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| Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/21/2008 7:38:48 AM | It never ceases to amaze me that the moment "romance" is mentioned, a few equate it to;
arranged marriages, bra burning, cutting off an ear, gold diggers and ye gads, chastity belts.
My opinion;
those are excuses as to why some have became complacent and lazy.
There was a time when women were treated like chattel....objects.
Would romance run rampid if that were still the case?
Women in the 50's/early 60's with little or no education accepted the fact, the pay was small and the work hard.
My mom, worked in a factory for under 70 cents per hour, to help feed 5 children.
We had nothing and were dang proud to have it.
She never complained but was grateful to be able to help daddy.
They were a team and even though daddy was a womanizer and drank like a fish, she loved him dearly.
A couple of years ago, I ask her why she stayed with him, knowing he was such a dog.
She said, she loved him even though he was a dog...he was her dog.
Burning of the bras, a symbol and a attention getter...........men do pay attention to women's underwear or lack there of........
True, it was taken further than it should have been, in some cases.........
equal pay for equal work?
Being treated equally..........sucked away the romance?
Our punishment for wanting to be paid the same as our counterparts?
Being fair and getting compensated for the same work, in the same work place and not having "male plumbing" means we shouldn't have the romance or even a door opened for us.
Men have ran things for many years.......I've never kept score of the vile, evil things, men have been quilt of.
I was raped when I was a teenager...........I didn't mark that up to "all men".
Was abused and used as a battering ram for about 8 years........not by all men but by one man.
I lived with a man whore/cameleon and invested over 24 years of my life with him, but you know what?
He was one man.
I chose to spend my life, not by keeping score, but by living, letting go and knowing that just because a few were rotten to the bone....they were a few and not all.
Ronald Reagan wrote love letters.
Busier than "9 cats" but still took the time to write love letters.
Kindness, sincerity, thoughtfulness doesn't cost anything but some time.......
Nothing comes without some effort.
My opinion is some do not wish to invest the time and effort.
If I message someone, it doesn't mean anything more than the fact that what I read from the profile that stirred something within me and I stepped forward and showed some interest.
It doesn't mean I want any of your stuff  , no not that stuff.....I don't want your money, car, truck, boat, or for some heaven forbid, your motorcycle.
Just your time and to see if you can walk the talk.
Even with the read then delete and without as much as a boo from you....I do not give up or say "all men".......compared to the sand in the ocean, just a few grains, have washed away.
But if you few grains were pizza delivery guys.......I would be starved to death by now.
I'm one woman so please don't judge me by all women.
Romance starts in the mind.........as does everything between a man and a woman.
ceeceekitty | |
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| Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/21/2008 1:33:09 PM | Extraordinarymen....
Oh please tell me you did learn from your dad and you do follow in his footsteps. It would be so nice to know there are still men out there like that!! Your father sounds like a sweetheart. :)
I agree with you that romance really has nothing to do with things. There are women who believe gifts and flowers, money spent, are what romance is all about. But give me the guy who mouths from across a room, "I love you," and my knees would be jelly. A guy who holds my hand like he'll never let it go.... winks at me in the middle of a conversation with his buddies just so I know that I'm still in his mind even if he's talking about sports.... to see that beaming smile when he sees me.... OMG... there is NOTHING like those little things. You can keep the diamonds, keep the expensive dinners and grandstanding gestures. Those little things are what romance really is all about.
If my man did for me what father did for your mother.... he'd be one very happy man when I 'thanked' him later! 
Sharzi | |
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| Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/21/2008 1:51:00 PM | ceeceekitty....
I agree that the women's movement had nothing to do with it. I remember when my pay was 1/3 the men who did the very same job I did. I busted my tail and my paychecks were a pittance. I remember the day when a woman would be raped and the system blamed it on her wearing a short skirt or a top that was too low cut.... I know this firsthand. I remember a time when a girl wasn't allowed to take shop in school or was steered away from math and science and pushed into art or business classes. I had a guidance counselor tell me, "Well, if you get married after high school, you won't need that and since your a girl, if you do work after you graduate, you'll probably be a nurse, secretary or teacher".... hence the reason I am not doing in life what I really wanted to.
