relief. It was a once a month thing if that. | |
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| Guys, how would you recommend I answer this question?
Posted: 6/20/2008 8:06:56 AM | yuck,who would want a pretty women,and a stranger at that to rub all over their body? okay,here is the deal,tell them flat out,what you do,that this is a date,and just like his job,it stays at the job.you are here to have fun,and if it starts,date over.but honestly,you are 40,i cannot imagine too many men in that age bracket acting that way.are you dating younger men?those ones you describe sound a little immature,and something like giving back rubs is what you do on down the road(on each other).but don't feel bad,i have been hooking up with loser women lately,thats just what its all about,finding a compatible person.good luck friend.  | |
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| Guys, how would you recommend I answer this question?
Posted: 6/20/2008 8:07:57 AM | | Imagine being a chef. Everywhere you go, people need to eat.And they always expect me to bring some fabulous culinary delight when everyone else brings store bought rolls. I feel your pain, sweetie...maybe you could get that kink out of my neck in trade for a mocha marble mousse cake ;) | |
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| Guys, how would you recommend I answer this question?
Posted: 6/20/2008 8:25:35 AM |
From just looking at profiles, I'd say there seem to be a disproportionate number of "massage therapists" around here at POF. I just assumed it was code for something else.
Huh?? Massage Therapist is a perfectly respectable profession. There's no need to assume it's anything but that.
Since typical run-of-the-mill jobs don't involve rubbing nekkid people (even if they're not totally that way), perhaps something about it should be addressed in the profile rather than just hoping nobody notices, or pretending that it's just like any other job people do. If you don't bring it up, it just hangs there and you'll eventually have to deal with it when he brings it up.
You act like she'd have to be ashamed or embarrassed about her job just because some people have filthy minds? Please help me understand this type of mindset. I'm truly puzzled...
N. | |
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| Guys, how would you recommend I answer this question?
Posted: 6/20/2008 9:54:45 AM | | I was a massage thetapist before changing my career. I had bfs that asked for massages when I got home from WORK. I told them that if they wanted a massage I can recomment someone. They understood. This job was a lot of work and that LAST thing I wanted to do was WORK when I got home. It is physically draining. So, I suggest to people who want their bf/gf to massage them after work ..or even off hours, try massaging all day, come home exhausted and have someone ask you to work on them. Then you'll understand. | |
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| Guys, how would you recommend I answer this question?
Posted: 6/20/2008 11:27:30 AM | I am a massage therapist as well and when the topic is discussed I state that I am one but also have another job. Typically if they ask for one they are joking, when they aren't joking I simply ask them do they do their job for free? I need to get paid just the same as everyone else.
best of luck
steve | |
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| Guys, how would you recommend I answer this question?
Posted: 6/20/2008 12:59:05 PM | I agree with the first poster to answer. These guys are cheese balls. I have talked to a few massage therapist on POF and I never once asked or even thought about any of them giving me a massage. If you were a cashier at a store would they expect free groceries?
I would tell these guys where you work and that they need to make an appointment.
I think if I was with someone that did that for a living, the last thing I would do is ask them to massage me at home. Same as a hair stylist, I would go to where she works and get a hair cut if I was wanting her to cut my hair. | |
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