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| Scared of falling in love
Posted: 10/13/2008 8:40:06 PM | | OP - You cant let the fear of striking out stop you from playing the game!! If Love comes knocking on your door you should embrace it! Good luck | |
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| Scared of falling in love
Posted: 10/13/2008 8:53:28 PM | And yet you're on a dating site and already have the answers.
Should I seek some counselling or read some self help books. I would like another relationship, but I also know it would not be fair to men if I were to persue one now, when I don't feel I can give myself totally to anyone. | |
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| Scared of falling in love
Posted: 10/13/2008 8:58:46 PM | | OP, My opinion is to learn to love yourself and enjoy your freedom to rediscover who you are. Whem the time is right for you and you get to a point where you want to begin to try again you will know it. I came out of a 15 year marriage and decided to go it alone for a while and raise my kids till they were older, and here I am 7 years later, they are both away at school. I am at the point where I am ready to give it a go again. 7 years may seem like a long time but, I got to the point where I know I don't NEED someone else in my life, but rather I WANT someone in my life. There is a difference. | |
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| Scared of falling in love
Posted: 10/13/2008 9:25:49 PM | | OP I went through this many years ago. It was not until I was content being alone was I able to risk a relationship. If I find the right guy ... awesome, if I dont I am ok with that. | |
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| Scared of falling in love
Posted: 10/14/2008 2:11:22 AM | Hi there
I have been in this exact situation, my last relationship lasted 5 yrs and i was really hurt. At first i was confused and i started to search for someone else to replace the void i felt. I found myself anxious when it went past a 2nd date and scared of letting anyone close. I found myself responding to people who liked me even though i wasnt in to them.
I finally realised that i was getting nowhere and i stopped looking and stopped dating. I needed time to be me. It was hard to stop looking at first. But when i did i started to move on and look at men with fresh eyes that didnt judge or mistrust them.
Although i havent begun seeing anyone else i feel more together now and sure of what i can bring to the table in a relationship.
I am now beginning to fancy other guys and respect myself enough to take things slowly and get to know someone. I find i am scared of falling in love but mostly of the other person not feeling the same because i am vulnerable to being hurt again.
I think trust and being with someone else will happen in time and it is true that if you stop looking you will find.
Thats where these sites can be tricky.. but there is nothing wrong to stricking up conversations and finding men that are genuine and have things in common.
I myself am having counselling but mainly because my confidence was wrecked after a very turbulent relationship but i think allow yourself enough time to heal and you will no longer be scared of falling in love it will be an added bonus at the end of meeting someone that you get along with.
Good luck xx | |
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| Scared of falling in love
Posted: 10/14/2008 4:49:49 AM | I know exactly where you are. I have been in the same situation twice before in my life and that hopelessness always ends. The things I have endured in my short little life with men!!
After my last relationship I decided to take a break and re-analyze my choice and criteria for dating. Just the thought of dating again made me physically and mentally sick - no kidding. I even stopped going to parties alone because I did not want to seem available and told all men who asked me out that I had a 'boyfriend'. Now more than two years down the line, after thinking that I will be alone forever and never learn to love again....it happened.
One day I woke up and all the fear, resentment and anxiety I held in my heart just evaporated. Just like that!! I knew then, in my heart that I was ready for love again and it feels great. I knew that if I tried to have a relationship before now it would surly be a disaster because I JUST WAS NOT READY. Maybe it will just take some time for that to happen for you again and it will. Just be patient...you can't force your heart even if you want to. It will happen when you are ready. Things will be OK. | |
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| Scared of falling in love
Posted: 10/14/2008 6:40:25 AM | | If I could suggest not thinking in the terms of "scared",,,as a man,yes,,just as women alos have experineced what your refering to,,,one should never fear life,love or a quaility relationship,,,yes,,,everyone who has ever lived ,even from cave man/woman eara ( some even to this centry,,,,wc) experienced pains of the heart,,,just apporach romance,the beauty of life with an educated,smart aspect,,,like entering the water to swim,,,sometimes just plunge right in,or tip toe,,,each person you meet,,,is always different,,,if you let the past haunt you,,your going to keep reliving it when it may not be reality to the person now in your life,,,trust,respect,communication an equaly ,mutal aspect,,,if that is given and not returned 115% than you should be suspect,,,as for giving yourself fully,,,right,wrong or indeferent,,,all one can say its your decision only ,,it is you that has to be happy with your choice,,,not let others judge you,,,your the one who lives with your choices,they do not,,,have a great day,,,Dave:) | |
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| Scared of falling in love
Posted: 10/14/2008 9:25:28 AM | Being scared is human but part of the human experience is to learn , keep going and take a chance and yes risking hurt again... You cant live in fear.... Its kind of like saying, "hey I rode a bike and fell off an few time and skinned my knees it hurt awful bad therefore, Im not getting back on that bike even tho I love to ride it!"