My grandmother fought for equality back in the day when women were treated like nothing more than possessions. She was proud to have bought her own home at a time when women wouldn't have dared. She was proud that she was able to make a difference in life. And proud of me that I fought for equal pay, for equal treatment in the court system... for equal treatment as an equal human being. AND, I never in my life made a man feel less than a man. I still liked being treated like a lady even if some of my counterparts were taking it to extremes. I am not in favor of blurring the lines between the genders.
I still like a man to be a man.... proud, strong, in charge. But, I want him to acknowledge my feelings or thoughts and take those into consideration. I like my doors opened for me, but sometimes I'll hold the door for him too. I like a man to take me out for dinner, but there will be times when it's on me too. But with me, he will always know he's the man... and I'd never emasculate him or make him feel any less male. I'd want him to be romantic and for that, he would know how grateful I am for the effort.
There is a balance that can make each gender happy. The key is, stop thinking me, me, me, and start being a little more selfless. In doing so, we all find that spreading that kind of karma around will only come back to us tenfold.
For the guys, there is a book I highly recommend. I think it's called 1001 ways to be romantic. Some ways are a little more extravegant, but others are simple. If you ask me, the small romantic gestures are far more memorable.
Sharzi | |
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| Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/21/2008 1:52:43 PM | | Thats funny. I'm into romance and many girls think thats gay. lol So I don't really know anymore. But hey, if you want some old fashioned romance give me a ring. lol | |
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| Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:07:40 PM |
My grandmother fought for equality back in the day when women were treated like nothing more than possessions. She was proud to have bought her own home at a time when women wouldn't have dared. She was proud that she was able to make a difference in life. And proud of me that I fought for equal pay, for equal treatment in the court system... for equal treatment as an equal human being. AND, I never in my life made a man feel less than a man. I still liked being treated like a lady even if some of my counterparts were taking it to extremes. I am not in favor of blurring the lines between the genders.
Sharzi... Do you honestly think that 'Equality' is actually what we have, between genders, in todays society??? Honestly???
Granted... 50 years ago, things were different... If you want to judge what seems to be transpiring today by standards of that era... I think you'll always be able to state there's 'unfairness' of how things were. Im not sure that anyone can, or could, make that call in good concience...
Equality has been so warped, its gone well beyond the original intent, and in some cases it seems its evolved into persecution. | |
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| Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/22/2008 8:07:04 PM | To me.........
Romance is the fuel that keeps a relationship going.
Run out of fuel......that's all she wrote.
If the energy was re-channeled from all the winching, pointing fingers and the ever tiring, "your expectations are to high", and spent less time saying how honest they are..........that would be a good start to finding someone and building a relationship..
 The aerial view would look as though all the houses were on fire.
Just look how much time has been devoted to all the negative things about both genders.........
Less complaining more serious pursuit and finding the person who do fit into their lives.
And while a person is trying to connect with someone on all levels, they need to think about romance.
And you're right when you say romance doesn't have to cost anything......only a little time.
Getting up and getting the coffee or making the coffee and bringing it into the bedroom.
I'm at the stove and he comes by, nibbles on my neck and wraps his arms around me.
Romantic to me, also means not having to ask for affection...I don't have to say I love you to get him to say it. He just says it.
A loving hand reaches out for me as I walk by and pulls me gently into his lap.
Energy, it takes energy.
Finding, getting and keeping a relationship is not going to happen for a person who's lazy.
Maybe for a short time and then the person's gone........looking for romance.
Just like everything else in this world, it takes work.
ceeceekitty
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| Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/23/2008 3:15:36 AM | I don't think there will ever be real equality just as prejudice will never be abolished. But I'm happy as a pig in s**t that my hard work is rewarded the same way it is for the men who work with me. I'm happy as hell that if a woman is raped, she isn't made to feel that she deserved it. Girls can take shop in school, play "real" sports, contribute in ways that make them happy and not pigeonholed into roles society believed they should be.
I don't know any woman who is upset if a man opens a door for her. I know no woman who doesn't like a man to romance her (which is what this thread is about). Do those sweet little things for a woman and I would assume most would be very happy that someone actually put out a little effort.
