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| 11th man theory ... what is your opinion??
Posted: 6/20/2008 6:23:46 AM | | It works the same way for women too...it's the mystery of it all...like,why isn't that guy fawning all over me too?...I feel that guys who fawn all over females,will fawn all over every female,so to me, it signals trouble...in other words,they are looking to find a woman who returns their signals just to get lucky and some are really a pain and you can't get rid of them...they hone in on you and surround you so that you have no options...it's a kind of neediness and urgency that turns me off...no different than women who are all over guys...I don't agree that women don't want to be nice...that's the trouble,if you are nice you can't get rid of them. AND usually they are the real slobs and unsavoury characters who hover and keep bugging you...so,sometimes,you are better off not being nice or at least keep your cool...stop picking on women for gosh sakes,men are no different... | |
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| 11th man theory ... what is your opinion??
Posted: 6/20/2008 6:31:12 AM |
Attraction is not a choice.
Yes it most certainly is, at least it can be, and should be if you have any character about you. I have seen many women fall into regret because they accepted instead of chose.
We don't certainly aren't always attracted to those who are best for us.
This is where you have to change your own mindset. You can be attracted to those that are best for you. We all have the ability to choose. | |
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| 11th man theory ... what is your opinion??
Posted: 6/20/2008 6:41:57 AM | | It works that way in online dating too. Guys who try too hard and chase too much tend to appear desperate and drive women away. It's the ones who are casual and cool and don't seem to care whether you write back or not that are attractive, because they appear confident. Also, it's human nature to want what you can't have. :) | |
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| 11th man theory ... what is your opinion??
Posted: 6/20/2008 6:42:52 AM | | Ha, if I had 10 guys buying me drinks, I wouldn't be able to chase after guy number 11, because I wouldn't be able to sit upright, let alone walk! | |
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| 12th man...
Posted: 6/20/2008 6:54:09 AM | | Bob, Ive seen it many times a guy like your self who gets the woman, he is genuine, confident and his smile lights a woman up and not necessarily a good looking man either. Not only that men like him as well. He's a different kind of Bab Boy. | |
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| 11th man theory ... what is your opinion??
Posted: 6/20/2008 6:59:33 AM |
Yes it most certainly is, at least it can be, and should be if you have any character about you. I have seen many women fall into regret because they accepted instead of chose.
You cannot choose who you are attracted to, you can only choose not to date them if they're not good for you. That's the reason we have brains...they counteract the animal magnetism stuff. But what turns you on about a guy is what it is. Guys don't like this because it makes them feel helpless to control the situation, but it's pretty much the way it goes.
This is where you have to change your own mindset. You can be attracted to those that are best for you. We all have the ability to choose.
You can choose who is the best for you, but you cannot choose how attracted you are to that person. It's plain luck if you can find both at once. | |
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| 11th man theory ... what is your opinion??
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:24:53 AM |
But what turns you on about a guy is what it is.
And you just accept that? I know that I have changed quite a few things that I find attractive in women. Character being my main point. I don’t believe in luck or chance. | |
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| 11th man theory ... what is your opinion??
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:26:17 AM | 11th man theory?
Simple.
It's a theory and not carved into stone.
As far is "changing a mind set"....those words that roll so easily over the tongue and flow, like melted butter, out the lips.......
Ahhhaa, nice thought but if I have my "mind set" as to who I want to share my life with, I ain't gonna up and change it.
Women do not come off an assembly line.
We are not all the same.......same for men.
I'm not simple and I can't just be "figured out", to see how I "work".......there is no manual, OK?
 if guys did figure women out;
where would all the intrigue and mystery go?
Probably the same place the men would go.....
out the window cause it would scare the crap out of most.
It all started with the extra rib. 
Maybe the 11th guy was the guy not over thinking and ananlyzing every tiny thing.
I was sitting, with my friends, in a restaurant.
Food came, we had no ketchup.....glanced around and saw ketchup at a near table.
I leaned over and ask if we could use his .......
A. Did that sentence mean I wanted the ketchup?
B. Did that mean I wanted him?
C. All of the above?
 He chose C.
And brought it and himself, over to our table, and joined us.
Sometimes, it's just about the ketchup. 
ceeceekitty
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| 11th man theory ... what is your opinion??
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:36:06 AM |
if guys did figure women out;
where would all the intrigue and mystery go?
??? Sorry, I am not seeing it.
No assembly line huh? Hmm……LOL, I am not sure how to respond to that one. | |
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| 11th man theory ... what is your opinion??
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:38:54 AM | DJChickie401 on 6/20/2008 2 06 PM
Subject: 11th man theory ... what is your opinion??
Message: ^^^Exactly.
Suggest you read the OP again - you missed the point of what was being written.
"Ten men all over a woman and one comes in and ignores her", was the statement, "why does the woman go for the 11th man"? that was the question.
Everyone is allowed to work out for themselves why or what they think the 11th man is doing its not an argument its a discussion me thinks. XX | |
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| 11th man theory ... what is your opinion??
