| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/19/2008 10:08:54 PM | Lucretia, I agree with you. Perhaps I wasn't clear in my condemnation for the OPs point of view. The ring is a symbol of your feelings for someone, meaning it shouldn't have a set value, because that detracts from the feelings.
And yes, my marriage failed because I chased money instead of life. We didn't communicate, I was never around, and we grew apart.
Which could be why I have issue with setting an expected amount on a ring.
I have a question as to why women always talk about security? If you are so dead set on being financially secure, get an education, get a career, and provide for youself. If our marriage had ended a few years sooner, she would have been screwed because I was all her security. Make your own life, don't depend on someone else to do it for you.
And with that, I'm done with this thread. OP, sorry if I came off harsh. I strongly disagree with your view with regard to money, however I wish you luck in your search for happiness. Just remember there are guys out there like me who get red flags when expected to bankrupt ourselves to make you smile. | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/19/2008 10:15:34 PM | I care about security, but it's a team effort.
I have an eduction, a career and I provide for myself. I find it hard to believe that there are people who think I should be solely responisble for myself and *my* life, within a marriage. It's a team thing, would you not agree?
How unfair is it to put all of the responsibility on one person? Perhaps you misunderstand what women mean when they talk about security. They don't mean they want to sit at home all day and wait for a man to buy her nice things and pay her bills. They mean that they expect both people in the relationship to be able to contribute to it, and build a life together, without one having to physically exhaust their self, while the other basks in the earnings!
I'm sure, had you and your wife managed to understand this concept sooner, you might still be married. | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/19/2008 10:19:29 PM | Personal experiance. When I originally got engaged, I bought my ex a fake, $100 cheapy to propose with. She understood I didn't have any money or credit at the time to buy anything better, and knew when we could afford it we would get something better. Which we did, and it was a very nice ring for $800...of course for some reason ( ) she ended up using the fact that I didn't spend more on it in my face later, since our mattress (that she wanted, and was purchased before the ring because we needed it!) cost more. Oh well.
The ring should be reflective on how much spendable money a guy has. You are right, if he's spending excessive amounts of money on 'toys' than he should have the money to spend on a decent ring. If money is tight, living paycheque to paycheque, and he has to use credit to buy the ring, than buying a nice, reasonably priced ring should be the right amount. It depends on the rings priority on things needed, and things wanted. A better ring can always be purchased when the money permits...in my case we had the option to trade up (meaning buying a ring at double the original price, and trading in the old ring for a full refund towards the purchase price of the new ring). | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/19/2008 10:28:30 PM | OOOO, OOOO, OOOO, I have a personal experience story also ... your gonna love this one trust me.
Just before my ex and I got married (our wedding day was April 18th) we were at the mall for St. Paddy's Day. Back then I was broke off my butt and I promised I would get her a ring before the wedding since I never really proposed (she got pregnant ... yeah, yeah, I know ... shoot me). So anyway we are at the mall and there is this contest going on where you go to all the stores in the mall and ask the cashier for a game piece which was in the shape of a gold nugget. You scratch off the bottom of the nugget and if it's green or gold you win a prize.
I got the gold one!
So I am instructed to take it down to this jewelry store and turn it in for the Emerald Necklace they have on display. I get down there and talk to the clerk telling him my sob story about getting married and no rings as of yet and he offers me a deal for $1,000 for this wedding set in exchange for the Emerald Necklace. So my ex got a $900 ring and I got a $100 gold band.
Gotta love my luck sometimes ... must be that Irish in me. | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:10:08 PM |
ya but what about lucky girl?? think about the quality of an $800 dollar ring.. I mean unless he got the thing off ebay or some dummy who stole it in the first place.. chances are... it's not that nice of a ring.... Personally... I don't think a ring is the end all be all of anything... but hopefully when the day comes that I get one... he put effort into finding the right one and making sure I'm happy... I mean if you think about it... guys spend more on a dirt bike or quad then they do on a ring that a girl has to wear for hopefully the rest of her life...
The right one?..SMH..wow, its girls like you that makes guys dont wanna get married to you..why does the "right one" have to be expensive?...why the hell do you even care how much it costs?..what if he can get a nice ring that is not expensive, maybe because he got a nice deal or something?..would that be a problem too?..
I dont know why women are so concerned about the "price" of the ring and the ring itself..its girls like you who are more concerned about the "wedding" and all the paraphernalia that comes with it.. | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:13:42 PM |
Why because where they come from it's acceptable to sit in the backseat when the passenger side is empty or because they are happier than a pig in sh!t that there house wasn't made with twigs and mud???? cu'mon
LOL..shut the hell up you moron...you sound like such a materialistic ***** right about now...its because those women are not concerned about a "ring" they value a good marriage more and being happy with the person..a ring in marriage nearly means anything..women just care about that stuff to "show off" so they can tell the world that they are "chosen" or feel special or some shit like that..i pity whoever gets married to you.. | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:16:31 PM |
I was just asking what the proper amount is to spend
LOL..you amaze me girl..WOW!..There is no such thing as "proper amount"....the guy should just buy a ring that looks nice and something that he thinks she will like..and i dont know which guy would be so stupid to tell a woman how much he paid for the ring anyway | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:19:59 PM |
Did you honestly ask this?
