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| New to online dating, new to bachelorhood, need profile review!
Posted: 6/21/2008 8:02:40 AM | Chris, some of your profile repeats basic info from your blue box.
I would not use the phrase "boring old fart," as your possible nubile younger women are not likely to find this attractive.
If you are sincere about finding a mom for your potential offspring, I would re-state that. Many forum participants indicate that a mate's desires in this realm come as a surprise. You might mention any avuncular or Big Brother (the social service agency) experience you might have.
HTH | |
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| New to online dating, new to bachelorhood, need profile review!
Posted: 6/21/2008 12:06:47 PM | Got it. Remove "boring old fart", regardless of the truthfulness ... :)
You wrote " You might mention any avuncular or Big Brother (the social service agency) experience you might have." Reasons? Fitness as a father, maybe?
Thank you for your input. Would really appreciate further clarification.
-Chris | |
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| New to online dating, new to bachelorhood, need profile review!
Posted: 6/21/2008 12:19:36 PM | OK, veloise; changes made as suggested. Does it look any better now? If you were in the mood for making babies, would it appeal to you?
Personally, wondering if Grecian Formula might be needed :) Really hate the whole idea; it's deceitful. They say that men are visually oriented when it comes to the mating process, and that women tend to be emotionally driven, but seems like the whole visual thing is working against me right now...
What do you think?
-Chris | |
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| New to online dating, new to bachelorhood, need profile review!
Posted: 6/21/2008 12:57:04 PM | I think there are several possible solutions to your dilemma:
1) Invent a time machine, go back ten years and find someone 30-ish to make babies with.
2) Take less time to "figure out if she's crazy," say, 6 months tops. I mean, come on, she doesn't even have to be *attractive,* according to you, so what if she's crazy! (Time-saving hint: we're all crazy. Deal.)
3) Adopt.
I don't know any women who are going to find your approach to "be my baby-mama NOW!" very appealing. You're being too focused on the goal and not enough on the relationship aspect. IMO. | |
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| New to online dating, new to bachelorhood, need profile review!
Posted: 6/21/2008 2:32:23 PM | Dear Lola,
Thank you for your honest, if blunt, feedback. As for "crazy"... well, I just got out of a relationship that ended badly. I really hate to use the term "crazy"; it's very derogatory to those with mental health issues, but she (it turns out) was OCD, ADHD, BiPolar, and hid it all successfully from me for a year and a half.... then she refused to take her meds anymore, or go back to counseling. I never knew any of this, and I am (usually) a very perceptive individual. I kept accepting her excuses for her behavior; most notably that I had done something wrong in some fashion, but finally the truth came out. Even then, I didn't dump her, but tried my best to be caring and supportive all the way. Things got worse, now that she had "permission" to be "crazy" , until I could not take it any more. The yelling, the emotional rollercoaster, the paranoia, the middle-of-the-night rants.
That's what I mean.
I understand what you are saying when you say "we're all crazy", and know that it's meant in a joking fashion, but it kinda tweaked a very sore wound. I loved Julia with all my heart; I still hurt. But, I could no longer be her emotional punching bag.
As for your suggestions, I have no time machine, and single men don't have a good track record of adoption, and I really want children of my own. Carry on the family name, etc., etc. From the tone of your last missive, it would appear that you do not approve of my goals or desires, and for that I am sorry. They are, however, what they are, and I am not ashamed of wanting what I have wanted for my entire life. Too many years in too many far away places; it was never the right time, or the right person. Twice in my life, I have had girlfriends become pregnant, only to watch them decide on abortions because the child interfered with their ideas of "career". I have cried myself to sleep many nights grieving the loss.
Sorry to get all emotional on you like this, but I needed to get it out.
-Chris | |
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| New to online dating, new to bachelorhood, need profile review!
Posted: 6/21/2008 2:38:08 PM | Lola was being realistic IMO. At 44, to find someone, establish a relationship, become pregnant you'll be well into the other side of middle aged when the baby would be born. Not that it can't happen, it's just unlikely.
Being realistic always serves someone well, even though it's not always pleasant or enjoyable. | |
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| New to online dating, new to bachelorhood, need profile review!