I'm just tired of men making excuses not to be romantic because of a movement that happened decades ago. I think it's more laziness if either gender can't put out effort to nurture something good or to make someone happy that they claim to love or care about.
Sharzi | |
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gotone
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Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 59 | |
| Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/23/2008 3:52:28 AM | Hi BlueEyedMinnow,
  You just cracked me up laughing. I can't helped it.
What? You just meet and he wants a kiss? Sure let me pick up my dog and you can suction-cup to her lips.
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| Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/23/2008 3:59:18 AM | In my opinion, romance is something that strays from the ordinary, something that is often spontaneous and creative, yet what one person sees as romantic may be seen as ridiculous by another. Romance really is a matter of personal taste, and the more geared it is to the person with whom you wish to show affection the more likely that the gesture will touch the spot.
You are so right about the loss of romance (in a ‘me, me, me’, ‘want it now’ society) … the words respect and lack of care / consideration come to mind! As does observation, ‘engagement’ and lack of presumption. Communication is at the heart of everything in a relationship and ‘romance’ is part of the communication process and it heightens EVERY sensuous experience.
Romance is not just about ‘things’ it’s about ACTIONS!
However on the ‘things’ scale, homemade things are likely to be higher on the romance scale than shop bought. Put a little thought in! Filling car with balloons is a sweet idea, although it may just embarrass the hell out of someone and isn't much good if they ride a bike! Writing ‘I love you’ on a bathroom mirror or making a card for no reason at all, resonates with me. Writing a poem … but keep it short and sweet! If it has to be flowers, pick some wild grass and flowers yourself and use as an invitation to go fly a kite and picnic. Make something out of chocolate … there's so much to go for … oh and if you are tempted to unexpectedly buy some underwear from Ann Summers mmmm then I think you're confusing love with lust!
What is at the heart of romantic behaviour? ... it’s more about unexpected, appropriate, relevant actions that have no immediate expectation of ‘return’ for the giver. | |
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| Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/23/2008 4:54:46 AM | Let me tell you a small story to illustrate a point.
Years ago, many years ago since I was married in 1972 and exclusive long before that, I met a young lady for dinner, I think it was in Sudbury, but I am not certain. As we were shown to our table I did some small thing the wrong way; I didn't place the chair I held for her correctly or some dumb thing. She climbed up on her soap box and proceeded to yell at me for about a minute about how bad I was. When she was done I arranged her chair, walked around to my own, pulled it partially out and stood there holding it for a few seconds. Still annoyed, she glared up at me and demanded, "Well, what is your problem now?" There was a sizable crowd and, of course, everyone heard and was waiting.
In a voice I knew would carry I replied, "Right now, my biggest problem is you!" and I pushed my chair in and walked away without looking back. I never heard from her or about her again. I haven't thought about that for years.
The type of behaviour she exhibited appears to be more common now than back then and is applauded by the Gloria Steinem worshippers as independence. I was never taught that ignorance and independence were synonyms.
Where has romance gone? It has been slowly strangled by people who think that by being quick to anger, thereby exhibiting emotional instability, and abusive they are exhibiting positive traits. Who would want to romance someone like this? Is it any wonder that there is an attitude of putting up with what is necessary to get what is wanted? This is more like commodity trading.
If you want to be romanced, be romanceable. By the way, that is now a word. You can be gentle without being submissive; if you don't believe me, investigate judo, aikido or t'ai chi chuan. Also, don't expect perfection until you can exhibit same.