What a shock you're single. This is why guys get pissy about always having to buy things. If you seriously take umbridge to an $800 ring, good luck ever finding a guy that's not as self-absorbed, shallow, and materialistic as you appear to be[/quoe]
Thats exactly what i'm saying..i cant believe people still ask about this stuff and make a big deal about it. Its unbelieveable. Like I said, if she contunies to have this mentality i pity the guy who she ends up marrying..unless he's a rich dude who likes to spend, i guess it wouldnt matter to him..but if not?..wouldnt want to be in his hsoes | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:23:48 PM | | Obviously it depends on one's salary, but I think it should be at least $1 or more over the most expensiove toy you have ever bought not including a vehical, - or boat :). Sound Good?. Yes, no? | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:23:50 PM |
Plus any guy should want their girlfriend out there proud, showing off her ring cause it's the best one around
There you go again, thats exactly what i'm talking about..thast all you seem to want to do, "show off" and boast that you have a "better/nicer" ring that the other girls..LOL..you sound really immature right now... | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:27:09 PM | [quote=Brandiii]I know my love isn't worth a twist tie and a shotgun wedding.....
No, it should be PRICELESS. Think about it. | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:27:36 PM |
Wow, Brandii, that's pathetic. When I was in the military, $800 was a TON of money (since I made dirt). But since I chose to serve my country for dirt, I guess , by your logic, I was not allowed to be happy with someone for the rest of my life, since I couldn't "support" a family
Exactly, so pathetic..i guess she is saying that if two people are madly in love with each other and they can only afford a ring that cost $800 dollars they should just "not get married" or "Not start a family"..!!!!!!!! wow..that right there just sums up her personality! | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:31:17 PM | | I wouldn't feel comfortable wearing an expensive ring, If a guy wants to shell out that kind of money, I would rather it went a) to the wedding, b) honeymoon, or c) to buy me an engagement dog. | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:38:32 PM | | How much is she spending on his ring/engagement gift? About that much would seem fair. | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:50:41 PM | If you'd turn down a great guy because he didn't want to waste a house or car payment on a useless indicator of couplehood, then you're probably both better off apart. The wedding ring is the hood ornament on the institution that is a marriage. Focusing on details like that (and all the trauma that some ladies create in regard to their wedding ceremony) is just one reason that less and less men are even interested in marriage these days.
How about you focus on the person and not the materialism?
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:53:50 PM | wow seaga you are INSANE!!! buddy I'm the first one to say that I want love over money and I have said it about ten times... If the man I had had nothing and I was head over heels for him I would still marry him in a hear beat... you are missing the whole point here.. and for all you people that are saying that this is the reason I am single you need to shake your heads... I've been proposed to TWICE once was with the most amazing ring I have ever seen and guess what I said no because I didn't love him... you guys are making me out to be some kind of a monster that I am not and twisting my words around to fit into your childish antics and name calling..
Do you really need to go into posts and start calling people names and putting them down?? these are supposed to be resources for opinion and information... not a "posy" going to burn down the witch's house... honestly grow up.. especially you seaga...
I'm a very nice girl and I do not value money over love... nor will I ever... I was asking a completely legitimate question... and don't think I deserve the attack. I never once said that just because a guy couldn't afford a nice ring you shouldn't get married... nor did I say anything about wanting a 30, 000 wedding... I would rather have a nice ring on my finger for the rest of my life than a big wedding...
Fisherman I loved your answer... I think it was perfect... a girl wants to know he means more to you than your summer "toys" thank you~!
I'm asking people who are in the POSITION to get married... what they would spend on a ring... if your broke as a joke.. on welfare and can't support yourself.. then you know what NO I don't think you should be getting married and be worried about a ring.... what kind of a life is that.. I mean unless it's to a useless woman who doesn't care or want a stable life. And the only people I think that are going to defend this.. are the ones who are leading this type of life... but there is no way of proving that now is there...
Now I'm not complaining because I knew the second I posted this question that the "GOLDDIGGER" comments we're gonna come out and people we're going to call me all kinds of names.. and I'm ok with that... I'm secure in who I am as a person and don't really feel the need to defend MY OPINIONS to a bunch of people that already have there mind made up.... | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:54:24 PM | SpiceyCougar: An Emerald would be a very poor choice for a Wedding Ring. The reason is that it's not a very hard stone to begin with, and even good quality emeralds have a spider-web of fine cracks in them that make them somewhat fragile. Above and beyond that, to enhance the appearance of the emerald, the stone is treated with oil, so you have to avoid soaps because they will leach out the lustre of the stone... finally, a decent quality emerald is a very expensive stone.