Posted: 6/21/2008 2:54:23 PM | Understood. Still hurts, but thanks for the chin-up.
Hope springs eternal, and I am not ready quite yet to let go of my life's dream. The men in my family live a very long time, well into the 100's, and I am in really good shape. My father started another family when he was 45; his wife was 18 at the time. That was 26 years ago, and they are still happily together, and I have 2 beautiful, wonderful half-siblings now, so I know it's possible; just difficult.
I do not wish to offend you, but I refuse to accept your idea of "realistic"; it implies that your opinion is the unchangeable hand of Fate, which it is not; it is simply your opinion.
The reallity of the situation is that there are over 9 billion people on this planet, roughly half of them female, so the chances that my dream girl is out there somewhere are very good. now, I just have to find her!
I appreciate your desire to help, but if you really wish to help, help me look for her! :)
-Chris | |
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| New to online dating, new to bachelorhood, need profile review!
Posted: 6/21/2008 3:16:40 PM | I only just wrote that profile, the previous one was more traditional and wasnt working at all. No matter how hard I try I just cant get traditional to go right and I completely fail to inject any of my uniqueness into it. I'm kind of surprised this one is actually working but then again I didnt think about it too much. It sort of just came out. Overthinking can be a big problem for me. this one is more Zen and the art of profiles methinks lol
I think if you want something unconventional you're gonna have to make absolutely sure you're setting yourself apart from the competition. I agree with you on the few things that you cant hide and you should be up front. Perhaps you need to go further and be uncompromisingly confident about them, lay them out without any apologies. You write here with an assuredness that ought to burst forth from your profile. I'd still guard against too many specifics, the younger they get the more picky they get. I would imagine you could appeal to younger on experience of life, confidence and outgoingness and intelligence, but not necessarily being too specific on what that entails. Its quite easy to illustrate intelligence through words.
This possibly sounds a bit confusing. I think You want
enough vagueness that their picky nature doesnt engage,
enough intelligently written to appeal to an intelligent female
concentrate on the qualities you have that appeal and set you apart from younger guys
and uniquely written enough that it blows all the other guys with more traditional and similar style profiles seeking younger females out of the water.
uncompromisingly bold and confident about the younger woman and children thing
set an age range on the message settings but be realistic. low 20s might be going too far.
turn on all the anti-intimate encounters settings.
dont say a single thing that sounds less than confident,
sprinkled with whatever sense of humour you have.
Seems like a tall order. I believe if you can get it right you'll ought to get enough interest than you can actually decline contact that doesnt meet your unspoken preferences. | |
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| go for it!
Posted: 6/21/2008 4:07:53 PM | For what it's worth, Chris I never did say NOT to go for what you want. I've never said that to anyone. Anything is possible, some things are a little more unlikely, it wasn't meant to discourage at all.
As far as your profile, there's a lot of info. I couldn't begin to or want to tell you what to edit, but I would maybe pare it down to the basics/essence. There's lots of info, some of which could be shared after you've made contact. I realize it's all important to you, put yourself in the woman's shoes for a moment. Say she's attractive, smart..classy, a real "catch". You're interested and shoot her off an email. What you cannot know is if it's the only email she's had in a week or the 20th one she's had that day. She'll check out your profile and if it's that long, she may or may not read it all.
It does depend on what tack you're taking, a shorter more concise profile in hopes of attracting more replies, or keeping it as it is and filtering it down to a smaller readership. Only you know that.
I had a thought, had you considered checking out the ladies who post in single parents? There may be ladies there that have a child or two but would like to have more. Don't know if you'd be open to that type of situation, like I said...just a thought.
Whatever you decide and do, best of luck in making your wishes come true.  | |
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| go for it!
Posted: 6/21/2008 4:10:54 PM | It was not my intention to hurt your feelings, only to give you some perspective from the women's point of view. You have a goal in mind, and it comes across that you want to achieve this goal to all ends, and the woman you meet (again, who you say needn't even be "attractive") is just the vessel to be used for you to achieve your goal, very much secondary to things. Almost like a surrogate mother.
Browolf said it best when he laid out his good approach to making your profile confident, yet still appealing to women. What have you got to offer? That's a good focus for you.