Romance is simple but, in this age of me-me-me and I-I-I and WIIFM (what's in it for me?), extremely difficult. Get out of yourself for a change, as scary as that may be, and ask what somebody else might like. | |
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| Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/23/2008 8:56:25 AM |
there is a new word for romance, its called stalking. the only difference is 2-5 for good behavior.
used to be if a guy really liked a gal, he followed her around until she gave him her phone number, then he waited near her house, jumped out and branished a handful of daisies. then shyly asked "do you like me?" yes or no, he still waited under her window to sing her songs at midnight, sent her messages and flowers to her work. gave her little gifts, champaign, roses, jewelry, dinners, long walks. and couldnt live without her, called her constantly to profess his undying love. followed her around like a lost puppydog. she loved it! as she exclaimed to her friends: "wow a man who truely loves me"
-now that kind of attention can get you arrested and labeled a stalker
That pretty much sums it up, now days so many people are living in a fast paced gotta hurry up and find the right one for me sort of lifestyle that romance is falling by the wayside. It's let's meet for coffee and if I actually "like you" then we can take it from there, if not then move along, I don't have time to waste on you as there are so many others I am hoping to meet and see if we "like" each other. Kind of a real let down now days too, real shame. | |
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| Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:15:47 AM | | Most relationships fail romantically because they rarely are given a chance to develop before jumping in the sack. We ladies are just as guilty, if you expect romance first you'll probably get it and weed out some bad apples in the interim. | |
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| Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/23/2008 10:48:56 AM |
Most relationships fail romantically because they rarely are given a chance to develop before jumping in the sack. We ladies are just as guilty, if you expect romance first you'll probably get it and weed out some bad apples in the interim.
I totally agree. Sure every women wants Prince Charming, but how far would that go? Over time some woman find that too cheesy or eventually they tire of it and think it's borderline clingy having someone call you 3x a day. Most often or not, guys WILL charm their way into jumping in the sack with you...and sadly, once they get "nookie" there's no more time for being charming. They already got what they wanted. Wham, bam, and thank u maam...or the thanks will be skipped followed by excessive snoring. These days in age, women are more liberated. They believe in paying for part of their meals and they don't need anyone to tell them what to do. If you're looking for the romantic type, and he's just not cutting it for you then move on. There's plenty of fishes in the sea and believe it or not there are some romantic guys. They're just a 'rare' type of species  | |
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| Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/23/2008 11:18:31 AM |
I don't know any woman who is upset if a man opens a door for her. I know no woman who doesn't like a man to romance her (which is what this thread is about). Do those sweet little things for a woman and I would assume most would be very happy that someone actually put out a little effort. Ive run into plenty of women who get pissed when you try to show you have manners and open the door... Same token, different side... I know just as many who prefer you open the door...
I'm just tired of men making excuses not to be romantic because of a movement that happened decades ago. I think it's more laziness if either gender can't put out effort to nurture something good or to make someone happy that they claim to love or care about.
LOL.... And Im tired of women who cant seem to get on the same page, within the same book... I mean Hell, work with us... Can you at least get within the same library????
I suppose its a matter of perception. Your perception dictates that men, to have manners/class should open the door for a lady... I'll give you that. But from mine, and probably others, we dont really know who the ladies are! And usually until they open thier mouth, to either thank us for the consideration(lady like behavior), or **** us out as pigs(feminist attitude)... its a bit hard to tell! | |
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| Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/23/2008 11:27:53 AM | | Romance has gone down the toilet,along with trust, faith and fidelity! I am still very much a romantic and even though it is a rare commodity you have to be willing to give it to recieve it! People started settling for less and it just got easier to jump right to the hard stuff! So, if romance is what you want let it be known and don't let anybody give you less... | |
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| Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/23/2008 11:41:23 AM | BlueEyedMinnow...call me old fashioned but like you I prefer ROMANCE. Sadly not many guys are romantic........its a shame really it doesnt take money just a little effort. Like you, I live in hope of finding my own romantic man.... | |
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| Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/23/2008 11:46:11 AM | Because the girls gone wild generation has taken over.
sex is a toy now for younger people and when they get older they are set in their ways. Look at all the one night stands, FWB, and how many people cheat. They want sex and not romance. Then in the end they realize how empty it is and they are hurt and messed up. | |
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| Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/23/2008 12:15:55 PM | There is only one thing to be said to a man who opens/holds the the door for you.
It's "Thank you!"
I don't think romance has gone missing, but looking back over a few years of being back in the dating pool, I'm afraid it's been my observation that you are more apt to find "romance" with a "non internet" guy.