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:41:33 AM | And you just accept that? I know that I have changed quite a few things that I find attractive in women. Character being my main point. I don’t believe in luck or chance.
LOL...I can't do much else. You cannot actively change what you are physically attracted to. That may change over the years based on who you are and where you are in life, but it's still not something you have any control over.
Example: I almost always like long haired men - however I might see a short haired man or bald man and find him attractive. Why? Who knows. It just is. He may be a better guy for me than a longhair tho - and I can choose to be bothered or not, but my attraction is not something I can predict, or control. It never was. I react to the people I react to.
Character is something you measure and choose - but being in the same room with a woman and finding her physically attractive is not a choice. If you mean attractive in the sense that you admire or respect something she DOES, then that's a different definition. It's still not totally controllable tho.
If it was why would crazy, sicko, drama queens be attractive to men? They could simply choose not to be attracted - instead of saying stuff like "yeah she's no good for me AT ALL, but I can't help chasing her around". It's chemistry. | |
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| 11th man theory ... what is your opinion??
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:41:41 AM | I've never heard it called the 11th man theory, but I know it is completely true. Think about it, if a complete stranger is doing even the smallest "nice" things for a girl, she is going to assume he just wants to get laid or whatever (you can thank overly paranoid parents and crazy women for that belief being instilled). Whereas if you just say hi, then go back to whatever you're doing (talking to friends, chilling with a beer, etc.), you come across not as being disinterested, but rather someone who is not desperate or crazy.
Plus, you got the whole challenge thing, which most girls love. A guy who gives it all up from the beginning is no challenge to her, and quickly becomes boring and like "all the others". By doing something different, you can assert that you are in control of your emotions and are mature enough to deal with her. | |
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| 11th man theory ... what is your opinion??
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:48:43 AM | | Pride and a competitive spirit lies at the heart of this issue. Women are competitive and this kind of man lets her hone and practice her feminine wiles. She has to prove it to herself more than to anyone else. Just my humble opinion | |
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| 11th man theory ... what is your opinion??
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:49:16 AM |
now theres a man paying attention!!!!!!!!! lol
I'm sorry did you say something? Hey why don't we get away from all these creeps and go somewhere quite so we can talk. You like coffee? | |
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| 11th man theory ... what is your opinion??
Posted: 6/20/2008 8:04:16 AM |
and I can choose to be bothered or not, but my attraction is not something I can predict, or control. It never was. I react to the people I react to.
That is my whole point, it can be controlled.
Ok, 11th man theory. Let’s freeze the situation. Now think about it. What actually happened? Who are the men? Is that 11th man the player, and the rest are horn dogs? Who was the first man?
By and large, men are cowards. I have not been to a bar in a very long time, but I do recall a situation that is close to this theory. I walked over and started to talk with a woman. Other men, seeing me talk with a woman that they have been wanking over decide that they are now courageous and show up like a herd of sheep bahing at her feet. This gets funny. I looked at them, look at her, then walk away. Those other ‘9’ guys, having lost their courage because they were standing up alone, scattered like roaches. It was one of the funniest things that I had ever seen. Wait, I guess that that wouldn’t have been an 11th man story, but it was close.
If it was why would crazy, sicko, drama queens be attractive to men? They could simply choose not to be attracted - instead of saying stuff like "yeah she's no good for me AT ALL, but I can't help chasing her around". It's chemistry.
That is not chemistry. Like I said, men are cowards, but, they want to be heroic. So the drama queen is where they think that they can be a hero, at least in some fashion. I hope that you are not attracted to men like that. From your posts you do not seem to be the drama queen type. | |
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| 11th man theory ... what is your opinion??
Posted: 6/20/2008 8:06:27 AM | | It works both ways. A man can have a great girl that loves him, would never lie to him or cheat but he remains obsessed with the Ex that treated him like garbage. | |
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| 11th man theory ... what is your opinion??
Posted: 6/20/2008 8:13:29 AM | | Heaven puts a high price on that which is most hard to obtain. Without desire, there can be no satisfaction. The old carrot on a stick routine. Works like a charm. | |
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| 11th man theory ... what is your opinion??
Posted: 6/20/2008 8:18:52 AM | So the 11th guy walks in and stands out.
He carried himself different and brought with him;
confidence and manners.
That would get my attention.......
if he were alone and had, no left handed ring or tan line on his ring finger......
Then I might send him over a drink and have the waitress/waiter, that I said to, "Have a nice evening".
Now I might have her to say; he's the 11th guy to walk in and I noticed.
If I ever go to a bar again.
Cheers.
ceeceekitty
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| 11th man theory ... what is your opinion??
Posted: 6/20/2008 9:12:12 AM |
That is my whole point, it can be controlled.
Ok then we're talking about two different types of attraction then. I was talking the purely visceral physical type of chemistry, where you and another person just react to one another previous to knowing anything solid about each other. From there, all is choice, obviously - but that attraction or draw to that other person isn't voluntary - what you DO about that IS your choice.