I'm sorry you had a bad experience with your ex, but you must remember not to paint all women with the same brush. | |
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| New to online dating, new to bachelorhood, need profile review!
Posted: 6/22/2008 11:46:31 AM |
You wrote " You might mention any avuncular or Big Brother (the social service agency) experience you might have." Reasons? Fitness as a father, maybe?
Thank you for your input. Would really appreciate further clarification.
Sorry to be obtuse; I meant precisely what you assumed above. See what I wrote in my own profile about "kids being welcome." (I know of a guy who was suddenly hit with baby fever, was ready to dump the wife and find someone newer and younger, be a dad later that year. However, he really had zero interest in children, other than having been one 40 years previously.)
FWIW, a woman your own age is likely over the hill in terms of natural conception. You probably don't have to go much younger than 36 to find success (in that realm, anyway). I can think of many examples in the public realm of "older" men with new families. (Ted Nugent from my local newspapers, and the Odd Couple guy who was 80.)
HTH | |
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| pix pix
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:31:19 PM | Ok, this may be my fetish. I do feel that the 'fertile younger woman' will want to see that hair!
Hat pictures,Action shots are ok, in the support role, but nothing beats a passport shot to say"
"Babe ,I'm 44, but a good 44!"
The question about paternal age I answered in your posting in the 'dating over 30 '. Forums.
Thanks for the Cartesian approach to forum questions. True hallmark of a professional.
& best wishes! | |
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Posted: 6/22/2008 5:58:00 PM | Strange phenomenon, that; I very rarely ever wear a hat, yet I found that the ONLY pictures I have of myself, I am 99% of the time enhaberdashed. Curious.
I just now took some more pix; will be loading them shortly.
-Chris | |
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Posted: 6/22/2008 6:00:21 PM | By the way, if by Cartesian Approach, you are referring to the art of plotting x vs y ( since every body knows that the ratio xx:xy is equal to x:y) in order to acheive a desired angle, well, then you are more clever than I supposed. :)
-Chris | |
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Posted: 6/23/2008 8:06:19 PM | | I'm bumping this thread because I noticed that you have an awful mirror picture as your main right now. Mr. Graves, please refrain from committing the cardinal sin of the mirror self portrait. Never, I repeat, never include pictures of yourself where the camera is also visible. It's a good rule of thumb, and following this advice ensures your profile remains classy. | |
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Posted: 6/23/2008 8:14:25 PM | Thank you for your comment, Jane; although others have expressed admiration of the picture, I will trust your judgement above theirs since you are female and they are not.
I will do my best to find someone, anyone, willing to take a picture of me, but at the time it was the best I could do on a moment's notice.
-Chris | |
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Posted: 6/23/2008 8:15:13 PM | PS: What, precisely, does "Bumping this thread" mean? I am fairly new to all this...
-Chris | |
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Posted: 6/23/2008 8:18:31 PM | Bumping this thread means bumping it to the top, ie posting in it!
Also, does your camera have a timer feature you could use? Set it down, walk over pose and smile for the camera? | |
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Posted: 6/23/2008 8:20:22 PM | | Might. Thanks for the hint; I'll check. | |
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Posted: 6/23/2008 8:21:03 PM | | So, "bumping" is a good thing? I thought maybe I was being deleted by the Fashion Police... :) | |
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Posted: 6/23/2008 8:28:37 PM | | No, not deleted. But definitely busted by the mirror police. I'm letting you off with a warning this time. | |
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Posted: 6/23/2008 8:35:40 PM | | Darn, just a warning? No handcuffs? Not even a body search? :( | |
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Posted: 6/23/2008 9:54:21 PM | chrisgraves999 wrote:
Darn, just a warning? No handcuffs? Not even a body search? :( Allright but just so you know, I don't usually do these by request, or without an observer present. . ., now shut up and grab some ankle.
- T | |
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Posted: 6/24/2008 8:32:49 AM | You’ll have to excuse T… he’s still a little foggy from the pain pills and his head being rattled.
Alright Mr. Graves, as per your request I figured I’d drop this in your thread rather than by email so that it was more open to criticism by others. What you’ve got here is a lot of potential but there are some issues. Let’s start with those and end with some cheer!