When a person gets burned in a relationship they may want to consider the following
- take time out for you...reevaluate what happened and learn from any mistake made then enjoy time with yourself ( not rebounding or being needy)- Don't rush into the next relationship
- realize that every person is an individual so don't assume that since one man/woman hurt you that the next will...
With each subsequent relationship ...love better love smarter... No guranteees but there are none in life anyway, right? | |
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| Scared of falling in love
Posted: 10/14/2008 9:46:11 AM | | Op, you're not alone. Anyone who has been in love and has had the relationship end, feels the same way. Personally, I look at it as a bump in the road to finding true happiness. If it fails, then it was not meant to be. Learn from it, and move on. But, don't give up on it. We all need to have that special someone, whether we like to admit it or not. Those that deny this are only lying to themselves. | |
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| Scared of falling in love
Posted: 10/14/2008 12:16:29 PM | | You sound like me! lol Maybe it's because we fall in love so hard? I dunno. I hardly ever meet someone i really like but when i do i seem to fall totally in love. Like you i have been hurt many times but for many different reasons. But it's just a matter or choosing to be single and lonely all our lives or to just keep trying and letting go and hopefully oneday we'll meet a good guy who won't break our hearts the way the others have! My advice would be to take it slow, as slow as you possibly can and be sure before you give your heart away too easily. | |
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| Scared of falling in love
Posted: 10/14/2008 5:53:42 PM | Here is a quote that kept me strong when I moved out on my own -----
"Failure is only the opportunity to begin again, only this time more wisely."
~ Henry Ford | |
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| Scared of falling in love
Posted: 10/15/2008 10:43:36 PM | | trust is earned.. if theyre worth it and for real.. they wont give up until they get your trust so i'll say dont force yourself to trust, you might just lead for another heartache... kinda sucks but you have to be tough for yourself because it will be your heart that will be ripped into pieces | |
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| Scared of falling in love
Posted: 10/16/2008 12:41:49 AM | | I find that in situations like you described, it's best to just concentrate on living your life the best you can. One of the people I gave this advice to did just that and before she knew it, she was getting married! It just happened without her even trying. The right one came along at just the right time and she wasn't even looking. | |
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| Scared of falling in love
Posted: 10/16/2008 12:59:50 AM | Forget books, and counseling. You should either buck up, and live life despite any fears you have...or roll over, and die.
There are two types of damned fools in this world...the type who trust everyone, and the type who trusts no one. I am not either type of fool; because I am no fool. I trust those who are trustworthy, and dis-trust those who are not trustworthy. Apply logic-rather than emotion-and you will quickly learn to tell who is what, trustworthiness wise. Chuck the fantasies-life dreams, soap opera scripts, romance novel plots, etc-and live in the real world. Do not try to impress your unrealistic expectations onto other people's psyches. Examine people, and their possible motives. Take baby steps in forming new relationships. Don't plan your wedding, and then meet a guy you like, and then try to make him fit some Prince Charming mold you've concocted. | |
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| Scared of falling in love
Posted: 10/17/2008 2:13:59 PM | hi,know exactly what you mean.ive had two failed marriages,my first husband ran off with my best friend,and my second husband was abusive both physically and mentally.i think when you have been in a few failed relationships,it makes you very wary.
i also think you get to know what your weaknesses are,and your very aware of them,which makes you worry that you will pick the wrong man again.
having said all that,you also have to move on,and try to remember,the best apples are always at the top of the tree,and in order to get to them you have to pick a few of the bad ones. | |
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| Scared of falling in love
Posted: 10/17/2008 8:28:12 PM | | I know I am. The main reason is it is hard to trust people and since I am a straight man I can say this about women, but believe me I feel like that about people in general. So for now I am ok being single and being a dad. If I do meet "the" woman down the road, hey bonus, and if not, I am ok being single. I just try to not worry about it. | |
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| Scared of falling in love
Posted: 10/18/2008 1:55:34 AM | i know where your coming from i made some wrong choices in my life but it wasnt until i decided to be single even though i didnt want to be i needed to find out what i wanted in life what type of man i wanted in my life even though i waited 4 years to find theman im with now hes everything ive ever wanted in a man hes kind patient funny and very loving and makes me believe in dreams coming true hes also my best friend he was in school also so dont give up i believe there is someone for everyone decide what you want in a man and you will find him he maybe closer then you think until then take care of yourself until then as for trusting and overcoming the fear of getting into another relationship i prayed to God to show me the signs and to give me the strength to trust and overcome any fears of being hurt again | |
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| Scared of falling in love
Posted: 10/18/2008 5:57:18 AM | Kelisoul.. I couldn't have said it better my self.
After being thrown back in the pond a few times one is nearly broken.
For so long I held back emotionally and when you do feel you are ready to open up with someone poof they are gone.
Like you I have lost too many pieces of my heart to try and let it happen again.
It has all happened to me on a dating site so I do not have too much faith in these things, Will I ever love again? time will tell. | |
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