Ok, 11th man theory. Let’s freeze the situation. Now think about it. What actually happened? Who are the men? Is that 11th man the player, and the rest are horn dogs? Who was the first man?
I like to people watch generally, but I don't really care THAT MUCH who any of them are. I've been in bars, clubs, nightlife venues for years, so I go by the vibe I get. I don't react well to someone who's trying to get some sort of reaction out of me...and for me anyway, it's real easy to pick up on when it happens.
By and large, men are cowards. I have not been to a bar in a very long time, but I do recall a situation that is close to this theory. I walked over and started to talk with a woman. Other men, seeing me talk with a woman that they have been wanking over decide that they are now courageous and show up like a herd of sheep bahing at her feet. This gets funny. I looked at them, look at her, then walk away. Those other ‘9’ guys, having lost their courage because they were standing up alone, scattered like roaches. It was one of the funniest things that I had ever seen. Wait, I guess that that wouldn’t have been an 11th man story, but it was close.
Sure, they are to some extent cowards. And yes, just like a dance floor needs one or two brave people to get on it before the crowd follows, yes most of them are sheep in the sense that once they see a woman allow an approach, they want in - because they now know they can approach, and because (of course) they don't want to see someone else get what they've been to freaked out to go after.
That is not chemistry. Like I said, men are cowards, but, they want to be heroic. So the drama queen is where they think that they can be a hero, at least in some fashion. I hope that you are not attracted to men like that. From your posts you do not seem to be the drama queen type.
Well you can like someone but know not to go there - some don't have a whole lot of control on where their homones take em. For those people, that is chemistry - mixed with an extreme LACK of self control or common sense (or both).
Put it this way - do I want to date a homeless man? No. But I may pass one on the street and pick up on phermones I can't help but tune into - and I may therefore be into to him. THAT's attraction. What I do WITH that attraction, which is probably to stoicly keep walking is my choice - but if my hormones jump over someone, well, they just do. I got no say in that.
I've been attracted to bad boys, really good guys, drama kings, married men and emotionally unavailable men...but from those men I have only dated those that would be in my best interest to date (if I felt like dating anyone at all, which is a different thread). | |
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| 11th man theory ... what is your opinion??
Posted: 6/20/2008 9:36:07 AM |
but if my hormones jump over someone, well, they just do.
I do see your point. Pheromones are a kicker, I can’t deny that. I never thought of that as chemistry though. I have always thought of chemistry as how well two people work together. | |
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| 11th man theory ... what is your opinion??
Posted: 6/20/2008 9:46:49 AM | | So, Translation, just so I get this right...you think a person can control and change what they find PHYSICALLY attractive? You can see a woman you consider "pretty" and change your mindset to convince yourself she's ugly? Can you force yourself to be physically attracted to someone you'd consider butt-ugly? Because I don't have that ability. I know what I like when I see it. Whether or not I like him after he opens his MOUTH is another story. If he looks good, he looks good. Whether or not I acutally like HIM is another story. I don't care what he looks like, if he behaves like an ass to me, he's getting nowhere with me. However, that doesn't stop me from thinking "but he sure does look good!" I cannot re-train myself to be attracted physically to what I'm NOT attracted to physically. | |
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| 11th man theory ... what is your opinion??
Posted: 6/20/2008 10:50:59 AM |
I cannot re-train myself to be attracted physically to what I'm NOT attracted to physically.
I would not go that extreme. We all have our turn-off’s as well as turn-on’s. I don’t know what you find attractive, or what women in general find attractive in men, so I can only give an example from my perspective.
What I had seen while growing up, from friends, magazines, and other media, was sooper thin women. I changed that in myself. I realized that I don’t like seeing ribs protruding; I do like a woman with meat on her bones, strong legs, but also soft to the touch. I did not go to extremes and start finding attraction in women that are bigger than I am. It might be that that is how I had felt all along, but I did change my mindset.
When I did block out the external influences, realized what I like, then I did notice a change. I will have conversations with other guys, of course about women, and there is an obvious difference in women that we find attractive. That is all a bit shallow, but it is the initial attraction phase; the character portion of it is where I have the most difficulties, I do like a woman with a strong mind, and have the confidence to be relaxed during conversations.
Like on that story I told, the woman was a bit overwhelmed. I would have been extremely attracted had she realized what had happened and walked over to talk with me once the crowd had dispersed. There is nothing more annoying than trying to have a conversation with buzzards hovering all around.
You can see a woman you consider "pretty" and change your mindset to convince yourself she's ugly?
I can, but that is not a nice thing to do, unless she proves it with her character and actions.
Can you force yourself to be physically attracted to someone you'd consider butt-ugly?
That’s a tough one isn’t it. What is butt-ugly? I have been very fond of women that I do not find physically attractive, but have not been in a situation where that went to a sexual attraction. Of course, I try to limit my sexual attraction to those that I would want a relationship with. That part is not easy, but I think that I have a fairly strong mind and I refuse temptation. | |
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