The reason a Diamond is the recommended stone is the Hardness. A wedding ring is intended to be worn 24/7. A diamond is pretty much the only stone that can stand up to that kind of continuous wear... If you want something other than a Diamond, go with a Sapphire (or Ruby, it's the same). I would strongly recommend against any other stone. If you're curious, I did work as a professional jeweler for 5 years and I have "forbidden" people to pick engagement rings I knew that they'd come to regret.
Personally... my future fiance is going to get the most expensive engagement ring I can afford. I wand her, and everyone within a mile of her heavily laden, left ring-finger to know that she's been claimed by someone who loves her with unbridled extravagance.
On the flip side, I remember a woman explaining to me how she "expected" a 3 carat, princess cut diamond in VS clarity and F-G colour, worth at least $45,000. And she's telling me this while standing next to her boyfriend (fiance?). And I'm thinking... "honey, you're just not that special." | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:59:26 PM |
Personally... my future fiance is going to get the most expensive engagement ring I can afford. I wand her, and everyone within a mile of her heavily laden, left ring-finger to know that she's been claimed by someone who loves her with unbridled extravagance. THANK YOU!! and this from a jeweler!!! I'm not asking for anything specific heck this wasn't even a post about me... but all I'm saying is he should want to to the best he can in this situation....  | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/20/2008 12:01:20 AM | Yikes Garnet73.
I bet you seen and heard a LOT of horror stories! Seeing so many superficial people come in and out, would your views of marriage be affected? | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/20/2008 12:44:26 AM | | Make a deal with him, whatever he spends on a ring, you'll buy something for him of the same price. Anything he wants, new wheels, big screen tv, whatever. That's the only way for you to be 'equal'. Women do want equality, right? | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/20/2008 12:54:04 AM |
I never once said that just because a guy couldn't afford a nice ring you shouldn't get married
no, but you insinuated that. From what i've read from your posts, you seem caught about about the "price" of the ring..and that is the PROBLEM right there..why the hell does it matter how much he pays for teh ring? seriously..why?..give me an intelligent response to that, please, that's all i'm asking!!..because you just seem caught about about "price", what the hell! seriously..why does it bother you so much how much he paid for the ring?..you just seem to be caught about about the "price" and for some reason I don't know why that is..
Fisherman I loved your answer... I think it was perfect... a girl wants to know he means more to you than your summer "toys" thank you~!
Its not every guy that buys those stuff..what about the guy that doesnt?..and its not about showing her she "means more to him" than those toys or whatever you are talking about..buying an expensive ring..or one that is more expensive than those "toys" you are talking about does NOT in any way shape or form necessarily means that you mean more to him..a ring is just a ring..you cant you the "quality" of a ring or its "worth" to judge how much you mean to someone..o i'm not sure what you are trying to get across with that analogy..
I still ask you this question again..why does the "price" of the ring matters? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/20/2008 3:06:22 AM | | Don't you think it's rather stupid to set a price on an engagement ring, a priori? How about looking for a ring you LIKE before looking at how much it costs? In any case, a diamond bigger than a carat looks tacky (unless you have grey hair that's been dyed blue and wear purple lipstick. ) If a woman made a big deal out of the cost of a ring and threatened to dump me over it, I'd tell her to get lost and I'd go spend the money on hookers. | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/20/2008 3:16:28 AM | | debeers has done a great marketing job associating love & commitment with their product.... | |
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| How much is enough???
Posted: 6/20/2008 4:13:03 AM | Why is there a monetary value being set on something that is based on LOVE? And don't say that BS line of "if he loved me he'd spend over X amount of money on it to show his love" that line of reasoning is utterly shallow. Also for the bit about it shows how stable his income is... all it is showing is wasting of money that could be use else wheres, saved for a rainy day(in the event of an accident) or as another poster put it..on a vacation that will create lasting memories. Oh or get this a kids College/University fund(can never start saving too early). And if he does think you need to spend a certain amount of months pay on it and he can't afford it but knows you expect it he might take out a loan for it and get futher into dept all because you want a monetary symbol of hi love for you.
The ones I am betting that say it should be X amount of months of pay(spent on a ring) are the ones who think(in the event Person X does have money) that Prenupts are unromantic. Whats wrong with protecting whats YOURS before you got married. And if you truely loved them then why be upset about it? Insurance is everything in the event you snag a gold-digger. But as i said if you do both love eachother then it shouldn't matter the cost of said ring or as i brought into the conversation a prenupt.
Tim | |
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