No, I'm not saying that all men using internet dating sites are unromantic,instant gratification type guys,but you have to admit that the internet is conducive to that mindset. To be fair, the internet also seems inviting to the woman with an 8 mile long list of required attributes. There's nothing wrong with having standards, but there's also the issue of "pricing yourself out of the market".
In many ways, people( men mostly, I don't make a habit of dating women) seem to see the internet as the dive bar pickup joint of the 21st century. All you can do is keep sorting and weeding those out,and for Heaven's sake do not let the internet be your only venue for seeking romance partners!
Cindy O | |
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| Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/23/2008 12:35:21 PM | | Romantic people are still around! These people are romantic to the people they are interested in Some people just don't have it in them at all though... maybe never taught?...can someone be taught romance?? nahhhhhh | |
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| Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/23/2008 12:49:33 PM | Kudos to the women in this thread who did not place all of the blame on men. It's painfully obvious in this and in other discussions that we are all crazy and confused. : ) lol
Seriously, we each have such wildly differing ideas about what exactly is romance, what is appropriate or desirable and what is abhorrent. It becomes such a lottery to try to meet someone who has the same ideas about these things as you do.
It is not just us men that have abandoned romance. It is our society in general. The short attention spans and unrealistic expectations combined with almost limitless opportunities to move on to the next one and hope they get it "right". Besides being jaded and overstimulated, we have too many options and too many influences on our standards of behavior.
I'm 32 now, and the romantic efforts of my early twenties, if repeated today, would be considered to be overzealous and cheesy by most women that I meet now. Back then, I was big into wooing. I was creative and had an endless supply of "grand gestures" to demonstrate how much enamoured I was with the object of my affections. Sometimes it would have the desired effect, and sometimes too much enthusiasm would scare her away. I think unfortunately that the latter is almost universal among women ( of my age group) today.
While I'm searching for my forever girl, I'm meeting many women at this point in my life. And the women I'm meeting, are meeting many, many, many interested men. ( As an aside, a girl I met on this site tells me that she dates four new men every single week from here. Who needs "speed dating" when you're screening that many applicants already? lol)
These women often seem to laugh at and condescend to the men who try to be "romantic" in the traditional sense. They tell me the stories and sort of smirk about these guys. The message that I'm getting is that those guys appear needy, submissive or without options.
I guess I'm kind of being long-winded here. The point is that mixed signals are flooding in to both genders about what they should strive to be and also what they should want their partner to be. Many of the things we want are contradictory and therefore impossible from the same source. When a new date inevitably fails to be everything all at once, it is all too easy to skip the getting to know one another and just move on. Today, all of us, but women especially have an endless supply of new potential suitors.
Romance is the opposite of this quick paced dating world. Romance is slow. Weeks of talking before even thinking about getting busy, handholding tingles because it's the most contact that you've been getting. Maybe part of that is having less options and more flexible standards. Not giving ourselves the option of moving on before really putting some effort in.
Maybe we all need to try to reverse the effects that our media and fast paced lifestyles are having on our dating lives. If you're willing to try so am I.
So this presents a convenient opportunity to invite any sweet, intelligent, Philly area women to stop by my profile.... | |
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| Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/23/2008 3:05:30 PM | FishOwl...
She was so rude, and she had it coming that you did what you did. I can't for the life of me understand people like that.
Gloria had the right idea and then things went terribly awry. What we were supposed to be fighting for got all mixed up in some women's idea of what equality was.... and it sure wasn't everyones. I don't want to be a man... don't want to be treated like one. I like my man to wear the pants, but I want to be respect for being a human being and no less deserving than anyone else.
There are definitely different types of people. I know some women who are demanding, selfish, ****y, and manipulative. A lot of really great guys tend to go for that type and women like me are shaking our heads and wondering why.
By the same token, I know men who are con men, players, manipulative, angry and controlling. I cannot for the life of me understand why any woman would be interested in someone like that.
But, sometimes those types of people are very good at hiding those traits until they've got you hooked. Then, the writing is on the wall.
If you want someone romanceable, look for the one who truly deserves it. And if you want to be romanced, be the kind of person your partner can't imagine being without.
Effort has to come from both sides, or it simply won't work.
Sharzi | |
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