I’d be careful posting your name on this site, just because people love to google these days and you may be involved in some things that you might not want people seeing. These sites say the information is confidential but that’s a joke! Try coming up with something a bit more original here. Your headline needs a revamp also as it reads as conceit.
You list yourself as a few extra pounds but I’d hardly call you that in comparison to the other “Few extras” on this site! A few extra on this site is generally accepted as fat but not grotesquely obese by most. It’s funny how we relax our standards in these areas when we’re rating ourselves at the same time! Switch it up to average. You also smoke so you are already behind the pack. I hear inhalers help improve stamina. ;-)
Geez, two profiles from Connecticut in as many months; you folk are taking over! I joked with someone once that there were only like 15 people in the state so now that two of you are on here what’s going to happen? You’ve got a great bunch of pictures there but I’d lose 4 and 7; you can’t see your face so they are against site regulations and they really do nothing for you. I’ve got to be honest though, your first picture makes you look like a different man then the rest. You don’t look like the rugged outback cowboy as you do in the rest. You look like a salesman, whereas the rest you look like Sam Elliot in whatever he tries to do. On that note it really is too bad you’ll have to lose that first picture of you in the mirror! It’s a great picture but had you stretched your arm out a little further and taken the picture from 20 degrees out so that the camera didn’t appear in the shot it’d be a winner!
Your interests have been touched on already but I think they are a little too macho. But then again I’m not too in tune with the 40-50 demographic and I suspect the women your age are more interested in the man directly and less interested in what he likes to do. Tick tock tick tock, right? You seem to know all about that sound. Do you have a plan in store for what you’ll do if you don’t end up with children of your own? I consider myself very fortunate, even though I’ve gone through a divorce, to have had children already. Consider adding some unisex interests just for affect.
Most of your opening paragraph is redundant. Lose anything you’ve already told us (name, age, interests, profession, etc). I’d do yourself a favour and lose paragraph number two while you’re at it. There’s really not enough to salvage there to call it a paragraph so just delete it all. If you don’t have kids you should touch tread very lightly around the idea or you may come off as creepy. Someone told me in my review that I mentioned mine a few times too many but I HAVE kids and they are the biggest part of my life and as such they deserve plenty of mention! While we are hashing things drop paragraph number three. You have mentioned these things already in your interests and you aren’t painting yourself with a very nice brush here. You don’t want the women to think you are a boring recluse! Show your personality instead of describing how dull your life is alone; this approach looks like veiled desperation. This comment, “However, loneliness and the inexorable tick-tick-tick of Biology says that if I find a woman who fits even one of these qualities, I'll be there with bells on...” just adds to that argument. There is an unsightly line break after “…somebody.” and before “I have been told…”. I’m not sure if you wanted it all in the same paragraph or two separate. The edit window screws up the text often as it happened to me yesterday also.
In the first date section you question the woman’s motives or honesty, I’m not sure which. I see where you were going with it, as a joke, but I think you’ve missed the landing slightly and it’s easily interpreted as haste. Polish it up a bit or consider something else there but the way it is now is a bit grainy and I don’t believe you intended it to be that way. I do think you can do a bit better in this section though. You’ve got a walk in the park with the dogs and some snacks. What is the plan if the talk gets heavy or steamy and you want to ditch the dogs? Drive all the way home and drop them off first? By that time the fire has fizzled out likely. I think it’s best to go duo on the first date in case things progress nicely, and try and be a little more creative. Remember, you are competing for this woman’s attention with many other guys. It seems like a daunting task but honestly it’s not that big of a deal.
So the positives: great pictures otherwise, good length of interests once you add some unisex stuff, fairly interesting About Me and you do a good job describing the ideal woman although some might view it as too picky if they miss the end line, and you use self-deprecation throughout. It’s got a warm feeling to it; a safe feeling. Polish it up and try us for round two. I'm slow these days so maybe it's round three or four already! Six? | |
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Posted: 6/24/2008 2:37:29 PM | OK, Deuce; changes made as suggested. BTW, 1) If our first date leads directly to sex, I've picked the wrong one, and 2) I live on the beach, so bringing the dogs home would not be that difficult.
I really appreciate your help!
-Chris | |
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